The already married and not really young thread

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luvathena Posts : 929 Registered: 12/10/07
Re: The already married and not really young thread
Posted: Oct 10, 2008 9:41 PM Go to message in response to: hellokitty4ever

Hi hellokitty! I remember you! Thanks. We had such a great day! A huge relief after all the Electra drama! I dreamt about moments in my wedding for weeks!!!

Maggie and Tom

Launched 8-31-08

Photobucket

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mrspinky Posts : 3,773 Registered: 3/14/08
Re: The already married and not really young thread
Posted: Oct 12, 2008 5:54 PM Go to message in response to: hellokitty4ever

Thanks HK!

Mrs. Pinky


Photobucket 

taken in Galveston 3.5 months before Hurricane Ike destroyed the island

Our Wedding Website 

 

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deltagirl Posts : 516 Registered: 12/30/06
Re: The already married and not really young thread
Posted: Oct 16, 2008 10:30 PM Go to message in response to: mrspinky

Hey Ladies - I need a little help.

One of my very dear friends is about to turn 37. Not maried and no kids. She has not really  had a "serious" boyfriend in the past 15 years.

(sidenote - Right after I turned 30 I got a divorce from my first husband)

She asked me yesterday: When you were single again, how did you keep the faith that you would get married again?

As much as I wanted to give her some profound answer...I just couldn't. I didn't have an answer for her.

I know some of her concern is that she also wants to have children.

So my questions is: Do any of you have advice that I could pass on to her?


 

 

www.brides.com/weddingwebsite/trinaandron2008

 

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TanisJ Posts : 2,669 Registered: 4/25/07
Re: The already married and not really young thread
Posted: Oct 16, 2008 11:16 PM Go to message in response to: deltagirl

deltagirl I don't know what your friend is like but if she is someone who is a bit negative or you feel like she just wants to complain about the situation then I would go ahead and let her do that. If on the other hand you think she is really looking for advice and is open to her here is my story

When I hit my mid 30's I was still unmarried and really wanted to meet someone. I read this great book called "Date like a Man" which really opened up my eyes and a big message of the book is that men know dating is a numbers game. Until that point I had hoped to meet someone in a nice romantic way, say in the park with wind in my hair and a flower in my hair. On top of that I have a very strong attraction to black men and was living in Vancouver Canada at the time and had already dated the 5 black men in that city. (joke!) I was also really busy and didn't have very much money for going out so I tried online dating. I kept myself very open to meeting different types of guys and really dated like a guy. I treated it the same way I would treat looking for a job - look nice, go to lots of interviews, know that other women would be interviewed for the position. I went out with about 60 guys (mostly first dates) and at times it really did feel like work. After two years of this I finally met my now husband, who happens to be a lovely tall black man and everything I ever wanted in a partner. Mind you he was on the other side of the continent so I am no longer in Vancouver. I now reside in South Carolina so I not only have an excellent husband I also live in a great climate.

The message is when women get to their mid 30s a lot of people are already married so "the pool" of guys is much smaller so it does take more work. Tell your friend to make sure she is trying to meet guys especially in social situations such as the "meetups" that are becoming popular and also not just to meet guys but getting out and doing things she likes because this will make her happy and happy people are more attractive. I know women who complain that they are single but they never go anywhwere and the only guys that see them are the pizza delivery men, which is great if you want to meet a pizza delivery man.

I hope this helps. If not she needs to read the whole book "How to Date Like a Man!"

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deltagirl Posts : 516 Registered: 12/30/06
Re: The already married and not really young thread
Posted: Oct 17, 2008 1:27 AM Go to message in response to: TanisJ

TanisJ - She is definitely NOT a complainer. I think she was having a mini midlife crisis moment.

I will pass on the info about the book. I think that is an excellent idea.

I think she does need to utilize on-line dating.  Her profession doesn't give her alot of free time and she has to travel alot. She is an Atheletic Trainer for a College Football, and Softball team ( Big 10).

I had to laugh at you Dating all the Black men in your area. I previously lived in a area were there were very few Black men ( didn't bother me at the time because I was married).  When I was ready to start dating with the potential of finding a life partner , I had to move. I needed a bigger pool to chose from, and I met EH 3 months after moving there.

I also think that may be an issue for her. She likes Black Men - but is not living in an area were alot of them reside. Aside from the College Atheletes.

So I'm going to tell her to read the book and ramp up her on-line dating.  That's better advice then the " you can always go to a sperm bank when you are 40 - advice that I gave her. ( I had just finishe watching Baby Mama).

 


 

 

www.brides.com/weddingwebsite/trinaandron2008

 


Message was edited by: deltagirl

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TanisJ Posts : 2,669 Registered: 4/25/07
Re: The already married and not really young thread
Posted: Oct 17, 2008 10:00 AM Go to message in response to: deltagirl

I am glad that my info helped. I know that frustrating feeling. What I liked about the online dating is you can do a lot of screening from the comfort of your home, in your sweat pants, while clipping your nails and reading email etc. Of course with online dating there are cases of exaggeration and the person isn't quite what they say they are when you meet them. I have enough stories to write a book, but in the end it was all worth it.

I never made it to speed dating but that would have been another option. It looks quite efficient as well.

Now that I have moved I am looking to make new friends of course. I have joined a few "Meetups" in the area and have met some people. You can just search meetup ________ whatever the town or city is. Even in Charleston which is not that big they had a lot of them. There are all sorts of groups: coffee, brunches, adventurers club, new to town, spiritual groups, business groups and of course a singles group. She could sign up for these online too and then people just attend when they can.

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kelleyiskelley Posts : 11,590 Registered: 7/2/06
Re: The already married and not really young thread
Posted: Oct 18, 2008 3:29 PM Go to message in response to: TanisJ

Delta - this is so cliche but my best advice about the whole dating thing when youre 30 or over etc is to STOP looking for love, and then love will find you. Everyone says that but I think thats because its true. Just go out and live your life the way you want. Be active in life, new experiences, spend time doing things you LOVE and thats the best way to naturally meet new people who share your values and hobbies etc. Thats what I would tell your friend. Around age 29 etc I started wondering will I EVER find the "one" for me? Then I made the decision to just QUIT thinking about it and it would happen. As soon as I did that, I met my husband. I didnt meet him til I was 30 and we got married when I was 35, but Im thankful I met him.

Hey Luva! Welcome to the old ladies thread. Okay Im 37 and FEEL like Im 80 sometimes!! Why am I soooo achey all the damn time? Thats annoying. The simple act of getting out of bed in the morning should not equal achiness in my legs and feet. I really need more exercise. Everything seems so much harder than it did 10 years ago. Bleh.

My students think Im old as hell too. Its all relative. They are 18,19 etc so to them, 37 is ollldddddd. So sad.


Check out the Wedding Planner Buzz and My Blog @ www.myaislerunner.com

WATCH OUT fellow "Bleight-ers". Cuz TEAM KICK-ASS (LittleRoo,Cyclist,MrsHFord,OldAmy and Kelley) are going to KICK. YOUR. ASSSSSSS!!!

"When you're born, you get a free ticket to the Freak Show. When you're born in America, you get a front row seat." - R.I.P. George Carlin

 

 

 

 

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hellokitty4ever Posts : 740 Registered: 6/6/07
Re: The already married and not really young thread
Posted: Oct 18, 2008 4:08 PM Go to message in response to: kelleyiskelley

Hey Kelley...I here you on that one...my students are 13 and 14 and they think I'm old...I'm only older than them by about 10 years; I guess I'm ancient.  I know you teach college, but I've been wondering...what do you teach???  You're like the jack of all trades.  I know you're a wedding planner/coordinator, comedian...can't quite remember all of 'em. 

 


 


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kelleyiskelley Posts : 11,590 Registered: 7/2/06
Re: The already married and not really young thread
Posted: Oct 18, 2008 4:48 PM Go to message in response to: hellokitty4ever

Kitty - thats what I teach. Comedy and Acting courses. Thats what I went to college for - I have a BFA in Performing Arts and I teach at the University that I graduated from. I have two courses in Beginning Acting, Dramatics, and one in StandUp Comedy where I help my students write and create a comedy set, then I take them into NYC and they perform their very first standup shows in front of a live real audience. Its so much fun. Ive been teaching part time now for over 7 years and I love it. Im a performer and am always auditioning, so thats my "passion." I started the Wedding Coordinator business about a year ago as a way to make some extra income and have something more "stable" in my life. I figure if the acting thing never pans out for me, this is something I can be happy doing.

Thanks for asking.:)


Check out the Wedding Planner Buzz and My Blog @ www.myaislerunner.com

WATCH OUT fellow "Bleight-ers". Cuz TEAM KICK-ASS (LittleRoo,Cyclist,MrsHFord,OldAmy and Kelley) are going to KICK. YOUR. ASSSSSSS!!!

"When you're born, you get a free ticket to the Freak Show. When you're born in America, you get a front row seat." - R.I.P. George Carlin

 

 

 

 

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luvathena Posts : 929 Registered: 12/10/07
Re: The already married and not really young thread
Posted: Oct 20, 2008 9:43 PM Go to message in response to: kelleyiskelley

Thanks for the Welcome Kelly. I'm really starting to feel old these days. I'm still taking a dance class at a studio I joined about 10 years ago, but it's more like the breakfast cereal class now- it's snap, crackle and pop for me when I do the stretches and across the floors. But if I don't take the class, my muscles become like concrete- and I'm starting to get flabby. Sigh...

Maggie and Tom

Launched 8-31-08

Photobucket

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MrsMcDAtLast Posts : 860 Registered: 1/1/07
Re: The already married and not really young thread
Posted: Oct 21, 2008 2:38 PM Go to message in response to: deltagirl

Deltagirl: I'm not really sure what to say about hoping to get married (except if she is a believer, to pray about it? It's okay and can be a real relief to pour your feelings and desires onto God), but as for having kids, please encourage her that she still has time!
My hubby's mom had him when she was 44, and I just read recently on a pregnancy website about a woman who conceived naturally at the age of 45 and gave birth naturally to her baby at 46. (There was also once a woman on there who got pregnant naturally at the age of 50!) Many, many women are choosing to get married and pregnant at later ages than they used to.
I don't think your friend's time is anywhere near up! :)

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deltagirl Posts : 516 Registered: 12/30/06
Re: The already married and not really young thread
Posted: Oct 21, 2008 6:40 PM Go to message in response to: MrsMcDAtLast

Thanks for the advice MrsMcD. I think she was really looking for some coping skills with the bout of depression her birthday was bringing. As far as a baby - Heck that news is great for me to hear! 3 rounds of fertility pills and still nothing. But supposedly I'm fertile this week so hopefully the tadpole can find the egg.

Maybe I have a "hostile uterus" like Monica?

 


 

 

www.brides.com/weddingwebsite/trinaandron2008

 

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kelleyiskelley Posts : 11,590 Registered: 7/2/06
Re: The already married and not really young thread
Posted: Oct 23, 2008 7:04 PM Go to message in response to: deltagirl

I got this in an email today and thought it was perfect for this thread. As a child of the 80s myself, I COMPLETELY relate to this:

THE SPOILED UNDER-30 CROWD!!!
 
 If you are 30 or older you will think this is hilarious!!!!
 
 
 
 When I was a kid, adults used to bore me to tears
 
 With their tedious diatribes about how hard things were.
 
 When they were  growing up; what with walking Twenty-five miles to
school
 
 every morning.  Uphill... barefoot...
 
 BOTH ways
 
 
 
 Yadda, yadda, yadda
 
 
 
 And I remember promising myself that when I grew up,
 
 There was no way in hell I was going to lay
 
 A bunch of crap like that on kids about how hard I had it
 
 And how easy they've got it!
 
 But now that... I'm over the ripe old age of
 
 Thirty, I can't help but look around and notice the
 
 youth of today.
 
 
 
 You've got it so easy! I mean, compared to my
 
 Childhood, you live in a damn Utopia!
 
 And I hate to say it but you kids today you
 
 Don't know how good you've got it!
 
 
 
 I mean, when I was a kid we didn't have The Internet.
 
 If we wanted to know
 
 something, We had to go to the damn library and
 
 Look it up ourselves, in the card catalogue!!
 
 There was no email!! We had to actually write
 
 Somebody a letter, with a pen!
 
 Then you had to walk all the way across the street and put
 
 it in the mailbox
 
 and it would take like a week to get there!
 
 
 
 There were no MP3' s or Napsters! You wanted to
 
 Steal music, you had to hitchhike to the damn record store
 
 and shoplift it yourself!
 
 Or you had to wait around all day to tape it off the radio
 
 and the DJ'd  usually talk over the beginning and @#*% it all up!
 
 
 
 We didn't have fancy crap like Call Waiting! If you
 
 Were on the phone and somebody else called they got a busy
 
 signal, that's it!
 
 
 
 And we didn't have fancy Caller ID either!
 
 When the phone rang, you had no idea who it was! It could
 
 be your school,  Your mom, your boss, your Bookie, your drug dealer,
a
 
 collections agent, you  Just didn't know!!! You had to pick it up and
take your
 
 chances, mister!
 
 
 
 We didn't have any fancy Sony Playstation video
 
 Games with high-resolution 3-D graphics! We had the Atari
 
 2600! With games  Like 'Space Invaders' and 'asteroids'. Your
 
 guy was a little square! You  Actually had to use your I magination!!
And there were no
 
 multiple levels or  Screens, it was just one screen  Forever!
 
 
 
 And you could never win. The game just kept getting
 
 Harder and harder and  Faster and faster until you died! Just like
LIFE!
 
 
 
 You had to use a Little book called a TV Guide to find out
 
 what was  On! You were screwed when it Came to channel surfing! You
 
 had to get off your ass and walk over to the TV to change the Channel
and
 
 there was no Cartoon Network either! You could only get cartoons
 
 On Saturday Morning. Do you Hear what I'm saying!?! We
 
 had to wait ALL WEEK for cartoons, you spoiled
 
 Little rat-bastards!
 
 
 
 And we didn't have microwaves, if we wanted to heat
 
 Something up we had to use the stove ... Imagine that!
 
 That's exactly what I'm talking about! You kids
 
 Today have got it too easy.
 
 You're spoiled. You guys wouldn't have lasted
 
 Five minutes back in 1980!
 
 
 
 Regards,
 
 The over 30 Crowd
 


Check out the Wedding Planner Buzz and My Blog @ www.myaislerunner.com

WATCH OUT "Bleight-ers".TEAM KICK-ASS (LittleRoo,Cyclist,MrsFord,OldAmy and Kelley) are going to KICK. YOUR. ASS!!!

"When you're born, you get a free ticket to the Freak Show. When you're born in America, you get a front row seat." - R.I.P. George Carlin

 

 

 

 

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brideincanada Posts : 133 Registered: 1/30/08
Re: The already married and not really young thread
Posted: Oct 23, 2008 7:10 PM Go to message in response to: kelleyiskelley

Awesome find Kelley!  Makes me a little misty eyed missing the good ol' 80s (not to mention the fashion!)

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nanette927 Posts : 1,748 Registered: 1/28/08
Re: The already married and not really young thread
Posted: Oct 23, 2008 9:42 PM Go to message in response to: kelleyiskelley

Thanks Kelly.. I just cut pasted this to all 3 of my kids and a few of thier friends. LOL

                              

Check out my Album for wedding pics!

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