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Fiance's Parents are Broke!

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SamanthasDay Posts : 10 Registered: 2/1/08
Fiance's Parents are Broke!
Posted: Sep 10, 2008 3:31 PM

My fiance's parents are very nice people.  However, they have no money.  Its not that they are cheap, they are just very bad with budgeting and don't save, etc.  Basically they are broke.  Which poses as no problem for us.  We both work and having been saving for our own wedding together.  My parents are chipping in minimally for the reception, and we planned for his parents not to contribute at all.

Well here's the problem.  His mother casually mentioned to me that they want to throw us a "casual" rehearsal dinner, on their dime, which would entail PIZZA.  And you must know, this is a very formal wedding, which is want we both want. 

Do I break down and have a pizza party rehearsal?  Or do I put my foot down and insist that we pay for it, and get what we want?  I'd hate to hurt their feelings.

ohio
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NJ4Life Posts : 3,358 Registered: 8/10/07
Re: Fiance's Parents are Broke!
Posted: Sep 10, 2008 3:34 PM Go to message in response to: SamanthasDay

Typically the more formal the wedding, the less formal the RD.  I would take what they offer. They might feel bad about not being able to contribute anything more and you turning them down might hurt their feelings.  Pizza parties are fun anyway! Who doesnt love pizza?


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RanAway2Maine Posts : 2,359 Registered: 1/27/08
Re: Fiance's Parents are Broke!
Posted: Sep 10, 2008 3:34 PM Go to message in response to: SamanthasDay

Hmm-Can you both compromise? How about a fancy Italian restaurant that serves gourmet pizza? That way it can still be elegant and she can have her pizza, too. You can split the cost or work something out.

Linda Jo and Dean-July 19, 2008


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Heidibride30 Posts : 1,201 Registered: 4/16/08
Re: Fiance's Parents are Broke!
Posted: Sep 10, 2008 3:37 PM Go to message in response to: SamanthasDay

Well, it all depends on which is more important to you...to have the rehearsal dinner you want, or not hurting their feelings.  Having a casual RD would in no way take away from the formality of the wedding reception.  In fact, it might be a nice breather from everything.  But, if you have an idea in mind for the RD and you really have your heart set on it, perhaps your FH parents could contribute towards it?  Or, would they be interested in hosting a casual morning after breakfast? 

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karebeartg Posts : 831 Registered: 6/25/08
Re: Fiance's Parents are Broke!
Posted: Sep 10, 2008 3:39 PM Go to message in response to: RanAway2Maine

I think that would be ok. Maybe if you want to do a pizza rehearsal dinner and then have something else after the rehearsal dinner? For example, we are having a small rehearsal dinner and then inviting all our guests to join us as our favorite bar from college for a few drinks the night before the wedding. You could do the reverse of this -- have something more casual (pizza) for the rehearsal dinner and then meet everyone somewhere nice for drinks afterward. (And, to save your inlaws money, you could always insist on picking up at least their tab at the bar since they threw you such a nice party...)

I think this might not be worth fighting over because I bet its important to them to be able to host something.

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CatStandish Posts : 2,767 Registered: 6/20/08
Re: Fiance's Parents are Broke!
Posted: Sep 10, 2008 3:40 PM Go to message in response to: SamanthasDay

Well, with all the formal food the day of the wedding, what is wrong with a casual rehearsal dinner?   If you really don't want it, tell them how much you appreciate that they want to help out,  but really you've already made plans with vendor x to do the rehearsal dinner.

How much do you hate the idea?   Everyone is different.  See, for me, I am having a Pizza rehearsal dinner because we're basically doing the rehearsal, then heading over to the fellowship hall and decorating.   And we'll be having pizza while we do this.  Whatever is left will go to the hotel with me and the BMs, because we'll probably watch a few movies.   Some will likely go with him and the GMs.   Yes, I'm eating carbs the day before my wedding <G>

But like I said, MY rehearsal dinner is extremely casual.  The wedding is rather eclectic, though formal, and we'll have a reception with dancing from 80s music to ballroom.  This works for me, but if it does not work for you, then you've got to find a gracious way of thanking them while turning down the offer.  I'm sure they'd love to do the more formal, but they just can't.  And they're trying to do the traditional thing of throwing the rehearsal dinner.


Misty

 

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Knoxvegas Posts : 951 Registered: 9/12/07
Re: Fiance's Parents are Broke!
Posted: Sep 10, 2008 3:46 PM Go to message in response to: SamanthasDay

I would be THANKFUL that they, who have no money, want to host a party for you. Your FH can always contribute, but I would really leave it to that side of the family. Maybe this is all they can do, but it is a gesture blessing your union. Take the pizza party and have fun. 

 

"Love is not a matter of counting the years -- it's making the years count."

-Wolfman Jack Smith

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Bride2008 Posts : 3,059 Registered: 3/28/06
Re: Fiance's Parents are Broke!
Posted: Sep 10, 2008 3:53 PM Go to message in response to: SamanthasDay

Honestly - I don't think this is worth a fight. Some FIL's, even if they had the money, wouldn't want to pay for a rehearsal. I think pizza could be fun. The day of the wedding will be formal - why not have some laid back and casual?

 



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kelleyiskelley Posts : 11,593 Registered: 7/2/06
Re: Fiance's Parents are Broke!
Posted: Sep 10, 2008 4:00 PM Go to message in response to: Bride2008

Honestly, I think that if you turned down FHs parents nice offer to host your party, they would end up being hurt and feeling BADLY that they dont have the kind of money to throw the type of party you want. That might not be your intention - but Im pretty sure that is how they would feel if you turned them down. They sound like really sweet people who are trying to do their part and do the right thing on the budget they have. I think this is one of those times when you need to say, "A pizza party! That sounds like a really great idea. Thank you!" - and mean it.

Also - like NJ said - Rehearsal Dinners are much more interesting,fun etc when the style and atmospherr of them is in contrast to the wedding itself. Think how much MORE special your very elegant fancy wedding will be after enjoying a nice, casual pizza party the night before. If you feel like you want to "fancy it up" a bit though - spend a bit of extra money on your Wedding Party Gifts. After all - thats what the Rehearsal Dinner is all about anyway. Thanking and appreciating everyone who was involved in your wedding. It doesnt matter if its a buffet, BBQ, or pizza party - its just a nice gesture and a fun time to all relax together.


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SamanthasDay Posts : 10 Registered: 2/1/08
Re: Fiance's Parents are Broke!
Posted: Sep 10, 2008 4:01 PM Go to message in response to: Bride2008

Thanks a million guys, you are great. That is exactly what I needed to hear.

And I never even thought of how nice it might be to just relax for the rehearsal dinner, instead of having a really formal weekend.  Saturday might be bad enough, without being stuffy on Friday too.  What a perfect idea!  I'll follow up with what happens...

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ArtBride Posts : 4,841 Registered: 5/9/07
Re: Fiance's Parents are Broke!
Posted: Sep 10, 2008 4:12 PM Go to message in response to: SamanthasDay

I'd LOVE pizza for an RD. And I'm sure most people have mentioned this, but generally, you try to create a CONTRAST between the reception and RD - so if you're having a very formal wedding, your RD should be very informal, so that the attendees aren't bored with too much of the same thing two nights in a row. BBQ is another casual option.

We had a pretty formal wedding and our RD was at an Irish pub. We had burgers and beer, and it was a BLAST!


DaisypathWedding Ticker

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Nalamienea Posts : 2,930 Registered: 6/13/08
Re: Fiance's Parents are Broke!
Posted: Sep 10, 2008 4:26 PM Go to message in response to: ArtBride

sounds like you've got your head on straight about it. :)  

I had an idea though, if you wanted something a tad more formal, you could ask her if she was opening to baking lasagna or something for everyone.  I can't see it costing any more money and it might give her something to be doing, which would feel good too.  Then you can serve it buffet style with a big ol' salad!

Just a thought. :) 


http://www.chrisandsarah2008.net

 

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MrsMaldonado Posts : 2,852 Registered: 3/7/07
Re: Fiance's Parents are Broke!
Posted: Sep 10, 2008 4:31 PM Go to message in response to: SamanthasDay

I say let them do it! They probably feel realy bad about not being able to contribute, so why not let them throw you a pizza rehersal dinner. Pizza taste a lot better than what most fancy restaurants cook up anyways. Besides, I'm sure a lot of people will be happy to hear this....it's a change for the big expensive wedding......you'll get the best of both worlds! Best of luck!!!


Bryan & Emy
September 27, 2008 & October 4, 2008
http://www.mywedding.com/BryanAndMariaEmanuelasWedding

 

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BreAnn Posts : 600 Registered: 11/28/07
Re: Fiance's Parents are Broke!
Posted: Sep 10, 2008 10:34 PM Go to message in response to: SamanthasDay

I'd let them do it. My In-laws didn't pay for much with our wedding, but that was because we didn't ask. We wanted to pay for things our selves. We couldn't afford to have a rehearsal dinner the night before the wedding. Plus we had to have rehearsal so late so that everyone could make it, I just wanted to go home and crash that night. So we waited til the weather was better around here, and had a huge cook out! We had like 60 people at our house. It probably would have been cheaper to do one the night before!

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OrthoRN Posts : 326 Registered: 11/24/07
Re: Fiance's Parents are Broke!
Posted: Sep 10, 2008 10:43 PM Go to message in response to: BreAnn

We had Fazoli's for our daughter's rehearsal dinner from 5:30-7PM allowing everyone to mingle & come after work/drive to the church. The rehearsal was then at 7PM. The minister said this was the first time the rehearsal dinner came first & was very relaxing. it made for a better rehearsal as all were fed & no one was late!!!

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