How do I say No?

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dontknow Posts : 43 Registered: 8/28/07
How do I say No?
Posted: Aug 29, 2008 5:32 PM

The best man at my wedding wants to hand out bubbles to everyone to blow on us at the end of the wedding. I do not like the idea- but my FH doesn't want to hurt his friend's feelings. I honestly don't want anything to be thrown at us at the end (I was able to avoid rice, rose petals and the like b/c our Church has rules against that- which is how he came up with the bubble idea.) I am also concerned the that the soap bubbles will stain the dress or mess with hair/ makeup-- some of the people in attendence are the type that would get carried away and blow too many on us. So far, my FH is reluctant to hurt his friend's feelings despite my feelings about the idea. He didn't accept my concerns that the bubbles could damage the dress or hair/ makeup etc and he thinks I should just "go with it"-- -- Has anyone had experience with bubble? Are my concerns about soap on a silk gown unjustified? Am I over -reacting? Any suggestions on how I should approach this or what could be said so that feelings don't get hurt?

Thanks for your opinions

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kennysoldwife Posts : 3,859 Registered: 4/28/07
Re: How do I say No?
Posted: Aug 29, 2008 5:40 PM Go to message in response to: dontknow

we had bubbles, i didn't have any of the problems you are concerned with. 

Kenny and Me Perfect Together,  10 years and counting.

 

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BrandNewAmy Posts : 341 Registered: 7/3/07
Re: How do I say No?
Posted: Aug 29, 2008 5:52 PM Go to message in response to: kennysoldwife

Have you considered having guests wave lit sparklers as you run though them?  I also didn't want anything thrown at me (read:  into my $100 hairdo!) and bubbles seemed a little outdated to me.

They make longer sparklers for weddings and it makes for a great photo opp.  Your groomsman can be in charge of lining everyone up and developing a system to light the sparklers to coincide with your run.  Would he be up for that?

Do a little Googling and see what you think...  I bought 84 22-inch sparklers for $42 online.


Check out our web site:  http://amyandrodney.wedquarters.com/ 

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kennysoldwife Posts : 3,859 Registered: 4/28/07
Re: How do I say No?
Posted: Aug 29, 2008 6:01 PM Go to message in response to: dontknow

Sparklers are a good idea too.  What time is your wedding I prefer sparklers in the evening instead of during the day.

Kenny and Me Perfect Together,  10 years and counting.

 

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HLYflute Posts : 1,282 Registered: 2/5/07
Re: How do I say No?
Posted: Aug 29, 2008 6:31 PM Go to message in response to: dontknow

I think I read somewhere (probably on here) that bubbles can stain gowns made of natural silk.  We personally had bubbles and had no troubles.

I think sparklers would look cool, but I'd be worried about some kid falling over and lighting my dress on fire!  I remember when my aunt got married, her husband wanted to do roman candles (it was july 4th weekend).  That idea was promptly vetoed.  

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auntofthebride Posts : 9,354 Registered: 4/2/06
Re: How do I say No?
Posted: Aug 29, 2008 6:45 PM Go to message in response to: dontknow

Dear DontKnow,

There's an easy way to find out. See if you can get some silk fabric, similar to that in your wedding gown. Maybe the bridal dress shop can give you some from an alteration.

Then, take the fabric scrap, hang it up somehow, and blow lots of bubbles on it. See how it looks post-bubbles. Remember, no one will be blowing bubbles closer than about two or three feet from you.

If the fabric scrap get stained, then there's your answer. If not, then again, there's your answer.

If you really really don't want bubbles, then the best way to approach this is "I really really don't want bubbles, nor anything else. It's nice of you to suggest, but that's my final answer.".

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CatStandish Posts : 2,766 Registered: 6/20/08
Re: How do I say No?
Posted: Aug 30, 2008 12:03 AM Go to message in response to: dontknow

It really IS up to the bride and groom to determine their exit strategy and what will be 'tossed'.   The best man is in charge of vehicle decoration and driving the get away car.  

Please be sure to give that dude some suggestions on appropriate car decoration....you don't want YOUR personal car ruined because a dufus gets the shaving cream or other unacceptable items out and puts it on the wrong part of the car.    And you certainly don't want them ruining a rental.  

I speak from first hand experience on the car.  I don't know how many times I pointed out to the ex the appropriate decorating kits for the car (MY car, btw), and his guys went out and got stuff that stained my car.  That stuff was STILL on my car when it was totalled....4 years after the divorce.

And regarding the pelting?  That stuff HURTS!!!  Birdseed was just plain painful.


Misty

Create a wedding ticker

http://johnandmisty.ourweddingday.com/

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PharmToxGirl Posts : 5,446 Registered: 8/30/07
Re: How do I say No?
Posted: Aug 30, 2008 1:27 AM Go to message in response to: dontknow

I've been in weddings where bubbles have stained gowns.  Also, they can create odd pis.  We opted to go without.  

EDIT: Just explain it to him really nicely.  Also, we ended up having bubbles at the rehearsal dinner.

Message was edited by: PharmToxGirl


Message was edited by: PharmToxGirl

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MrsReno Posts : 314 Registered: 12/21/07
Re: How do I say No?
Posted: Aug 30, 2008 4:29 AM Go to message in response to: dontknow

The way you explained it on here seems like a good way to tell the best man. Let him know the reasons why you don't want bubbles blown at you (in a nice tone of course) and let him know it is nothing against him throwing the idea out there. Explain that you have thought about it, but you do not really like the idea.
♥Defy Gravitry♥

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newsjunkie Posts : 3,417 Registered: 3/30/06
Re: How do I say No?
Posted: Aug 30, 2008 10:39 AM Go to message in response to: dontknow

Sparklers scare the crap out of me, they always have, even as a kid.  I always thought they were beautiful but was afraid to be near them (though I did hold them many times, I just didn't like it).  However, if you don't share this fear then that could be a very pretty alternative.

My venue wouldn't allow bubbles (or anything else)- is it too late to make that excuse up?

Or, you could do what I always think is best to do and tell him the truth- that your VERY EXPENSIVE gown is made out of a fairly delicate silk that WILL stain if it gets that kind of soapy material on it and that you checked with a dry cleaner (and DO) and they will not be able to get it out. 

I wouldn't worry about it messing up your hair or makeup- that is probably going too far.  If you are having your hair professionally done it should be nearly unmoveable so unless someone just goes and drops the whole bottle right on your head it isn't going to harm you.  As for your makeup, that can be touched up but even so I doubt it will be messed up.  Your concerns about your dress, though, could be valid. 

Another alternative would be to buy tiny wedding bubble containers so that people can't get carried away.  If they can only blow a few each then you have a lot less to worry about.

And this is YOUR and your FH's wedding- not the BM's.  If you ultimately decide that this is not something you want then tell him and tell him when he gets married you will show up with the biggest bubble maker you can find and it will be great- for HIM.  Not you!

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myra Posts : 5,550 Registered: 3/28/06
Re: How do I say No?
Posted: Aug 30, 2008 1:41 PM Go to message in response to: dontknow

The best way to say NO, is to--say, NO. Sweetly, politely, but without excuses. If you want to, explain what you have said here, that bubbles stain, are slippery, and can ruin hair and makeup. If you wish, offer an alternative. But, if you don't want anything thrown, say so. Unless the Best Man is an overgrown child, I would guess that he will understand and go along with your wishes--it is, after all, YOUR wedding, and he's supposed to be there to HELP, not to argue. If he does get pouty over this, then why would your FH want this type of person as his Best Man?

myra at www.classysassyweddings.com

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futuremrsperry Posts : 1,904 Registered: 4/23/06
Re: How do I say No?
Posted: Aug 31, 2008 12:32 PM Go to message in response to: dontknow

Offer him a different option.  We used streamers and bells.  It was great and no one got messy.  My cousin used bubbles and the bubble solution stained her dress.  My great uncle (he's 95) was throwing the bubble solution.  It looked pretty but she had an awful stains all over her dress for the rest of the night.  

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lmc07 Posts : 271 Registered: 1/4/07
Re: How do I say No?
Posted: Sep 1, 2008 8:08 AM Go to message in response to: dontknow

As someone said before a simple NO should solve the problem. If you are concerend about the best man's feelings then your FH should explain him why you don't want to use bubbles. 

I agree with the fact that the bride and groom should decide whether they want to use rose petals, bubbles, ... or not. We used both rose petals and bubbles and it turned out great - I love bubbles, that's why we used them in the first place. They did not stain my dress and honestly, I never thought about it or else I probably would not have used them LOL

Here is a pic of us with petals and bubbles :)

 

Photobucket

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caro418 Posts : 12 Registered: 8/23/08
Re: How do I say No?
Posted: Sep 1, 2008 9:22 AM Go to message in response to: dontknow

Are you sure your FH's best man would be hurt if you said you didn't want the bubbles?  It doesn't seem like a big deal to me.  Just gently tell the best man that you're sorry, but you would prefer not to have anything thrown or blown at you because you're worried about your hair and makeup.  I don't see why his feelings would be hurt.  Of course you'd want to make sure that your hair and makeup didn't get messed up.  

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dontknow Posts : 43 Registered: 8/28/07
Re: How do I say No?
Posted: Sep 1, 2008 7:53 PM Go to message in response to: dontknow

hi everyone, thanks so much for all of your suggestions-- I actually told my FH about them so that he'd see that while some of you had a great time with bubbles, some of you did experience staining- I was hoping that he'd see that I'm just being cautious after spending so much on a dress and everything else. I was also hoping that he would like the sparklers idea b/c that would be a great alternative to having stuff thrown or blown at us. He told me that I would have to tell the BM myself b/c he wasn't going to be one to hurt his feelings-- I was hoping he'd support me a bit more. The BM is very sensitive and is the type that would get his feelings hurt if his plans weren't well received. I will talk to him the next time we see him. Most of this wedding has been planned by FH's family and I was actually really hoping that when it came to some of the minor details like favors or to bubble or not to bubble, that my suggestions or concerns would be met with a bit more enthusiam. But that's just me venting-- thanks so much for your help! I hope you all have wonderful weddings.

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