Enough is enough- stop the Etiquette Nazis!

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RoBelle Posts : 1,236 Registered: 3/28/06
Re: LET'S KISS AND MAKE UP
Posted: Aug 19, 2008 2:38 PM Go to message in response to: kelleyiskelley

LOL Kelley you are SO right!  That is exactly what that means!!  Yeah man, it seems I've taken a break while recovering from last week and this is what I come back to?  Oh my!  This is just crazy!  What happened?  WAIT, nevermind. . . I don't want to know what started it, but everything just seemed to explode!


 

 

 

 

 

BabySono-1-1-1.jpg picture by Belle1974

 

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kelleyiskelley Posts : 11,590 Registered: 7/2/06
Re: LET'S KISS AND MAKE UP
Posted: Aug 19, 2008 2:54 PM Go to message in response to: RoBelle

AAAHHH!!!! But you never told me what the MO means!!! The last two letters - its driving me crazy!!! Please tell me LOL!

This is one of those 5 part Dramas where it just bled into like 4 diff threads LOL. But I THINK the original tension began in the thread called "What I expect as a guest" AOTBs thread - my Dh replied and it was a bit - well harsh and then everything spiraled into a mini series from there. So yeah the irony is this was all started by a MAN! LOL. Anyway the whole thing is stupid but entertaining if you want a good read.


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RoBelle Posts : 1,236 Registered: 3/28/06
Re: LET'S KISS AND MAKE UP
Posted: Aug 19, 2008 2:59 PM Go to message in response to: kelleyiskelley

LOL OK Kelley don't explode on me!!  MO is short for Mobride09!!  LOL  OH MAN, thanks for the laugh I really needed that today!!!  I was laughing at Mobride's joke.


 

 

 

 

 

BabySono-1-1-1.jpg picture by Belle1974

 

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kelleyiskelley Posts : 11,590 Registered: 7/2/06
Re: Enough is enough- stop the Etiquette Nazis!
Posted: Aug 19, 2008 3:04 PM Go to message in response to: mobride09

AAHHHHHH okay Robelle. Glad you cleared that up. Im sitting here trying to figure out what the heck MO meant - and I would have NEVER in a million years guessed that. I thought it was some mysterious internet abbreviation I wasnt aware of or something. Hehe.... Now I know!

Check out the Wedding Buzz and My Blog @ www.myaislerunner.com

Time for Biggest Loser 7 where TEAM KEL -LIZZA will remain Champions of Weightloss!

"When you're born, you get a free ticket to the Freak Show. When you're born in America, you get a front row seat." - R.I.P. George Carlin

 

 

 

 

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auntofthebride Posts : 9,354 Registered: 4/2/06
Re: LET'S KISS AND MAKE UP
Posted: Aug 19, 2008 9:58 PM Go to message in response to: cyndi33

Dear Cyndi,

"Well, we did it that way.  DH's parents did the candle, my Mom played the song for the processional, my brother walked me down the aisle, and one of the two SILs did a reading.  "

Your scenario is different from the picture I was painting in my example. I was creating a situation where one set of parents were fully included, and the other set were excluded. I was careful to state that the excluded parents were otherwise loving and accepting.

In your description, all were included with different, but co-equal, jobs. That's a completely different story, and totally OK.

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cyndi33 Posts : 2,585 Registered: 1/3/07
Re: LET'S KISS AND MAKE UP
Posted: Aug 20, 2008 11:09 AM Go to message in response to: auntofthebride

Maybe, but with our family I still disagree.  They would not be offended, to them the day was about us and sharing that with us, in whatever way we most wanted them to.  They did not have expectations as to what WE would do for THEM...the concern was what THEY could do for US.  

And really, I agree.  When I go to a wedding, I'm not there to get anything for me.  I am there to support the couple, in whatever way they've chosen.  That's my biggest issue with this whole topic.  

By the way, the SIL who did NOT have a job at the wedding was not offended, had a great time, was happy for us and with us, and there were no issues with anyone.  The guests all spread out too, to even out the sides, and no one cared.  

I'll never understand the regimented opinions.  Our family, our friends, are not that way.  

I know some people are, but I will never understand those attitudes. I don't have an issue with those who are that way, except for the statements I've seen on these type of threads that presume, or outright state, that where the B and G do not follow etiquette, people will notice, will not be happy with it or will be bothered by it, but will probably not say anything.

Those people who CARE about that stuff might, probably will, but (and I"m not the only one) those who do NOT simply will NOT have those feelings.  It is, IMO, quite presumptious to assume that all people care, I don't, and I know others don't as well.

If someone does care, then by all means follow the etiquette rules...just know that not every individual in existence will agree.  And further, different cultures have different etiquette, so do different geographical areas.  

I've seen this before, especially relating to cash bars, asking for cash in the invite, having a large gap between ceremony/reception, etc.  Different things are the norm in different locations.  These type of threads, IMO, assume or presume that there is only ONE set of acceptable etiquette rules...those followed by the poster of them, and everyone else is wrong or committing "etiquette error" if they don't follow them.  I think that's just plain silly and kinda arrogant.   


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auntofthebride Posts : 9,354 Registered: 4/2/06
Re: LET'S KISS AND MAKE UP
Posted: Aug 20, 2008 11:54 AM Go to message in response to: cyndi33

Dear Cyndi,

"and everyone else is wrong or committing "etiquette error" if they don't follow them. "

It is not a matter of some hard and fast etiquette rule. It's the rationale behind the rule.

I break "rules" all the time, but do so knowing the rationale behind the rule. I don't use my husband's last name, never. That breaks an etiquette "rule" but I do not agree with the tradition that a woman is the property of her husband, which gave rise to the name-changing tradition.

Others disagree, which is absolutely their right. Some discard the origination of the tradition while keeping the tradition. Totally OK by me.

There are dozens of messages here where a bride wants to break with tradition for some reason or the other. The lady wants to walk with her beloved mother, rather than a deadbeat father. Great, says I. She wants to walk by herself. Great, says I. She wants to wear a non-white dress. Great, says I. She wants her infant daughter to be a "flower baby". Great, says I.

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Iheartweddings Posts : 645 Registered: 7/23/07
Re: LET'S KISS AND MAKE UP
Posted: Aug 20, 2008 12:02 PM Go to message in response to: auntofthebride

hi.

:) 


SmileSee our wedding slideshow at: http://www.josephmark.com/RyanandJennifer/

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SIGLass Posts : 10 Registered: 11/13/07
Re: Enough is enough- stop the Etiquette Nazis!
Posted: Aug 20, 2008 4:11 PM Go to message in response to: Knoxvegas

I'm a new bride as well but have found little value in etiquette.  I'm keeping my last name after I get married, I'm having my mom walk me down the aisle, most of the "etiquette" I read isn't applicable to someone like me.

If you like it, enjoy!

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auntofthebride Posts : 9,354 Registered: 4/2/06
Re: Enough is enough- stop the Etiquette Nazis!
Posted: Aug 20, 2008 4:16 PM Go to message in response to: SIGLass

Dear Sig,

"I'm a new bride as well but have found little value in etiquette.  I'm keeping my last name after I get married, I'm having my mom walk me down the aisle, most of the "etiquette" I read isn't applicable to someone like me."

Good etiquette is evidenced by consideration of other people.

Similarly, I kept my own name when I got married, 32 years ago, and have my own name now, 100% of the time. My mother and father walked me down the aisle. So did his mother and his father.

I disagree with the rationale that a brides is passed, in ownership, from father to husband. Thus, I did not want any of that symbolism in my wedding, nor in my marriage.

On the other hand, I took great pains to get the names of my invited guests spelled right on the invitations, and went the extra mile to get the woman's names from my grandmother's "Mr and Mrs" list.

It's OK to break Etiquette "rules" so long as the reason you are breaking them is sound. It's not OK to break rules if the reason is laziness or ignorance.

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Mushaboo Posts : 2,165 Registered: 3/22/08
Re: LET'S KISS AND MAKE UP
Posted: Aug 20, 2008 9:14 PM Go to message in response to: Iheartweddings

Iheart- WTH?  Hi back to you.

AOTB- I just plain out don't like my last name.  So, I'm taking my FH's last name. 

I have a question for you about last names.  You have Marge Simpson married to Homer Simpson.  Marge and Homer divorce.  Is it considered proper for Marge to keep the last name Simpson?  IMO, she's no longer a Simpson since she divorced her only affiliation to the last name.  Should she not go back to using Marge Smith?

FYI- Anyone can reply.  I'm just curious.


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LochNessie Posts : 1,631 Registered: 4/2/07
Re: LET'S KISS AND MAKE UP
Posted: Aug 20, 2008 10:31 PM Go to message in response to: Mushaboo

Aww, man, controversy over?  But I wanted controversy because it's myyyyy daaaayyyyyyy!

Also, mush, I changed my name for a similar reason to your's.  I actually hate my former middle name. Getting married was the perfect excuse to drop it and make my maiden name my middle name. Much better.

But onto ettiquette, as I posted in the List Thread of '08, I think people who get bent out of shape by ettiquette should realize there may be a good reason for not following it.  As an example, handwriting several hundred addresses.  I physically cannot do it and husband was in the hospital with complications from surgery, so he was out at the time to.  So sue me; I printed them on labels.  Being too strictly bound by foreign codes leaves little room for real understanding.

-Ness


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WaMandy Posts : 25 Registered: 2/10/08
Re: LET'S KISS AND MAKE UP
Posted: Aug 20, 2008 11:47 PM Go to message in response to: LochNessie

I;m really sick of it too, my fiance's grandma, who is planning and paying for the wedding is VERY strict about it. I didn't realize one of the guests was married so I put... Ms. _____ ______ and family. She got so mad! She actually called the woman and apoligized for my rude behavior... I was like WHAAAAAAAT??

 

 

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newsjunkie Posts : 3,417 Registered: 3/30/06
Re: LET'S KISS AND MAKE UP
Posted: Aug 21, 2008 12:08 AM Go to message in response to: LochNessie

LochNessie, I think the controversy is over because a lot of people are so sick of her crap that they don't even READ her posts anymore, they just skip right over them- I know I do! :)

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auntofthebride Posts : 9,354 Registered: 4/2/06
Re: LET'S KISS AND MAKE UP
Posted: Aug 21, 2008 12:16 AM Go to message in response to: Mushaboo

Dear Mush,

"AOTB- I just plain out don't like my last name.  So, I'm taking my FH's last name."

More power to you. Go for it.

"You have Marge Simpson married to Homer Simpson.  Marge and Homer divorce.  Is it considered proper for Marge to keep the last name Simpson?  IMO, she's no longer a Simpson since she divorced her only affiliation to the last name.  Should she not go back to using Marge Smith?"

Marge's maiden name is "Bouvier". I am a Simpsons fan!!! (As if you haven't already guessed.)

When Marge Bouvier Simpson divorces Homer Simpson, she has the option of keeping Simpson or having her name changed, as part of the divorce decree, back to Marge Bouvier. She is entitled to either name. It is her choice.

You say she is no longer affliated with the Simpson family. True, except for her children, Bart, Lisa & Maggie. Many divorced women with children prefer to have the same last name as their children, which might have been why the lady changed her name upon marriage. One family, one name.

In other cases, especially when the divorcing couple does not have children, the woman might prefer her maiden name. Or, not! She might, perhaps like you, just prefer an easier-spelled, easier-pronounced name. Or maybe her maiden name initials spell something weird like RAT. Or her married initials are cool, like JFK.

It's her choice.

***

Are you interested in the official real Antique Etiquette response? Sure, you are. According to the Ghost of Etiquette Past, a married woman would never have her first name out in public. She would be Mrs Homer Simpson full time. Married women did not work outside the home, after all, being consumed with running a house and taking care of babies.

When a woman divorced, she "disappeared" as divorced women were not normally "seen" in Society.

But, what to do when Society, thankfully, stopped sending divorced women to convents or old lady homes? The divorced woman would have to have her husband's name, so no one would think her children were born on the wrong side of the blanket. She could not, however, be Mrs Marge Simpson because there is no Mr Marge Simpson, and that would put a woman's first name out there in public. Shudder.

She can no longer be Mrs Homer Simpson, as she would be confused with the bimbo Homer now calls a wife.

She could not be Miss Marge Simpson, for fear people would think she was an unwed mother.

So, Society compromised. The divorced woman would have her maiden name and her married name, both. After all, the maiden name is a man's name, her father's.

So poor Marge gets to be Mrs Bouvier Simpson after she dumps Homer. 

If, instead Marge stabs him in the back and she is widowed, she gets to be Mrs Homer Simpson, until she remarries, as the late Homer can't go out marrying other women.

In my entire life, I have known of exactly one divorced woman who did that: my grandmother. Personally, I think it's a totally stupid rule and I further think that women should indeed have their first names out in public. Those names ought to be on Senate seats, the Supreme Court, in the White House and on the doors of corporate executive suites. Women can't screw it up any worse than men have.

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