What do I, the guest, expect?

Online Users: 1,289 guest(s), 0 user(s). Replies: 158


soontobemrsnye Posts : 240 Registered: 3/2/08
Re: What do I, the guest, expect?
Posted: Aug 14, 2008 9:52 PM Go to message in response to: MisterKelley

AMEN!!!!!! She has too many demands. Why have any? Go and have fun, and quit demanding crap.


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auntofthebride Posts : 9,354 Registered: 4/2/06
Re: What do I, the guest, expect?
Posted: Aug 14, 2008 9:59 PM Go to message in response to: Fitzer

Dear Fitzer,

"It's impossible to hit a time exactly on the head "

Absolutely right.

But, I'd venture to say your various clocks are all within about 5 minutes of each other. It's one thing to advertise 3:00 pm and get started at 3:03, and quite another thing to keep clueless guests in their seats until you get started at 3:45.

One presumes the couple wants to get married! They've planned and waited for this day for some time. Now that the start time has finally arrived, what's so danged important that they need to wait even longer? The only acceptable excuse it that one or both need some more time to think it over before taking the big step. That's OK, sure, but let know there is a delay so I can get up out of my seat and go to the restroom.

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TanisJ Posts : 2,669 Registered: 4/25/07
Re: What do I, the guest, expect?
Posted: Aug 14, 2008 10:00 PM Go to message in response to: Fitzer

No no fitzer, you just happened to be the last post! No apologies necessary. I am just saying when you come from a different culture or religion your expectations might be different. So for anyone to say this is the way it is, is only a microcosism of the world, not you in particular, you just happened to be the last post while I was formulating my thoughts! I just think that this is relevant to the conversation because some of the assumptions, regulations, rules etc are just absolutely foreign to me and so they might be foreign to others. ie where I come from everyone does everything online, dating, mail, job interviews, we are just so in to technology that receiving handwritten correspondence would be somewhat like receiving mail from the cart and horse, but other people do not see it that way. Its just a different perspective.

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auntofthebride Posts : 9,354 Registered: 4/2/06
Re: What do I, the guest, expect?
Posted: Aug 14, 2008 10:07 PM Go to message in response to: TanisJ

Dear Tanis,

"This whole "having do to things perfectly" is so foreign to me"

In ANY culture, consideration of one's guests is a good thing. No one likes to show up underdressed or overdressed anywhere. No one likes to be made to wait, unnecessarily, and no one likes to be uncomfortable, nor hungry, for a long period of time.

This is not a foreign concept. I cannot think of a single culture anywhere on the planet where a wedding is license to treat one's invited guests like indentured slaves.

Tell me what I need to know. That way I can show up at the right time, the right place, and in appropriate clothing. I'll eat a hearty lunch ahead of time, or plan on a nice restaurant dinner after the event, or will come hungry and expecting a meal.

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Fitzer Posts : 643 Registered: 8/7/07
Re: What do I, the guest, expect?
Posted: Aug 14, 2008 10:17 PM Go to message in response to: auntofthebride

Absolutely.  I just like to clarify to keep from having to have the discussion about "what if I'm 5 minutes late."

Case in point - at my wedding, a few guests arrived while the processional was going on.  Being that it was a garden wedding, they had the pleasure of trying to sneak through a patch of trees and mulch to get to the chairs.


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LochNessie Posts : 1,631 Registered: 4/2/07
Re: What do I, the guest, expect?
Posted: Aug 14, 2008 10:20 PM Go to message in response to: auntofthebride

The only point on the list I took issue with is handwriting each person's name on the envelope. It's not always a conscious decision. Sometimes other things just get in the way (ie. as in my case, my then FH ended up in the hospital for a month unexpectedly) and putting pen to paper becomes much less important than just getting the invitations out.

-Ness


Check out my work bridal blog: http://vclarke.encblogs.com.  I also need to come up with a name for it!  Who wants to help? 

Take a look at what I've got. I can't promise you a lot, but you and me and the road ahead. - Tom Petty and the Heartbreakers

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futuremrsperry Posts : 1,904 Registered: 4/23/06
Re: What do I, the guest, expect?
Posted: Aug 14, 2008 10:26 PM Go to message in response to: auntofthebride

I expect

- registry info and directions in the invite

-the bride and groom enjoying themselves!!  Our friends got married and the bride was all upset then entire night.  We think it was because the pastor told story about her that included a lost diaper, and her DH got plastered.   

 

It doesn't take much to make me happy 

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newsjunkie Posts : 3,417 Registered: 3/30/06
Re: What do I, the guest, expect?
Posted: Aug 14, 2008 10:41 PM Go to message in response to: Fitzer

Fitzer, I think the offense and aggravation came from both the tone of the response as well as the attitude that is so rigid about various rules of etiquette that if you make a simple mistake or overlook something (which is easy for many people to do since most people have not thrown a party/ceremony of this type and caliber before their wedding and many may be young enough not to have seen anyone go through it up close) you will be looked down upon and talked about behind your back, probably for the rest of eternity.  I'm not saying anyone is right or wrong (I am SO not in the mood to fight!) to have this opinion or be offended/aggravated by such an opinion, I'm just saying that THIS is where I believe the tension has arisen from, not that the original post itself was so offensive.

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newsjunkie Posts : 3,417 Registered: 3/30/06
Re: What do I, the guest, expect?
Posted: Aug 14, 2008 10:51 PM Go to message in response to: Fitzer

Heh heh, regarding guests being late: our DW was held at a Victorian home and the ceremony was held in the back courtyard there.  We had blocked discounted rooms at a hotel down the street and arranged for trolleys to take all guests on a guided historical tour of the city on the way from the hotel to the venue.  Everyone on DH's side chose to stay at a different hotel about 20 minutes away (why?  no idea... we have some theories but that is another story!) and since they are habitually late I was worried that if they didn't take the trolley they would be late for this, too.  To enter the courtyard you come through these HUGE doors that bring you right in the middle of the outdoor "room" and it would completely disrupt things- something I was NOT having.

We sent out our invites 8 MONTHS ahead of time to allow people plenty of time to save up, get time off work, and make their travel arrangements.  About a month before the wedding we sent out an additional, more casual, mailing to everyone who RSVP'd yes giving them details about the optional Pub Crawl we organized for the night before, the trolley ride to and from the venue, and the breakfast we were holding the morning after the wedding.  In that mailing I- nicely!- explained that late arrivals to the ceremony could not be accomodated.  And you know what?  Just about everyone took the trolley- and loved it!

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miloswife2b Posts : 32 Registered: 5/8/08
Re: What do I, the guest, expect?
Posted: Aug 14, 2008 11:00 PM Go to message in response to: newsjunkie

if you make a simple mistake or overlook something (which is easy for many people to do since most people have not thrown a party/ceremony of this type and caliber before their wedding and many may be young enough not to have seen anyone go through it up close) you will be looked down upon and talked about behind your back, probably for the rest of eternity. 

 

this is where I took offense too.It seems as if people tend to look at attending a wedding as some kind of obligation and chore. You should go because you want to and because you care about the people hosting, and hopefully not judge them for messing up their "etiquette". I had someone tell me I better have good champaigne or "everyone" would talk "s&*t about me behind my back. I say, if people are going to say or think rude things about me behind my back after I thought well enough of them to want them at my wedding then they have issues not me.

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MisterKelley Posts : 258 Registered: 7/11/08
Re: What do I, the guest, expect?
Posted: Aug 14, 2008 11:04 PM Go to message in response to: RanAway2Maine

I'm sort of confused, too. I personally think this is very disrespectful to Aunt.  I know there's a Mister Kelly Advice column, which is great, but I think it should stay there.

It's confusing to those that do not know what's going on, especially to the new member. I have a lot of respect for Aunt and this comes off as extremely degrading, joking or not.

Oh I was not joking(well ok I sorta was) but my point is, how important is it really to have perfectly monikered, Calligraphy hand written invitations? If you're an MD and someone forgets to put that on the invitation, is it cause for immediate disembowlment? as much as you found my response degrading, I find it degrading that someone will smile at your face and talk behind your back. Some people like to call it being "Polite" what it really means is, I don't have the balls to say what I feel to your face, I'm afraid of confrontation so I'll gossup about you where you can't hear me.  As for staying in my own thread, Sorry, it's called Democracy, I spent 6 years defending your right to have it, Desert Storm Vet, I also have friends in Iraq, please respect my right to post too.

P.S. if you wish to respond, Please make your post in New Roman Cursive please. This is what I expect :)


EMT - I'm not here to save your life, just prolong your miserable existence

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Fitzer Posts : 643 Registered: 8/7/07
Re: What do I, the guest, expect?
Posted: Aug 14, 2008 11:06 PM Go to message in response to: newsjunkie

I feel you, newsie.  It does come off quite cold to break it down into a laundry list of do's and don'ts.  But really, and I hate this phrase, if you're old enough to get married you're old enough to do certain aspects of it right.

I jumped in to soften the blow, to be honest.  I know a lot of people bristle at the original tone, and rather than have it's points lost entirely, I wanted to put in my 2 cents that I agree with a lot. 

What most of the points come down to is, no one likes a bait-and-switch.  Don't imply A and then give me B.  Just say you're giving me B, I don't care what B is, just let me know.  Two important questions I have before any kind of get-together are What should I wear? and What about eating?  Answering these covers a lot of bases.

Yeah, I'm in no mood for a fight either!  I think really, most people are on the same page on this one.  They just don't often like being given absolutes, which can sour an otherwise totally valid point.


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miloswife2b Posts : 32 Registered: 5/8/08
Re: What do I, the guest, expect?
Posted: Aug 14, 2008 11:11 PM Go to message in response to: MisterKelley

you, mister kelley are hilarious! And I agree, if we can have old brides, new brides, havent been brides in years, never were brides or any other kind of female why cant we have a husband on here.

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kroberts Posts : 443 Registered: 7/30/07
Re: What do I, the guest, expect?
Posted: Aug 14, 2008 11:17 PM Go to message in response to: Fitzer

I don't think there's anything wrong with the expectations of the OP. None of the expectations, should they be overlooked, are worth being disembowled.

The "expectations" are however a polite way to go about things. The bride and groom should offer as much information as possible (especially the dress and food etc.) to make sure their guests are comfortable. The bride and groom have spent x amount of months planning, but that doesn't mean everyone knows the plans.

 


April 4, 2009 is the BIG day!

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auntofthebride Posts : 9,354 Registered: 4/2/06
Re: What do I, the guest, expect?
Posted: Aug 14, 2008 11:20 PM Go to message in response to: newsjunkie

Dear NJ,

"that if you make a simple mistake or overlook something http://...you will be looked down upon and talked about behind your back, probably for the rest of eternity. "

Not at all. People overlook simple mistakes. It is an overall attitude of "Screw the guests - this is MYYYY DAAAAYYY" that will be remembered forever.

I see simple mistakes in weddings all the time. So what?

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