Anybody else not exactly following all the rules of etiquette?

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NewMrsSass Posts : 722 Registered: 12/31/06
Re: Anybody else not exactly following all the rules of etiquette?
Posted: Jul 28, 2008 2:28 AM Go to message in response to: FutureMrsAylswo...

Well, I hope no one noticed that I did a lot of those "mistakes" too!  I mean, really...you are inviting all these people to your wedding who love you and your FH.  They will just be excited to get the invite...no one will look at the envelope for longer than a second, except maybe your mom, his mom, and some grandmas!  Don't fret

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Chad Posts : 637 Registered: 10/3/06
Re: Anybody else not exactly following all the rules of etiquette?
Posted: Jul 28, 2008 8:25 AM Go to message in response to: Chad

Remember that etiquette exists to protect both parties.  It's a set of guidelines both parties can understand.  Sure, you can do things your way and disregard etiquette, but you don't get the right to biitch when your guests decide to disregard it too.  Etiquette guidelines protect both sides, as long as everyone plays by the rules of the game.


The reason we go to these lengths for a formal event, especially a wedding, when we don't for everyday life is the gravity of the event.  It's a deeply profound happening and those carry a little more pomp and circumstance.  I mean, what other day do you wear a formal gown and carry a bouquet?  Not often.  But by addressing something with less formality than the clothing, the setting, the work you've put into everything else, you give the impression that the guest's presence isn't as important as your dress or the flowers.  That's why addresses aren't just written however or why labels aren't used.  No guest, no person, wants to feel like they're there as an afterthought.

So, go the extra mile on addressing.  It doesn't take that long.  10 a night for a couple of weeks and you're done.  They don't need to be expensively calligraphied, on cotton laid paper, or engraved.  They need to be heartfelt.  Guests need to see that you put as much effort into inviting them as you put into the rest of the wedding.  In some cases, spelling out "and" or whatever little thing will do that for them.  So why not give it to them?


Chad ~ 11.19.05

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LovePark Posts : 241 Registered: 2/27/08
Re: Anybody else not exactly following all the rules of etiquette?
Posted: Jul 28, 2008 8:48 AM Go to message in response to: Chad

so and ampersand is not okay? I thought it was. OOPS! I hand wrote 194 invitation and definitely used and ampersand. What a moron! I tried to follow the rules and somewhere I heard and ampersand was okay. Oh well, what's done is done. 

How about on placecards, I guess they're a no no on those as well.

What about on the programs? SOmetimes I think it almost looks better if it's a fancy script. 

Thanks for your help Chad. I really learned a lot from you!  


Daisypath Wedding Ticker

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Chad Posts : 637 Registered: 10/3/06
Re: Anybody else not exactly following all the rules of etiquette?
Posted: Jul 28, 2008 9:17 AM Go to message in response to: LovePark

To me, an ampersand isn't the worst thing to do.  I would never put one on an invitation.  Symbols tend to stand out and the only thing to stand out on an invitation should be the names.  But on an env, eh?  shrug  I can't say it matter so much to me.  It may matter to a guest.    

What's done is done on the invitations.  For the place cards, again, spell it out.  The only time I've seen an ampersand that looked nice was one that was done as part of a font.  The theme was gardening/flowers (both horticulturists) and the font had an ampersand that looked like a leaf.  Totally worked for them and the overall feel.

Chad ~ 11.19.05

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FutureMrsAylswo... Posts : 47 Registered: 10/8/07
Re: Anybody else not exactly following all the rules of etiquette?
Posted: Jul 28, 2008 9:23 AM Go to message in response to: LovePark

So I had NO idea what "ampersand" meant til just now.  The whole time I was racking my brain going "What am I missing here?!?"  I assume it's the "and" symbol?  Jeez, I'm a dummy!

 

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Chad Posts : 637 Registered: 10/3/06
Re: Anybody else not exactly following all the rules of etiquette?
Posted: Jul 28, 2008 9:35 AM Go to message in response to: FutureMrsAylswo...

No you're not a dummy!  Do you know how long it took me to figure out what a kissing ball was?  I'm thinking "like clicking glasses?" "like mistletoe?" "for the wedding night?"  Nobody is perfect or knows it all.  Some of us just like stationery waaaay too much. ;)

Chad ~ 11.19.05

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LovePark Posts : 241 Registered: 2/27/08
Re: Anybody else not exactly following all the rules of etiquette?
Posted: Jul 28, 2008 9:48 AM Go to message in response to: Chad

Phew, thank, Chad. Thank goodness I didn't do the placecards yet. Really I was just thinking of saving space so those with guests could have both names spelled out. 

What's the etiquette on that, by the way. Do you spell out the guest's name if the person wrote it on the response card, or do you write and guest?

 


Daisypath Wedding Ticker

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Chad Posts : 637 Registered: 10/3/06
Re: Anybody else not exactly following all the rules of etiquette?
Posted: Jul 28, 2008 10:04 AM Go to message in response to: LovePark

Even if they replied with "and guest" you need to call and get a name.  "And guest" should never be put on a place card.  It's the social equivalent of "hey you".  Get all the other cards done first, then deal with the ones you need to call.  Usually, it's just a few.  You can even email.  Just tell them you need a name for the placecard, "and guest" won't do.  Most already have the name.  You might need to call a few last minute, but that happens.

Although I realize most won't read it, the basics of stationery etiquette are at: http://community.theknot.com/cs/ks/user/page.aspx?username=Chad_n_Jared  You can scroll past the planning stuff if you want.  The whole thing will take about an hour to read, but in the end, that hour might save you some time later.


Chad ~ 11.19.05

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LovePark Posts : 241 Registered: 2/27/08
Re: Anybody else not exactly following all the rules of etiquette?
Posted: Jul 28, 2008 10:28 AM Go to message in response to: Chad

Great! Thanks Chad!

So far, we only have one person who did that, and it's his mother's friend, (FH doesn't even know who he is!). Thanks again Chad, you are a huge help!  


Daisypath Wedding Ticker

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ArtBride Posts : 4,838 Registered: 5/9/07
Re: Anybody else not exactly following all the rules of etiquette?
Posted: Jul 28, 2008 10:38 AM Go to message in response to: FutureMrsAylswo...

Don't worry...I had no idea what 'ampersand' meant, either. I was sitting here wondering whether I used it or not.

As far as etiquette goes, I used my best judgement and adapted the 'rules' a little to fit my situation. On the outer envelopes, I mostly referred to people as 'Mr. and Mrs. John Smith'...but there were cases when I was more comfortable addressing a woman invited by herself as 'Mrs. Jane Smith.' Widows, for example, are supposed to be called 'Mrs. John Smith,' no matter how long their husband has been deceased. We have several older widows in our families who use 'Mrs. Jane Smith' on all correspondence, so I took my cue from that...I figured that they would use 'Mrs. John Smith' if they wanted to be addressed that way. I'd rather breach etiquette than remind my grandmother that her husband has been dead for 20 years, for example.

Same deal with a friend whose husband was deployed in Afghanistan. I addressed the invitation to 'Mrs. Jane Smith,' since I know she doesn't like reminders that her husband is away.

I also addressed some invitations as 'John and Jane Smith' rather than "Mr and Mrs' because I know the women in question dislike being referred to as 'Mrs. Husband's Name.' It's proper to do so, but I know it would tick them off, so I went with the form of address that I know they prefer.

Other than stuff like that, I think my outer envelopes were correct and proper. I didn't abbreviate anything and I handwrote them all. (By the way, I couldn't believe how many mistakes I made addressing them. It's HARD to write legibly when you usually don't worry about your chicken scratch! They looked nice when I was done, but I cringed at all the paper I wasted with my addressing mistakes.)

My inner envelopes, however, were probably the etiquette police's worst nightmare. I just didn't want to refer to my close friends as 'Miss Smith' or 'Mr. Jones' on the inner envelope - it felt unnatural and forced. So I went more casual with the inner envelopes, which I thought was Ok, since our wedding wasn't super-formal - it was more semi-formal. Most of the time, I just used first names on the inner envelopes - and yes, I did use nicknames. At least, that's what I did for our same-generation friends and close family. (Sorry, Etiquette Police, but I've never called Aunt Sally 'Mrs. Sandra Smith' in my life. I'll put it on the outer envelope, but she's going to be 'Aunt Sally' on the inner envelope!) If I thought that a particular person would be a stickler for etiquette, I followed etiquette and wrote 'Mr. and Mrs. Smith' on the inner envelope.


DaisypathWedding Ticker

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lil1one Posts : 312 Registered: 2/13/08
Re: Anybody else not exactly following all the rules of etiquette?
Posted: Jul 28, 2008 11:14 AM Go to message in response to: ArtBride

I have enough stuff to think about... no one is going to care if there is & or and. I think & looks a lot better anyway.

Sorry etiquette police for not going crazy for what you think is right.


Soon to be Mrs. Hatcher!!!

September 20,2008

 When is my wedding

WhenIsMyWedding.com

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BirdLover Posts : 2,834 Registered: 3/30/06
Re: Anybody else not exactly following all the rules of etiquette?
Posted: Jul 28, 2008 1:32 PM Go to message in response to: hellokitty4ever

My mom address my invitations...using non-caligraphy...I think this is okay, lol!  What are you "supposed" to do?  Is there a standard?

I also did not use inner and outer envelopes.  I had never heard of them (had never received an invitation with inner and outer envelopes) and I didn't feel the need to waste paper at the expense of our environment (that is NOT meant to insult anyone who used both - I leave lights on all the time, so I felt the need to balance myself out :P )

Most etiquette stuff I followed.  My rule of thumb is, I followed etiquette when it made sense, and when breaking it would be rude/impolite.  Something like how you address and envelope isn't worth worrying about, unless you put "Mr. John Smith and Family" and then tell him he can't bring his kids

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Babilu Posts : 26 Registered: 9/9/08
Re: Anybody else not exactly following all the rules of etiquette?
Posted: Sep 10, 2008 11:26 AM Go to message in response to: Chad

OMG you have no idea how bad it feels to be called the "guest". My boyfriend and I have been together for a little over 2 years (living together for 1 year) and on ALL 12 freaking wedding invitations and seating cards we had this year they wrote HIS name but kept calling me the "guest". It's is soooooooooo irritating! They all know who I am and what my name is...and that we're almost engaged! It just teaches me to remember not to do that when I send out my own invitation and place cards.

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