MisterKelleys No B.S. Advice Column - NEW- MY Question of the Week #2

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MisterKelley Posts : 258 Registered: 7/11/08
MisterKelleys No B.S. Advice Column - NEW- MY Question of the Week #2
Posted: Jul 11, 2008 10:04 PM

Hello all, due to apparent popular demand, I Misterkelley (AKA Kelley's Husband) have formed my very own advice column. This is where I, Mister Kelley, will attempt to provide the male point of view on questions you submit. Before we jump into this, a word of warning. If you ask something stupid, expect a brutal answer. I do this for your own good, you know kinda like tough love, only in this case I really don't give a S**T. That's the beauty of an unbiased opinion.

Secondly,  if I laugh at you and call you an idiot, Just remember that before you start to whine and bawl and throw your Estrogen around ....I don't really care!!!  Over on my "Man Boards" we really don't care if you're offended, if you don't like it... don't click on my thread. It's simple huh? But I know some people just won't be able to resist. It's kinda like that 5 car rollover on the Interstate, you might not admit it but you just HAVE to see how F'ed up someone else's S**t is. Also be advised that on nights that the yankees lose (like tonight) I'm not gonna be in a good mood.....Caveat, You might want to check Yahoo sports for the score before posting some stupid question. 

Next, I want to adress one of my pet peeves. Don't send me comments like "I would never sink to you level"  not only is this one of the dumbest sayings I've ever heard, It's just not possible for you to sink to my level, I worked hard to get this far down and I'll be damned if I'm gonna share it with anybody. So now you've all been forewarned.

 

 


EMT - I'm not here to save your life, just prolong your miserable existence Message was edited by: MisterKelley Message was edited by: MisterKelley Message was edited by: MisterKelley

Message was edited by: MisterKelley

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rubyred1 Posts : 968 Registered: 8/9/07
Re: MisterKelleys no BS advice column
Posted: Jul 11, 2008 10:27 PM Go to message in response to: MisterKelley

I can't wait to see some of the crap you will get asked!!!!!!!!!!!!  Yay for MisterKelley!!!!!!!!!!

 

To love someone deeply gives you strength. Being loved by someone deeply gives you courage.

Lao Tzu

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08divabride Posts : 831 Registered: 11/17/07
Re: MisterKelleys no BS advice column
Posted: Jul 11, 2008 10:52 PM Go to message in response to: MisterKelley

Welcome to the boards MisterKelley, this should be hilarious!

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stargazer9 Posts : 448 Registered: 12/20/06
Re: MisterKelleys no BS advice column
Posted: Jul 11, 2008 11:24 PM Go to message in response to: MisterKelley

You must be a good judge of character because you sure picked a keeper ;D

Looking forward to what comes our way!


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kelleyiskelley Posts : 11,590 Registered: 7/2/06
Re: MisterKelleys no BS advice column
Posted: Jul 11, 2008 11:34 PM Go to message in response to: stargazer9

Yup - thats my husband. Oh I'm so proud. (sniff sniff).

He is the Anti-Dear Abby. We figure it's about time there was a man's view around here. Could be quite hilarious! :)


"THE AISLE RUNNER" has officially launched - www.myaislerunner.com

My awesome partner LIZA helped me lose FOURTEEN POUNDS in Biggest Loser 6 and I won the big CASH prize!!!! Thanks Teammate!!! BL7 here we come with more weight loss....

"When you're born, you get a free ticket to the Freak Show. When you're born in America, you get a front row seat." - R.I.P. George Carlin

 

 

 

 

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Mushaboo Posts : 2,165 Registered: 3/22/08
Re: MisterKelleys no BS advice column
Posted: Jul 12, 2008 12:22 AM Go to message in response to: kelleyiskelley

I'll bite!  The latest claw fest going on around here today seems to do with the "guest list".  Oh Master of Man's opinion, what's yours?  Who has a say in who gets to come to the wedding?  If I don't like the way Aunt Sally smells, does she get an invitation?  If I don't like Cousin Bobby's kids, should they keep their poorly behaved butts at home?

Everytime I ask FH who he wants to come he gives the same response, "doesn't matter to me babe as long as we don't go over 80 people (our venue max) and there's none of your or my exes there."


http://www.mywedding.com/robertandginger

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MandyandVance Posts : 650 Registered: 4/10/06
Re: MisterKelleys no BS advice column
Posted: Jul 12, 2008 1:44 AM Go to message in response to: Mushaboo

Welcome to the boards Misterkelley!  This will be hilarious!  I look forward to reading your responses!

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ArtBride Posts : 4,838 Registered: 5/9/07
Re: MisterKelleys no BS advice column
Posted: Jul 12, 2008 8:06 AM Go to message in response to: MisterKelley

Hi again, Mr Kelley! 

This could be really fun. I'm very tempted to start brainstorming the most asinine questions I can think of, just to see how you respond. Oh, and I'll have to create new forum IDs to ask them. And then when you give me a smartass response, I'll get mad, tell you that 'tears are running down my face,' and scream IN ALL CAPS that's I'm LEAVING THE BOARDS! Of course, then I'll come back and create MORE new accounts so that I can defend myself without you knowing that it's me. Maybe I'll even tell you to eat poop. Then I'll delete my responses, replace them with smily faces, and tell you that I don't want to 'sink to your level.' It'll be great.

Oh - I forgot to mention that I'll have to type like this: U POOPY HEAD UR SO MEAN I HATE U!!!!!

Of course, I really wouldn't be able to remember all the passwords for the fake accounts - not to mention that it would drive me insane and take me FOREVER to type things out in 'text-talk' instead of real words - so this wouldn't work at all for me. Plus, I like getting credit for my own ridiculousness, even if it's not very funny. I'll just stick with being myself. And I'm starting the popcorn RIGHT NOW!

Ok - first asinine question for Mr Kelley. Perhaps you can settle this for us. What exactly does it mean to 'have a blessed day'? We seem to be confused. Does it mean that someone able to perform blessings literally blesses your day, or does it mean that you have a day that is particularly holy? If I'm having a blessed day, must I go to church? Do I DO anything to have a blessed day, if someone instructs me to have one....or does the blessedness take place whether I do anything or not?  


DaisypathWedding Ticker

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MisterKelley Posts : 258 Registered: 7/11/08
Re: MisterKelleys no BS advice column
Posted: Jul 12, 2008 1:25 PM Go to message in response to: ArtBride

Alright, jeez there's a lot of Questions her for Mr Kelley so I'll tackle a few.

Our First letter comes from Mushaboo in Bismarck ND

She writes:

Dear Misterkelley  Who should be put on the guest list? Who should I leave off, what if I hate kids, should I invite family members that smell like road kill.

Well Mush, who to invite is easy, you invited whoever you think is going to bring the best gift (DUH!) I always thought that this was kind of a no brainer. If you haven't spoken to Aunt Helga in years and find out that she Inherited a fortune after a tragic dredging accident killed poor Uncle Percy, now's the time to get reaquainted, tellher you're sorry about her loss and Uncle Percy was always your favorite uncle and all that BS. If it means she throws you a few hundred bucks into your wedding card then it's all worthwhile right?

Next -Inviting kids to the wedding.  This is always a big deal since it's an unfortunate fact of nature that some of your family and friends are going to have children. And it never fails that the kid who's one 7-11 robbery away from Juvenile Detention is always the one who's parents swear is  "the most behaved child on the planet".  Well chances are this isn't your first experience with little Lucifer or Damien so use that history as a guide. Some kids are cool and that's great but if Mable's little angel has a bad habit of breaking into peoples' cars you might want to suggest that since there's going to be a lot of alcohol around (and the jackassery that goes along with it) you prefer to leave minor children out of the wedding. Besides at around $100 a plate, I'd be damned if I'm gonna feed the little P***k

Ok, So Aunt Sally hasn't showered since the Carter Administration and smells like bad turkey. Does she get an invitation? Well again, Refer to the best gift Paradigm. If it looks like you're she's gonna get you that $1000 foot messager you've been lusting over for 2 years then Hell yes you invite her. Just send along a bar of soap and a bottle of whatever the hell that slut Brittany Spears is plugging for perfume these days in with her Wedding Ivitation. Besides, Your FH probabily won't notice the smell anyway, so its WIN all the way around.

By the way, What the hell is a Mushaboo?


EMT - I'm not here to save your life, just prolong your miserable existence Message was edited by: MisterKelley

Message was edited by: MisterKelley

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MisterKelley Posts : 258 Registered: 7/11/08
Re: MisterKelleys no BS advice column
Posted: Jul 12, 2008 2:29 PM Go to message in response to: ArtBride

Our next letter comes from ArtBride in  Winnietonka SC

First off Artbride, I can tell from your post that you're going to be a pain in my ass drama queen. But if you absolutely insist on going a couple of rounds with the champ, don't let fear and common sense stop you.

Seriously though Artbribe brings up a great point and one I wish to address right here, right now. It involves one of Mister Kelley's biggest Pet peeves -We're talking "Text Talk"

Now I've been around the net for a long time and spend enough time on various message boards to know most of the jargon. I long ago accepted the fact that lots of people are too F'ing lazy to type out words. I think I rread somewhere that some idiot 16 year old Sophmore in Kodiak Alaska figured out that by using text talk when she typed emails, she saved a whopping 46 seconds of life. WooHoo, Strike up the Freaking band, hey that's great right?  Hold on a minute. While it may have saved 46 seconds, it really doesn't matter, since most kids can't spell worth a S**t to begin with nor do they understand how a proper sentence is constructed.However much life the author saved just got tacked onto the person who has to translate that mess. If it happens to be me, I'm going to demand I get my wasted time back, You can start by changing the oil in my car and that lawn isn't going to mow itself. Also, for the love of god DO NOT type the word "Like" in a sentence unless it's required. If it gets used while actually face to face talking to someone, that's fine, I even do that, but I freaking hate when I read an email and goes like this...  So I like got this call from the guy I'm thinking about buying a guitar from and like he totally decided last minute that he decided to like  keep it.   WTF???  is this really necessary?

Apparently there's some kind of controversy about something involving a blessed day.  What does it mean to have a blessed day? It means, Hey!! I really hope you don't get plowed over by a city bus today, or boy I sure hope nobody steals your ID today, or, I sure hope that your car doesn't break down in the Lincoln Tunnel today, or get mugged, or have to move to New Jersey. So with that in mind, sure you have to work to have a blessed day, Please!! do you think you're going to get something for free? Do you honestly think someone is just going to give you a blessed day? If that's true then in order for me to have a blessed day, someone needs to give me about 15 million dollars. Unless someone is willing to do that STFU about you blessed day.

Lastly Artbride, should you go through with the wedding even if your FH is stupid enough to eat bad Deli meat?  Well of course you should you idiot!!! Don't you understand? if he's dumb enough to eat something that is obviously bad, it also means he's too stupid to realize when you're poisoning him for the insurance money. If he finds out about it and becomes angry that you're trying to kill him, just smile and sa "But Honey, I'm just trying to have a blessed day"  


EMT - I'm not here to save your life, just prolong your miserable existence

Message was edited by: MisterKelley

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LittleRoo Posts : 1,054 Registered: 2/17/07
Re: MisterKelleys no BS advice column
Posted: Jul 12, 2008 3:17 PM Go to message in response to: MisterKelley

MisterKelley--

What is the obsession with guys and boobies?

Thanks for the male insight...


Who's that little couple just sittin' on my wedding cake?

Go Kelliza--cha cha cha...and JAZZ HANDS!!

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HappyGirl13 Posts : 1,298 Registered: 4/21/08
Re: MisterKelleys no BS advice column
Posted: Jul 12, 2008 4:26 PM Go to message in response to: MisterKelley

Mister Kelley,

Why do many guys talk in movie quotes and think it's funny?

Also, as a guy, do you think it's offensive if a female guest wears white or ivory to a wedding?

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rqz7 Posts : 27 Registered: 12/2/07
Re: MisterKelleys no BS advice column
Posted: Jul 12, 2008 5:40 PM Go to message in response to: MisterKelley

Sorry, but I have to say this...

 You mean I'm supposed to take advice from a Yankees fan?!

 

=-) 

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Angele Posts : 76 Registered: 8/15/07
Re: MisterKelleys no BS advice column
Posted: Jul 12, 2008 7:30 PM Go to message in response to: MisterKelley

Oh my Gods! MisterKelley you are too funny. Honestly, I had stopped posting--and even lurking--for a while just because I kept seeing the same old s**t questions and got bored, but you are a breath of fresh air. Welcome.

Kelley, your husband is awesome! Thank goodness for a fresh (and blunt) perspective.

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MisterKelley Posts : 258 Registered: 7/11/08
Re: MisterKelleys no BS advice column
Posted: Jul 12, 2008 10:07 PM Go to message in response to: LittleRoo

MisterKelley--

What is the obsession with guys and boobies?

Thanks for the male insight...

Well first off LittleRoo, the only people that call them "Boobies" are 4th graders. As for the obsession, this is something that has been ingrained into men's DNA since we started walking upright. For example, back in the day, Mr. Caveman found out pretty quickly that writing on walls and getting burned up trying to start fires to keep warm got a little old. Since Beer and Football wouldn't be invent for another several thousands of years, it made poker nights with the boys kind of boring. So he turned to the only entertainment he had available - Female Cavemen. (or Caveperson if your some Gloria Steinem, N.O.W. supporting freak)  But with all the choices around, who would be the best one to go out and club over the head? the one with the biggest tits of course, after all that effort, you better have something fun to play with and stick your face into.  Let's see Geico work that one into a commercial.   


EMT - I'm not here to save your life, just prolong your miserable existence

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