Pre-nup...opinions?

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firstweddinginn... Posts : 77 Registered: 9/15/07
Pre-nup...opinions?
Posted: Jul 8, 2008 10:22 PM

Anybody getting one? Anyone been through the process? None of my friends have ever gotten one, and I'm not sure what the trend is. Are 'normal' (non celebrity) couples getting one?

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MsDenuninani Posts : 3,962 Registered: 3/16/07
Re: Pre-nup...opinions?
Posted: Jul 9, 2008 5:02 PM Go to message in response to: firstweddinginn...

We thought about it, but ultimately did not get one.  We don't have anything.  Really.  Nothing. 

Our joke was: If you want half of my debt, you are welcome to it.

However, if you own a home or other assets, it's something to think about. 


__________________________________________
"I'm asking you to believe.  Not just in my ability to bring about real change in Washington. . .I'm asking you to believe in yours." - Barack Obama

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BenjaminsWife Posts : 1,069 Registered: 1/11/07
Re: Pre-nup...opinions?
Posted: Jul 9, 2008 8:41 PM Go to message in response to: firstweddinginn...

I own a property and my FH's name is not on it. My mom wanted me to do a prenup and I did consider it. But I decided against it. To me...doing a prenup is like saying I dont know if its gonna work out. I have faith in my FH and our marriage and feel in my heart that its not necessary.

It just differs from person to person and your sistuation.


Formerly San Ramon Bride

The Big Day: 9/20/08

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kroberts Posts : 443 Registered: 7/30/07
Re: Pre-nup...opinions?
Posted: Jul 9, 2008 8:59 PM Go to message in response to: BenjaminsWife

Non-celebrity couples are doing it. I think some of it has to do if one has mass amount of debt and the other doesn't. I listen to a financial guy on talk radio (Clark Howard www.clarkhoward.com) and he suggested to one guy that he get one. (Clark Howard is sounds a little strange, but he is amazingly smart). It had nothing to with the man not trusting his soon-to-be wife, or him being financially well off. He did have some money, but she also was in the middle of a law suit.

A pre-bup legally divides what is your money vs. their money, and if someone comes after it, well there's a legal divide in place that keeps them in your spouse's money instead of your money. I also think there are reasons if one has a law suit filed against them or divorced with an ex collecting alamony or child support. The exception is if you default on loans taken out as a couple, but anything before the marriage remains seperate.


April 4, 2009 is the BIG day!

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SocalGal Posts : 456 Registered: 6/3/06
Re: Pre-nup...opinions?
Posted: Jul 9, 2008 9:55 PM Go to message in response to: BenjaminsWife

I agree with BenjaminsBride.  While I do know of couples doing a prenup, I personally don't get it.  It seems to me that if you have even a shadow of a doubt that the marriage isn't going to last, you shouldn't go through with it. 

There's nothing that says you have to combine all money and property that each person brings into the marriage...my husband still isn't on my bank accounts, since I don't want my accounts frozen on account of past debt he incurred should he be unable to pay them off.  Of course, we consider all money to belong to both of us, but legally, my accounts are just my own.

Keep in mind though, that in most states, both parties need to sign for a major investment (i.e. a house).  Seeing as this is were the majority of people have their assets, I don't see that a pre-nup would really protect any assets that were put towards, or wrapped up in. said house.

Just my two (and non-legally educated) cents.

 


True love never has a happy ending; true love never ends.

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MoreThanExpected Posts : 158 Registered: 2/13/07
Re: Pre-nup...opinions?
Posted: Jul 10, 2008 3:44 PM Go to message in response to: firstweddinginn...

Personally I don't see it as a doubt that we won't last, I see it more as "Right now I see us growing old together and I'm looking forward to the effort that makes a marriage work, but I can't see the future" really I think it's just a smart move in today’s society that requires many people to become experts in C.Y.A.


“Marriage is an expression of love and respect and trust and faith in the future, but the union of husband and wife is also an alliance against the challenges and tradgedies of life a promise that with me in your corner, you will never stand alone.”

-Dean Koontz,from the corner of his eye
When is my wedding
Wedding Ticker from WhenIsMyWedding.com

 

Message was edited by: MoreThanExpected

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Laurenc126 Posts : 51 Registered: 11/14/07
Re: Pre-nup...opinions?
Posted: Jul 10, 2008 4:10 PM Go to message in response to: firstweddinginn...

I will start by saying that I am not getting one, but I have a friend who is. She just graduated law school and thinks its "silly" for people not to get one. But she also says it varies greatly on what state you're from and what the laws are. (FYI: She's from NY State.)

A pre-nup doesn't just have to be about finances. It can say things like, you promise to do couseling before getting a divorce. Or things about what lawyers can be used (if you already have one and you don't want them to use your lawyer), etc.

I am not very knowledgable about it myself, but these are things she told me.

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Del3 Posts : 113 Registered: 11/1/06
Re: Pre-nup...opinions?
Posted: Jul 10, 2008 6:07 PM Go to message in response to: firstweddinginn...

A pre-nup is a contract, so like any other contract can be tailored to each couple; but as ppl said it heavily depends on the laws of your state, AND what state you are in if you ever get divorced.  Our country doesn't like what it views as contracting for sex so the laws are sometimes limiting to be sure this is not what it becomes about.

Another reason ppl often get pre-nups is for children of a previous marriage.  This sets it up so that if anything ever goes wrong provisions are made for what assets a person in the marriage can touch and which are left for the care of the children.

If you are considering getting one be sure to tactfully bring it up.  B/c as you can see on here the opinions on them are incredibly varied.  And I would HIGHLY recommend not trying to do your own, and bring it to an attorney way before your marriage.  An attorney can help you talk through everything and help you see issues that you may have missed; but this takes some time on their part and its better to have it all settled well before the marriage.

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Lissa003 Posts : 80 Registered: 9/28/06
Re: Pre-nup...opinions?
Posted: Jul 11, 2008 8:13 PM Go to message in response to: firstweddinginn...

My husband and I have a pre-nup.  It was only partially our choice.  My husband and his brothers have an LLC together and we needed to write something up to protect thier issues.  We only did a pre-nup on this one issue.  We did not feel the need to divide anything else in our lives because everything else we have we got together.  This is something that you really need to think about.  When you get a pre-nup it makes you think about divorce and that was the hardest thing for us to think about.  I am glad we finally agreed on the terms and we signed and it's over.


Daisypath Ticker

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Retired Posts : 808 Registered: 4/17/06
Re: Pre-nup...opinions?
Posted: Jul 11, 2008 10:07 PM Go to message in response to: firstweddinginn...

I'm going to put it the way I heard someone else say it:

"You HOPE that you will never get into a car accident. You HOPE that nothing trrible will ever happen to your home. But you still get car and home insurance. Prenups are just insurance policies in the instance the unthinkable occurs."

Die-hard romantics say, "well if you think it has any chance of failing, don't get married." But let's be realistic: who knows what will happen? How many of you have had boyfriends that you KNEW you would be with FOR-ABSOLUTELY-EVER! ...but the future holds things for us no one can anticipate. Of course when you get married you HOPE nothing bad will happen. But no one can ever KNOW it won't.

Prenups are good for people who have children and substantial assets that need to be protected in the nstance something terrible happens. My friend's parents were both doctors wth a great deal of money and assets before getting married. They were married 16 years before they divorced and no one saw it coming. And the prenup they signed ensured a much cleaner, easier split.


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sk127 Posts : 325 Registered: 5/13/08
Re: Pre-nup...opinions?
Posted: Jul 12, 2008 1:25 AM Go to message in response to: kroberts

i love clarkhoward..hes a little excentric on some things..but hes smart and rich. ok not sure if it was the same call i heard..but one of the convos i heard was clark talking to a guy about debt and marriage and he listing the states that if you live in..no matter if it was before or during the marriage..the debt is both of yalls.im not sure what the exact term for it is called.

guess it depends on what each of you own..if anything...i actually asked FH way back if he wanted me to sign a prenup and he said no..i knew he was going to say no..but i wanted to atleast offer that option.


live life to the fullest for the future is scarse

 

 

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Chad Posts : 637 Registered: 10/3/06
Re: Pre-nup...opinions?
Posted: Jul 12, 2008 7:30 AM Go to message in response to: firstweddinginn...

I've used the insurance analogy because it's understandable for most people.  I hope we never separate and we work hard to have a good marriage, but no one can see the future.  We can see what we hope is the future, but life has a way of throwing curve balls in the bottom of the ninth inning.  Then you're screwed.

Our pre-nup mostly covers Jared's assets.  His family is wealthy.  Like big.  And mine isn't.  So ours covers how things will be divided if we split.  We've covered stuff about the kids, custody, visitation and financial support.  We've also covered infidelity, which is absolutely a deal breaker for me.  We've also covered some other issues in personal Wills that cannot supercede what's in our pre-nup.

"Divorces/separations aren't conducted in Church."  Meaning they aren't nice civilzed things.  They're ugly and people get vindictive.  There's no greater hate than that which was once love.  We've saved ourselves a load of possible issues later by accepting that they can happen and dealing with them now while we still like each other.


Chad ~ 11.19.05

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MrsReno Posts : 314 Registered: 12/21/07
Re: Pre-nup...opinions?
Posted: Jul 12, 2008 8:52 AM Go to message in response to: firstweddinginn...

FH and I decided to get one, but not on money. We decided to get one for our future children. Yeah, I know that sounds odd. Basically, it is going to state that who ever is making more money and is more stable is going to have the kids full time and each are going to take in the financial responsibilities (ie clothes, school supplies etc...) that way we don't have to worry about child support. I am not the type of person who would want alimony payments if we ever got divorced. 

I say it really depends on your situation. If either of you come from a wealthy family, your parents may push for one. Or if either of you are the type of people who take all precautions in life (I don't know if that came out as an insult but it wasn't meant to be one) 


♥Defy Gravitry♥

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TheNewMrsJ Posts : 754 Registered: 1/6/08
Re: Pre-nup...opinions?
Posted: Jul 12, 2008 8:41 PM Go to message in response to: firstweddinginn...

It think it's only necessary if one partner is already established and has a substant amount of wealth and/or assests. 

Like someone else said, if you're young, you probably don't really have much to worry about. FH and I don't really have much at all, me just being out of college, him finishing up and getting promoted to fulltime at his job. There really wouldn't be a reason for it... 


 

 

countdown to your wedding

*September 13, 2008 *

 

 

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MrsWilliams2008 Posts : 1,431 Registered: 7/19/07
Re: Pre-nup...opinions?
Posted: Jul 12, 2008 11:12 PM Go to message in response to: firstweddinginn...

First of all, I have got to say that dress is BEAUTIFUL on you!

To answer the question, at the time of our engagement, my DH (then FH) was a full time grad student and I am a nurse. He's now an academic counselor for a university and I'm still at my same job. We had/have no big investments to "protect". Therefore no need for a pre-nup

Alot of people are mixed on the idea, but I see nothing wrong with a little insurance if you so choose. I heard of "normal" people drawing one up because maybe they have a trust fund or something similar that has to stay in the family. I don't think I'd sign one or have one drawn up but to each his own.

 


                         Poster Formerly Known as beauti381

http://www.theknot.com/ourwedding/RyAnne Stafford&RobertWilliams, Jr

                              Happily Married since June 21, 2008

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