FH flashes my ring everywhere, and it drives me nuts!

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Mushaboo Posts : 2,165 Registered: 3/22/08
FH flashes my ring everywhere, and it drives me nuts!
Posted: Jun 26, 2008 8:13 PM

First, I want to set this up the right way.  I'm also not trying to say "haha, my ring is better than you" or "I'm embarrassed by my ring, FH, or getting married." 

Here's the story.  FH is manager of a restaurant so he has lots of servers/kitchen staff that I haven't met.  So, tonight when I go in to drop something off to him at the job, I meet a new server.  FH says, "Server, this is my fiancé."  I extend my hand to shake hers and say, "Hi, I'm Ginger."  Before I get the words out of my mouth, he's grabbing my left hand and saying, "look at my gift to my girl.  See, I have good taste."  We obviously had that uncomfortable girl moment because at the same time he's showing off my 3 carat rock (that looks bigger in person because it has an elevated mount), I notice that she's also sporting a diamond.  She saw me glance at her hand and sticks it behind her back (probably because it was a super small stone and she felt self conscious).  Then she says, "Oh, it's so pretty.  Really nice.  REALLY, it is."  I tell her thanks and mouth "I'm sorry" to her.  She sees I'm embarrassed and says that it was nice to meet me.

This happens all the time.  Hardly before I get my name out of my mouth, he’s grabbing my hand.  Now, for all of you who are familiar with FH and I, you know that this isn’t done out of arrogance by FH.  I don’t know why he does it.  I know if I said something to him that it would hurt his feelings.  I’m just not a person who buys something new and then goes flashing it around so it’s kind of weird to have my hand stuck in people’s faces all the time.  It's not just his staff, it's everyone....his friends- everyone.

 

Anyone else have your FH do anything similar?    

 


http://www.mywedding.com/robertandginger

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stargazer9 Posts : 448 Registered: 12/20/06
Re: FH flashes my ring everywhere, and it drives me nuts!
Posted: Jun 26, 2008 8:21 PM Go to message in response to: Mushaboo

DH never did this to me but maybe FH is just excited to be engaged and doesn't realize his enthusiasm is a little overdone and coming across wrong???

Sorry about that, not sure what to say other than to talk to him about it or maybe have someone in his family tactfully say something to him about it.  Hope it works out for ya. 


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auntofthebride Posts : 9,354 Registered: 4/2/06
Re: FH flashes my ring everywhere, and it drives me nuts!
Posted: Jun 26, 2008 9:01 PM Go to message in response to: Mushaboo

Dear Mushaboo,

Let him do it for the first few, exciting, weeks of your engagement. After a while, you might ask him to tone it down a bit.

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ArtBride Posts : 4,838 Registered: 5/9/07
Re: FH flashes my ring everywhere, and it drives me nuts!
Posted: Jun 27, 2008 7:27 AM Go to message in response to: Mushaboo

I'm sure he's just excited, which is nice. He'll probably stop doing it in a couple months. 

I definitely get it, though - that would really annoy me, too. I don't see anything wrong with having a little chat with him about TACT...tell him that you love your ring and you love his enthusiasm, but since it's a larger-than-average stone, you're uncomfortable flashing it around and don't want others to feel bad or to think that you're doing it to brag. You can also point out that it's hard NOT to notice it regardless of whether he flashes it in people's faces. Once he sees a few people ask to see your ring (without him showing it to them) and he sees that they have the same reaction to it, he won't feel like he NEEDS to flash it.


DaisypathWedding Ticker

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FALLbrideINLOVE Posts : 1,056 Registered: 3/30/07
Re: FH flashes my ring everywhere, and it drives me nuts!
Posted: Jun 27, 2008 8:50 AM Go to message in response to: Mushaboo

i would definitely talk with him about it.  not only could it be making others uncomfortable it sounds like it makes him look insecure as in he gave you the ring to prove something.  (that he is good enough, etc.)

 

not trying to be mean you seem nice and you should both be proud of your wedding jewelry, just adding an outside perspective. 



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MsDenuninani Posts : 3,962 Registered: 3/16/07
Re: FH flashes my ring everywhere, and it drives me nuts!
Posted: Jun 27, 2008 9:53 AM Go to message in response to: Mushaboo

On the few occasions when my hubby insisted that I show my ring to someone, I indulged him and said something like "He's very proud.  He picked it out all by himself."  Hard to explain, but I try to give the impression that this is really about how happy he is to have picked the ring out and to have picked out such a beautiful ring by himself.

I don't blame you for being embarassed, because it is kind of embarassing.  But ultimately, I agree with Aunt that you should just let him be for awhile, but if it goes on for too long, you may ask him to tone it down.  

I think it's natural for people to want to show off their rings.  It's kinda fun early on.  I also think reasonable people will understand that.  I have met plenty of women with larger rings than mine, and it has never made me feel like my ring is any less beautiful, and it shouldn't make anyone who sees your ring feel that way either.  


__________________________________________
"I'm asking you to believe.  Not just in my ability to bring about real change in Washington. . .I'm asking you to believe in yours." - Barack Obama

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MrsCP3 Posts : 456 Registered: 4/21/08
Re: FH flashes my ring everywhere, and it drives me nuts!
Posted: Jun 27, 2008 10:00 AM Go to message in response to: Mushaboo

I agree with the PPs, you just need to talk to him about it.

FH hasn't done this but my mom has. I stopped by her work the other day and so she wanted to parade me around to meet everyone (which is a little awkward and embarrassing anyway) but she lead my around by my left hand, shoving it in everyone's faces when I met them. Luckily her office is pretty tight-knit and they know how excited she is that I'm marrying an amazing guy, but it was super embarrassing so I kinda know where you're coming from. 

I had a very nice "I'm so happy you're this excited, but..." talk with her and it went very well, for whatever reason, she didn't even realize how rude she was being at the time! 


 

 

 

 

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diannamarie Posts : 4 Registered: 6/26/08
Re: FH flashes my ring everywhere, and it drives me nuts!
Posted: Jun 27, 2008 11:01 AM Go to message in response to: Mushaboo

I feel its important to mention that having a gentle talk depending on his personality is possible. Saying very sweetly honey could I ask you for a favor? When you introduce me to other women, could you be a bit more sensitive to their fingers? Most women will never have a ring this amazing and I sense they feel inadequate when you flash my perfect ring around. They totally see it anyway honey.

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UltimatePink Posts : 367 Registered: 10/15/07
Re: FH flashes my ring everywhere, and it drives me nuts!
Posted: Jun 27, 2008 11:14 AM Go to message in response to: Mushaboo

I understand it's embarassing. My FBIL actually does that to his FW and I think she's secretly embarassed too. He got her a lovely ring that 3/4 carats and I know he's proud of it, but he tends to show it off to those that have much larger rings and I can see her being uncomfortable with that. My FH can clearly see that so I never had to deal with it directly.

I really love my ring but I'm probably like you - and don't show it unless I'm asked. I think maybe ride it out and maybe when it gets excessive you'll need to have a chat with FH about it.


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Mushaboo Posts : 2,165 Registered: 3/22/08
Re: FH flashes my ring everywhere, and it drives me nuts!
Posted: Jun 27, 2008 11:17 AM Go to message in response to: ArtBride

Thank you guys for all the responses.  I'll mention it to him once I figure out what to say. 

The think is we've been engaged for over 6 months now.  I wouldn't say the excitement about being engaged and getting married has worn off. 

I just don't want to seem snooty to people I don't know.  They don't know me.  They could think I'm a gold digger or something.  lol  I've got 3 strikes against me before I even open my mouth with his employees.  1. I have a stripper name.  2. I'm blonde and tall. 3. I'm sleeping with their boss.  That screams witch to me! hahaha

 


http://www.mywedding.com/robertandginger

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sweetie01494 Posts : 73 Registered: 2/17/08
Re: FH flashes my ring everywhere, and it drives me nuts!
Posted: Jul 4, 2008 2:38 AM Go to message in response to: Mushaboo

I completely understand how this can be frustrating. My FH does the same thing. We went to a family get together shortly after we were engaged and he was grabbing my hand the whole time showing off the ring.

  I know that he is really excited and proud of the amazing job that he did while picking out the ring. It is literally cream of the crop in all four C's and 1.29 carats...I couldn't be more proud of my honey.  He teases me that I don't even show off m ring and I should, but I guess I just prefer not to be so flashy. I know that my ring is gorgeous! But for instance, I went to lunch with a girlfriend  who is married and has a really small diamond so I didn't feel the need to flash my diamond since she didn't ask. Noth that I am not proud of him...I just felt like I may make her feel bad. Guess that I am just too considerate for other people.


DaisypathWedding Ticker

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2BBauer Posts : 478 Registered: 12/15/07
Re: FH flashes my ring everywhere, and it drives me nuts!
Posted: Jul 4, 2008 3:09 AM Go to message in response to: sweetie01494

Sweetie- To believe that everyone who has a smaller ring then you will feel bad by seeing your ring is ridiculous!  I don't think you are being too considerate, I think you are being condescending.

I can understand being uncomfortable with FH physically sticking your hand in people's faces, and I can understand not showing off your ring to someone who hasn't asked to see it, I totally get that.

I'm just saying that assuming women with smaller sized diamonds will feel badly about their rings because your ring is larger is crazy!  I have a smaller size diamond but I LOVE MY RING!  I would not trade it for something ten times it's size. 

Assuming that someone will feel bad about their own ring because your's is larger is then assuming that they are not secure with their own ring and that they will be jealous of you.  Not everyone wants a large diamond.  I for one would not be jealous of you and would not feel badly about my ring.


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sweetie01494 Posts : 73 Registered: 2/17/08
Re: FH flashes my ring everywhere, and it drives me nuts!
Posted: Jul 4, 2008 3:57 PM Go to message in response to: 2BBauer

Wow Bauer...thanks for being judgemental. Let me clarify since your attitude makes it an obvious necessity. I don't feel the need to push my ring in anyone's face though I am estatic and overjoyed with it. I think that this is being considerate and classy. And no where did I state that "everyone" with a smaller ring would feel bad. That would be a foolish, ego driven statement.

 Secondly I KNOW (which obviously you wouldn't as this is a message board and I was merely posting an incident) that my girlfriend is NOT happy with her ring. She loves the style (3 stone) but is not happy with the size. So, thanks for you condescending attitude, but I was being considerate of her feelings knowing that she is not happy with her ring right now but plans to upgrade considerably in another five years. Thanks for your input.

Like I said before, I just try to be considerate of the fact that although I may be over the moon with my ring...other people may not care as much or need to see my ring. Hence not thrusting it in their faces if they haven't asked to see it!


DaisypathWedding Ticker

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2BBauer Posts : 478 Registered: 12/15/07
Re: FH flashes my ring everywhere, and it drives me nuts!
Posted: Jul 4, 2008 8:19 PM Go to message in response to: sweetie01494

Sweetie- I apologize, I was not trying to be judgemental or condescending.  It was just the comment you made that you must be too considerate of other people's feelings that came off wrong to me.  To me it read "anyone who has a smaller ring will be jealous of mine."

AGAIN, I apologize.  Maybe if you had stated in the first post how your friend has told you she is uncomfortable about the size of her ring I would have understanded what you meant better. 

 And if you re-read my first post I said that I understand and get not thrusting your ring in people's faces.  I just wanted to let you know that not everyone with a small ring is embarrased by it.


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Amaryillis Posts : 139 Registered: 6/10/08
Re: FH flashes my ring everywhere, and it drives me nuts!
Posted: Jul 4, 2008 8:26 PM Go to message in response to: Mushaboo

a. your guy is tacky, b. your guy is bragging, or c. (most likely of the 3) your guy is letting the whole world know that you belong to him - he's excited about the hand the ring is on
Have a blessed day!Cool

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