Cancelled wedding two days before. NEW update page 3

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bridegonecrazy Posts : 114 Registered: 11/29/07
Cancelled wedding two days before. NEW update page 3
Posted: Jun 30, 2008 12:22 PM

Okay so on Friday....FFIL announced to FMIL via e-mail that he wanted a divorce.  They have been married for over 30 years.  Did I mention that we are getting married in less than 2 weeks??  FH is really upset.  I am being there for him and trying to be there for him and the rest of the family.  FMIL is really upset, rightfully so.  FFIL isn't talking to anyone so we're not sure of the motive.  FH doesn't even want to talk to FFIL, completely understandable.  FH is now going on about how he is like FFIL and is terrified he'll do the same thing to me.  I am being there for everyone but I just want to smack FFIL and ask him why he couldn't wait 2 weeks to destroy the family if he just HAD to do this. And then smack him for what he's putting FH and FIL's through. We are getting married in our hometown and now we aren't looking forward to it.  FH is just really depressed and doesn't want to talk.  He snaps at me, anything I say is turned into I don't care about his family.  For example, last night I asked what he wanted for dinner and I started fixing it and asked if he wanted garlic on it, somehow it got turned into I'm a huge bitch that only thinks about herself.  I know he didn't mean it but it still hurt.

Sorry I just needed to vent.  There was already drama with my family, I just didn't want to FH to be embarrassed about family as well.  I wouldn't wish that on anyone.  Again, sorry I just needed to get it all out!


Message was edited by: bridegonecrazy Message was edited by: bridegonecrazy

Message was edited by: bridegonecrazy

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ArtBride Posts : 4,838 Registered: 5/9/07
Re: Now the drama is with FH family (A Vent..I'm sorry)
Posted: Jun 30, 2008 12:37 PM Go to message in response to: bridegonecrazy

Wow - sorry this is all happening right before your wedding! I would be smacking people left and right and telling them to behave themselves for 2 more weeks! Hopefully most of the drama will settle down after the wedding.

Well, I'd try to stay out of it as much as possible. It doesn't sound like your FH is dealing with the stress very well. Have you ever talked about taking your stress out on one another? DH and I used to do it, but after having a long talk about it and some practice, we've gotten pretty good at avoiding it - or at least identifying when we're doing it and apologizing. You might have to say, 'Look, FH - I'm sorry that X has happened and I appreciate that you are upset about it, but it is NOT my fault and there's nothing I can do to change it, so please direct your anger towards the appropriate person!'

The best you can really do is to separate the fighting parties during the wedding. Hopefully they'll have the maturity to pull it together and be civil to one another for your sakes. If not, feel free to REMIND them that the day is not about them or their argument.


DaisypathWedding Ticker

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Mushaboo Posts : 2,165 Registered: 3/22/08
Re: Now the drama is with FH family (A Vent..I'm sorry)
Posted: Jun 30, 2008 12:40 PM Go to message in response to: bridegonecrazy

As you mentioned it's a vent, I won't offer "you should or he should" anything.  I'll just say I'm sorry.  FFIL did pick the worst time to announce this.  Perhaps he's one that is prone to drama?  I don't have any other good explanation.

It's good that you understand FH attacks aren't personal.  You're a better woman than me for that.  I hate when FH is upset and always try to fix it.  I'll keep you in my thoughts. 


http://www.mywedding.com/robertandginger

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stargazer9 Posts : 448 Registered: 12/20/06
Re: Now the drama is with FH family (A Vent..I'm sorry)
Posted: Jun 30, 2008 1:16 PM Go to message in response to: bridegonecrazy

I'm so sorry that this is happening to you guys and to FH's family especially his mom.  That's so sad to break up a marriage two weeks before a new one begins, it puts everyone in a sad mood.

As was said before I would just try to stay out of things as much as you can.  Let FH know that you are there for him if he ever wants to talk or needs someone to listen but then don't mention the situation on your own or he may feel you're pressuring him to talk about it when he's not ready.  He probably doesn't really want to believe it's true and no one will want to obviously so give it time and hopefully in two weeks there will be some understanding and communication going on.

When FH gets upset or takes his stress out on you I would try to always continue to remember that it's not you, it's not personal.  Just tell him you understand that he is stressed and that this is awful and you are going to try your hardest to be the best fiance/wife you can for the next while and are going to take care of him best you can so that he doesn't have anything else to worry him at this hard time.  You appreciate that he must be hurting and you couldn't imagine what it must feel like but that if he ever ever wants to talk you're there but you aren't gonna press him and that while you understand he's stressed you want to keep the lines of communication open as best you can so that you don't end up channelling the stress you're under into pithy arguments and hurtful words to each other.

Let time heal this wound and try your hardest to just be there for him as much as you can for the next while, the same with FMIL even if you've had disagreements in the past (not sure if you have or not) and expect her to be way more emotional and probably a little sadder on the wedding day than she would've been normally.  It will probably remind her of her wedding day and that her marriage is coming to an end.

Hope you can handle the next couple weeks and that your wedding goes as best as it can under the circumstances! 


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auntofthebride Posts : 9,354 Registered: 4/2/06
Re: Now the drama is with FH family (A Vent..I'm sorry)
Posted: Jun 30, 2008 6:58 PM Go to message in response to: bridegonecrazy

Dear Bride gone crazy,

I can see why you're going crazy.

You need intensive, immediate intervention between you and FH, or you'll both drive each other nuts. I suggest you see a marital counselor and spend some time in a neutral, supportive environment. I seriously thing both of you need to get some stuff sorted out before taking the giant committment of marriage.

I really feel for your FH. That's a terrible blow, and during what is a happy, but stressful, time for him.

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serendipity3033 Posts : 363 Registered: 5/11/06
Re: Now the drama is with FH family (A Vent..I'm sorry)
Posted: Jun 30, 2008 9:44 PM Go to message in response to: auntofthebride

an email???? after 30 years?????  Undecided  and 2 weeks before your wedding??? what an ass.  Feel free to vent.  I can only imagine what you are going through.

 

 

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LochNessie Posts : 1,631 Registered: 4/2/07
Re: Now the drama is with FH family (A Vent..I'm sorry)
Posted: Jul 3, 2008 10:12 PM Go to message in response to: serendipity3033

Bridegonecrazy,

I am so sorry you're dealing with this.  Feel free to vent any time.  You'll be in my thoughts, as will FH and FMIL.

-Ness


Check out my work bridal blog: http://vclarke.encblogs.com.  I also need to come up with a name for it!  Who wants to help? 

Take a look at what I've got. I can't promise you a lot, but you and me and the road ahead. - Tom Petty and the Heartbreakers

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PharmToxGirl Posts : 5,446 Registered: 8/30/07
Re: Now the drama is with FH family (A Vent..I'm sorry)
Posted: Jul 3, 2008 11:13 PM Go to message in response to: bridegonecrazy

I SO feel for you so close to your wedding, in fact, your wedding is probably this weekend.  

So I hope things have evened out between then and now. 

Best wishes!! 


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futuremrsperry Posts : 1,904 Registered: 4/23/06
Re: Now the drama is with FH family (A Vent..I'm sorry)
Posted: Jul 4, 2008 4:37 PM Go to message in response to: bridegonecrazy

Wow, I'm sorry this happened!! FFIL has some sense of timing doesn't he.  What you need to do is remind FH that you are there for him and love him.  Tell him when he is ready to talk about it you are there.

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bridegonecrazy Posts : 114 Registered: 11/29/07
Re: Now the drama is with FH family (A Vent..I'm sorry)
Posted: Jul 5, 2008 10:08 AM Go to message in response to: futuremrsperry

UPDATE: 

So we leave tomorrow to go home for the wedding next Saturday. FH is not looking forward to going but just got a promotion so he's in a better mood.  I made up schedules for everyone in the family and WP and e-mailed them out.  I sent one to FFIL, the e-mail was straight forward, didn't include anything like how I feel about him.  Just a note here is the schedule and map to the chapel, that sort of thing.  FFIL then calls FMIL and gets her to get FH to call FFIL because FFIL is saying that I don't want him at the wedding.  FH had seen the e-mail and called FFIL trying to figure it out.  It was just a rouse to for him to tell FH how selfish FH is being in not understanding what happened.  Good Lord, just one week and then we don't have to deal with this as much.  Just one week.  I just wanted to get married to FH not deal with this.  I will never understand why FFIL is crapping all over FH like this.  FH parents have been married for over 30 years, the bastard couldn't wait 3 weeks to do this???  Sorry, just still upset.   Just gotta to get to next Saturday.


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bridegonecrazy Posts : 114 Registered: 11/29/07
Now the drama is with FH family (A Vent..I'm sorry) UPDATE
Posted: Jul 29, 2008 1:12 PM Go to message in response to: bridegonecrazy

Wedding didn't happen.  Just too numb.  Sorry.

Message was edited by: bridegonecrazy

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auntofthebride Posts : 9,354 Registered: 4/2/06
Re: Now the drama is with FH family (A Vent..I'm sorry) UPDATE
Posted: Jul 29, 2008 1:14 PM Go to message in response to: bridegonecrazy

Dear BGC,

Poor you. I bet you feel numb. I would, too.

I often recommend professional counseling to members of this board, and think that might be a good suggestion for you, too. You've been through an emotional roller coaster. Why not explore your feelings and emotions in a professional, supportive environment with someone trained to help?

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MrsPaul Posts : 186 Registered: 1/15/08
Re: Now the drama is with FH family (A Vent..I'm sorry) UPDATE
Posted: Jul 29, 2008 1:56 PM Go to message in response to: bridegonecrazy

Oh wow.  I am so so very sorry.  I don't even know what to say.  I wish you all the best and hope that everything comes together for you.  Your in my thoughts...  Good luck.

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PharmToxGirl Posts : 5,446 Registered: 8/30/07
Re: Now the drama is with FH family (A Vent..I'm sorry) UPDATE
Posted: Jul 29, 2008 2:03 PM Go to message in response to: bridegonecrazy

BGC-  I'm so sorry.  If you feel like talking, we're here.  AOTB had a really good suggestion with counseling.


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auntofthebride Posts : 9,354 Registered: 4/2/06
Re: Now the drama is with FH family (A Vent..I'm sorry) UPDATE
Posted: Jul 29, 2008 2:04 PM Go to message in response to: bridegonecrazy

Dear Gone Crazy,

Can you picture yourself, some 10 years in the future, saying sincerely "I dodged a bullet!"?

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