Step dad's role in the wedding

Online Users: 1,265 guest(s), 1 user(s). Replies: 11


JenDub Posts : 5 Registered: 4/17/08
Step dad's role in the wedding
Posted: Jun 27, 2008 11:48 PM

Hello! I am just curious if anyone has ideas about how to involve my step father in my wedding in some way. My dad will be walking me down the aisle, and we will have the father/daughter dance as well. I was thinking maybe my step dad could do a reading or something during the ceremony and maybe a toast at the reception. All thoughts are welcome Smile

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FinallyMrsS Posts : 1,035 Registered: 3/29/08
Re: Step dad's role in the wedding
Posted: Jun 27, 2008 11:52 PM Go to message in response to: JenDub

How important to you is your step dad? My sister had her step dad walk her part way down the aisle then he dad took over and walked her down the last half of the aisle. My friend did a father daughter dance with her step dad because he is a big part of her life. If your step dad is not that important to you, then having him do a reading or give a toast would be perfect.

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JenDub Posts : 5 Registered: 4/17/08
Re: Step dad's role in the wedding
Posted: Jun 27, 2008 11:57 PM Go to message in response to: FinallyMrsS

My step dad is important to me, but we have not always gotten along. Mostly I want to involve him in our wedding somehow- and my mom is making a big deal of it. My dad would not like it if my step dad walked me down the aisle at all though.

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FinallyMrsS Posts : 1,035 Registered: 3/29/08
Re: Step dad's role in the wedding
Posted: Jun 28, 2008 12:01 AM Go to message in response to: JenDub

Well maybe you could do a dance with your step dad and also give him a chance to do a reading or give a speech. Tell your mom and dad it is your wedding and if either of them feel like your step dad is not being given enough to do or too much to do. Remind them whos wedding it actually is and leave it at that! After all it is your(and FH) big day!

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JenDub Posts : 5 Registered: 4/17/08
Re: Step dad's role in the wedding
Posted: Jun 28, 2008 12:05 AM Go to message in response to: FinallyMrsS

Thanks! That's great advice! Do you think it would be weird to have a father/daughter dance with both my dad and stepdad??

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FinallyMrsS Posts : 1,035 Registered: 3/29/08
Re: Step dad's role in the wedding
Posted: Jun 28, 2008 1:10 AM Go to message in response to: JenDub

Not agt all! But if you are concerned about it tell your step dad to pick a song to dance to then ask the dj to play it at some time in the evening. It doesnt have to be announced to your guests, but then you and your step dad will know it is a song for you two. But you also could have it announced. My friend did and it only seemed natural. It would have been wierd if she didnt do it.

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stargazer9 Posts : 448 Registered: 12/20/06
Re: Step dad's role in the wedding
Posted: Jun 28, 2008 1:18 AM Go to message in response to: JenDub

I agree, having a specific dance with your stepdad would not be weird at all if he is important to you and you want to involve him.  And like was said if it would make a huge issue you don't have to announce it.  Having him say a speech would also be very nice and I'm sure that your dad would have no problem with a simple speech on your step dad's part, as long as he didn't go overboard like talking about how he loved raising you and how you're his little girl or something.  Both ideas are great!

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auntofthebride Posts : 9,354 Registered: 4/2/06
Re: Step dad's role in the wedding
Posted: Jun 28, 2008 1:26 AM Go to message in response to: JenDub

Dear JenDub,

Lots of couples involve step-parents in the ceremony.

Your father will escort you down the aisle, which is great, but there are lots of other things that a stepfather can do. He can read from the Bible or a chosen bit of poetry or prose. He can light a candle. You might get all parents, bio- and step- to all light candles as a sign of the diversity of the family. 

The "usual" order for the special dances usually goes something like this:

1. Bride and groom
2. Bride and her father, groom and his mother
3. Bride and new FIL, groom and new MIL
4. Grandparents, other relatives, etc. and open the floor for all guests.

I'd say create 3a which would be Bride and Stepfather. Groom continues with your mother.

Bear in mind that the special dances, other than B&G, shouldn't be that long. They should be only a portion of a song, else you'll go on forever with the guests just sitting there getting bored.

Pick out your special dance songs, then ask the DJ to only play parts. When the song changes, change partners.

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Amaryillis Posts : 139 Registered: 6/10/08
Re: Step dad's role in the wedding
Posted: Jun 28, 2008 8:45 AM Go to message in response to: JenDub

Dear, you've stated what your mom would like and your dad wouldn't like - what about YOU!?   I have had brides in this situation who have opted to have BOTH walk her down the aisle and brides who have opted for their mother to escort her - perhaps you could make certain that your stepfather is acknowledged in another way - as host at the cermony, (perhaps with your stepmom if you have one) or perhaps, rather than an usher, HE could escort your mother down the aisle.  These are ideas that have worked for brides who's weddings I have designed and they went beautifully.
Have a blessed day!Cool

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NewMrsSass Posts : 722 Registered: 12/31/06
Re: Step dad's role in the wedding
Posted: Jun 28, 2008 9:16 AM Go to message in response to: JenDub

I think your ideas are good ones, Jen.  A reading, proceeded by "the bride's stepfather will now read..." to make sure everyone knows who he is and his importance.  And have him do a blessing/toast/speech right before the meal.  Don't forget to include him on the invitation if you are listing the parents names (don't worry about figuring out how to word it yourself...there are plenty of websites you can find that do that...or just ask AuntoftheBride, she knows all of that stuff).

formerly SoonToBeSassano

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JenDub Posts : 5 Registered: 4/17/08
Re: Step dad's role in the wedding
Posted: Jun 28, 2008 2:58 PM Go to message in response to: NewMrsSass

Thank you all for your great ideas Smile Now I have lots of options!

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Jollywa Posts : 1 Registered: 8/14/13
Re: Step dad's role in the wedding
Posted: Aug 14, 2013 2:59 PM Go to message in response to: Amaryillis

What exactly would a "host at the ceremony" do? It will be a wedding in a Catholic Church? Isn't it the priest who controls the events? I have not seen a 'host' at a wedding, so I am not sure what is meant. But we are trying to find a role for the stepfather, since the father objects to sharing the "giving away" of the bride. Partly because of how the split occurred (the step dad was in the picture prior to the divorce) and partly because the bride was essentially grown when the stepdad came on the scene. She was 17 when the divorce occurred and is 27 now.

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