What age do you think is too young to get married?

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sweetbride09 Posts : 23 Registered: 9/30/07
What age do you think is too young to get married?
Posted: Jun 25, 2008 9:42 AM

I'm just curious to see what everyone else thinks.  Im 35 years old and I'm finally tieing the knot.  I know there is no age limit on marriage but I feel like I waited too long to get married.  My Neices and Nephews are getting married around the same time as me for crying out loud! lol!  I guess I should explain a little more to my story as to why I asked this question. 

I've been with my guy for about 8 years.  I guess at first I wanted to get married but he never asked me.  I sometimes wished we would of got engaged when I was 30 and were having kids right now.   I feel wrong feeling this way because I always felt that when the time is right the time is right.  Now I'm 35 and just getting married.  I'm ready for a family and I just feel if I would of got married at the age 30 that we would have a family now...


susan

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Love2u Posts : 1,661 Registered: 10/24/07
Re: What age do you think is too young to get married?
Posted: Jun 25, 2008 9:55 AM Go to message in response to: sweetbride09

Wow!  This should be an interesting day!  I've got to make sure and visit here to watch the fireworks.....

Sweet, You never can tell what life will offer you.  If you got married at an earlier age, it doesn't mean that you would have had kids by now.  God works in mysterious ways.  You are marrying the man you love now, so now is the right time.

I'm not so concerned about the age as the experience, but in general, I think most women are 24-25 before they have what I consider to be the minimum experience required to have a successful marriage.  Before everyone starts hopping up and down, please consider that this is my opinion based on 20 years of adult experience (defined as living outside of my parents' home and without their financial support). 

I think that no woman should get married before she has lived on her own and supported herself for at least 2 years.  I think she should know how to change a flat tire, check her oil, and balance her checkbook (regardless of whether she does it or not), and be able to sit at home on a Friday night, reading a book or watching TV without thinking that she is missing out.  I think she should be at a point where she realizes that she's not just an extension of a man and that she doesn't "need" someone in her life, she just wants them.  A woman is ready to get married when she doesn't just have a plan for her life, but she is actively involved in achieving her plan.


Love2uKiss

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CaribbeanBride08 Posts : 1,474 Registered: 6/13/07
Re: What age do you think is too young to get married?
Posted: Jun 25, 2008 10:00 AM Go to message in response to: Love2u

I completely agree with Love2u.  It's not so much about age but more about a level of maturity and independence. 


Slideshow of our wedding photos: 

http://s199.photobucket.com/albums/aa135/tobiandbrian/Wedding%20Photos/?action=view¤t=cb216606.pbr

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sweetbride09 Posts : 23 Registered: 9/30/07
Re: What age do you think is too young to get married?
Posted: Jun 25, 2008 10:08 AM Go to message in response to: CaribbeanBride08

I do agree and I do think that is why we waited as long as we did.  I know that children are in my future.  Its just the relatives saying wow susan its finally your turn.  Your finally getting married.  FH and I wanted to get our lives together and eventhough by age 30 we were both done with school and I was ready to settle down he wasn't.  I am glad that its finally happening and I'm glad that I had waited I guess the comments from our families are getting to me but I guess I need to push them aside.
susan

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CyclistLover Posts : 1,183 Registered: 7/9/07
Re: What age do you think is too young to get married?
Posted: Jun 25, 2008 10:21 AM Go to message in response to: sweetbride09

Depends on the people involved.  I know 40 year olds that are still very immature, and I know 20 somethings that are wise beyond their years, I forget their age when I talk to them.

Happiness is a puppy greeting you at the door

AND

Llama Jjamas

 

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futuremrsperry Posts : 1,904 Registered: 4/23/06
Re: What age do you think is too young to get married?
Posted: Jun 25, 2008 10:27 AM Go to message in response to: sweetbride09

For me getting married at 25 was prefect.  Dh and I were together 5 years before we got married.  I have family and friends who think we were "rushing things" or were "too young" like Grandma, and I have family and friends who said "finally!".   I really think people should wait until after college or at least after they turn 21 to get married.  You change so much between 18 and 21, or at least I did.  But that's just me.

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Knoxvegas Posts : 951 Registered: 9/12/07
Re: What age do you think is too young to get married?
Posted: Jun 25, 2008 10:32 AM Go to message in response to: sweetbride09

It's more about who the person is rather than the number. There are some young brides (as in under 30) that are really ready and some older brides who are not. 

When it becomes an issue is when the bride thinks she HAS to get married by a certain age and jumps into it unprepared.  


"Love is not a matter of counting the years -- it's making the years count."

-Wolfman Jack Smith

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MsDenuninani Posts : 3,962 Registered: 3/16/07
Re: What age do you think is too young to get married?
Posted: Jun 25, 2008 10:39 AM Go to message in response to: CyclistLover

If I could make the rule, no woman would get married before 23.  And she wouldn't have kids before 25.

If I had a daughter, I wouldn't want her to get married before age 25 -- and after 27 would be ideal.  I believe that there is a tremendous amount of pressure for women to get married, and I want to make sure she isn't settling for the life that is expected rather than the one she wants.  And she won't know what she wants until she has time to experience what is out there.  For me, it's more than maturity and paying your own bills -- it's about seeing the world and its vast opportunities.  It's about having some time making decisions based on what "I" want before you have to make decisions based on what "we" want.  I think all women are entitled to that time for themselves, and should take it and enjoy it.


__________________________________________
"I'm asking you to believe.  Not just in my ability to bring about real change in Washington. . .I'm asking you to believe in yours." - Barack Obama

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CaribbeanBride08 Posts : 1,474 Registered: 6/13/07
Re: What age do you think is too young to get married?
Posted: Jun 25, 2008 10:49 AM Go to message in response to: sweetbride09

Susan,  I think your family is just trying to be funny and it's rubbing you the wrong way.  Just let it slide!  This was my first marriage and I'll be 40 in three months.  Trust me, I get the same type of comments as you're getting.  You just can't let it get to you.


Slideshow of our wedding photos: 

http://s199.photobucket.com/albums/aa135/tobiandbrian/Wedding%20Photos/?action=view¤t=cb216606.pbr

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sweetbride09 Posts : 23 Registered: 9/30/07
Re: What age do you think is too young to get married?
Posted: Jun 25, 2008 11:07 AM Go to message in response to: CaribbeanBride08

CaribbranBride

I think your right.  I think that it does depend on when you are ready and maybe FH knew it wasn't time and waited until he knew it was the right time.  I do think that girls shouldn't just jump into marriage because it usually(not saying all the time) ends up in a divorce.  I'm a lawyer and I've seen some pretty ugly divorce settlement cases.  I know this is the right time and thanks Caribbeanbride I never thought of those comments as a joke I guess I can kinda be uptight at times.


susan

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Belle1154 Posts : 235 Registered: 11/2/06
Re: What age do you think is too young to get married?
Posted: Jun 25, 2008 11:15 AM Go to message in response to: sweetbride09

My DH's 13 year old cousin just texted me and told me her boyfriend "purposed."

That is probably too young ;-)

 

seriously tho...I think it depends on the person and what they want to do in life.  I got married at 21 (DH was 22) and it was perfect for us.  I had finished school we both had jobs and we had been dating a while.   I have known 18 year olds who have worked out great and some that are nuts.  I definitely would suggest that one finish some sort of post high school degree (bachelor's, associates, certification, whatever,)  travel out of the country (or go on some adventure in the country) at least once, and do one crazy "single-person" thing (mine was living in NYC for a semester, working a part-time job at a Bway theater...I would never want to do that for a living but it was amazing while it lasted.)  I think that puts the emphasis on experience rather than age.


 

"I am my beloved's and my beloved is mine..."

I marry my prince on April 19, 2008

 http://weddings.partyspace.com/dianaallen

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BoysMissLady Posts : 932 Registered: 1/18/07
Re: What age do you think is too young to get married?
Posted: Jun 25, 2008 11:34 AM Go to message in response to: Belle1154

He purposed?  CTFU!!  Yeah, that is definitely too young.

Unfortunately, in many cultures 13 and 14 year olds do get married long before their bodies and minds are able to handle the pressure of marriage.  It also makes teaching in the classroom hell.  A friend of mine was a sub at a middle school and several students were married.  When they misbehave what do you do, tell them that you are going to call their husband?  I mean seriously.  I do know that many years ago, when people mostly lived on farms and needed children to work them, women got married very early.  Many times a man would be 23 and his bride would be 14.  But there was a purpose for that.  But also during those times, many women died giving birth, so...there you go.

I did think that I'd be married early.  My mother had me at 22 almost 23, and I've always been grateful to have a relatively young mother b/c she is very active.  But she was extremely mature and had lived on her own and all of that.

I still have an 'idea' of when I'd like to be married, but I know that I wasn't ready when I was 22.  Honestly, I don't care what the argument is, I do not think any 18-21 year old is REALLY ready to be married.  You may feel like you are.  You may have 'fallen in love'.  But there are two things I've learned since my early 20s:  1.) Feelings are FICKLE, and 2.) Love is a CHOICE!  And the person I thought that I'd 'fallen in love' with literally started to make me sick just looking at him.


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Beachwed Posts : 782 Registered: 9/19/06
Re: What age do you think is too young to get married?
Posted: Jun 25, 2008 11:43 AM Go to message in response to: sweetbride09

Depends on the person/couple and their maturity. I am 25 and got married at 24, people say that we were too young but then they get to know us and realize how strong, independent and mature we are for our age. We dated for 8 years, went to separate colleges to gain more independence and "find ourselves" and we both lived on our own so we know how to survive without the other person. We just prefer to share all of our experiences together, we feel we've earned that. On the contrary, I know people my age who got married just because college was done, they felt it was the "right thing to do" and now they're miserable, as they thought more of the wedding than the marriage that came afterwards.

I will say that I grew a lot from when I first met my husband to where we are now, and so I personally can't imagine getting married at 17 or 18. But there are people who truly are mature enough, I know I wasn't though. But there's also people much older who will admit they aren't ready to marry, it just depends on the person.

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Jackswife Posts : 24 Registered: 11/25/07
Re: What age do you think is too young to get married?
Posted: Jun 25, 2008 12:00 PM Go to message in response to: sweetbride09

Be prepared for some strong opinions in the 21 and under group!

We know that no one is telling us how to live our lives, that no one can judge our life choices without knowing us and that no number of details about our lives we give you will ever truly paint the picture of what our lives are really like. So there's no use at trying to defend my choice with reasons and excuses...

Although to sum it up me and FH have been together for nearly 6 years, we are very independent from our families and when we came to University together we kind of 'moved out' in a sense and haven't lived at home at all for over a year. We are moving into our first home together this weekend, having not lives together at all yet.

We are marrying in 9 days, us both aged 21, by ourselves in a private simple wedding and are as happy and in love as the day we started dating in Nov 2002. We have many wonderful and some tragic life experiences between us that we have faced together and are wise beyond our years as many of our friends point out to us in awe!

We are pretty much against the norm where I live in the UK with most couples we know putting their careers first and seeing how things go with their relationships but since day 1 we have made the choice to tackle life's ups and downs together as a couple and we have come out really strong and happy people.

It's probably difficult to comprehend for those who look back at what they were like at 21 and who would advise that you shouldn't be getting married until at least 25 (as a PP said). I think that whenever any of us get married in our lives we are blessed to have met someone that we love and want to spend the rest of our lives with and other people's decision to marry is none of my business whatever age they are.

Good luck ladies with married life and congrats!


Married to the love of my life on July 5th 2008!

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Amaryillis Posts : 139 Registered: 6/10/08
Re: What age do you think is too young to get married?
Posted: Jun 25, 2008 12:08 PM Go to message in response to: sweetbride09

My own dear husband was 50 when we married.  One of his brothers stopped me at our rehearsal dinner and said "I thought he was gay."  to which I replied "He is a lesbian" Laughing  After we exchanged vows and he and my children exchanged vows and the pastor said "you may kiss your wife" my hubby wiped away a tear and said "I've waited 50 years for this" and kissed me. My husband had resigned himself to never having a wife because he felt that his inability to father children as a result of cancer treatment made him an undesirable candidate.  Maybe to some women, but not me.  I had resigned myself to being alone and remaining widowed.   Not in our time, but in God's time do we find true love - you are EXACTLY the right age for you.  If you are meant to have a family, God will give you one.  There are all sorts of "family".  Enjoy this planning process and know that you are going into your marriage committed and with real knowledge of one another.
Have a blessed day!Cool

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