Throwing my own shower cluelessly. HELP!!!!!

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Bridezilla205 Posts : 88 Registered: 6/6/06
Throwing my own shower cluelessly. HELP!!!!!
Posted: Jun 9, 2008 9:17 AM

I have a few questions about how bridal showers go. first of all I have never been to a bridal shower so my questions may seem a little crazy so I will apologize in advance.

1. Is it okay for me to throw my own shower?

2. I am having Mary Kay do my entertainment portion of the day.     The consultant seems to have experience doing this, will I              need games or anything else to keep my guests occupied? 

3. If so what kind of games?

4. Is it mandatory to invite all females that are invited to the             wedding?

5. How far in advance is the shower supposed to be? 


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kelleyiskelley Posts : 11,590 Registered: 7/2/06
Re: Throwing my own shower cluelessly. HELP!!!!!
Posted: Jun 9, 2008 9:30 AM Go to message in response to: Bridezilla205

Hi there.

The entire purpose of a bridal Shower is to "Shower" the bride with Gifts. Normally these gifts include items that you would register for and things you might need for your new life or home with your new husband. (kitchen appliances, linens, plates,etc.)

Because of this, its actually NOT okay for you to throw your own Shower. It would be considered a "gift grab" or a little tacky. Normally, a Shower is thrown by your wedding party; MOH; or a relative. They would prepare everything, send out invites, and take care of all the details.

The MaryKay consultant might be a fun idea to give the guests complimentary facials or something; but I wouldnt have her there for too long. Other games you might play include bridal bingo, the purse game, and the toilet paper bridal gown game. You can look up Shower Games in a google search and find all kinds of fun stuff there.

Its not mandatory to invite ALL females to the shower. Usually; you would invite all female family members and close friends.

Not sure if there is a "norm" on this,but most showers I have attended or helped with took place around 1-3months before the wedding date.


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Message was edited by: kelleyiskelley

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coastiebride Posts : 1,365 Registered: 3/26/07
Re: Throwing my own shower cluelessly. HELP!!!!!
Posted: Jun 9, 2008 9:33 AM Go to message in response to: kelleyiskelley

NO NO  NO NO NO you can NOT throw your own shower! Although you can help plan it with your BM's family members that is fine, but to trow it absolutely NOT. the purpose of the shower is to "shower" the bride in gifts and there for you can not throw your own

I had my bridal shower 2 weeks ago and im getting married in December and im having another one at the end of July. You have 3 months before the wedding i would do it real soon! 

 I think the mary kay idea is lovely, but i think it might pressure your guests to buy items for you! And my seem gift grabby! Think of personal pleasure parties, same concept you bring these people in a party setting for someone that is there to buy them gifts. I would personally not have it at my own and play regular games. Dispite the fact that it would be fun, i would hate for my family to get the wrong idea why they are there

I have always gone by if you invite them to the shower you better invite them to the wedding! 


 Lets not all get caught up in our wedding. Remember we should not only be planning for a our wedding but more so we should be planning for  our marriage. More so then fighting over shades of peach, tuxs, cake flavors and only god knows what else. Because the next morning it is over, guests are gone the flowers have died the cake well lets face it 1/2 of it was tossed out. Cinderella is still a maid, the limo is now a pumpkin And there is life to face ok after wild crazy monkey sex for 7 nights straight, lets not kid out selfs there are priorities After its all gone there's still bills to pay and a job to go back to

Going to the Chapel December 6th 2008

Love is a four-letter word spelled G-I-V-E

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Love2u Posts : 1,661 Registered: 10/24/07
Re: Throwing my own shower cluelessly. HELP!!!!!
Posted: Jun 9, 2008 10:11 AM Go to message in response to: Bridezilla205

While it isn't okay to throw a bridal shower for yourself, it is okay if you want to hold a bridal luncheon to thank the ladies supporting you (just don't expect gifts).

Regarding Mary Kay - I've been to a couple of those kind of parties before, unless you are on friendly terms with the gal and she's just doing it as a makeover party as a favor, then you are inviting your friends over for sales pitch (which, personally I absolutely despise).

Depending on your relationship with your bridal party, you can ask them if they are planning on having a party for you.  It's not a requirement, but it is a common nicety.  If they throw one for you, I would recommend that they do it 1-2 weeks out from the wedding.


Love2uKiss

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Bridezilla205 Posts : 88 Registered: 6/6/06
Re: Throwing my own shower cluelessly. HELP!!!!!
Posted: Jun 10, 2008 9:14 AM Go to message in response to: Love2u

I must say you all have really put a damper on my shower plans.  I really want a shower but If I don't take part in throwing it i will never get one. My family is not close and they hate the fact that I am marrying my fiance'. His fam (which lives 2 hours away and just had two deaths in their fam) will not even be thinking about throwing me a shower. Ladies in my world I have always had to take charge of things to make me happy and this is  one thing that I will not give up because it is thought of as "tacky".  I deserve a shower just like those that have family members and friends that care enough to think of them. Please don't get me wrong I do welcome and thank you all for your ideas and suggestions and please keep them coming, but not having the shower is not an option. As for the Mary Kay consultant I will have to think that one over as well as have a talk with her because I want my guests to have a nice time not feel pressured to buy things. 

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TanisJ Posts : 2,669 Registered: 4/25/07
Re: Throwing my own shower cluelessly. HELP!!!!!
Posted: Jun 10, 2008 9:51 AM Go to message in response to: Bridezilla205

Dear Bridezilla205, I will point out that you did ask if it was okay so you got honest responses based on current wedding etiquette. With that said, you didn't include the details of your family situation. I am in a similar situation in that I feel the same that I have to take charge all the time to get things done and for my own happiness. I did not have family and friends step up and did not have a wedding party as I moved from Canada to USA and married six days later. Bottom line - no shower. I wish that I had taken things into my own hands and arranged something for myself. I don't think though I would have called it a shower though. I really didn't care about missing out on presents, I cared about not having an opportunity to get all my girls together before I left. If you feel this is something you must do on your own I would rethink calling it a shower and just have a party with your friends. I would definitely drop the Mary kay consultant as well.

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coastiebride Posts : 1,365 Registered: 3/26/07
Re: Throwing my own shower cluelessly. HELP!!!!!
Posted: Jun 10, 2008 11:24 AM Go to message in response to: TanisJ

I think you should of included that into your original statement because that makes somewhat of a difference. many times on here we have brides that just want to throw it that dont know any better or do not trust their family to trow a proper shower to their standards. In that case i would throw one. but maybe more along the lines of a jack and jill shower that both sides of your friends and or family can come to if they wish females and males too. And if guests would like to bring a gift they can and you and your females can do games and other items in the home while the men grill and drink and then have a party

 Lets not all get caught up in our wedding. Remember we should not only be planning for a our wedding but more so we should be planning for  our marriage. More so then fighting over shades of peach, tuxs, cake flavors and only god knows what else. Because the next morning it is over, guests are gone the flowers have died the cake well lets face it 1/2 of it was tossed out. Cinderella is still a maid, the limo is now a pumpkin And there is life to face ok after wild crazy monkey sex for 7 nights straight, lets not kid out selfs there are priorities After its all gone there's still bills to pay and a job to go back to

Going to the Chapel December 6th 2008

Love is a four-letter word spelled G-I-V-E

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kelleyiskelley Posts : 11,590 Registered: 7/2/06
Re: Throwing my own shower cluelessly. HELP!!!!!
Posted: Jun 10, 2008 4:10 PM Go to message in response to: Bridezilla205

You asked a series of questions; all of which I answered honestly. I wasnt being rude in ANY way. I simply answered your questions. The first one being; is it okay to throw my own shower? And Im letting you know that in most cases; it really isnt. I suppose there might be exceptions according to customs or family circumstances; but generally; I have never heard of a Shower being thrown by the Bride herself. You also said in your first post that you have "never attended a Shower before" ... which is why I assumed you were asking if it was okay to throw your own. Because you honestly didnt know.

Not sure I see the point in getting defensive with people that are simply answering the questions that you asked.

Maybe you can be involved in the planning of it; but find a close friend or someone on FHs side to actually host it for you?:)


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Time for Biggest Loser 6. TEAM KELL-LIZA will Cha-cha-cha our way to the TOP PRIZE!

 

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MsDenuninani Posts : 3,962 Registered: 3/16/07
Re: Throwing my own shower cluelessly. HELP!!!!!
Posted: Jun 10, 2008 4:52 PM Go to message in response to: kelleyiskelley

I actually don't think bridezilla was being defensive.  Nor did she accuse anyone of being rude.  She only said that y'all were putting a "damper" on her shower plans. 

She also said not throwing herself one is not an option which belies her first question.  Still, I'm answering it anyway.

Bridezilla, technically you aren't supposed to throw yourself your own shower.  If you have a female friend whose name you can use, I suggest you do so.  Technically my stepmother planned most of my shower, but my MOH actually "threw" it, in order to avoid any etiquette no-nos.

If you don't have someone who can throw you a shower (in name only -- you can still do the planning and pay for it as well) then I suggest you call it a luncheon.  Another option is for you and your hubby to throw a co-ed shower.  My father and stepmother threw a co-ed "Wedding Shower" for themselves and no one thought anything of it.  They got plenty of presents, too.

As for games, I'm wary of the Mary Kay idea, if for no other reason that it does sound like it could turn into a sales pitch.  I would do some trivia games, using facts from your own relationship with your FH.  That would work if you did a co-ed shower as well. 

Good luck.


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myra Posts : 5,550 Registered: 3/28/06
Re: Throwing my own shower cluelessly. HELP!!!!!
Posted: Jun 10, 2008 7:45 PM Go to message in response to: Bridezilla205

this is  one thing that I will not give up because it is thought of as "tacky".  I deserve a shower just like those that have family members and friends that care enough to think of them

Well, then, why did you ask, since there is no option that you've left open? Yes, it's tacky to throw your own shower. No, you don't "deserve" a shower--nobody does. If you have friends/family who wish to do this for you, then great. But, NO, you don't deserve to throw a party whose sole purpose is for everyone to bring YOU gifts. I'm sorry if you've had a tough life. Stuff happens. The most gracious thing you could do would be to throw a party for your friends/wedding party to thank THEM for participating in your event. A spa-type party would be lovely. You could provide food and drinks, and a menu of services that they can have if they wish to and if they wish to pay for them. You also need to make sure that they know it's OK if they don't wish to have these services. As for gifts, register and know that most guests will get you wedding presents. Most shower gifts are smaller and less expensive. It's not worth being 'tacky" just to get some measuring spoons or tea towels.

myra at www.classysassyweddings.com

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FALLbrideINLOVE Posts : 1,056 Registered: 3/30/07
Re: Throwing my own shower cluelessly. HELP!!!!!
Posted: Jun 10, 2008 8:39 PM Go to message in response to: Bridezilla205

chances are if you have females invited to the wedding someone will decide to throw you a shower!  i would think so anyway.  

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kelleyiskelley Posts : 11,590 Registered: 7/2/06
Re: Throwing my own shower cluelessly. HELP!!!!!
Posted: Jun 10, 2008 11:03 PM Go to message in response to: myra

Exactly Myra. Why did you ASK "is it okay to throw myself a shower?" if you were just going to do whatever you want anyway?

 


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engaged2bengaged Posts : 40 Registered: 3/11/08
Re: Throwing my own shower cluelessly. HELP!!!!!
Posted: Jun 11, 2008 4:08 AM Go to message in response to: kelleyiskelley

Your plans for the day seem nice, like the Mary-Kay thing, but I think you need to consider how this is going to make you look. I couldn't imagine sending out invites to my friends that said "The theme for my bridal shower is 'day at the spa' so please make sure you bring me gifts that reflect this," or "I am registered at Macy*s." And doing bridal bingo yourself? "Please fill out your bingo cards with what gifts you think I am likely to receive." What about "We'll go around the room and everyone share your favorite memory of me."

If the only way this party is going to happen is if you throw it your self, then I think your only gracious option is to throw a 'bridal luncheon' so that way all the bridesmaids and the mothers and any other important ladies can still all get together for a nice little party without you having to shine the spotlight on yourself or making a grab for gifts. Maybe you'll get lucky and a friend will get the hint and take over for you, but if not atleast your dignity will still be intact.

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Bridezilla205 Posts : 88 Registered: 6/6/06
Re: Throwing my own shower cluelessly. HELP!!!!!
Posted: Jun 11, 2008 8:56 AM Go to message in response to: myra

Okay ladies as in many posts here things have gotten a little out of hand. My original post did state "if it was okay for me to throw my own shower" but I guess in never having been to one and never having planned one , my wording is a little off here. I assumed that this would be a time when I can bring my gals together and purchase nice things for them as a thank you. I never intended on having people come over and hear a sales pitch and adorn me with gifts. I am and have never been a material girl and gifts don't mean anything to me. The only thing I care about is coming together with my friends and celebrating the fact that my life is about to change in a more blessed and meaningful way. As my fiance' and I lead a Christian lifestyle it is not appropriate for us to have certain things go on in our presence. Which also has a little to do with why i solicited ideas from you all to choose from. Ladies we have to face the fact that some ppl on this site just want to feel like they can express themselves without being attacked. Although i didn't really understand how much I wanted a "get together" for my friends and I before I posted the message, after getting you first replies I dawned on my that I was going to do it regardless. It doesn't matter what you want to call it I need help planning it and that's why I'm here. So if you feel like you can't give advise without opening your "proper etiquette manual", keep in mind it is 2008 and I have seen some crazy things where weddings are concerned lately. So is there really still a norm for anything? Take a deep breath and give me what you've got.Wink

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kelleyiskelley Posts : 11,590 Registered: 7/2/06
Re: Throwing my own shower cluelessly. HELP!!!!!
Posted: Jun 11, 2008 9:06 AM Go to message in response to: Bridezilla205

I still think youre being defensive for no reason. Noone is "attacking" you. We are answering the questions you have asked. Honestly, this has little to do with ETIQUETTE at least not for me. You keep saying "it doesnt matter what its called, I just want a get together..." Well Im telling you and others are telling you that it DOES matter what its called. Because brides dont throw themselves a Shower. Since you said you have never been to one before, I told you what a Shower is. Ill tell you again.. A shower is where the bride is SHOWERED with gifts. Its about getting gifts...for your home, apt,whatever,your married life. So if you dont care about the gifts and you just want a "get together" with the girls.... that is not a shower. So dont call it a Shower and youll be fine. If youre lucky, someone will throw you a Shower anyway.

If you want a get together with your bridal party to recognize THEM... that is normally a rehearsal dinner. Thats where you take them out or stay in or have a BBQ or whatever you want.. to thank them for being involved in your wedding. This normally follows a rehearsal of the ceremony, like the day before the wedding.

You can also just simply plan a night out with your girlfriends or bridal party ... and thats what its called. A night out lol.

 


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Time for Biggest Loser 6. TEAM KELL-LIZA will Cha-cha-cha our way to the TOP PRIZE!

 

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