Spoiled my own engagment? :(

Online Users: 1,339 guest(s), 1 user(s). Replies: 21

MariaBride Posts : 5 Registered: 6/4/08
Spoiled my own engagment? :(
Posted: Jun 4, 2008 6:03 AM

Hey,

I feel like I spoiled my own engagement.  :(  My fiancee is an amazing guy, and we've been together 3.5 years.  Before he proposed, my family all built up a lot of pressure ("If he proposes, make sure he says yes!").  I in turn felt that there was something wrong with me, because he had not yet proposed.  He mentioned something about going on a trip in about a month, and I was very excited - not because I necessarily thought he was going to propose, but this would be the first time that he took the initiative to schedule a trip for us.  I never had a dream wedding, but I did have various "dreams" about what my proposal would be like...

Anyways one night, I was letting all the family pressure get to me, and PMS didn't help.  We were talking and I started crying, asking him where we were going with our relationship.  He then took my hand, led me to where he hid the ring in the closet and took out a little box.  I buried my face in his chest while I hugged him, because I felt really bad how I was crying and making a big deal of everything, and this wasn't really how I had dreamed about my proposal.  I didn't let go for a very long time, and he kept asking me gently to let go so that he can get down on one knee.  To be honest I didn't want it to happen under those circumstances, when I felt like I was being silly.

Eventually I let go, he got down on one knee, gave a really sweet proposal, and I said yes.  Afterwards, he said that he was planning to propose when we went on our trip :(

So now I'm racked with guilt...I feel like I pressured him to propose that night, and I'm a little distraught.  I feel that this was the one time he was able to do whatever he wanted, and it would have been so nice to go on that trip (we never ended up going since he already proposed).  I feel like I didn't give him the chance to be Mr. Romantic.

I know I'm being silly about it, but I just feel so guilty.  I have dreams of what the proposal would have been like, but I feel like I ruined it myself.

A note to other brides...don't let other people's pressures get to you :(

 Any advice?  I've been a long time reader on this board, but this is the first time I've posted...


Message was edited by: MariaBride

Reply

engaged2bengaged Posts : 40 Registered: 3/11/08
Re: Spoiled my own engagment? :(
Posted: Jun 4, 2008 7:52 AM Go to message in response to: MariaBride

Since your FH still proposed to you even though he didn't get to do it exactly the way he planned to, it seems like everything is all right after all. It was perfectly natural for you to ask him, after a 3.5 year relationship, where he wanted the relationship to go even if you hadn't felt the pressure from your family. That's too bad you didn't take your trip though, maybe the two of you should try and work out taking it or a similar vacation, even if it's only a weekend or overnight getaway. This would be a good opportunity for you to show each other some of the good old-fashioned romance that he probably had planned in the first place (candle light dinner, dancing, walks on the beach, whatever the original plan was..). Spending some romantic time like that together would help you get over the guilt and disappointment you feel and then you can look forward to the wedding planning and the big day itself.

Congrats on your engagement!!!

Reply


FALLbrideINLOVE Posts : 1,056 Registered: 3/30/07
Re: Spoiled my own engagment? :(
Posted: Jun 4, 2008 8:30 AM Go to message in response to: MariaBride

you're being too hard on yourself.  emotions are natural especially when you have been dating for 3.5 years and you are hoping to get engaged!!  ask anyone who was eager to get engaged, it is nothing to feel guilty about!!!

maybe you can make up for the romance and make the trip all about celebrating your engagement.

 

he wants to marry you, he chose a ring for you and then gave you a sweet impromptu proposal.  life doesn't always go the way we think it is going to in our minds.  you didn't cheat yourself of anything, you have someone who loves you and wants you to be happy

 

be happy! 



Reply


SammiAnn Posts : 114 Registered: 3/4/08
Re: Spoiled my own engagment? :(
Posted: Jun 4, 2008 8:52 AM Go to message in response to: MariaBride

I spoiled my own engagement too!  I found out that it was going to happen, and instead of keeping my mouth shut, I told him that I had found out, thus forcing him to think on his feet and give me an impromptu proposal instead of doing it when he wanted to.

I, too, felt guilty about it.  But I talked to him and told him how bad I felt and he told me that it was okay because now we have a funny, unique story to tell!!  And we do!!  We still joke to this day about how nosy I was and that I ruined it.  :)  I just kept reminding myself that in the end, I'm getting to marry the man of my dreams who loves me SO much and that the way he proposed is just a grain of sand in the big scheme of marriage!
June 7, 2008...here I come!

Reply


RanAway2Maine Posts : 2,359 Registered: 1/27/08
Re: Spoiled my own engagment? :(
Posted: Jun 4, 2008 12:56 PM Go to message in response to: MariaBride

Ya know what? In view of the fact that you wanted to know what the bottom line of your relationship is, I think it was a VERY GOOD RESPONSE to your question! And remember, he really did want to propose to you at that point simply because he DID! I think that if he had his heart set on waiting, then he would have!

I think, in the end, the both of you will be laughing as you tell this story!


Reply

Bling3 Posts : 54 Registered: 12/18/07
Re: Spoiled my own engagment? :(
Posted: Jun 4, 2008 1:28 PM Go to message in response to: RanAway2Maine

First off, relax and enjoy being engaged.  If he did not think that that moment was the perfect time to do it then he would have waited. You did not make him propose. You asked questions and that is normal.

You were upset but maybe he thought that would be the perfect moment. Do not let guilt ruin your enjoyment. You guys are engaged and planning a future together.

He was romantic. He could have gotten really mad and showed you the ring. But he was sweet about it and asked you to let go so he could propose.


Reply

Kat78 Posts : 189 Registered: 2/9/08
Re: Spoiled my own engagment? :(
Posted: Jun 4, 2008 1:39 PM Go to message in response to: MariaBride

i spoiled mine too... dont worry about it you now have a life of making it up to him... plan your wedding be happy

URL=""IMGhttp://www.whenismywedding.com/signature/275a45765a9e0727.gif[/IMG][/URL] Wedding Ticker from WhenIsMyWedding.com

"say i love you today cuz tomorrow you may not have the chance"

http://www.mywedding.com/jonathanandkathleenforever

Reply


Ashleyanne2010 Posts : 447 Registered: 5/3/08
Re: Spoiled my own engagment? :(
Posted: Jun 4, 2008 1:40 PM Go to message in response to: MariaBride

here's my 2 cents...

I think you should be overjoyed about being engaged.  He wants to marry you, you want to marry him, and now there's a commitment to do just that... How it happens isn't nearly as important as the fact that it did happen!

And, I think you guys should still go on a vacation.  Instead of having it be a vacation to propose it'll just be a vacation to celebrate your engagement.  I still want to plan a vacation for me and my FH because since the engagement we hardly have time to ourselves anymore and it would be nice to get away and just celebrate and enjoy ourselves.

Congrats on the engagement and happy planning!

Reply

MrsAWarner Posts : 191 Registered: 2/18/08
Re: Spoiled my own engagment? :(
Posted: Jun 4, 2008 6:36 PM Go to message in response to: MariaBride

First of all, congratulations on your engagement! Second, don't beat yourself up so badly over this, you didn't spoil anything.

Sounds to me like you've found yourself a loving and caring man who just wants you to be happy. When he saw you crying he didn't want you to be upset anymore so he ended your hurt and confusion the best way he knew how. He proposed-and your didn't pressure him into it-he did it all on his own.

Try to let yourself laugh over it a little bit too. After all, aren't we women all the same? We want something, then we get a bit emotional about, then we get it---and as soon as we get it we don't want it anymore because we feel like we've behaved irrationally. Lol, I can tell you, I've done this countless times. Smile


 

Reply


soontobemrsnye Posts : 240 Registered: 3/2/08
Re: Spoiled my own engagment? :(
Posted: Jun 4, 2008 10:02 PM Go to message in response to: MariaBride

I'd like to give different advice. I too dreamt of a romantic engagment and had all these ideas in my head of how I wanted it o be. Yes, they do happen for most girls but not all. Was my engagment all I hoped it to be? no! But it came from the man I love and he did it the best he could and gave all he could. To me, it was reality, not some romantic movie scene. I am okay with that. Think about it, you'll always remember how upset you were and how he proposed to you because it was done in your and his own special way. It's a different story , unlike most, so embrace it. Congrats!


When is my wedding

Reply


rubyred1 Posts : 968 Registered: 8/9/07
Re: Spoiled my own engagment? :(
Posted: Jun 4, 2008 10:45 PM Go to message in response to: soontobemrsnye

FH and I actually got into an argument the day before he proposed.  We were going to a party with people he works with and I was so pissed and impatient about him not giving me my ring and we got into an argument.  I basically ended up telling him that I didn't want the ring, I felt like he didn't love me, didn't want to marry me, and he should take the ring back. 

Then we went to this barbque and I had to play nice all day.  Turns out everyone there knew that he was going to propose the next day.  We went to our favorite place, but just before we left, he went into our closet which is where I knew he hid the ring.  Needless to say, I really felt like shit after he proposed because I was such a bitch the day before.  He forgave me though!


http://tac.families.com/ezb/1039358.png

Reply


coastiebride Posts : 1,365 Registered: 3/26/07
Re: Spoiled my own engagment? :(
Posted: Jun 4, 2008 10:48 PM Go to message in response to: soontobemrsnye

Did you spoil it yea! But you know what its alright things like this happen you ahve to learn to brush it off because in the big picture its tiny! if he didn;t find hat moment the best moment he never would of. yea you probably wanted a picnic at the cabin set off by a beautiful sunset, but these things don;t always happen like they do in the movies. Just remember you are marring the man of your dreams and you now have a funny story to tell your family

 Lets not all get caught up in our wedding. Remember we should not only be planning for a our wedding but more so we should be planning for  our marriage. More so then fighting over shades of peach, tuxs, cake flavors and only god knows what else. Because the next morning it is over, guests are gone the flowers have died the cake well lets face it 1/2 of it was tossed out. Cinderella is still a maid, the limo is now a pumpkin And there is life to face ok after wild crazy monkey sex for 7 nights straight, lets not kid out selfs there are priorities After its all gone there's still bills to pay and a job to go back to

Going to the Chapel December 6th 2008

Love is a four-letter word spelled G-I-V-E

Reply

MariaBride Posts : 5 Registered: 6/4/08
Re: Spoiled my own engagment? :(
Posted: Jun 6, 2008 12:08 PM Go to message in response to: MariaBride

Hey Gals,

 Thanks so much for all the responses and support :)  You guys are right, I have an amazing guy, and it really was a very sweet proposal.

Reply

MariaBride Posts : 5 Registered: 6/4/08
Re: Spoiled my own engagment? :(
Posted: Jun 6, 2008 12:08 PM Go to message in response to: MariaBride

Hey Gals,

 Thanks so much for all the responses and support :)  You guys are right, I have an amazing guy, and it really was a very sweet proposal.

Reply


TanisJ Posts : 2,669 Registered: 4/25/07
Re: Spoiled my own engagment? :(
Posted: Jun 6, 2008 12:31 PM Go to message in response to: MariaBride

MariaBride you write "I feel that this was the one time he was able to do whatever he wanted" but this is not necessarily true. Somewhere along the path of wedding planning there will be differences of opinion whether its cake, flowers decorations. When you reach this point just let him have his own way. Just say this is what you want so this is what we will have. I bet you will feel a lot better then. It will probably be about the food or cake too.

Reply
RSS

Thank You
for Signing Up!

Check your e-mail inbox for the latest updates from brides.com

Give a Subscription to Brides Magazine as a Gift
Subscribe to Brides magazine