No RB/FG...is it tacky?

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Jen415 Posts : 255 Registered: 3/7/07
No RB/FG...is it tacky?
Posted: Jun 2, 2008 12:36 PM

My sister is getting married this August.  They have been trying to decide who to have for a RB and FG but can't come to a mutual agreement.  Her FH thinks a 2 year-old is too young....sister thinks it's fine.  FH thinks a 7 year-old is fine...sister thinks it's too old.  Anyway, you get the idea.

She's trying to decide what to do and mentioned to FH that maybe they wouldn't have either.  Our mom thinks this is tacky.  I told her it was not traditional, but I didn't find it tacky.  What are your opinions?


May 24, 2008
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BreAnn Posts : 600 Registered: 11/28/07
Re: No RB/FG...is it tacky?
Posted: Jun 2, 2008 12:39 PM Go to message in response to: Jen415

It isn't takcy, lots of people don't have either. But, also, I don't think 2 is too young or 7 is too old. I think 8 may be pushing it on the age, depend on the child, and anything under 2 can be done, but may be difficult.

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Brooke051609 Posts : 723 Registered: 12/31/07
Re: No RB/FG...is it tacky?
Posted: Jun 2, 2008 12:41 PM Go to message in response to: Jen415

   Not having them is not tacky. We're not having one. It's up to the bride and groom. Personally, I know flower girls and ring bearer's usually end up sitting with their parents during the ceremony because small children tend to get very bored during it. I've been to several where there were neither and didn't really notice. I tend to notice more if a child is acting up and screaming because they're terrified, tired, bored, hungry etc.

  Either way, I don't think it's "tacky" to not have one.


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kelleyiskelley Posts : 11,590 Registered: 7/2/06
Re: No RB/FG...is it tacky?
Posted: Jun 2, 2008 12:52 PM Go to message in response to: Brooke051609

Definately not tacky.

Its a personal choice; thats all.

We didnt have them either. Do whatever feels comfortable.


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BoysMissLady Posts : 932 Registered: 1/18/07
Re: No RB/FG...is it tacky?
Posted: Jun 2, 2008 12:59 PM Go to message in response to: Jen415

I think for most children, age is relative.  I've seen 6 and 7 year olds cry during the whole ceremony.  And I've seen 2 and 3 year old behave like perfect angels.  It really depends on the specific child.

But no, I don't think it's tacky not to have them either.


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Chad Posts : 637 Registered: 10/3/06
Re: No RB/FG...is it tacky?
Posted: Jun 2, 2008 1:01 PM Go to message in response to: Jen415

It's fine to have neither.

There's no such thing as "too old" if the person wants to do it.  7 is hardly too old.  Although depending on the child, 2 may be too young.


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SparrowSong Posts : 77 Registered: 11/5/07
Re: No RB/FG...is it tacky?
Posted: Jun 2, 2008 1:08 PM Go to message in response to: Jen415

I really don't know why it would be "tacky" to not have them. I'm definitely not including a flower girl/ring bearer. I just personally don't believe children usually belong in the wedding party, especially young children (two is DEFINITEY too young imo). I've been to too many wedding that involved melt-downs, tantrums, ring bearers whacking all the guests with the pillow etc.... it's all so inappropriate for the occasion imo. That's what is tacky imo.

 I think 7 is a very good age. Probably 6-10 would be ideal imo. I don't know when these jobs became most common for toddlers. It doesn't make any sense to me to have someone do a job that doesn't even understand what to do. A seven year old would likely be so excited and actually be capable of walking from A to B without freaking out.

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butterflybride08 Posts : 70 Registered: 1/19/08
Re: No RB/FG...is it tacky?
Posted: Jun 2, 2008 1:59 PM Go to message in response to: Jen415

We aren't having a FG/RB either, although I would have loved to. There just aren't any young kids in either famillies circle that we are close to. I definitely don't think its tacky.
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NJ4Life Posts : 3,358 Registered: 8/10/07
Re: No RB/FG...is it tacky?
Posted: Jun 2, 2008 2:23 PM Go to message in response to: Jen415

Well if you dont even know any little kids (dh and I) would it still be tacky in your moms eyes?  Eh, they should do whatever they want. Its their wedding. Not having them, or having them isn't tacky or not tacky...having 10 or 15 of them, THAT'S tacky...

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coastiebride Posts : 1,365 Registered: 3/26/07
Re: No RB/FG...is it tacky?
Posted: Jun 2, 2008 2:27 PM Go to message in response to: NJ4Life

We are having a 10 month old a 2yr old and a 3 yr old Fg and a 3yr old RB

but it is perfectly fine to not have any 


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uno Posts : 619 Registered: 1/4/08
Re: No RB/FG...is it tacky?
Posted: Jun 2, 2008 2:29 PM Go to message in response to: NJ4Life

We didn't have any either.  I have 2 nephews (15 months and 11 months).   The older one is great at walking but I would never send him up the aisle, that's too long!  He would have LOVED it though but only made it one or two pews before either: freaking out or waving and pointing at everyone saying "tree" or "dog".  The younger one refuses to walk, he's lazy :) They did get infant tux's and were ADORABLE but I may be biased. 

I think having every known child walk down the aisle would be tacky but not having any? I'd doubt many people would notice.  I wouldn't ask people's kids to be FG/RB just to have them. That'd be tacky to have a semi-random kid do it. 


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ArtBride Posts : 4,838 Registered: 5/9/07
Re: No RB/FG...is it tacky?
Posted: Jun 2, 2008 2:31 PM Go to message in response to: Jen415

Why would it be tacky not to have a flower girl or ring bearer? We don't KNOW any little kids, so we didn't have either. In my opinion, it would have been pretty tacky for us to have chosen some random child that we don't know.

Personally, I don't think age is important in this decision - the couple's relationship to the child is more important. The child's (and the child's parents) willingness to participate is also KEY. I'd rather choose children that are the 'wrong age' and close to me than have a couple random kids participate.

But since you asked specifically about the ages, I think a 7-year-old is PERFECT. The two-year-old may be too young, but if he/she could be coerced into walking down the aisle alone, then it might work out fine.


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Retired Posts : 808 Registered: 4/17/06
Re: No RB/FG...is it tacky?
Posted: Jun 2, 2008 5:01 PM Go to message in response to: Jen415

Your mom thinks it's tacky not to have a little girl skip down the aisle and toss petals for absolutely no reason? Can I ask why, exactly?

What about people with no young relatives? I'm the youngest in my immediate family, and the youngest in my extended family is 16. FH's youngest family member is 15. None of our friends have children. So should we randomly recruit some little kids from the neighborhood? THAT'S tacky in my opinion.

Two years old is almost always too young to be in a wedding party. I have seen many wedding mini-catastrophes with a young FG. At one, they couldn't even get her to come out - and her mom had to escort her down the aisle with her screaming bloody murder. She was red-faced and furious in every single photo. The next wedding I went, the FG got halfway down the aisle, got scared, turned around and ran back out of the church bawling. Next wedding, the FG plopped down right in the middle of the aisle and laid down because she decided it was naptime. All were two or two and a half years old.

As for a seven year old being too old.. I was nine years old when I was a flowergirl. And no one said anything except "OH, LOOKIT HOW PRECIOUS SHE IS!" I don't think guests care how old the FG/RB are.

As for us, we'll be without both. My mom will be giving us the rings during a reading she'll be doing in Tsalagi (Cherokee) and I think we'll be just fine without a flowergirl.


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MrsAWarner Posts : 191 Registered: 2/18/08
Re: No RB/FG...is it tacky?
Posted: Jun 2, 2008 5:08 PM Go to message in response to: Jen415

I don't think it's tacky at all-nor have I ever heard it called 'tacky' not to have a FG or RB.

We aren't having either in our wedding. FSIL is a BM and she has a 3 year old daughter. The only reason we didn't have our niece as a FG is because FSIL just had her son 2 months ago and he will only be 3 months old at the wedding. We just figured that would be a bit much for her and her husband to handle that day. We don't have a RB because frankly, we just don't know anyone with young enough boys.

Bottom line, you do whatever you want to do. Most likely, nobody will think that it's weird or 'tacky' if you don't have them. Smile


 

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Jen415 Posts : 255 Registered: 3/7/07
Re: No RB/FG...is it tacky?
Posted: Jun 2, 2008 5:20 PM Go to message in response to: Jen415

Thank you everyone for your opinions...and for being on my sister's side!  Like many of you mentioned, they have no little/young ones in either side of the family and any friends that have children are much too young (infants).

I was married 2 weekends ago and my RB and FG were my now niece and nephew...4 and 2, respectively.  I agree with the PP who said that age doesn't matter, it's the relationship with the children.  I'd give anything for those kids.

I will reassure my sister that not having a RB and FG isn't a big deal and to move forward with her plans...


May 24, 2008
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