Everything is happening AT ONCE!!! Help!-UPDATE on NBC News Segment...

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myra Posts : 5,550 Registered: 3/28/06
Re: Everything in LIFE is happening ALL AT ONCE!!! Dont know which way to g
Posted: May 31, 2008 1:25 AM Go to message in response to: kelleyiskelley

Kelley, I'm glad you're talking it through. It's becoming clearer and clearer to me (and YOU, and everyone here) what you really want to do--so, follow your heart and your instincts.

myra at www.classysassyweddings.com 

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serendipity3033 Posts : 363 Registered: 5/11/06
Re: Everything in LIFE is happening ALL AT ONCE!!! Dont know which way to g
Posted: May 31, 2008 3:36 AM Go to message in response to: myra

Oh boy, I can very much relate to this, so Im gonna start by telling my story... as abridged as possible... lol.  My dream was to be a pilot ever since I was a kid playing with my fisher-price airport set (no joke).  So, fast-forward to adulthood, (abridged as promised) I take some lessons, and try to fulfill my dreams.  At this point, lunch was a can of peas,  living at home, hell I wouldve lived in a box if it meant I could fly!!!!  (if you have any idea how expensive lessons are, you'll know it can come to that pretty easily!)

 

Whats interesting is once I finished the training, and it came time to get a job (and leave my secure-but-stupid job)... time to poop or get off the pot... yikes!  Something unexpected happened... I couldnt do it.  I couldnt choose to make far less money and struggle for my dream.... not anymore.  Something changed... (I think I grew up)  I dont want to live in a box anymore, I want a nice house... (a house which is now, ironically completely out of reach because Im paying a mortgage-sized loan back.)

 

Its weird, Ive always considered myself a follow-your-dreams-no-matter-the-cost kinda girl.  "Practical is boring" used to be my motto.  Now I feel thats just fantasy... the reality of it is, we NEED money, we need benefits... its just the world we live in.  Reality is we need these things in order to fulfill what we want for our adult lives.

 

Enough about me, =) Back to you Kelley... think about what you want 5, 10, 20 years from now... think of EVERYTHING you want.  I know you want to perform, but you did mention kids, and some form of home ownership too... when do you want them?  Will you be able to achieve those goals by staying in NY???  Thats the thing about chasing dreams... it sets everything else waaaaaay the hell back.  But only you and your hubby can weigh that decision.  I just dont want to see you have any regrets... be it staying OR leaving NY.

 

Good luck sweetie, either way, youve got a great supportive man by your side... the rest will work out.

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ArtBride Posts : 4,838 Registered: 5/9/07
Re: Everything in LIFE is happening ALL AT ONCE!!! Dont know which way to g
Posted: May 31, 2008 9:10 AM Go to message in response to: kelleyiskelley

Whew, Kelley! Sorry I didn't get on yesterday and see this earlier! Crazy day - we had some Italian filmmakers in who want to shoot a documentary on some of our artwork, and for people who think they know a lot about art, they really don't know the first thing about it. Irritating - they want to shoot for 4 hours next week, but they picked out about 600 pieces that they want to film. Not flippin' possible! I can't even HANDLE that many pieces of art in that short a time, even without accounting for the time they'll need to shoot each one. Annoying. Oh - and for some reason, they think I speak Italian better than I do, so I only have a VAGUE idea of what they're trying to tell me most of the time, but when I ask them to speak English, they tell me that my Italian is wonderful. Sorry, that should have gone on the hate thread. Anyway, here's my comments on your original post, without having read anything that you or anyone else has said after the OP. 

First off, don't stress over this before you want whether you even WANT the job or not. Apply, go to the interview, ask lots of questions, and make the best impression you can. Don't stress over any of this before you know whether you want the job. Step 2 - you really don't need to stress unless it is OFFERED to you.

I don't know if I've ever mentioned it here before, but I taught AP art history at a DC area prep school a few years ago. I don't know whether you'll have the same experience if you take the job, but I enjoyed the environment and the students more than I enjoy teaching at the university. (I just couldn't continue doing it because they couldn't work around my schedule as well as the university could...though they did offer me a full-time history teacher position, which I obviously turned down) It was a great school, though - a fairly small school, so you knew most of the students, even if they weren't in your class. The staff was so caring and LOVING. When I interviewed for my job there, they told me that it was far more important to find the RIGHT person for the job than it was to find the most qualified person. One of the questions they asked me at the interview was, 'What is more important to you: the students or teaching the students?' The follow-up question was 'What are some circumstances in which you might put the students above the material you're teaching?' I was impressed, from the very beginning, with the level of CARE that the school had for its students. It was a fantastic place to work. 

On the theater director job in particular, I think you could find a LOT of creative satisfaction in it. I don't think that taking that sort of job would mean that you're 'giving up on your dreams' AT ALL...I think it means that you'd be ADAPTING your dreams to fit the opportunities that present themselves to you. Honestly, this may even give you MORE creative exposure than what you're doing now. I think you have more of a shot at impressing the right person by doing something 'out of the box' than you do by trying to get your big break the same way SO MANY OTHER people are trying to. Here's how I'd look at it, if I were you and I was offered the job. I'd brainstorm an AWESOME plan to revolutionize the theater program. If Groton School develops an astonishing theater reputation, someone is going to notice (heck, I bet some famous director's DAUGHTER goes to school there or something). You can still keep in touch with your agents and go for auditions if something amazing comes up, but you'd be putting another notch on your 'noticeability' belt.

On the wedding planning business, that's a REALLY tough call, and I totally understand why you'd be hesitant to quit now. An obvious solution would be to move it to MA - you might not get quite as many clients as you would in NY, but people do get married there, too! So if you really want to continue it in MA, that's a definite possibility. Or you could also say, 'You know what? I'm sick of doing 15,000 different things just to try to get by. I make enough money with the new job not to need the income from the business, so I'd rather have my free time.' That's a tough call, though - I'm not sure what I would do, but I do feel like pointing out another obvious thing. If you quit the wedding business, you'd have more time to spend with the family that you want to have soon. It seems like it would be easier to quit the business now then it would be in a few years, when you're more established - so if you always intend for the business to be an 'on-the-side' venture rather than a full-time job, now might be an easier time to end it, unless you want to try to balance a bunch of jobs, auditions, AND a family. My goal would be to get myself down to one job before starting a family. Right now, it looks like you have two good options (provided that you're offered the Groton School job): full time job as a theater director, or full time job as a wedding planner. I know you love the wedding planning, but I think it'll always be second-place for you, after acting and theater. I think the theater job could give you more opportunities down the road - at least within your field. I'm sure you could make money with the wedding planning, but it's less likely to ultimately pay off in terms of acting. If I were you, I'd probably go that route rather than sticking with the wedding planning as my primary job.

Since you asked, I have been in a similar position a few times. While I was in grad school, I heard about a job opening for a Modern Art Curator at a Pittsburgh museum, which was where DH was living at the time. There aren't a lot of art jobs in Pittsburgh, so I jumped to send in my resume, since DH loved the city and would have loved to stay there. I STRESSED and STRESSED over whether or not to take the job, though, since I had another semester of coursework before I'd be ABD. The chance of landing a museum job in Pittsburgh was SO LOW that I felt I needed to take it...but I was worried about whether I'd ever be able to finish my coursework in MD, given that I needed to be at the seminars in person. It turns out that I worried for nothing. I was offered the job, but at a salary that was 20K less than I could have taken. So after a couple months of stressing over whether or not to take it if it was offered, it ended up being an easy decision. So the moral of that story is to not worry about it until you know more of the facts.

I had ANOTHER similar situation last year. My mom is similar to yours in that she's constantly on the lookout for jobs that would bring me closer to home. She knows that there really aren't any good art museums within a 60-mile drive from her house, but that doesn't stop her. About a year and a half ago, she found an art curator job at this 18th century historic village museum that's about 5 miles from her house. I thought the job description was a little more advanced than I was qualified for, but I applied anyway. Turns out that they LOVED me. Apparently the museum's art collection has both early-18th century English settler art AND Native American art...my speciality (before I changed it) was 18th century American art, and I used to work at the Smithsonian American Indian museum. So I didn't expect it, but they loved me and made me a pretty good offer. That was a tough one to turn down, but it came at the same time that I had recently decided that I was sick of 18th century art and changed my dissertation topic to a 20th century topic. And it also helped that the offer for my current job came around the same time. So I guess the moral of THAT story is that you do need to follow your heart and do what will make you happy. I'd learn more about the Groton School job and see how you feel. If you think that you'll regret turning it down in a few years, then don't turn it down. You kind of have to take a gamble on SOMETHING here, whether it is gambling on making a big change in your life, or gambling on sticking with what you've been doing and hoping that it'll pay off. 


DaisypathWedding Ticker

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marty08 Posts : 1,110 Registered: 7/1/07
Re: Everything in LIFE is happening ALL AT ONCE!!! Dont know which way to g
Posted: May 31, 2008 10:23 AM Go to message in response to: kelleyiskelley

Hey Kelley...I have chosen a side!!...Damn, this is a whopper!!

But first, If you haven't had your interview yet....wear a red shirt...anything but white!!...TV likes red...stand out!!

OK, I'm truly trying to give good advice.......I truly, truly am!!

Go to the interview....ONLY because you can network, who knows who these people know or who they might run into....MAKE ONE HELL OF AN IMPRESSION ON THEM!!

Don't take the job....don't even have it in your head when you go to the interview that you might want it.....DO NOT UNDER ESTIMATE YOURSELF....NO NEGATIVE THOUGHTS THAT SOMETHING (this job) WILL ENTER FEAR(how the heck do you spell that!!??) WITH YOUR SUCCESS IN NYC....

Tell yourself...everyday...that you will make it....your break is coming...who knows what it will be...but know in your heart.....YOUR DAY IS COMING!!....believe this and tell yourself this all the time...visualize yourself on the tonight show...adopt that attitude...now!!

From reading your posts, you love everything about what you do...don't give that up for what might be security...Yes, it's a good job and a house....But if your heart isn't there....it will always be focused on "I know I could have made it in NYC....and you will!!...

OK, that's my theory for this morning!! 


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auntofthebride Posts : 9,354 Registered: 4/2/06
Re: Everything in LIFE is happening ALL AT ONCE!!! Dont know which way to go...
Posted: May 31, 2008 12:24 PM Go to message in response to: kelleyiskelley

Dear Kelley,

I have only read your first message, not the rest of the thread. My life, too, has been nuts lately.

I will offer you my best suggestion. Engage the services of a career counselor. Look around your area, ask for recommendations from friends, call the local college and see about referrals there.

Then, sit down with this person and lay out your options. Explore your various choices. Then, talk it over in detail with your husband.

That's the best I can do for you.

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ArtBride Posts : 4,838 Registered: 5/9/07
Re: Everything in LIFE is happening ALL AT ONCE!!! Dont know which way to g
Posted: May 31, 2008 12:27 PM Go to message in response to: marty08

Ok, Kel...I did a few other things, came back, and read the rest of the thread. Well, I read your responses and mostly skimmed everyone else's. 

It really sounds like you don't want to leave your current life, so I'd take this opportunity off the table NOW, before giving yourself a chance to see how great it is and talk yourself into taking it. Don't go through the motions for something that you don't truly want. 

As someone else who has followed her dreams rather than taking a career path where she could make more money, I completely understand. I've had opportunities to do something else (even other art-related jobs) where I could make more money, but I've turned them all  down because I know that I'd be miserable. Some people can work a job that they don't really like and find it to be completely worth it, since they are paid well. It's not wrong to feel that way - a lot of those people define their lives and their happiness by things other than their work. They work a job that they hate, but it's worth it to them because that job gives them the money to travel, have a family, whatever their priorities are.

You're not one of those people, Kelley. You're more like me - you define yourself by what you do, and not in a bad way. You throw yourself into your job and you're not happy unless you're doing something you love or working towards the opportunity to do something you love. You could have a WONDERFUL family and life outside of your job...but you wouldn't be happy if you hated going to work every day. I'm the same exact way, and I haven't found many people like me. Most people are happy with a decent job and a fantastic life outside it - we'd rather have the fantastic job and a decent life! Does that make us nutcases? Probably, but who cares?

And I totally get why you don't want to go back to your hometown. I'm the same way (that was also a big part of why I turned down that job near my parents' town, that I talked about in my last post). You wouldn't be 'throwing in the towel' by going back, but you'd feel like you were...and that's the important thing. I totally get that - I feel the same way. Honestly, I hate going back to my hometown just to VISIT! I wish my parents would move! That town just sucks the life out of me... 


DaisypathWedding Ticker

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carebearny1999 Posts : 1,253 Registered: 9/21/07
Re: Everything in LIFE is happening ALL AT ONCE!!! Dont know which way to go...
Posted: May 31, 2008 10:39 PM Go to message in response to: kelleyiskelley

Kelley--If I were you I'd go interview and see how it feels.  If it feels "right" then go for it.  If it doesn't--tell them it just doesn't seem like the right time for you and you'd love to work there but alas right now just isn't right.  If they're smart they'll keep you on speed-dial! 

I set the DVR to record the news tomorrow night!

Good Luck in everything!


http://www.mywedding.com/caryandmike/

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kelleyiskelley Posts : 11,590 Registered: 7/2/06
Re: Everything in LIFE is happening ALL AT ONCE!!! Dont know which way to go...
Posted: Jun 1, 2008 1:22 AM Go to message in response to: carebearny1999

I just got home from the wedding (Im sooooo exhausted, I just might die); and I just wanted to let you know that the NBC interview will be airing NEXT Sunday. Not tomorrow. So unset your DVRS for now LOL. Heres the cool thing. They are putting a segment on the Today Show as well, either next Monday or Tuesday. Hehe... The Aisle Runner is going to get TONS of clients from this hopefully. Im really psyched.

Ill write more tomorrow when Im not about to die of tiredness,but thank you eveeryone who took time to give me your thoughts on this whole thing. Youre all awesome.

My resume is now officially in their hands along with a pretty brilliant cover letter lol... my dad said the first thing that will happen is a phone interview; then if that goes well for both of us,they will ask me to come in for a one on one interview. My plan right now is to absolutely GO to that interview if Im offered it,with an open mind; but sort of what you said Marty. I really want to make a GREAT Impression on them; so that when I turn it down; I can make them see how much they really might want me there in the future; a couple years down the road, when the timing might be a LOT better for us and when Im READY to leave NY. Will I ever be ready? Yes. I will. When I honestly feel like Ive given it ALL that I could have, and nothing I do will change the fact that its just not going to happen. Im giving myself another year or two. Then, based on progress in the business, we will reevaluate. I really do love my complicated life here. I complain a lot,but thats just who I am LOL. To me, anything is better than THE SAME. I go nuts if Im doing the same thing all the time. So I kind of like having 89 part time jobs... even though its a pain in the ass and Im broke a lot.

We'll see what happens. Im keeping an open mind. Im going to the interview if its offered. And my heart is here. If I took the job there, we would be able to save a BUNDLE of money which we cant ever seem to do here. THATS the attraction ... for me. I just need to decide if its worth the aggravation of possibly losing everything I have built here.

Love you guys.:) Goodnight.


"THE AISLE RUNNER" has officially launched ... www.myaislerunner.com

Time for Biggest Loser 6. TEAM KELL-LIZA will Cha-cha-cha our way to the TOP PRIZE!

 

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myra Posts : 5,550 Registered: 3/28/06
Re: Everything in LIFE is happening ALL AT ONCE!!! Dont know which way to go...
Posted: Jun 1, 2008 8:12 PM Go to message in response to: kelleyiskelley

Kelley, the free publicity is great news! Just think--your wedding business may take off, and all of this will be a moot point, and you'll live happily ever after.

myra at www.classysassyweddings.com

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kelleyiskelley Posts : 11,590 Registered: 7/2/06
Re: Everything in LIFE is happening ALL AT ONCE!!! Dont know which way to go...
Posted: Jun 1, 2008 8:41 PM Go to message in response to: myra

Myra, thats exactly what Im hoping for. Then I can make more money which would give me the financial security I so desire; AND I can still STAY HERE! So I guess we will see in the coming weeks what happens after the NBC thing. What kind of reaction, if any.

I do think its a really good idea though to attend the interview, if offered, with an open mind. You never know what could happen down the road. If a different position may open up in the future when Im more ready to move on from here; or it could lead to other connections. Basically I would like for them to fall in love with me LOL.

I think the reason this is so hard is that I have never at any point in my life had any type of financial security or even comfort. Its ALWAYS been a struggle. So the idea of not only having enough money, but a surplus where Id have free housing and be able to put a LOT of money away for our future; is very tempting.

But in the end; I would be taking a job for the money,and my heart would be here. I think I would regret it and constantly be asking myself "What if I had stayed in NY one more year?" Im not sure Ill have the same regrets in the other direction. Ive worked too hard for everything I have here, so its very difficult to leave it behind for something I may or may not like. Even though its very tempting....

So yeah. We shall see.


"THE AISLE RUNNER" has officially launched ... www.myaislerunner.com

Time for Biggest Loser 6. TEAM KELL-LIZA will Cha-cha-cha our way to the TOP PRIZE!

 

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RomanticGirl Posts : 777 Registered: 3/28/06
Re: Everything in LIFE is happening ALL AT ONCE!!! Dont know which way to go...
Posted: Jun 1, 2008 9:08 PM Go to message in response to: kelleyiskelley

I didn't read everyone's posts because I didn't want to be influenced, I wanted to give you my gut reaction to your original post. I will say that you said over and over in your post that you aren't ready to leave and that you don't want to.

I don't think it's smart to do the safe thing.

I think it's not safe to do the safe thing.

What is smart and what is safe is to follow your heart and your gut.

But I will say that it's important to find ways to make your current lifestyle one that makes you happy, so that you don't feel like you're waiting for the "big break" in order for your happily ever after to start.

That's my intuitive response as a fellow NYC actor.

If you feel you can't hear your intuition (which I felt I heard loud and clear in your post), then meditate and visualize both scenarios and see which one FEELS good to you.


 

 


Message was edited by: RomanticGirl

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B2B999 Posts : 700 Registered: 12/7/07
Re: Everything in LIFE is happening ALL AT ONCE!!! Dont know which way to go...
Posted: Jun 1, 2008 10:18 PM Go to message in response to: kelleyiskelley

Hey Kelley - Alright here is what I think you should do (and I'll be  honest I really just read your initial post and not the responses so I'm sure I'll be repetitive) - interview for the job at Groton. Part of the interview process is determining if it is a job that YOU want (not just if they want you). Then if you decide you would be happy with the job. Put Groton in column 1 - then put NYC in column 2 - and remember that it is only a 4 hour drive from Groton to midtown manhattan. You could still interview, you could still pursue your career on weekend trips. All the money that you would save on housing you could put a portion of that toward continuing to pursue the goal. You have made friends and contacts in the city and those will not go away just because you're a few hours away. You're only 30 mins from Boston so you could continue to work in comedy clubs based out of that area. I know it would not be the same and I know the allure of NYC but it is not the only place where you will be able to pursue the dream.

You do not necessarily need to give up on your dream if you take the job up at Groton, and you have other passions which you are looking to pursue (such as having a family) which would be furthered simply by moving up there and seizing the opportunity.

Step one needs to be applying for the position though - you can't drive yourself nuts making a choice that you aren't sure you need to.


When is my wedding

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SoonToBeAWard Posts : 280 Registered: 5/22/06
Re: Everything in LIFE is happening ALL AT ONCE!!! Dont know which way to go...
Posted: Jun 2, 2008 2:03 AM Go to message in response to: kelleyiskelley

Hi Kelley,

Well there is absolutely nothing wrong with being stuck for choice!

I only read your first post and haven't read any of the other responses, so please excuse me if I have repeat any advice that has already been offered.

You seem to have a lot of choices right now and I understand that deciding on the right one for you and your husband may prove to be difficult.

I think what you need to do is look at each option and weigh up the pros and cons. Do your list first and then sit down with your husband and go over it.

Last year I was offered a job which was closer to home, better pay, different hours, and very different from what I was doing (from a web analyst to a hair salon manager!)  This is exactly what I did - I put together a list of pros and cons of each job. It made my decision much easier. By the way, I took the job and have never been happier in my career.

Have you thought about dicussing your situation with a career coach? One of my clients is a career coach and she always has great stories to tell about people that she has helped in situations very similar to yours. The good news is that the majority of her clients also seem to be happy with their choices a year or so on.

My only advice to you would be to apply for the teaching position. If you are asked to an interview, great. If you get the job, then you will have a decision to make.

Best of luck either way!

Lisa x


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RomanticGirl Posts : 777 Registered: 3/28/06
Re: Everything in LIFE is happening ALL AT ONCE!!! Dont know which way to go...
Posted: Jun 2, 2008 7:19 AM Go to message in response to: SoonToBeAWard

Kelly,

I agree with Lisa about coaching. Have you heard of capes coaching? They are supposed to be amazing at coaching actors/artists in their careers. Maybe they could be of help. www.capesco.com

 


 

 

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RoBelle Posts : 1,236 Registered: 3/28/06
Re: Everything in LIFE is happening ALL AT ONCE!!! Dont know which way to go...
Posted: Jun 2, 2008 10:47 AM Go to message in response to: RomanticGirl

Kelley, we are SOOOO behind you 1,000%!  Keep your head AND faith held high!!! Wink


 

 

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