NWR - 2nd Marriages - Is anyone else getting flack from their X?

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Love2u Posts : 1,661 Registered: 10/24/07
NWR - 2nd Marriages - Is anyone else getting flack from their X?
Posted: May 7, 2008 11:43 PM

My XH and I have been divorced for almost 4 years.  We've maintained a tense, but polite policy of co-existance for the sake of the kids.  However, since I told him I was getting married, he has been a pure dick-asshole.  He's currently living with his girlfriend and her kids, but he is constantly needling me about living with my FH.

He's been picking fights over child support, is constantly late in meeting me for kid exchanges (for my pick up, of course), whining about taxes, etc.  A couple of weeks ago, he demanded to "inspect" the kids rooms to make sure they were clean and wouldn't make the kids sick (the kids haven't been sick in a couple of years!).  I told him he had no right to inspect their rooms and he tried to pull the "I pay child support, so this house is as much mine as yours - I don't care who's name is on the title".  This resulted in the first honest-to-God screaming I've done at him in my life (not even when we were married).

Just so you don't think I'm milking him, he pays child support, but I carry all the insurance, pay all childcare, summer camps, clothes, shoes, haircuts, books, work full time, and pay for costs that we are supposed to split according to the divorce decree.

Sorry just a vent.


Love2uKiss

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BriansBride2008 Posts : 814 Registered: 3/26/07
Re: NWR - 2nd Marriages - Is anyone else getting flack from their X?
Posted: May 8, 2008 12:56 AM Go to message in response to: Love2u

My XH to turned into a real a$$ when I first told him I was engaged, and started playing little games that it sounds like your XH is playing...  Well mine ended up racing to the alter with a woman he only knew for6 weeks to beat me... or whatever, but now less than 3 months later they are divorced... And him and I are getting along and he is acceptin of my choice and he knows the kids love FH...  So hopefully your XH will get over it too...

BB2008


AUGUST 16, 2008 

I AM GETTING TO MARRY MY BEST FRIEND!!! YEAH!!!

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luvathena Posts : 929 Registered: 12/10/07
Re: NWR - 2nd Marriages - Is anyone else getting flack from their X?
Posted: May 8, 2008 1:28 AM Go to message in response to: Love2u

Oh-I hear ya!

I've been divorced for 15 years and my ex still tripped out when I got engaged.

One reason I've waited so long to get into a relationship was I thought it was best if I waited until my kids were grown (my youngest is in her 2nd year of college). Because any time I've even dated my ex became an idiot about everything-and would punish me by withdrawing from the kids. That hurt them horribly.

I think he is one of the most remarkably selfish men I've ever met. My son (who is 23) refused to even meet my fh for 6 months because he thought he was being disloyal to his Dad. He struggles with it a lot more than his sister does. I just try to be supportive of them as they struggle with their loyalties, and don't push.

The games that some exs play never seem to end. But at least in my case, after being engaged for over a year mine has calmed down. In fact he is again hitting on me. Sigh.

Good luck. You have my sympathy and my understanding. 

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Love2u Posts : 1,661 Registered: 10/24/07
Re: NWR - 2nd Marriages - Is anyone else getting flack from their X?
Posted: May 8, 2008 9:54 AM Go to message in response to: luvathena

I know its horrible to say, but I'm glad I'm not the only one.  Everyonce in a while I've actually doubted myself over things the Asshole X says.

Luvathena - My X has done his best to try to keep my kids from liking my FH, but he's such a great guy!  My older son is far more sensitive to his Dad's ravings (Don't you dare call him your DAD - I'm your only DAD), but before I ever started dating my FH, I asked my older son if I could and he said yeah, he's cool.  My older (13) son even tells my younger son (5), don't call Pat Dad, you know that will make our REAL Dad crazy angry.  But Pat's been more of a Dad to my 5 yo, then his real father ever was or will be.  And the favoritism my X shows my older son is obvious and painful to watch.


Love2uKiss

Message was edited by: Love2u

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futuremrsperry Posts : 1,904 Registered: 4/23/06
Re: NWR - 2nd Marriages - Is anyone else getting flack from their X?
Posted: May 8, 2008 5:13 PM Go to message in response to: Love2u

My cousin had a similar problem.  The father of her son told her then 3 year old son (he's 4 now) when my cousin and her FH get married, they won't want him around anymore.  The little boy was devastated!!  It took my cousin nearly a month to undo that damage.  Her FH has been more of a father to her son then his biological father, the little boy calls him "Daddy" (soo cute!!).  Unlike this guy.  Our family just could not believe he would do such a thing to his own son.  

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Love2u Posts : 1,661 Registered: 10/24/07
Re: NWR - 2nd Marriages - Is anyone else getting flack from their X?
Posted: May 8, 2008 5:18 PM Go to message in response to: futuremrsperry

That is horrible.  What a cruel thing to do to a small child.  They are so impressionable and needy at that age. 


Love2uKiss

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luvathena Posts : 929 Registered: 12/10/07
Re: NWR - 2nd Marriages - Is anyone else getting flack from their X?
Posted: May 9, 2008 2:29 AM Go to message in response to: Love2u

Wow! That is really horrible. But after a few years of hearing family law cases, I can tell you NOTHING surprises me!

I'm marrying a man who also has a crazy ex and his kids are more tormented by her than mine are by mine! They were terrified of her finding out we were getting married. So-he told his ex when the kids were away for the weekend. They were afraid she would take it out on them. By the time they got back she had calmed down. I just don't get how parents who supposedly love their children can be so cruel to them.

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RDWM Posts : 1,354 Registered: 9/27/06
Re: NWR - 2nd Marriages - Is anyone else getting flack from their X?
Posted: May 9, 2008 2:57 AM Go to message in response to: luvathena

From the time DH and I started dating my ex started saying that he will kill us or wishes us dead to anyone who will listen. He was an abusive a**hole while we we're married so I expected no better. We had been apart for a decade and he had been living with his girlfriend for 8 years at that time. 

The girlfriend and the kids are who get hurt. It is just sick. 


Danille

I'd rather be a Could-Be
if I cannot be an Are;
because a Could-Be is a May-Be
who is reaching for a star.

I'd rather be a Has-Been
than a Might-Have-Been by far,
for a Might-Have Been has never been,
but a Has was once an Are.

By: Milton Berle

Obama for president.

 

 

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kroberts Posts : 443 Registered: 7/30/07
Re: NWR - 2nd Marriages - Is anyone else getting flack from their X?
Posted: May 9, 2008 8:56 AM Go to message in response to: RDWM

My mom remarried a year after the divorce from my dad. My dad also played games, and I think it was because he was threatened by the fact that another man was coming into the house. He didn't want to be replaced. 

From the point of view of a child, they know. My sister and I knew what was going on without being told. I was 7 she was 11.

And another thing: Don't force children to call another man "dad." It was very uncomfortable and confusing at 7 to hear, "You can call him dad if you want to."


April 4, 2009 is the big day!

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40somethingbride Posts : 240 Registered: 3/28/06
Re: NWR - 2nd Marriages - Is anyone else getting flack from their X?
Posted: May 9, 2008 12:00 PM Go to message in response to: kroberts

My ex lives an hour away so we are not getting crap from him. But my FH ex is a PITA. Ever since she found out we were getting married she has created all kinds of resons for the kids not to visit or stay the whole weekend with us. She is a diabetic and had been eating tons of ice cream (per youngest SD) and having crying spells. She was the one who broke up the marriage by having an affair and she has always resented me. I had NOTHING to do with the first marriage breakling up and came into the picture 10 years after. I keep telling FH that things are going to worse from her the closer to our wedding it gets. I will keep you posted
 

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ascoobis Posts : 6 Registered: 9/7/09
Re: NWR - 2nd Marriages - Is anyone else getting flack from their X?
Posted: Sep 8, 2009 3:22 AM Go to message in response to: Love2u

Hi my name is sherry, I joined bride about two days ago, still trying how to navigate this place, but yeah my xh, didn't so much freak out at the engagement he freaked about the whole relationship. He was a very violent person to begin with but he still felt like I was his property. He has never paid child support and when I got with my FH, he stopped seeing the kids to.I thought I was the only one with a douche of an XH.

11 months and countingKiss

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luvathena Posts : 929 Registered: 12/10/07
Re: NWR - 2nd Marriages - Is anyone else getting flack from their X?
Posted: Sep 8, 2009 6:23 PM Go to message in response to: ascoobis

Welcome to the boards! And way to resurrect a thread~I'm sure there are many who can relate to this still.

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