Never mind

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MsDenuninani Posts : 3,962 Registered: 3/16/07
Re: He's been having phone/internet sex - and I walk the isle in 2 weeks
Posted: May 2, 2008 11:31 AM Go to message in response to: BoysMissLady

Good luck jvega.  I wish you the best!

_______________________________________________

Ms. D, I have to disagree with you, here.  The OP claims to be a devout Christian, so yes, she does have to forgive him.  She doesn't have to agree with what he has done.  But in some way, she has to come to terms with what he's done.  Forgiveness is not approval, it is acceptance of the fact that humans make mistakes.  Ppl who get divorced after finding out their partner has cheated still have to forgive...that doesn't mean necessarily taking that person back.

Good point.  Of course she has to come to terms with what he's done, regardless of whether she takes him back or doesn't.  But still, any kind of forgiveness takes time. . .and she certainly doesn't have to forgive him today. 

_______________________________________________________
“We can't solve problems by using the same kind of thinking we used when we created them”    - Albert Einstein

 Vote!  http://www.barackobama.com/index.php


Message was edited by: MsDenuninani

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MissR Posts : 139 Registered: 7/17/06
Re: He's been having phone/internet sex - and I walk the isle in 2 weeks
Posted: May 2, 2008 12:18 PM Go to message in response to: Guest

I hope it all works out.  I wish you both the best of luck!

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B2B999 Posts : 700 Registered: 12/7/07
Re: He's been having phone/internet sex - and I walk the isle in 2 weeks
Posted: May 2, 2008 12:25 PM Go to message in response to: Guest

Send apologies to the invited guests and leave him. You can not marry a man simply because people are coming to the wedding because that can only end in misery and divorce.

Perhaps you'll work something out with him later, perhaps not but you can not marry a man who you found out is having at least an emotional affair two weeks before the wedding.

I see divorces every single day and they are painful, horrible things especially if there is adultery involved. Do you want to marry this man, build a life with him, perhaps have children with him and then find out he has continued cheating on you...perhaps in the "real world" as well. Do you want to risk the diseases he might bring home to you, and through you to your children. It is not worth it.

Good Luck.


When is my wedding

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allbusiness Posts : 106 Registered: 7/17/07
Re: He's been having phone/internet sex - and I walk the isle in 2 weeks
Posted: May 2, 2008 12:59 PM Go to message in response to: Guest

if he was lonely or horny or whatever, the person he should have been having phone/internet sex with is YOU!  no one else.  there are no excuses. 

i've had to spend quite a bit of time separated from my FH.  if we were missing each other or feeling frisky we didn't find someone else.  we dialed up each other and talked dirty. 

bottom line: he cheated, and there are no excuses for it. 

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BoysMissLady Posts : 932 Registered: 1/18/07
Re: He's been having phone/internet sex - and I walk the isle in 2 weeks
Posted: May 2, 2008 2:52 PM Go to message in response to: allbusiness

You ladies ought to stop.  Everyone knows what they can deal with and what they cannot deal with.  She WANTS to be with him...so it is her decision to make.

It seems to me that for the OP the bigger issue is with the immorality of the act...and not the just infedelity of the act.


Kiss 

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Charlotte09 Posts : 1,021 Registered: 2/22/08
Re: He's been having phone/internet sex - and I walk the isle in 2 weeks
Posted: May 2, 2008 3:04 PM Go to message in response to: BoysMissLady

It sounds to me like he is hiding behind his religion. You can pray all you want but it does not mean that when you do something bad and hurt someone that you should be forgiven. 

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m2810 Posts : 45 Registered: 11/17/07
Re: He's been having phone/internet sex - and I walk the isle in 2 weeks
Posted: May 2, 2008 3:12 PM Go to message in response to: Guest

I went through the same situation!!! With my wedding 3 1/2  weeks away! i felt the SAME way u did!!! and took the same steps you took! and MY DH said the same things yours did!!! I am also a christian and have strong faith and when this happened i was READY TO ENNNDD it!! But i was wrong! He did love me! and God DID want me to marry him!

 

 

Have you ever thought that maybe it was the devils tramp?? For those who arent christian wouldnt understand but I know you will. I know the reason this happend was because it was a test! He doesnt want to see ANY BODY getting married through church!! It was all his work and unfortunately you DH fell into temptation just like mine did! We could never justify this but if you love him you MUST forgive him WHEN the time is right. About 3days after i found out God let me see that we were meant for each other and he wanted us to marry! I cant say the way he let me realize i should marry him (it is very sacred to me and my husband) but it was very clear after feeling all this hate! anger! hurt! sadness! grief! betrayel!

But in the end it was worth it! I went through w/my wedding in ONE condition WE would continue our path to get closer to god. And so far its been great! Its been 5 months since our wedding and to be honest it STILL hurts!!! But i know i made the right desicion!! I wouldve let go the love of my life! I will be honest on ONE thing i do wish i wouldve GIVEN myself at leat one month and postpone the wedding for that  month NOT to rethink things but just for myself. To give my self a chance to let go of the pain and to accept it! band not bring it into my marriage! I so wish you the best! and dont worry as long as you continue your faith! God will bless your marriage for the rest of your life!

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Annaliesa Posts : 5 Registered: 4/10/08
Re: He's been having phone/internet sex - and I walk the isle in 2 weeks
Posted: May 2, 2008 3:36 PM Go to message in response to: Guest

Wow- that is really saddening to hear, especially so soon before your wedding. An ex cheated on me and I was devastated- I can only imagine what you are going through. One piece of advice that my grandmother gave me, and you can do with it what you like "Cancelling a wedding is a lot less expensive than getting a divorce- both emotionally and for the bank account."

 I know that planning a wedding can be very fun and exciting and that you do not want to dissappoint friends or family, but you want to make sure that the man that will meet you at the end of the aisle is someone that you can like, love and trust. A lot of people cry at weddings- I just went to my cousin's wedding and she sobbed through the entire thing- because she was so happy to be marrying the man of her dreams. Don't cry for the wrong reason on your special day- whether it is in 2 weeks or a later date.

Best wishes!!!!

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We2Heart Posts : 452 Registered: 10/11/07
Re: He's been having phone/internet sex - and I walk the isle in 2 weeks
Posted: May 2, 2008 3:36 PM Go to message in response to: Guest

jvega -

If you have come to terms with his actions and can accept his apology, I believe you are not only a good christian, you are overall a good person.  Most humans do not have the ability to forgive quickly.  That being said, it is easy for humans to be tempted.  It's hard to overcome those temptations.  Your FH fell to temptation and in some way, you helped bring him back.  Congrats and good luck.

Now, from someone who's had experience on both sides, cheating on someone and being cheated on.  Because of which, I have serious trust and jealousy issues.  I've been able to rise above these issues with FH. 

I'm not trying to scare you or anything, but... If one finds themselves acting in an unfaithful manner (physical/phone/internet sex with another), there is uncertainty in their mind about the relationship. 

I could go into the stories about my experiences, but essentially every reason behind cheating is different. I hope your FH's reason was truly that he wasn't listening to what God was telling him and nothing more.  Because most times when you cheat, it means you're heart is not in the relationship.  I wouldn't want that for you.

Again, congrats and good luck.


**I love him like a fat kid loves cake**  Kiss

**It just hit me that in 4 months, I will become the Mrs. to my Mr.**

 

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MrsWilliams2008 Posts : 1,431 Registered: 7/19/07
Re: He's been having phone/internet sex - and I walk the isle in 2 weeks
Posted: May 2, 2008 3:46 PM Go to message in response to: Guest

This is terrible, and I'm sorry to hear that.

Well this is from a "semi"-experience. I have a close friend who found out some things about her then fiance that weren't pretty (pretty much same situation). She was pregnant with their first child and didn't know what to do. She prayed about it and thought about it and thought about it, they talked, and they still went through with the wedding. That was over 3 years ago and they are still married, although I'm sure that it takes time to get completely over something like that and to totally forgive.

So I say you need to sit and truly pray about it, God never leads you wrong. Good luck and many blessings.


 http://www.theknot.com/ourwedding/RyAnne Stafford&RobertWilliams, Jr

                                 R&R: June 21, 2008

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BoysMissLady Posts : 932 Registered: 1/18/07
Re: He's been having phone/internet sex - and I walk the isle in 2 weeks
Posted: May 2, 2008 7:06 PM Go to message in response to: m2810

AMEN!!!

I wish both of you the best in your relationships!


Kiss 

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Abc12345678 Posts : 272 Registered: 2/25/07
Re: He's been having phone/internet sex - and I walk the isle in 2 weeks
Posted: May 3, 2008 4:27 AM Go to message in response to: Guest

1

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futuremrsperry Posts : 1,904 Registered: 4/23/06
Re: He's been having phone/internet sex - and I walk the isle in 2 weeks
Posted: May 4, 2008 11:14 AM Go to message in response to: Guest

I would not worry about the guests.  You need to worry about yourself.  You need to do what is right for you.  

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Guest
Re: He's been having phone/internet sex - and I walk the isle in 2 weeks
Posted: May 5, 2008 10:59 AM Go to message in response to: m2810

THANSK M2810

He gave me every single password to everything as part of his way to show me he wants to earn my trust back, and he was doing all of this mostly through Facebook, and instant messenging.  He has also said he'll change his phone number to prove to me he wants only me and that none of "that" mattered to him..it was something stupid he did.  I also had his phone with me this weekened, and nothing came through - you see one or two of them were texting him as well. 

He also sent messages last week to them, informing that he had to end everything and he was sorry for what he had did, but that I mean the world to him and he made some stupid choices and was ending it all with them because he loved me too much and did not want to lose me.  Some sent back some hateful messages to him.

We are aware that this is probably going to cause some issues in our relationship..I wanted to point that out to him, that because of this sin he has allowed  - there is a price to pay, and it may be me not trusting him so easily anymore, until I can truly see he has changed.  He said he understands, and loves me so much that he promises nothing like this will ever happen again.

There's a part of us that has seemed to bond closer in a different way through this painful incident.  Could also be that he has seen the pain he caused in me, and he has also seen even more now, how much I do love him, and he is so sorry for hurting me like he has.

There are steps to take to come to a recovery, steps for both of us........and, all I can say is that I love him so much, and before this every came about, I had no doubt of his love for me.  He has always adored me.  And even though at times it may be hard, when bad thoughts come into my head..I'm just going to pray for God to help me...to help us.

This is something that is become more and more common, so women beware and have a watchful eye.  As we have been told, men view sex differently from women, we go in with our hearts, unlike men.  So, be more watchful and do not be decieved, and do not get caught up in this yourselves. One of the women chatting is getting married in July!  And the women I saw he was talking to are women that seemed normal everyday women, one was a school teacher.  Its sickening, but there are lots of lonely people out there, women...that are willing to play this little fantasy game. 

My co-worker checked her boyfriends site and saw a message he sent to a lady - and found he was texting another - supposedly she was having marriage problems and needed advice. 

We all need boundaries, and seems there are lots of men & women out there that don't realize this importance.

Thanks ladies..for all your input...and whether you are for or against..I appreciate everyones input, and am going to continue to let you know the results of all this.

Like I said..we can all learn from mistakes, even others....so what I am experiencing right now, hopefully someone out there will learn something from it...I'm in the beginning process of all this, so this can stil turn anyway..but I will keep posting so we can all see the outcome and how it was handled so should anyone need this help they can see what worked or didnt' work.

I sent a message to a few of my church friends, informing them my fiance was going to re-dedicate his life on Sunday, and join the church..I wanted them to be aware of this because they know us, and I wanted them to pray for my finance's new walk, and to pray for us. BUT I DID NOT TELL THEM ANYTHING OF THE PHONE SEX/INTERNET CRAP.

Well, Look at one of their replies (and without knowing what has happened)...what a message!

Praise God!   May the Lord's blessings be upon you two as you join together in marriage and may the Lord open doors no man can shut as the both of you walk with Him.  The Lord is good and faithful to bring us back to walking in His grace.  See, what the enemy intendted for evil God has turned for the good and the comfort and grace that you all have received will now be poured out into others as you misinter by the Holy Spriit.  The Lord has  a path for the two of you to walk together on.  It wlll be exciting to see all the fruit the Lord is getting ready to do in you all lives. .  
1 Cor 15:57-58
But thanks be to God, who gives us the victory through our Lord Jesus Christ.
Therefore, my beloved brethren, be steadfast, immovable, always abounding in the work of the Lord, knowing that your labor is not in vain in the Lord.
Message was edited by: jvega0523 Message was edited by: jvega0523 Message was edited by: jvega0523

Message was edited by: jvega0523

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AshandAaron08 Posts : 6 Registered: 4/29/08
Re: He's been having phone/internet sex - and I walk the isle in 2 weeks
Posted: May 6, 2008 10:29 PM Go to message in response to: Guest

This is obviously all YOUR decision but I would advise postponing.   They say that it won't happen again but it ALWAYS DOES!  If they are comfortable doing that to you in the first place then they will do it again. 

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