worst year of my life!!!!

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Guest
worst year of my life!!!!
Posted: May 5, 2008 7:50 PM

I need some advice for dealing with my life right now, and I figured other newlyweds could help. I will start by saying I married a wonderful man on 6/16/07, and our 2 dogs were in our wedding, but since then there have not been many good times.

Two months after we got married our apartment building was struck by lightening so we got to experience our first fire together. We were not home at the time, but our "family" was, 2 dogs and a cat. Thankfully we got our babies out but they were traumatized. My 16 year old maltese died 6 weeks after the fire, she started having seizures right away. The vet said that since she already had a fear of storms/loud noises that it was probably the cause of her seizures since she was perfectly healthy 2 months before the fire. I was so depressed that I cried everyday for months.

About the time I started feeling better, my dream job was the next loss. The company I worked for closed with no notice, so I was on the unemployment line for the first time in my life. I had never even been fired from a job before.

Then it gets better.... our other dog a 7 year old yorkie had a problem with his spinal cord the only option was to drive him 2 hours away to a specialist to have surgery. DH and I decided to have the surgery and everything was looking up until the day after when he developed pneumonia and died. Of course we still had to pay the $3,ooo bill.

About 4 weeks after that I was told by my doctor that I will never be able to have children and that adoption or a surrogate is our only choice. I can't even tell u how devestating those words are to hear. I am grateful to husband for his compassion.

Then today I found out that my parents golden retriever has cancer and tomorrow we find out if its treatable. I know the people that are not animal lovers will not agree but this has been the worst year of my life.

The only positive to this year is that my husband and I are still together and we are finding out how strong our bond truly is. So I have to say that our first year of marriage has been very trying. I just needed to vent a little. Thanks for just listening.

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rubyred1 Posts : 968 Registered: 8/9/07
Re: worst year of my life!!!!
Posted: May 5, 2008 8:43 PM Go to message in response to: Guest

Sweetie, things will get better soon.  I firmly believe that things happen for a reason and there is a reason that all of this happened this year.  I know things look bleak now, but they will get better.  I too would be devestated if my animals died suddenly.  You will get a job that is even better than your last job.  You and your DH are still together and that is what truly matters. 

I know that you are devestated about not being able to have children.  However, you have the option to adopt and just think, you can give some child a much better life than they currently have.  Miracles do happen, your doctor could be wrong and you may still be able to have a child of your own. 

Good luck and keep us posted on the condition of your dog.


http://tac.families.com/ezb/1039358.png

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Ariana1228 Posts : 281 Registered: 3/2/08
Re: worst year of my life!!!!
Posted: May 5, 2008 9:05 PM Go to message in response to: Guest

I am not married yet and wont be for some time but I was hoping I can cheer you up in one way or another ....

I completely understand how you feel for your animals ... I have had animals my whole life and my FH and I have just gotten a puppy of our own .... they are part of your family and to loose one is so sad... my aunt's dog had to have surgery and they actually killed her dog bc they overly sedated her and she still had to pay the bill $3,200 ... My aunt was so upset that she didn't leave the house for I cant remember how long ... I do have to tell you that it does get better ... you have the memories with them and those I;m sure are worth remembering ....

As far as the job ... the economy is very difficult right now everywhere ... it is not ur fault about the company but sadly it ends up being your problem ... I am sure that you have good experience and good references and should have no problem trying and getting another job ....

Regarding the children I do not know how that feels bc that hasnt been told to me but I can tell you this ... Miracles do happen ... when my mother was going into labor with me the both of us were suppossed to die .... the doctor asked my mother to decide that if he could save one of us who would it be? My mother told him to save my daughter (me) because she has lived her life and it is time for me to live mine .... When I was born i came out a blue baby bc I was strangled by the umbilical cord .... my mother and I are both alive and we are both healthy aside from the fact we get migraines ... so believe in miracles bc they do come true ... make sure you have no other options other than adoption or a surrogate and what you can do with those options if you and DH choose to do so ...

I cannot relate to how you feel about these things but I hope that I helped you feel a little bit better ... keep your head up .... i know sometimes things get tough and you feel like there is no way out ... but there is light at the end of the tunnel ...

you and ur DH and ur family are healthy and from what you say u and ur DH have a great marriage ... focus on the positive (I know its hard) but in the end it will all fall into place and work out.

 

hugs


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bridewannabe Posts : 132 Registered: 1/3/07
Re: worst year of my life!!!!
Posted: May 6, 2008 12:19 AM Go to message in response to: Ariana1228

I am so sorry for the loss of your little babies. Sounds like you're a real animal person like we are. I can't imagine losing our "Son", our little dog who is the center of our home. Sounds like your marriage is very strong, you are lucky in that respect. The coming year will get better. Best wishes to you.

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futuremrsperry Posts : 1,904 Registered: 4/23/06
Re: worst year of my life!!!!
Posted: May 6, 2008 8:37 PM Go to message in response to: Guest

OMG I am soo sorry!!  When it rains it pours sometimes.  It is soo hard to lose a furbaby.  our family dog died in 2003 of Lymphoma.  It was awful to watch her deteriorate right before our eyes.  And to lose two babies like that must be soo hard.  You have your husband and kitty.  This should only make you stronger.

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JenlovesDon1 Posts : 217 Registered: 8/6/07
Re: worst year of my life!!!!
Posted: May 7, 2008 1:32 PM Go to message in response to: Guest

I hear ya Green. My first year was not fun at all. My hubby got into a lot of trouble and was in rehab for 6 months. So basically now our marriage is just now starting.

Keep your head up and have faith things will get better!!


Married 1 year on 3/10/08

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m2810 Posts : 45 Registered: 11/17/07
Re: worst year of my life!!!!
Posted: May 7, 2008 1:54 PM Go to message in response to: JenlovesDon1

Im really sorry foa all your losses. If its any comfort, no ones life is perfect. I got married Dec of 2007 and 2weeks later DH lost his job! 5 months later....NOTHING!!!! THERE IS STILL ABSOLUTELY NOTHING!!! Everything is scarce!!! And me......Ims till a full time student and ONLY working 20 hrs a week Its been extremely rough...I couldnt afford to keep up w/the bills !

and i tried to qualify for food stamps and they said NO!!! I make to high of an income!! sheeeeshh i make about $800 a month!! and its STILL to high! Thank god i had a savings otherwise we'd be dirt poor! Since my DH didny qualify for unemployment we really saw ourselves at the end of the tunnel so as of 2weeks ago we moved in with my inlaws to catch up w/our bills. But i must admit...its brought us closer than ever! Just pray and have faith and everything will turn out in your favor at the end. I wish you all the luck.

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EveT2007 Posts : 1,949 Registered: 8/31/06
Re: worst year of my life!!!!
Posted: May 7, 2008 2:00 PM Go to message in response to: JenlovesDon1

Dear Green,  I'm so sorry to hear about all of your troubles.  What a terrible year you have had!  I especially feel for you about the infertility diagnosis.  (See my posts on "Childless and feeling bad" if you want to explore that issue some more.)  Wanting to have children and not being able to have them is uniquely painful.  Sometimes doctors are wrong, miracles do happen.  As a friend of mine wrote in a book on infertility, a key to living with it is to keep yourself open to whatever God has in store for you.  Easier said than done, I know.

My DH and I are dog lovers, too -- our "baby" will be 7 this summer.  She's the 4th German shepherd he has had in about 40 years, and one of my most important qualifications in getting engaged was becoming her "new mommy."  (We were both widowed when we met.)  I know we'd be devastated if we were to lose her.

Again, I'm so sorry you have been through all of these awful events.  But, as you say, your relationship is strong and I have to admire you for surviving all of this with your marriage intact.  Things will get better for you -- soon, I hope!

And Jen, I wish you and Don the best as you start your marriage over on a healthier footing!


"When Women Vote, We All Win!"

EveT

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newsjunkie Posts : 3,417 Registered: 3/30/06
Re: worst year of my life!!!!
Posted: Jun 8, 2008 3:12 AM Go to message in response to: Guest

Greenthumbz, I do understand.  What a devastating year.  Thank goodness you have your DH and your love is still strong but sometimes it just isn't enough to take away the hurt.

Four months before my wedding (in October 2006) I found out I was going to need a hysterectomy sometime in the near future.  I had it in April 2007 and I am still not used to the fact that I will never be pregnant, will never give birth to my own child.  I still cry about it- more often than I usually admit.  I wish I could tell you that it gets easier but I would be lying.  I'm sure that at some point it does- maybe after you have kids?  Right now, though, it seems as though one of my friends is always either announcing a pregnancy, having a shower, having the baby, or having their kid's birthday party.  At first I tried to be strong- I held back the tears as I held yet another newborn baby, wrote yet another congratulatory card out, whatever.  Now I try to avoid things like that whenever it isn't obviously rude.  I don't want to take away anyone else's happiness, I truly don't.  But at the same time there comes a point when a person can only take so much, you know?  Yes, you do know.

When you find out you can never get pregnant it can be so isolating, too.  My DH is wonderful- loving, compassionate, the whole deal.  But he, like all men, doesn't have those "woman hormones" in him, the ones that are just naturally maternal, and he didn't grow up just assuming he would one day get pregnant, carry a child to term, and give birth.  For most men their loss simply isn't the same as yours and that makes it even tougher to really commisserate with you. 

No offense to anyone who says this because I know they only mean well but the phrase "you can always adopt" should be illegal.  I cannot tell you how many people have said that to me.  I mean, really.  Trust me, every woman with fertility issues is aware that she can adopt.  But you know what?   YOU go adopt, we want the option of having our kid the way everyone else takes for granted.  And surrogacy... well, it's a good option but let's face it: it's expensive and it still isn't the same.  I always thought I would adopt one of the two kids I hoped to have someday but now that my options have been taken away from me it hurts.  I really don't think that anyone who isn't in the situation could understand. 

And I know that when people tell you that you can always adopt, in addition to meaning well, they usually don't know what else to say which is why I have never called someone out on it- challenging though it can be at times.  I would personally rather people just say "I'm so sorry" or even nothing at all instead of saying "you can always adopt".  Just in case anyone was wondering. 

I am an animal lover, too, and have felt the pain of losing an animal.  I was also laid off in March 2006 from a job that I loved so I know how that feels, too.  I haven't lost an animal for years but you never forget that feeling so I know that when you say that this has been the worst year of your life I COMPLETELY 100% BELIEVE YOU. 

I am not going to beat around the bush- you have been through more in this year than a lot of people go through in 5 years and I am so sorry to hear about it.  Are you seeing a therapist?  If you aren't I strongly recommend you do.  I had an amazing one back in GA who just about saved my life and my marriage on more than one occasion, I don't know how I would have gotten through the past couple of years without her.  And remember, if you don't click with a therapist keep seeing new ones unti you do. 

In addition to seeing the therapist, try to find a silver lining to the situation.  I know, what is the silver lining to any of these situations?  Well, to come up with some examples- maybe you end up finding a BETTER job, maybe the loss of your animals leads  you to become more compassionate about animals and maybe the next job you interview for has something to do with that- I don't know.  And maybe you end up adopting someone who otherwise wouldn't have been adopted and they wind up becoming President or finding the cure for cancer.  I know, it's not much of a consolation trying to find the silver lining to what is seriously terrible stuff.  But, I have found that when things are at their worst that sometimes a little daydreaming is good for the soul. 

To give you an example of a silver lining I would have never thought possible: I have been sick for a long time and was sick with this same thing a few years ago.  Because of my illness I had to move from FL back to my parent's house in MA.  When I got better I ended up interning for a state senator, being in MA and seeing my grandfather several times before he died suddenly (and was there for my mom while she had a hard time dealing with it), dating a LOT and getting my confidence up, finally getting my BA degree, having a graduation party and getting back in touch with a second cousin whose best friend was an SVP at a company in Atlanta that I had long dreamed of working at, getting an amazing job with the company, moving to Atlanta, and then meeting and marrying DH.  At the time I was sick I wouldn't have been able to come up with any silver linings to my illness but now that it is hindsight I have come up with a TON of silver linings and even if I could I wouldn't change a thing.

I'm not saying that it is great that you had a fire, lost your pets, lost your job, and are unable to get pregnant and have kids.  What I am saying is that you never know where your life will lead you.  Grieve now- you have every right and reason to and will probably grieve for a while.  But know that while it will never be easy to live with what you have to live with that everything happens for a reason that we can't always predict. 

I sincerely hope that things get better for you.  Feel free to PM me at any time if you want to talk privately.  And I'm sorry for writing a book- it is really late and I am just too tired to go back and edit! 

I wish you all the best, please let us all know how you are doing.

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robyn1113 Posts : 182 Registered: 8/2/07
Re: worst year of my life!!!!
Posted: Jun 8, 2008 10:52 AM Go to message in response to: Guest

I'm truly sorry you've had to deal with hit after hit! Sometimes, it just seems like you can never catch a break.

In my opinion, adoption is a wonderful idea. My reason: my sister, as much as I love her, has screwed up so much in her life. She had two kids who got put into foster care, then had a third who immediately got adopted. After two years of my sister messing up more and not trying to fix her life to get the other two back, she finally decided that they should be adopted and go to a family who could care for them the way they deserved. We've received pictures every so often and I've never seen them so happy! It makes me cry (tears of joy, of course), knowing that they've gone to a wonderful, loving family and won't ever wonder if they're loved.

I really hope life gives you some terrific lemonade soon, and that you and DH will stay as strong as you have been - no matter what happens. 


 

I finally AM Mrs. Garza! Laughing

 

When is my wedding

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