Feeling emotional- bridesmaid related

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ChiBride08 Posts : 54 Registered: 3/15/07
Feeling emotional- bridesmaid related
Posted: Apr 30, 2008 2:17 AM

Today I received an email from my cousin saying that she doesn't think she can be one of my bridesmaids.  She said that she doesn't have the money for a dress right now (I asked her to be a bridesmaid five months ago).  She also says that her friend is getting married on the same day as me and that she wants to be able to go to her friend's wedding as well. My cousin and I grew up together and I've always thought of her as a sister, She's also my little girl's godmother. Needless to say I feel really hurt right now. I can't help feeling bad and I actually cried over it.  Am I being silly?  I just always imagined her as one of my bridesmaids and can't help feeling like she really let me down.  Any thoughts?

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2BBauer Posts : 478 Registered: 12/15/07
Re: Feeling emotional- bridesmaid related
Posted: Apr 30, 2008 2:54 AM Go to message in response to: ChiBride08

I think feeling sad and upset is understandable.  Is a compromise possible?  Are the weddings in the same area?  Is it possible she could just come as a guest to your wedding and then try to split her day between the two events?  I know it is not what you always planned ot hoped  for but it would be better to see your cousin for part of the day then not at all, IMO.
The first day of my happily ever after is 9-13-2008!!

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FALLbrideINLOVE Posts : 1,056 Registered: 3/30/07
Re: Feeling emotional- bridesmaid related
Posted: Apr 30, 2008 8:50 AM Go to message in response to: ChiBride08

t is ok to be disappointed.  i am sure it was hard for your cousin to tell you!  look at the bright side she obviously still wants to be at your wedding!  she is just trying to do both.  you know how important your wedding is to you and i know it is the same for her friend.  i am sure she just wants to do the best by everyone

 

cheer up!  it is not reflective of how much she loves you, we can't ever 'prove' our love we just have to trust people,  be supportive, and have an open heart.  hugs  



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Bride2008 Posts : 3,058 Registered: 3/28/06
Re: Feeling emotional- bridesmaid related
Posted: Apr 30, 2008 9:30 AM Go to message in response to: ChiBride08

I think its normal to disappoint and upset over something like this. A few months back a good friend of mine thought she might have to miss my wedding because her cousin wanted to get married the same day. I was hysterical over it. FYI - her and I are more like family then her and this cousin. I absolutely understand how you feel. I would argue with her, but stress to her how important it is to you for her to be part of your special day. Can she be included in another way? Perhaps read a passage or something along those lines so she can still go to both weddings?

 

"I came here tonight because when you realize you want to spend the rest of your life with somebody, you want the rest of your life to start as soon as possible." - Billy Crystal, When Harry met Sally 

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Michelle070508 Posts : 64 Registered: 12/15/07
Re: Feeling emotional- bridesmaid related
Posted: Apr 30, 2008 5:41 PM Go to message in response to: ChiBride08

Wow ... i feel you here. I can't believe after accepting for 5 months she E-MAILS you with some BS about money and has the nerve to then tell you all about her friends wedding on the same day. Asking someone to stand up there with you at your wedding used to be an honor i don't know when that went away.

My FH and I have been bailed on three times now (all his side of the family). His Cousin, that he grew up very close to (this would have been his Best Man if he wasn't living so far away now) Canceled on being a groomsman after 8 months of planning. Then his other cousin, an Usher, canceled the same month... granted these two had good reason, they could have said something 8 months before when we were structuring our wedding with them in it.

Now it is 2 months 5 days before our wedding and FH's other cousin (our other usher) hasn't returned our calls since Easter... he hasn't even gotten the Tux info or been fitted or anything. Wont even give us an answer if he is going to do it when a year ago when we got engaged and ask our wedding party to be involved he was all on bored!! 

I guess what i'm trying to say is How Crapy! BUT at least she told you and didn't just not show up to pay for her dress and not return any of your calls until the week of!!  We are just restructuring ours without Ushers (we will have the groomsman do the honors) and chalking it up to selfish-ness and childish adults that are not worth our time to worry about... try to keep your head up!

 


My McDreamy and My McDog ... what else could a girl ask for??

Michelle and Travis 07-05-08!!

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BenjaminsWife Posts : 1,069 Registered: 1/11/07
Re: Feeling emotional- bridesmaid related
Posted: May 1, 2008 11:10 AM Go to message in response to: Michelle070508

I understand how you feel. I lost one bridesmaid due to differences that she just could not move past and I just lost another bridesmaid because she refuses to wear the dress I picked out. (its a cute dress, not open at all, etc) She states that its not her style and expected me to pick out another dress. I told her no. FH also lost a groomsmen. So with 4-1/2 months left, we have 2 bridesmaids and 3 groomsmen so we shall see.

Formerly San Ramon Bride

The Big Day: 9/20/08

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auntofthebride Posts : 9,354 Registered: 4/2/06
Re: Feeling emotional- bridesmaid related
Posted: May 1, 2008 4:16 PM Go to message in response to: ChiBride08

Dear Chi,

I can understand your being hurt over this. I would, too.

On the other hand, there are plenty of messages from brides who asked someone to be a bridesmaid, then that person sort of "disappears" without a trace. No returned phone calls, no returned emails. At least your cousin had the guts to tell you her situation.

As hurtful as that may be, it's lots better than wondering, day to day, what has happened to someone.

Yeah, it's a drag. I agree. That's life.

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RanAway2Maine Posts : 2,359 Registered: 1/27/08
Re: Feeling emotional- bridesmaid related
Posted: May 1, 2008 4:34 PM Go to message in response to: auntofthebride

Aawww, Chi, what a bummer..The same thing happened to me only it wasn't so far into the planning. She was honest and said she was having money issues with a new baby. I offered to pay for her dress and everything turned out OK because she ended up getting an unexpected tax return. Do you have the wherewithal to pay for a dress for her? If she still says no, then you know who is important in your life. I would think that family always comes before friends. Unfortunately, not everybody feels the same way.

Alternatively, is there another special person in your life who can fill her shoes? Good Luck. 

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Knoxvegas Posts : 951 Registered: 9/12/07
Re: Feeling emotional- bridesmaid related
Posted: May 2, 2008 11:10 AM Go to message in response to: ChiBride08

That is so sad! What makes it worse is that it is family. 

I can't believe that she chose to attend a friend's wedding over her own cousin! 

You need to be the bigger person here and extend the olive branch. Ask her to be as much a part of it as she can (or will). Invite her to the parties, ask her to do something special at the wedding or reception, or (if she opts not to come at all) ask her to join you and your new husband for brunch before or after the wedding so that she can celebrate with you in some way.

Hope this helps. Good luck! 


"Love is not a matter of counting the years -- it's making the years count."

-Wolfman Jack Smith

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ChiBride08 Posts : 54 Registered: 3/15/07
Re: Feeling emotional- bridesmaid related
Posted: May 3, 2008 11:16 PM Go to message in response to: Knoxvegas

Thanks for the comforting words everyone.  My cousin called me and we talked.  She mentioned that she would still like to be a bridesmaid, so I offered to lend her money.  I just told her to let me know when she decides for sure whether she wants to drop out or not.  She sounds indecisive. 

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jessi1584 Posts : 13 Registered: 7/26/07
Re: Feeling emotional- bridesmaid related
Posted: May 9, 2008 5:56 PM Go to message in response to: ChiBride08

It sounds like there is more going on than what she is telling you. Is she married? If not, then it could be that there may be a little jealousy because she could feel like everyone around her is getting married and she's not. It could also be the responsibility of being a BM. She may feel obligated to stay at your wedding because of her role, and not get to see her friend's wedding. I don't think it is anything personal, but her issue is not about the money. But at least she let you know beforehand. Wouldn't life be great if everybody could do that. It shows that she does care about you and how you feel.

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