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I'm probably going to get ripped a new one for this, but...

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SammiAnn Posts : 114 Registered: 3/4/08
Re: I'm probably going to get ripped a new one for this, but...
Posted: Apr 16, 2008 8:34 PM Go to message in response to: YoungNInLove21

My parents are giving us $5000 and I'm actually going to come in under that, so that makes me feel wonderful that I am saving my parents money.  My parents offered the money to us, and we didn't complain one bit!  In fact, I thought that was high enough.  I don't want some extravagant thing because the wedding does not make the marriage.  Yes, I could have this giant thing that costs thousands and thousands, but a big party does not mean we would have a better marriage than if we had only spent a little bit of money.  Plus, FH and I are fairly simple people, and we hate giant events.  Our wedding is being held in someone's backyard, with BBQ as our meal.

I agree with all of the posts that it erks me SO bad when someone isn't grateful for the money that they get.  No, FH and I are not funding our wedding, but we definitely aren't complaining.  One of my really good friends was complaining when she first heard about how much her parents were giving her, because she didn't think that $12,000 would be enough!  I practically rolled my eyes right in front of her.
June 7, 2008...here I come!

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futuremrsperry Posts : 1,906 Registered: 4/23/06
Re: I'm probably going to get ripped a new one for this, but...
Posted: Apr 16, 2008 10:24 PM Go to message in response to: PALMETTOMOON

I never said FSIL felt "entitled" to anything.  When she announced her engagement to her parents they told them they have no extra money left over for anything let alone a wedding.  Which we now know was a lie.  No one needs a third car, let alone a sports car that sits in the garage and is only brought out once or twice a year.  Her dad admitted it was a sprue of the moment purchase.  I mean come on!!  From what FSIL said, her mom was soo mad at him too.  I really could care less about the car, like I said before, I am PISSED that ANYONE would lie to their child.  

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weddinworries Posts : 124 Registered: 5/28/07
Re: I'm probably going to get ripped a new one for this, but...
Posted: Apr 16, 2008 11:02 PM Go to message in response to: daybug

  I can understand how some girls would be disappointed that their parents didn't contribute.  After all, it is custom for the bride's parents to pay for the wedding.  They see other brides' parents, who maybe aren't any more wealthy, paying for a huge bash.  It's human nature to feel let down or jealous. 

I agree that parents shouldn't be expected to pay for the wedding, but that's kind of what IS expected in our culture.  I paid for 80% of my wedding, but all the credit went to my parents.  Everyone complimented my PARENTS on the wonderful bash they threw.  People didn't even realize that I paid for most of it!!  It didn't even occur to them!  So I can see how some brides might be disappointed if their parents don't contribute, when it's what's expected in our culture.  Maybe that will change.  Maybe women will start proposing marriage to men, too. 

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Mushaboo Posts : 2,166 Registered: 3/22/08
Re: I'm probably going to get ripped a new one for this, but...
Posted: Apr 16, 2008 11:04 PM Go to message in response to: MrsWilliams2008

Beauti- that's the quote from "IHeartWeddings" right?  OMG!  I looked at her pics and didn't say once "what a horrible little spoiled brat!"  In fact, I saved some screen shots from her photographer and found little DIY tips for myself.

If anyone makes you feel horrible because your parents offer, then I agree to tell them to stuff a sock down their throat.  Me?  I'm one of those people who doesn't accept big gifts well.  FH and I aren't trying to get people to buy us gifts for the wedding, we don't even plan to register anywhere because we both have seperate apartments and will mostly likely have to get rid of a lot when we move in together.  We're asking for any help for the wedding and post wedding.  His aunt does make-up so we've asked she doesn't buy us a gift and please do mine and the BMs.  I have requested that the BMs even tip her accordingly for her services.  FMIL gift is to make the BMs charms for their necklaces.  BMs are helping to decorate the reception area with me before the wedding.  Oh, and they are required to make sure I don't become a bridezilla day of the ceremony.  My parents are paying for my suite the night before the wedding so I don't have to drive to the hotel on my wedding day.  All of these things are small gifts that mean more than the world to me.  We're coming together as family. 

In a perfect world everyone would be pleased with whatever their friends/family are choosing to contribute.  Not whine about it.  And if your parents say "Suck it up Bob, I'm retired and just bought a new Audi"...well then suck it up.  lol


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Charlotte09 Posts : 1,022 Registered: 2/22/08
Re: I'm probably going to get ripped a new one for this, but...
Posted: Apr 17, 2008 12:41 AM Go to message in response to: Mushaboo

I dont believe the point is to make people feel bad because their parents are paying for their wedding at all. The point is that it is completely selfish and ridiculous for someone to complain about the amount of money someone is giving them for their wedding especially when you could finance it yourself. 

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daybug Posts : 159 Registered: 10/7/07
Re: I'm probably going to get ripped a new one for this, but...
Posted: Apr 17, 2008 1:14 AM Go to message in response to: Charlotte09

As mentioned by some ladies already, my point was not to make anyone feel bad for having parents who are paying/contributing to the wedding. My parents are also contributing. FH parents are paying for the RD. However, not once ever in the engagement/planning process did I think "well, we can do this because my parents will pay for it." When we got engaged and started planning, we had every intention of paying for it all ourselves, realizing that yes, it would be a challenge, but yes, we are adults. Not long after the engagement was announced, my parents OFFERED to help a bit and we gratefully accepted. What a wonderful gift and I realize how fortunate I am to have parents who are willing to help. So, I am sorry if my original post made anyone feel less of a person if they weren't paying for everything themselves. I just don't tolerate selfishness and people complaining out of "entitlement" so to speak. Thanks for all the responses, though, they've been very interesting.

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BirdLover Posts : 2,835 Registered: 3/30/06
Re: I'm probably going to get ripped a new one for this, but...
Posted: Apr 17, 2008 1:19 AM Go to message in response to: daybug

I see your point and I agree.

That said, I grew up my entire life with my parents telling me that they would pay for my wedding, so I am one of those people who assumed that my parents would be paying for it.  And if they had changed their mind, yes, I probably would have been annoyed.  Because like I said, I had been told that my whole life.

I'm assuming you aren't talking about people like me, but moreso people who make assumptions with no basis...but in case not, just remember that there may be reasons as to why people assume that their parents are paying

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daybug Posts : 159 Registered: 10/7/07
Re: I'm probably going to get ripped a new one for this, but...
Posted: Apr 17, 2008 1:33 AM Go to message in response to: BirdLover

BL, yes you are right, my OP was directed to those who make such assumptions with no basis. I should have been more clear.

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PharmToxGirl Posts : 5,462 Registered: 8/30/07
Re: I'm probably going to get ripped a new one for this, but...
Posted: Apr 17, 2008 10:58 AM Go to message in response to: MrsWilliams2008

Beauti,

I totally agree about the people whining about not getting anything or how it's not enough.  Seriously, they need to grow up.

And it doesn't happen all the time, but I definitely have felt put down because my parents are paying for my wedding.  (I know you weren't)  And I refuse to feel guilty because of it.  They offered!  I was happy to accept!  LOL  And I'm doing everything in my power to keep it reasonable.  My Mom keeps adding more people....  But that's on her as she's paying for half of it.  LOL 


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PharmToxGirl Posts : 5,462 Registered: 8/30/07
Re: I'm probably going to get ripped a new one for this, but...
Posted: Apr 17, 2008 11:07 AM Go to message in response to: daybug

Daybug,

I didn't feel looked down on here, no one on this thread did, but it has happened in other threads.  And I totally agree that feeling entitled to someone else's money is insane and selfish.  

Heck, I could turn around and tell my Mom to stop traveling since she's spending my inheritance.  And I would NEVER do that!  She earned it she should get so spend it and do what she will as she likes.  I'm proud of her for getting out there and fulfilling her dreams of traveling all over the world.   

My Mom actually had told me that she had a certain amount of money set aside before I was engaged (I had been with FH for over four years) and she had discussed it iwht my Dad and he was willing to match that amount.  Planning the rehearsal dinner, I assumed we would pay for it and now the FILs have offered.  Which is wonderful, but I never assumed that they would.  And I've worked to keep the prices down there too (I'm from NJ they are in VA so they have no idea where to have it etc in NJ).

So to cap, I wasn't offended by your original post AT ALL.  I was just bringing it up that on other threads I have felt looked down upon as my parents are in a position to help us and offered to do so.  But I would also never tell them that they HAD to give me more money or get pissed because of what they were offering was too small.  And I realize that that was the point of your original post. :-)   

 


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5in3 Posts : 806 Registered: 8/15/06
Re: I'm probably going to get ripped a new one for this, but...
Posted: Apr 17, 2008 11:43 AM Go to message in response to: PharmToxGirl

I agree with most everything said here. 

Could someone please phone my FMIL and tell her to stop spending money on the wedding though?

Both I and FH did not expect anything from our parents.  Both sets however, offered to do one thing and then contribute X amount of money.  We accepted this with this stipulation that they new it was not expected, and that it also didn't mean that they had final say in the parts we were paying for.  My parents said they would pay for my wedding dress, therefore I said you set the budget (I don't think parents can have final say in which dress, but they can have final say in how much they will spend on said dress).  FH's parents said they would pay for the rehearsal dinner.  It is their money, they can spend it how they choose (the only time FH put his foot down was when they said they were only inviting FMIL's side of the family, not the wedding party or my parents). Otherwise they choose the place, the food, the drinks.  Their money, their choice.  FH and I have paid for everything else ourselves, and have yet to dip into the X amount that our parents gave us.  We have it, we just haven't needed it yet.

Now FMIL just won't stop buying stuff, and I am a week out.  Please tell her she has spent enough.


Me, my honey and our kitty make 3.

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seadreamer Posts : 522 Registered: 6/8/07
Re: I'm probably going to get ripped a new one for this, but...
Posted: Apr 17, 2008 12:46 PM Go to message in response to: 5in3

I understand what daybug was trying to say about the whiny brides and she was exactly right.  AS a mother of two boys and going through the whole wedding mess myself, I have already decided that I will NOT financially contribute to either of their weddings (if they choose to get married).  They will be adults (hopefully) and if they choose to get married, then they can choose to pay for it themselves.  I will however offer any and all love, support and anything else.

I have seen firsthand the amount of money that is put into one day and to me (TO ME) it is a waste.  Yes it is nice to spend time with friends and family, but thousand and thousands....nope.  Not doing it again.

If I have to deal with a FDIL that gets pissed because "her FH's parents are wealthy and are not paying for our wedding"......well at least I will remember these boards and have some tools to reason with her with, then I can pull my son to the side and beg him not to marry the B%ch!  (Just Kidding).

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thisnamehasnotb... Posts : 45 Registered: 3/17/08
Re: I'm probably going to get ripped a new one for this, but...
Posted: Apr 17, 2008 12:48 PM Go to message in response to: daybug

I am 19, FH is 21...

 we both work REALLY hard, but can barely afford to pay our bills...

we are NOT excessive spenders... we try to save as much as possible.... 

my mom is on disability AND welfare, my dad is NOT in the picture AT ALL, never met him. I have two younger sisters, whose dads do not pay child support or contribute AT ALL!

 My Fh's family is VERY wealthy, (own their own VERY profitable business), and have offered to match whatever money my family contributes (very generous!). But what FMIL contributes is only contributed to what FMIL thinks should be around... ugh.. hahaa...

we have 5mths until the wedding, and i was FREAKING OUT ABOUT MOnEY! even if it WASSSSS a small little wedding i would still have to pay for the place food, rentals, decor, clothes, honeymoon EVERYTHING! guest list has grown to about 100 people, THATS FAMILY!

 so i prayed and guess what! a guy called my uncle (hadnt talked to him ain YEARS), and brought up he had a place and he has weddings there all the time! then! i asked my uncle to walk me down the aisle and he said he would be honored and will contribute $500 for food!!!!! ahhhh! thank you LORD! thats $1000 because FH dad will match!

:)

thennnnnnn, a friend comes to me and says "i have a friend who is a photographer and a believer, she said to contact her and she will photograph your wedding for a discount, i said okay! yes awesome! i looked at her website and her prices were like starting at $2,000 eek! so i greatfully declined, then, she wrote ME IN AN EMAIL ! AND SAIDDDDDD WHAT WOULD YOU BE WILLING TO PAY!!!! AHHH! so she is going to photograph for like a few hundred $$$$!!!!!

 God is amazing and i think that people need to pray and believe that God will take care of them in EVERY situation, God blesses marriage! it makes him happy, and he WANTS you to be happy!

:)

I also just found out my grandma wants to buy my dress for me too!

 and my friend used to work at a rental place and i might get a discount! ahhhh! 

GOD IS GOOD!

anddd me and my FH met at rehab a couple of years ago, and we met again a few years later at a church, and my FH lives 2 hours away from me,

 

thank you lord...

 

:)

 


Daisypath Wedding PicDaisypathWedding Ticker


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Mushaboo Posts : 2,166 Registered: 3/22/08
Re: I'm probably going to get ripped a new one for this, but...
Posted: Apr 17, 2008 12:53 PM Go to message in response to: PharmToxGirl

I say it's great they started a fund for your wedding!!!!

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PharmToxGirl Posts : 5,462 Registered: 8/30/07
Re: I'm probably going to get ripped a new one for this, but...
Posted: Apr 17, 2008 1:25 PM Go to message in response to: Mushaboo

I was honestly quite shocked that they had it set and was very pleasantly surprised with amount.  Which is a good thing since weddings are expensive!  LOL  Especially with 110 family members, on MY side.  

But we would have figured it out if they hadn't offered.  My FH is still in shock with the budget and very appreciative as well.  I tell my Mom often that I'm extremely grateful, not just for the money, but for her being her.  She's been nothing BUT supportive.  And I appreciate it to no end!


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