I'm probably going to get ripped a new one for this, but...

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Retired Posts : 808 Registered: 4/17/06
Re: I'm probably going to get ripped a new one for this, but...
Posted: Apr 16, 2008 1:45 PM Go to message in response to: daybug

If my parents offered to contribute 5k, I think I'd faint.

I agree, these people need to shut it; they're lucky they're getting anything.


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PharmToxGirl Posts : 5,446 Registered: 8/30/07
Re: I'm probably going to get ripped a new one for this, but...
Posted: Apr 16, 2008 2:02 PM Go to message in response to: daybug

While I agree that people getting pissed off because no one is offering money, or someone is offering less then they should, is sad and childish, I also feel looked down here on the boards because I'm not paying for my wedding.   That I'm not as good as the brides who are paying for their own wedding. 

I'm not saying that I felt this way on the thread but I have in other threads.  And that is personally grating to me.  I appreciate the fact that my parents are able to do this for us and offered.  And if they hadn't, we wouldn't be having the wedding we are having.  I freely admit that.  But we are able to do so because of their generosity, and I'm grateful every day as I'm adding things up! 


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MsDenuninani Posts : 3,962 Registered: 3/16/07
Re: I'm probably going to get ripped a new one for this, but...
Posted: Apr 16, 2008 2:25 PM Go to message in response to: PharmToxGirl

Look. . .

I'm gonna stick up for these girls.  Whenever they appear on the thread, I give them exactly the same advice:  You can complain about what's out of your control (i.e. what your parents are willing to give) or you can focus on what you can control (i.e. what money you can make).

BUT. . .People grow up with expectations.  They form these expectations by their environments and their parents.  They are let down.  They complain.  I think that's perfectly human.  It's not the complaining itself that makes them spoiled in my view. . .it's what they're doing off these boards that really matters. 

Furthermore, of course they would come here to complain, to people they would expect to have felt the disappointment of not being able to afford something they have dreamed of having.  I had a larg(ish) budget for my wedding, at least compared to what I've seen on these forums, and even I was disappointed in some ways by what I couldn't afford to do.  But there is no way in hell I would have ever discussed it on here.  Because I know I would have been accused of being a spoiled selfish brat by people who had no idea who I am or what my values actually are.   

I love these boards.  I think they are an invaluable tool. But they are populated by people with lower budget weddings, and do it yourself brides.  Brides who feel, understandably, pissed when someone complains about something that they feel they have no right to expect.  But it lends itself to a kind of bias towards people who are paying for their weddings on their own and against those who have dreamed of a $50,000 wedding their whole lives.  As though the very fact that they've dreamed of an expensive wedding (as opposed to an expensive car or an expensive education or an expensive home) is itself deficient.

Just my 2 cents.


_______________________________________________________
“We can't solve problems by using the same kind of thinking we used when we created them”    - Albert Einstein

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Ashleyl525 Posts : 1,590 Registered: 12/27/06
Re: I'm probably going to get ripped a new one for this, but...
Posted: Apr 16, 2008 2:37 PM Go to message in response to: PharmToxGirl

I COMPLETELY AGREE 100%

My Fh and i have been engaged since last christmas we had a date and now financially we cant do it...we have to wait...it makes jealous when i hear of people getting their whole wedding paid for ny their parents but i know that my wedding will be wonderful because we paid for it all and we accomplished that even if it takes a million years to do


Ashley

 
Losing Weight While We Wait is Kicking Ass & Taking Names
Sending Love to my Wormies!
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http://thelifeofafutureswann.blogspot.com/

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Bride2008 Posts : 3,058 Registered: 3/28/06
Re: I'm probably going to get ripped a new one for this, but...
Posted: Apr 16, 2008 2:44 PM Go to message in response to: Ashleyl525

I have no problem with people who have their weddings paid for by parents. If a mother and father choose to do that for their child, I think it's great. I don't believe it automatically makes the kid spoiled or irreponsible.

I received X amount from my mom and dad as a gift, which covered about 5% of the cost of the wedding. My parents didn't tell us to use it for the wedding. It could have been for furniture, a house, anything we wanted. We choose to put it toward the wedding. The other 95% was all my and my FH and represnts almost 3 years of hard work and saving. My parents made it clear from the time we were younger that they couldn't afford to fund a whole wedding for each of their kids.

What bothers me is when someone wants to have a wedding and expects someone else to pay for it. For example, when a bride wants a 20K wedding, but her parents only want to give her 5K. Well boo hoo for you. Say thank you and figure out the rest yourself. It can be frustrating when wealthy parents don't want to help - but accept it and move on. Complaining won't change anything and it will only upset you more. It is totally different when someone promises X amount and then won't give it for whatever reason. That's just messed up.


 

"I came here tonight because when you realize you want to spend the rest of your life with somebody, you want the rest of your life to start as soon as possible." - Billy Crystal, When Harry met Sally 


Message was edited by: Bride2008

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Iheartweddings Posts : 645 Registered: 7/23/07
Re: I'm probably going to get ripped a new one for this, but...
Posted: Apr 16, 2008 2:58 PM Go to message in response to: MsDenuninani

MrsD.... AMEN. 

When is my wedding

See our wedding pictures at: josephmark.com/RyanandJennifer Smile

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Charlotte09 Posts : 1,021 Registered: 2/22/08
Re: I'm probably going to get ripped a new one for this, but...
Posted: Apr 16, 2008 3:30 PM Go to message in response to: Iheartweddings

I just don't get why people are so angry. My parents have the money to pay for our wedding but they are not, because they think I should take care of it myself, and I understand that. My FH and I are not older or make a lot of money. I am still in school and work part time and he is a teacher. However, we have budgeted $15,000-$18,000 for our wedding, which is still over a year away, and we already have roughly saved $11,000. Keep in mind we do need to save up for some furniture for our place and things like that too that are apart of being married. FH will be getting a new permanent teaching job that starts in August so a month or two after that we will have all the money saved up that we need.  

So basically my point is that if some younger people in college can do this without mom and dads assistance, than anyone should be able to. If all else it does not cost a lot of money to get married at a church or in a back yard and serve cake and punch to 100 or less people.  

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Gregslizzy Posts : 197 Registered: 6/11/07
Re: I'm probably going to get ripped a new one for this, but...
Posted: Apr 16, 2008 4:12 PM Go to message in response to: Charlotte09

I too find it amusing when women come here and complain about who's doing what or who's paying for what. When these brides to be expect so much it seems to me that their parents have been giving them everything and anything their entire lives, so why should they stop now?

What's even more interesting to me is that while we are here to express our feelings, I don't see why people can't realize that things are done different in every family, culture, social group ect.

I also feel bad for those parents who are being critisized. I'm not a parent yet, but if I was one, I would have my heart broken if I knew my son or daughter was ventilating our financial situation/contribution. I would think that she should come to me and talk about it if it was bothering her that much instead of whining to complete strangers.

Things are done differently, just accept it and enjoy learning about other cultures and traditions and consider those that are getting a free wedding lucky and blessed. My FH and I are paying for the type of wedding we want  and can afford to have and his parents offered to pay for the reception once we decided where it would be held.I am very grateful for that. I have supported my mother since I was 17 so since then I have only asked my sister for a loan once and quickly repaid it.(I got a 1200.00 traffic ticket when I was 18, lol)I am not comfortable asking anyone for money and even now when I'm offered money for the wedding, I feel uneasy taking it and haven't other than FH's parents contribution.But if I were to follow my culture's contemporary  financial wedding tradition, I would have about 10 sets of  sponsors who would potentially be paying a range of things  from the underwear I'll be wearing :) to the ribbon placed on the programs. That being said,I prefer to keep my wedding expenses to myself and like knowing that I will not  owe our guests anything else than a sincere thank you for their attendance and or possible gift.

Wedding days are meant to celebrate, to share the grand decision to share ones life with another person's. Why burden others with what's supposed to be a joyful day?

The last thing I want to say is that people should live within their means  and that should apply to all financial decisions including their wedding day.

And ladies, more love and less hate!!


Here comes the bride!!

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futuremrsperry Posts : 1,904 Registered: 4/23/06
Re: I'm probably going to get ripped a new one for this, but...
Posted: Apr 16, 2008 4:35 PM Go to message in response to: daybug

I don't understand why you are so upset.  Some families pay for their children's weddings.  In my family it is expected.  My mom said it's just part of being a parent.  Just like helping us out with college, teaching us how to drive, and putting food on the table.   My parents paid for my wedding and I will pay for my children's wedding.  That is one tradition that should have stuck around. 

You mentioned parents spending money on themselves rather then pay for a wedding.  I think if a parents says they can not afford it that's fine.  Money does not grow on trees.  But when parents say the "can not afford it", then go buy some high price item, that is just wrong!  We were ok with everything when my brother's FIL's said they could not afford to pay for the wedding.  But when they went out a week later and bought a sports car.  We (my parents, my brother and his FW, my DH and I, everyone!) were pissed!!   If you can afford a $30,000 sports car, you can afford a $15,000 wedding.

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ciscokid Posts : 119 Registered: 8/8/07
Re: I'm probably going to get ripped a new one for this, but...
Posted: Apr 16, 2008 4:37 PM Go to message in response to: Gregslizzy

I do just want to pitch in my two cents and agree with Iheart. I live in Mississippi, and until I got on these boards, I had NEVER heard of anyone paying for their own wedding, unless it was a courthouse wedding against a parent's wishes. If your parents weren't paying for it, it was assumed they didn't approve.

As far as "the kind of wedding I want" goes, I think that, down here at least, that kind of is expected by the way you are raised. My parents gave me everything I needed and the things that I wanted that they could afford that weren't (in our view) ludicrous. So I expected just that...a simple, yet lovely ceremony without a lot of unnecessary frills, yet still very nice. My friends with wealthier parents expected nicer weddings because they grew up expecting more things (or the ones that were just spoiled brats, but thats a different story lol). So I don't think it's an all of a sudden, I want this kind of wedding. Pay for it. I think it's more of I've been raised to expect so much, that's what I expect for my wedding. You've done it all my life. Why not now?

I know that every family, every culture, and every region of this country does things completely different. But I do think that at least in THIS "culture," that's just how we were raised. It's the parent's last gift to their children.

That's just my two cents lol.



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PALMETTOMOON Posts : 532 Registered: 4/25/07
Re: I'm probably going to get ripped a new one for this, but...
Posted: Apr 16, 2008 4:50 PM Go to message in response to: futuremrsperry

For the most part, I agree with those of you who have explained the manner in which your parents have raised you....one where a wedding is part of the deal.  I think it is wonderful that a parent would gift their child with that kind of celebration.  But the child must be a good steward of that generosity, being gracious in the limitations the parents have, and appreciative of what they have been given.  The problem comes when brides have the attitude that what they have been given is not enough and start complaining.  When someone complains about not being given everything they want, they sound like a 3 year old child.  Or if grown children decide that they should be able to manage someone elses' hard-earned money, then they need a reality check.   If any adult wants to spend their money on a sports car that they buy with their own money, then that is their right, irregardless of whether their grown child feels entitled to it.  No, they couldn't afford the $15,000 wedding because they needed it for the $30,000 car.  Yes, the bride might be understandably disappointed and angry, especially if her parents raised her to expect a wedding, but she needs to suck it up and be an adult. 


www.mywedding.com/lizandkevin

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ChrissLady Posts : 1,352 Registered: 4/5/06
Re: I'm probably going to get ripped a new one for this, but...
Posted: Apr 16, 2008 5:11 PM Go to message in response to: MsDenuninani

:stands up and applauses for MsD:...again


 

WWW.MYWEDDING.COM/CHRISTOPHERANDMONICA

 

 

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willmarrybarry Posts : 84 Registered: 4/15/08
Re: I'm probably going to get ripped a new one for this, but...
Posted: Apr 16, 2008 5:21 PM Go to message in response to: daybug

WELL SAID girfriend.

Both of our parents are chipping in as a gift, but we weren't counting on it and we're really honored and grateful that they want to.

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YoungNInLove21 Posts : 85 Registered: 1/24/08
Re: I'm probably going to get ripped a new one for this, but...
Posted: Apr 16, 2008 5:40 PM Go to message in response to: daybug

Amen! amen!! I mean really, how shallow can u be? U have the nerve to get angry because mommy and daddy don't wanna spend their money on your grown ass anymore?? FH and I have a $5000 budget, and the majority of that budget we will pay for. These people are complaining about "ONLY" being able to spend $15000 on their wedding?? Do u know that u can have an amazing wedding for that amount of money?? Some people (sadly) only make that much in a year, and they're mad that's all they have to spend on one event. That is extremely arrogant and shallow.

They should really realize how blessed they are that they're parents can afford to contribute that much and stop whining like a spoiled brat!

JULY 12, 2008 I'M MRS. WILLIS JONES III!!!

 

Message was edited by: YoungNInLove21 Message was edited by: YoungNInLove21

Message was edited by: YoungNInLove21

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MrsWilliams2008 Posts : 1,431 Registered: 7/19/07
Re: I'm probably going to get ripped a new one for this, but...
Posted: Apr 16, 2008 8:23 PM Go to message in response to: PharmToxGirl

quoteI also feel looked down here on the boards because I'm not paying for my wedding.   That I'm not as good as the brides who are paying for their own wedding.  [/quote]

I don't know about other posters but that certainly isn't my intention to make any bride feel that way. I think that's great that your parent's are giving you such a wonderful gift. Heck, I would gladly accept if our parents OFFERED (key word) to foot the bill. But they haven't and I don't expect them to...no hard feelings at all.

my problem is those that b*tch and whine that their parent's won't pay or they ONLY gave them "x" amount of money.

 


 http://www.theknot.com/ourwedding/RyAnne Stafford&RobertWilliams, Jr

                                 R&R: June 21, 2008

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