Does he really want this?????

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chocsie Posts : 41 Registered: 6/29/07
Re: Does he really want this?????
Posted: Mar 25, 2008 3:03 PM Go to message in response to: B2B999

B2B999, I am sure I would rather be in my situation. As much as I want him to be interested, I really want control. I guess we want to have our cakes and eat them too.
 

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chocsie Posts : 41 Registered: 6/29/07
Re: Does he really want this?????
Posted: Mar 25, 2008 3:06 PM Go to message in response to: chocsie

Ladies, I cant tell you how good it feels to know that I am not alone in this boat. Oh well, I guess I will move happily along with my planning!


 

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Wedding070508 Posts : 1 Registered: 7/18/07
Re: Does he really want this?????
Posted: Mar 25, 2008 4:34 PM Go to message in response to: chocsie

It's all men!! LOL My fiance' tells me to do whatever I want. So, that is exactly what I do. He did get upset that I ordered the cake without him. Honestly, they don't care about the details!

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Bride2008 Posts : 3,058 Registered: 3/28/06
Re: Does he really want this?????
Posted: Mar 25, 2008 4:39 PM Go to message in response to: chocsie

chocsie - it could be worse. There are some men out there who are total control freaks and want to be involved in EVERY aspect of planning. It makes things much easier when they just let you make the decisions.

 

"I came here tonight because when you realize you want to spend the rest of your life with somebody, you want the rest of your life to start as soon as possible." - Billy Crystal, When Harry met Sally 

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nickakels Posts : 71 Registered: 1/3/08
Re: Does he really want this?????
Posted: Mar 25, 2008 8:23 PM Go to message in response to: chocsie

he is male. Your best bet is to choose your battles: explain to him how important this day is to you & then pick a couple things for him to help you decide on (make it multiple choice so you don't end up frustrated when he can't come up with ideas).  Just be willing to go with whatever he picks (if you complain to him that he needs to help more & then don't let his imput matter, he'll be just as frustrated as you).  My FH helped pick some of our music, our venue, and the guestbook pen (even that last one made him feel important- seriously). Even if he doesn't entirely understand why so much money & stress should go into one day, he is probably very much looking forward to all the days afterward where you will simply be his wife.

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MrsWilliams2008 Posts : 1,431 Registered: 7/19/07
Re: Does he really want this?????
Posted: Mar 25, 2008 8:57 PM Go to message in response to: chocsie

Honey it's normal! My FH as well as many around the world just want to as another poster said "show up". He does not care about flowers, colors, music, etc. FH picked the date and time and that was it. His mom is more involved than he is lol. This isn't an indicator of if he wants to get married or not. Men just aren't as detail oriented as we are. Happy planning!

 http://www.theknot.com/ourwedding/RyAnne Stafford&RobertWilliams, Jr

                                 R&R: June 21, 2008

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Guest
Re: Does he really want this?????
Posted: Mar 25, 2008 9:40 PM Go to message in response to: chocsie

Oh how I understand! Not only can I not get my FH to get excited about any of the plans, I cant even get him to pick groomsmen! Talking about plans of any kind gets the response of "that's all we talk about" and we're doing a destination wedding..we dont even have much to plan! He also says that whatever I want he'll go along with, but it would be nice to know he cared enough to have an option. Men..geesh! 

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Retired Posts : 808 Registered: 4/17/06
Re: Does he really want this?????
Posted: Mar 25, 2008 9:59 PM Go to message in response to: chocsie

It's a guy thing and it's totally normal.

You should actually be happy, because at least it means that the marriage is what matters to him, not the party. My FH once said to me, "I wouldn't care if we went to the courthouse in blue jeans, all that matters is that we're married."

And at first, that made me kind of mad the way he said he "didn't care." But then I thought about it a while and decided it made me happy, that he'd be content with whatever as long as we were married at the end of it.

I've just decided I'd plan it, and that whatever he wanted a say in he'd get. Examples:

He wants a chocolate cake. Period. Doesn't care what it looks like, it just better be chocolate.
He wants edible icing; it better not have "that  fondant crap" on it his words
There will be no rap, no Chicken Dance, no Electric Slide and no Macarena
One of the desserts better have Nerds on it http://XD! I'm actually making cupcakes for him as a surprise, since our wedding date is his birthday, and I'm going to put Nerds on them.
He wants us to have the Just Married flip-flops, and he wants a pair of boxers that say "Groom" story: my friend bought me a pair of panties with "Bride" on them in rhinestones as a joke after I said I would never wear anything with "bride" on it. I had them for a good few months before I skipped a laundry day and had nothing else to wear. He saw them and said, with the most honest face imaginable, "I get boxers that say Groom, right?"

Just see if there's anything specific HE wants to contribute to. Don't say, "well we have an appointment with the catrer" if he doesn't care. But if he cares about, say, the photography, then tell him when you're going to see the photographer and invite him to come. Just a suggestion.


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JEG Posts : 72 Registered: 8/27/07
Re: Does he really want this?????
Posted: Mar 26, 2008 2:16 AM Go to message in response to: chocsie

Ok, I'm not going to read the entire thread because it's 1 in the morning and I'm getting tired, but, I agree with at least the few that I read.... it's a guy thing.  I know that my FH loves me and wants to marry me, but he doesn't care about most of the details.  He's got certain songs that he wants played for sure and certain ones that he REALLY doesn't want played, but that's about all he's helped on.  I've gotten him to help with the registries, only because we happened to be out, had some time to kill and had nothing better to do, and that's not really planning the wedding, it's figuring out what stuff he wants.  He's said probably a dozen times that he doesn't care about most of the details.... he's said very specificly that he would be happy with us getting married in a barn, wearing jeans and t-shirts, and having a potluck dinner.  As long as there is music, food, family and friends and I'm marrying him, he's happy.


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CyclistLover Posts : 1,183 Registered: 7/9/07
Re: Does he really want this?????
Posted: Mar 26, 2008 3:09 PM Go to message in response to: chocsie

I had the opposite problem, my DH wanted to be involved in everything.  And this resulted in having a week long agrument about center pieces - the need for them (he insisted we didn't need them) and the cost of them. 

I'm sure your FH will help if you really need it but consider yourself lucky and enjoy your planning without any feedback like I had to deal with!! 


Happiness is a puppy greeting you at the door

AND

Llama Jjamas

 

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Mushaboo Posts : 2,165 Registered: 3/22/08
Re: Does he really want this?????
Posted: Mar 27, 2008 12:12 AM Go to message in response to: chocsie

Chocsie- I tried the girl approach with my FH when we first got engaged, and I almost drove him insane.  My mind was racing at 180 mph so I thought he could operate on that level too.  I would be googling venues, dresses, cakes, invitations, new place to live, linens, favors, photographers, etc all at the same time and throwing information at him in high pitched giggles, emails, and texts nonstop.  It was normal to me.  He became very "whatever" about the whole situation.  I was hurt.  I thought he didn't care. 

Later on, I read an article in one of the 10 bridal magazines I bought that week (girl thing again) that said men become overwhelmed very easily, and that a main cause for stress and even breakups after a proposal is that you're no longer Sally and Bob, you become a wedding obsessed engaged couple, that you lose your identity.  Somehow everyday something gets brought up about "the wedding".  Men are hunters, doers, and fixers.  Take a step back.  Only mention wedding stuff 1-2 times a week.  Open a bottle of wine and say the words they love to hear..."I need your help." 

Now, we take time to review things together, and I only attack him with one subject per week.  This week it was table decor.  He actually went to 3 craft stores, and we had a ton of fun.  Next week I'm go to some Indy Car Races as a favor to him so it works itself out.  Whenever your FH repels at an idea, just step back, don't snap and think he doesn't care, and then bring it up a day or so later with a different approach.

Oh, and if you need a laugh, this video describes perfectly the differences between men and women!  My hunny sent it to me and I giggle everytime because it's so true!

http://www.i-am-bored.com/bored_link.cfm?link_id=24408

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