Does he really want this?????

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chocsie Posts : 41 Registered: 6/29/07
Does he really want this?????
Posted: Mar 25, 2008 8:39 AM

Ok ladies, tell me if Im alone in this. The fiance is really getting on my nerves. He is so uninterested in the plans. I mean, he doesn’t care what's on the menu, he doesn’t care what hotel were staying in, nothing. I had to ask him (twice) are you sure you want to do this??? He says yes, and that nothing's wrong, but I just cant understand how he could be so non-chalant about his wedding. Are any of you, or did any of you experience this?? My best friend said her hubby was the exact same way. She said she asked him the same question on more than one occasion. I know that he is now very happily married. Is this just a guy thing or what? I mean Ive always heard about the guys who say "just tell me when and where", but my goodness, I didn’t know it would feel like this.


 

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chocsie Posts : 41 Registered: 6/29/07
Re: Does he really want this?????
Posted: Mar 25, 2008 8:47 AM Go to message in response to: chocsie

My co-worker came by as I was finishing this post. She said her husband was also the same way. I guess this is just par for the course.
 

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MrsBrock2008 Posts : 101 Registered: 10/9/06
Re: Does he really want this?????
Posted: Mar 25, 2008 8:47 AM Go to message in response to: chocsie

Chocsie, you are right it's a man things. We (ladies) get more excited about  weddings then they do.  The only thing I was able to get my FH to do was pick the first dance song and he haven't done that yet!!!.  He says "whatever you want baby is alright with me".  I don't think they are being non-chalant or don't want  to get married, its just not a big to do with them. 

C James Laughing



Message was edited by: VOW

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Re: Does he really want this?????
Posted: Mar 25, 2008 8:51 AM Go to message in response to: MrsBrock2008

I don't think it's that he doesn't want to get married... I just think that our society expects the woman to be the one to get excited about the wedding and to plan it.  After all, most little girls are planning weddings for Barbie and Ken from five years old, so it's just kind of made "our thing." 

 If you really want him to be involved, assign him some tasks.  What I did with my FH was I would do the initial research on something (for exampe, dj's), then I would give him the telephone numbers and tell him it was up to him to schedule appointments for us to meet with them.  He does fairly well when things are assigned to him.

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lil1one Posts : 312 Registered: 2/13/08
Re: Does he really want this?????
Posted: Mar 25, 2008 8:58 AM Go to message in response to: chocsie

Chocsie, My Fh told me he just wants to show up. I told him  that there are a few things that i need him to make a decision on so i made him a list. No he hasn't done everything on the list but he did kinda do his guest list, get fitted for the tux. I think if you make appointments for things like, cake tasting, tux rental he'll show up. I even got my Fh to go to JCPenneys so we could do our registry but their registry wasn't working properly, so when we left he said that he didn't want to come back and if my MOH or mother could do it with me. I wouldn't worry about it, men are just not into details.

Soon to be Mrs. Hatcher!!!

September 20,2008

 When is my wedding

WhenIsMyWedding.com

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chocsie Posts : 41 Registered: 6/29/07
Re: Does he really want this?????
Posted: Mar 25, 2008 9:12 AM Go to message in response to: lil1one

Ok ladies, well I guess that explains it. I wont be so hard on him then. Thanks for all the stories and advice.


 

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B2B999 Posts : 700 Registered: 12/7/07
Re: Does he really want this?????
Posted: Mar 25, 2008 9:17 AM Go to message in response to: chocsie

I have the exact opposite problem FH wants to be involved in EVERY tiny little detail. He is really into food so he wants to have creative control over the menu, and he picked the ceremony location (and thereby the reception location - though not the place) He has an opinion about centerpieces, pictures, flowers, chair & table covers, EVERYTHING. The only thing he doesn't seem to think about is the BUDGET! So he tells me these ideas, or when I present to him an idea fait complete which will work inside our budget he has a bunch of opinions about what he wants to change about it (often times making it more expensive or less expensive but completely impractical) Even everyday flatware was a source of discussion and compromise.

I am sure having an uninvolved FH is horrible but having one that wants to be really involved is its own special experience.


When is my wedding

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Beachwed Posts : 782 Registered: 9/19/06
Re: Does he really want this?????
Posted: Mar 25, 2008 9:28 AM Go to message in response to: chocsie

It is absolutely a guy thing. Be glad he doesn't want to be TOO involved, I've heard of guys demanding some crazy things when they get really involved!

My husband could have cared less what the menu was (as long as it included red meat, that is :-) and did sit through the meeting with the florist, could care less about that, etc. Our society makes weddings out to be a girl thing, and guy see that and don't want to get in our way.

What worked for me was to give him tasks he WAS interested in. He took care of the music, I let him choose all songs and book the dj. He also took care of the honeymoon, every detail. That took a lot off my plate, and then when it came down to crunch time, he helped with any small things, like putting stamps on envelopes or simple jobs he could do in front of the tv. I had no help from family, so I told him I NEEDED his help, told him how important it was to me, and he was happy to help. Just have a talk with him, see what jobs he'd like to do and tell him how happy it would make you if he helped in those areas. He loves you and the day will be wonderful! 

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auntofthebride Posts : 9,354 Registered: 4/2/06
Re: Does he really want this?????
Posted: Mar 25, 2008 10:08 AM Go to message in response to: chocsie

Dear Chocsie,

I've known dozens on men just like that, including my own husband.

Actually, dividing the work is a good way for a couple to make decisions. My husband and I do that all the time, and we've been married 31 years.

Let's say the TV breaks down, and we need a new one. Which one of us wants to take charge of getting a new one? That would include researching the different models, features, prices, then going to the stores, making the final selection, bringing it home and setting it up.

We see it as inefficient for us both to do that. Instead, we figure on who is best capable of doing it, or has the most interest or spare time. Then, that person does it, and the other just goes along with the result.

It works for us. It's our decision making style.

On the other hand, there are other families that involve everyone in all decisions. For example, I know a family where one member wanted to get an iPod. Everyone had an opinion on which iPod, what color, what accessories, ad infinitum. That is their decision making style. It would drive me crazy, but it works for them.

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Guest
Re: Does he really want this?????
Posted: Mar 25, 2008 11:58 AM Go to message in response to: chocsie

I have one of those guys too. I can ask my FH anything and he says thats fine or i don't care. He says he just wants to get married and the planning is up to me. He isn't into planning anything. The only thing i told him he HAD to do was go with his bestman and get the tuxes ( he didn't have a choice). I've just figure well at least i will have it the way i want it this way. But i'm sure if i really need his opinion or something he would then get interested.
wedding count down  

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JessicaRodio Posts : 9 Registered: 2/19/07
Re: Does he really want this?????
Posted: Mar 25, 2008 12:11 PM Go to message in response to: chocsie

MY FH is the same way, he gives me these funny looks when I tell him about some of the plans or ask his opinion...like he really does not care.  The one and only thing he put his 2 cents in about is the song he wants played as we enter the reception and that is the one this I HATE....its too funny when i want his help he doesn't give it, when I don't want it he is all for it! 

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CaribbeanBride08 Posts : 1,474 Registered: 6/13/07
Re: Does he really want this?????
Posted: Mar 25, 2008 12:50 PM Go to message in response to: chocsie

Yep, it's 100% a guy thing and you definitely shouldn't question his committment to this marriage.  Guys are all about the marriage, not the wedding.  Just tell them what to wear, where and what time to show up and that's about the extent of their involvement.  Don't take it personally.  How many guys do you know who talk about having their "dream wedding"?  I certainly don't know any!!


 

Daisypath Ticker

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ryanne Posts : 1,042 Registered: 4/27/06
Re: Does he really want this?????
Posted: Mar 25, 2008 2:19 PM Go to message in response to: chocsie

Chocsie, my FH is doing the exact same thing, and it is frustrating. I was actually in a REALLY bad mood not too long ago and actually called the whole thing off before he explained what was going on with him.

Yes, he does want to get married. But he's feeling like "I'm still a kid!" (he's 22) and that makes it kind of difficult for him to get excited about it. Besides that, he just isn't interested in wedding stuff. He's given me some input, and he's planning the whole honeymoon and working on the music, because he wants to surprise me with where we're going and because he's picky about music.

It's just one of those things where you just have to grin and bear it. A lot of guys--especially the "manly man" type, like my FH, his dad, his uncles, his grandfathers, his brothers, his cousins, and his friends--don't get involved because honestly, I think they're afraid to be percieved of as gay because that's how their brains work--girly guys=gay. Wedding planning+guys=gay. You know what I'm saying? lol. They have to keep up that manly man image. hehe. But I don't know. I could be way off on that. :) I just happen to know that's how my FH thinks.

Don't worry, hon. Your FH is gonna have fun on your wedding day and he's going to get all excited and emotional when he sees you in that dress, so just keep your mind focused on that, and not on his manly ways now. :) 


 

Our Wedding Website: www.mywedding.com/chrisandryanne

 

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MrsMcCain Posts : 580 Registered: 10/24/07
Re: Does he really want this?????
Posted: Mar 25, 2008 2:48 PM Go to message in response to: chocsie

My fiance hasn't been a real big part in the planning process. He did however help find our venue and he had to go to pre marital counseling. He just doesn't care and his answer is "however you want it or however you like it"... so ultimately I make the decisions and I pretty much told him that all he has to do is show up, lol :)

I think what you are going through is normal, wedding planning just doesn't interest guys as much. My FH has even told me he doesn't understand why we need to have good food, table linens, or even flowers! He just doesn't get it ::sigh:: but I love him anyway.

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MrsMcCain Posts : 580 Registered: 10/24/07
Re: Does he really want this?????
Posted: Mar 25, 2008 2:48 PM Go to message in response to: chocsie

My fiance hasn't been a real big part in the planning process. He did however help find our venue and he had to go to pre marital counseling. He just doesn't care and his answer is "however you want it or however you like it"... so ultimately I make the decisions and I pretty much told him that all he has to do is show up, lol :)

I think what you are going through is normal, wedding planning just doesn't interest guys as much. My FH has even told me he doesn't understand why we need to have good food, table linens, or even flowers! He just doesn't get it ::sigh:: but I love him anyway.

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