Dress for my FMIL

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PharmToxGirl Posts : 5,446 Registered: 8/30/07
Dress for my FMIL
Posted: Mar 24, 2008 9:42 AM

Hi all -  I am looking for some suggestions regarding my FMIL and her dress.  She doesn't have anything yet but I think she's REALLY apprehensive about it and I've tried to be supportive and encourage to get something simple that she will be able to wear again.  I'm not even going nuts over the color, she prefers colors I like anyways.

My Mom is wearing her wedding dress from her second marriage.  It's a beautiful silver/gray dress with a lovely jacket that she looks lovely in.  She even asked me before deciding to wear it because she didn't want me to think that she was trying to "steal" my thunder - LOL.  I told her as long as she didn't show up in a white wedding dress we are all good.

So, my FMIL wanted to see a picture of my Mom's dress.  And I think she got even MORE worried when she did, saying that it was REALLY fancy and it was to the floor.  I again tried to reassure her that's it's not super dressy, it isn't and she doesn't have to wear something really long, tee length is fine.

I know that my FMIL is just really nervous and there's a lot going on with the wedding and she's just not sure what all is happening.  I've offered to go shopping with her for her dress and my Mom is even coming into town in a couple of weeks and has offered to go shopping  as well.  My Mom was thinking that if she also talks to her and reassures her that her dress isn't super fancy and that we'll be able to find something really nice for her.

Does anyone have any other suggestions on how I can try and put her mind at ease?  I know that there are money concerns, but you should see me clearance rack shop!  LOL  That's where my Mom's wedding dress came from!!   


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We2Heart Posts : 452 Registered: 10/11/07
Re: Dress for my FMIL
Posted: Mar 24, 2008 10:26 AM Go to message in response to: PharmToxGirl

Thanks for letting me know about this thread PharmToxGirl...:-P  Hopefully someone can help.  I haven't shown my FMIL the dress my mom ordered yet.  But I know she's not willing to pay anything near what my mom paid for her dress.  I don't want her to feel pressured to buying something she doesn't want.  Unfortunately, my mom happens to be bordering on psycho and I have to make sure she doesn't unintentionally pressure my FMIL into getting a formal gown because she's wearing a formal gown.  I'm pretty sure my FILs are kind of nervous because they're well aware of how fancy formal my parents are sometimes. 

Has your FMIL seen your mom IN her dress? Maybe seeing it in person will help reassure her that it is in fact not as fancy as she thinks?


**I love him like a fat kid loves cake**  Kiss

 

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LizS Posts : 1,982 Registered: 3/30/06
Re: Dress for my FMIL
Posted: Mar 24, 2008 10:42 AM Go to message in response to: PharmToxGirl

My mom ordered a new dress for our wedding.  I just shower MIL the pictures and she chose something she liked.  I didn't care on color.  Our colors were black, white and pink.  My mom wore a black dress and MIL wore a beautiful steel gray dress.  It had a detachable train too.  It's hard to explain, but it was really pretty. 

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auntofthebride Posts : 9,354 Registered: 4/2/06
Re: Dress for my FMIL
Posted: Mar 24, 2008 11:17 AM Go to message in response to: PharmToxGirl

Dear PTG,

Going shopping with FMIL is the best solution. I did that with my own MIL all those years ago. She was totally clueless when it came to buying clothes.

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PharmToxGirl Posts : 5,446 Registered: 8/30/07
Re: Dress for my FMIL
Posted: Mar 24, 2008 11:37 AM Go to message in response to: We2Heart

FMIL saw a picture of my Mom in the dress.  Seeing it in person isn't really an option as my Mom is traveling the US and is currently based in Utah.  Must be nice... LOL  

I think that we'll be able to reassure her when we take her shopping.  Fortunately, my Mom is awesome and has even been great about helping me realize that my FMIL is really nervous, hence why some interesting things have come out of her mouth.  So I don't have the same difficulty as you with your Mom.

I would take your FMIL aside and reiterate again, that she does not have to be as formal as your mom.  That's really all you can do. 


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PharmToxGirl Posts : 5,446 Registered: 8/30/07
Re: Dress for my FMIL
Posted: Mar 24, 2008 11:39 AM Go to message in response to: auntofthebride

AOB-

Thanks!  We'll definitely do this.  I just know that my FMIL is nervous and scared and excited with the wedding.  It's a big enough wedding ~175 people with a full reception which is something they are not used to.  So I'm really trying to put her at ease as much as I can.

Thanks again! 


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We2Heart Posts : 452 Registered: 10/11/07
Re: Dress for my FMIL
Posted: Mar 24, 2008 12:18 PM Go to message in response to: PharmToxGirl

Thanks AOTB and PTG..:-P

I will offer to go shopping with my FMIL for her dress the next time I talk to her.  That way she's a little more comfortable and I can constantly reassure her that any dress she looks flattering in will be fine. 

Would I be wrong in waiting to show her what dress my mom bought until she asked to see it?  Or should I show her so she has an idea of what my mom is wearing so she's not completely bewildered by all the dress options?  I feel like if I show her before she asks it'd be like me saying "here's what my mom's wearing...you should get something like this".  I don't want to come off as snooty when I know she's not comfortable in formal attire.  And...sometimes I am my mother's daughter and it comes out in my facial expressions, would I be wrong if I asked FH to come with so that I'm kept in check? He hates shopping for girly stuff so he'd be a pain to go from store to store looking at only dresses.  But I'd need him to elbow me if I make a weird face.  :-\

I think I may be freaking out about this too much. LOL...also another lovely trait I inherited from my mother. I just wish I could believe myself when I say 'Don't freak. FMIL is cool. Everything will be fine....'   


**I love him like a fat kid loves cake**  Kiss

 

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PharmToxGirl Posts : 5,446 Registered: 8/30/07
Re: Dress for my FMIL
Posted: Mar 24, 2008 12:46 PM Go to message in response to: We2Heart

Well if you volunteer to go shopping with her, then she will probably ask about your mother's dress.  When you show it to her, maybe you can preference it with this is on the more formal end of the spectrum. 

Maybe look through some wedding magazines and look for some MOB/MOG dresses that are less dressy but would give her an idea.

I think having someone else along is fine, if FH is not a big shopper, maybe your MOH or a BM or a FSIL.  If you go to somewhere like DB's too, you would have an attendant helping.  Or ask her if there is anyone else she would like to go shopping with, her sister or friend.  

Good luck! 


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We2Heart Posts : 452 Registered: 10/11/07
Re: Dress for my FMIL
Posted: Mar 24, 2008 2:40 PM Go to message in response to: PharmToxGirl

Thanks PTG!  I didn't think about that I could open up a magazine and pick out styles with her like that.  Duh! HAHA.  That would make it a lot easier. 

I would like to bring someone to go shopping, but pretty much FH is my only hope/choice with FMIL.  He's the only child, and none of my girls know my FMIL.  We'll see. I'll bring it up to him.

She's out in NJ for school so maybe FH and I can go visit her and we can go shopping in NYC!!


**I love him like a fat kid loves cake**  Kiss

 

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PharmToxGirl Posts : 5,446 Registered: 8/30/07
Re: Dress for my FMIL
Posted: Mar 24, 2008 9:16 PM Go to message in response to: We2Heart

Hopefully that will help!  Good luck!

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