Mother's dress etiquette??

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Brooke051609 Posts : 723 Registered: 12/31/07
Mother's dress etiquette??
Posted: Mar 23, 2008 8:01 PM

  Hi ladies, just have a question to throw out to you. I was talking to FMIL last night and she told me her idea of what she was going to wear to my wedding. Basically she's going to wear her wedding dress, have the sleeves cut off, bring it up to knee length and add crinolin (sp?? the net stuff!) in my colors to peak out from underneath at the knee.

  At first I didn't know what to say.  I'm not one to say the mother's HAVE to wear this or that, but I felt a bit uneasy that she was going to wear her wedding dress to my wedding. I thought only the bride was supposed to wear white? Am I over-analyzing?


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coastiebride Posts : 1,365 Registered: 3/26/07
Re: Mother's dress etiquette??
Posted: Mar 23, 2008 8:07 PM Go to message in response to: Brooke051609

I'm a big one on no women wearing white especially the mothers or grandmothers aunts! important people who will be in pictures! Not unless shes planning on dying it! Does she have a daughter maybe you can tell her that he daughter might like to wear it before she cuts it up! 

 Lets not all get caught up in our wedding. Remember we should not only be planning for a our wedding but more so we should be planning for  our marriage. More so then fighting over shades of peach, tuxs, cake flavors and only god knows what else. Because the next morning it is over, guests are gone the flowers have died the cake well lets face it 1/2 of it was tossed out. Cinderella is still a maid, the limo is now a pumpkin And there is life to face ok after wild crazy monkey sex for 7 nights straight, lets not kid out selfs there are priorities After its all gone there's still bills to pay and a job to go back to

Going to the Chapel December 6th 2008

Love is a four-letter word spelled G-I-V-E

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Belle1154 Posts : 235 Registered: 11/2/06
Re: Mother's dress etiquette??
Posted: Mar 23, 2008 8:11 PM Go to message in response to: Brooke051609

Wow...I would definitely have a problem with FMIL wearing a wedding dress, especially a white one.  I hope she is just not thinking about how it could bother you.  I would talk to her respectfully and ask if she would wear something else...and do it before she starts the alterations.  

 

"I am my beloved's and my beloved is mine..."

I marry my prince on April 19, 2008

 http://weddings.partyspace.com/dianaallen

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ArtBride Posts : 4,838 Registered: 5/9/07
Re: Mother's dress etiquette??
Posted: Mar 23, 2008 8:29 PM Go to message in response to: Brooke051609

Oh wow - is this perhaps a cultural thing? I've never heard of anything like it. I would definitely steer her towards something else, if for no other reason than she'll look like an idiot in that outfit. 


DaisypathWedding Ticker

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DoubleGreen Posts : 285 Registered: 8/12/07
Re: Mother's dress etiquette??
Posted: Mar 23, 2008 8:55 PM Go to message in response to: Brooke051609

You guys are brave to find reasons to pick a fight with your FMIL. First the post about a bride wanting to make suggestions to her MIL with the sagging boobs, now this. Brooke, leave the woman to her dress. Everyone at your wedding will know that you are the bride and all eyes will be on you no matter what. Not everybody is hip with wedding etiquitte and it sounds like something that means alot to her. Choose your battles wisely. With my FMIL, I could care less if the woman decides to skin her husband and wear him, I plan to shut it up around her unless theres a real reason to have words. Just chalk it up as an eccentric wedding moment instead of seeing it as something that will haunt your wedding photos or something overly dramatic like that.


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ArtBride Posts : 4,838 Registered: 5/9/07
Re: Mother's dress etiquette??
Posted: Mar 23, 2008 9:05 PM Go to message in response to: DoubleGreen

I don't think you have to pick a fight with her...but making another suggestion is perfectly kosher. If she is TOTALLY set on it, then it doesn't seem worth it to start WWIII over the issue of a dress, but I don't think there's anything wrong with GIVING YOUR OPINION in a tactful way, rather than saying, 'FMIL is GOD and I will let her do whatever she wants.' 

A good way of dealing with this without getting involved yourself is to have your mom call her. Traditionally, the mother of the bride calls the mother of the groom to talk about their clothing. They do not have to match or wear the same color, but their dresses should be close to one another in level of formality. This isn't just some random stupid tradition, but it MAKES SENSE - because neither ends up looking over or under dressed at the wedding if they discuss clothing and formality beforehand. Maybe your mom can call her and tell her what SHE is planning to wear, and your FMIL will get the hint that 'formerly worn wedding gowns' are NOT appropriate. And if she doesn't get the hint, your mom can always tactfully remind her that it is traditional for no one to wear white to a wedding EXCEPT the bride. That way, she gets the point and you don't have to get involved. 


DaisypathWedding Ticker

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auntofthebride Posts : 9,354 Registered: 4/2/06
Re: Mother's dress etiquette??
Posted: Mar 24, 2008 12:04 AM Go to message in response to: Brooke051609

Dear Brooke,

It all depends.

If she was genuinely asking your opinion, in the spirit of gracefully making other plans if you said "Gee, no", then great. Tell her "Gee, no".

If, on the other hand, she is set on doing this regardless of what you say, then let her. She'll be the one looking foolish, not you.

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myra Posts : 5,550 Registered: 3/28/06
Re: Mother's dress etiquette??
Posted: Mar 24, 2008 1:35 AM Go to message in response to: Brooke051609

The picture of her in that dress (especially the crinoline in your colors "peaking" out from underneath) has given me the uncontrollable giggles. What a sight she will be!

myra at www.classysassyweddings.com

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weddinworries Posts : 124 Registered: 5/28/07
Re: Mother's dress etiquette??
Posted: Mar 24, 2008 1:54 AM Go to message in response to: Brooke051609

She's out of her mind, sorry.  Too bad you have such a loon for a FMIL.

Depending on your age, she could be 40 or so and could easily look like a bride.

 She'll be wearing a wedding dress for God's sake!  It's completely inappropriate, I cannot believe anyone thinks this is okay.  Sure, it will be short, but many wedding dresses are short these days. 

Here's my suggestion.  Do you know someone who could talk some sense into your FMIL?  Like maybe your fiance or his brother?  Maybe they can talk her out of it. 

NO ONE but the bride should be wearing white or ivory to the wedding, period. 

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weddinworries Posts : 124 Registered: 5/28/07
Re: Mother's dress etiquette??
Posted: Mar 24, 2008 1:57 AM Go to message in response to: ArtBride

I also like ArtBride's idea to have your mom call her.  She's supposed to call her anyhow to discuss attire, so this is the perfect opportunity to set this loony lady straight.  :)

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Charlotte09 Posts : 1,021 Registered: 2/22/08
Re: Mother's dress etiquette??
Posted: Mar 24, 2008 2:05 AM Go to message in response to: Brooke051609

I have never been a fan on specifying what the moms and FMIL's should wear to weddings. However, I think it is fairly simple that they not wear white or ivory and that they not clash with the wedding colors. Your FMIL wearing her wedding dress is just flat out odd. Why would she want to mess with it in the first place when she could go out and find a perfectly fine outfit. I understand saving money but that is a bit much. If her wedding was really simple or at the court house and she wore a dress that could also be worn to a wedding or a party and it is not white or ivory then I could understand her idea. I would say have your FH say something to his mom about how you should be the only one in a wedding dress that day. However, it is her choice on what she would like to wear, but maybe having him say something will persuade her to do something different. Plus it sounds like a really tacky idea. 

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XYZ1 Posts : 367 Registered: 1/7/08
Re: Mother's dress etiquette??
Posted: Mar 24, 2008 6:09 AM Go to message in response to: Brooke051609

I don't think you're over-analyzing, Brooke -- that sounds like a really odd idea to me.  I think it's really inappropriate for someone who's not the bride to wear a wedding gown!

But as other posters have said, it's not worth picking a fight over. I like the idea of your mom calling her to discuss what they're wearing (most MOBs and MOGs do this) -- maybe your mom can give her a gentle hint, like "I don't think we should wear white, we'll look like we're trying to steal the bride's thunder."  And if she asks you what you think feel free to admit that her idea sounds a bit odd for a MOG dress. 

But AOTB is right when she says that if she does show up in her wedding gown, she'll look foolish, not you.  I was at a wedding where the MOB wore a floor-length, ivory, beaded gown, and did everything she could to push herself to the center of attention.  Everyone was impressed with the classy way the bride and groom just let MOB have her fun and concentrated on being in love with each other.  

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NewMrsSass Posts : 722 Registered: 12/31/06
Re: Mother's dress etiquette??
Posted: Mar 24, 2008 6:47 AM Go to message in response to: Brooke051609

I don't think anyone is going to even NOTICE her dress is a former wedding dress if she has WEDDING COLOR CRINOLINES "peaking out" at the knee.  I have to hope she was kidding with you to see what your reaction was.  If not, let her wear it!  I would LOVE to be a guest at your wedding and get to see that!  On top of getting to see two great people marry each other and have a great time at your excellently planned party...I would get to see a circus clown!

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We2Heart Posts : 452 Registered: 10/11/07
Re: Mother's dress etiquette??
Posted: Mar 24, 2008 9:24 AM Go to message in response to: Brooke051609

Brooke-

Obviously I don't know your FMIL or you for that matter. But it seems like she has a reason for wanting to bring her old dress out.  Have you asked her how she came up with the idea?  Maybe its some kind of cultural or superstition type of thing.  Are your FILs still married? How long have they been married? Are they still happy together? It could be as simple as she wanted to wear something that in her eyes was "good luck".

IMO, it doesn't sound like she wants to take anything away from you, she's cutting up her dress and making it less of a "wedding gown".  Honestly, even if she's wearing white, YOU are the one in the wedding gown, you are the one in the veil (if you are having a veil), you have the flowers, etc. Everyone will be paying attention to you. 

I've already had some people ask me why I'm letting my mom wear black to my wedding.  Here's my answer: 'Because she looks stunning in it.'  Color doesn't matter to me.  What matters is that my mom asked me if it was ok before she ordered it, that she loves FH like a son, and that she looks the best she can look too.  So really, I'd say it's up to you. If you are uncomfortable with her wearing white, find a way to let her know without hurting her feelings.

 

**I don't want to steal your thread Brooke, but I also have a question regarding FMIL dress. If someone can give me an opinion...  I know one of the OP said that typically the MOB contacts the MOG to talk about what they're going to wear for the wedding.  My mom ordered a very formal black and silver gown for my wedding.  It's obviously a little pricier than most formal dresses.  But FMIL isn't one to go splurge on a dress like that.  I don't want her to think that my mom is suggesting that she also purchase a formal gown.  So how do we (my mom and I) coordinate with my FMIL on the mom's dresses without coming off like we want her to spend more money than she can on her dress? 


**I love him like a fat kid loves cake**  Kiss

 

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PharmToxGirl Posts : 5,446 Registered: 8/30/07
Re: Mother's dress etiquette??
Posted: Mar 24, 2008 9:43 AM Go to message in response to: We2Heart

We2Heart-

I just started a similar thread entitled Dress for my FMIL, as I am in a similar spot.


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