help?

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Guest
help?
Posted: Mar 21, 2008 4:55 PM

My fiance and I have asked a couple that we are friends with to be in our wedding.  Lately they have been talking about us to all of our friends and starting fights over silly things.  We both know for a fact that he doesn't like me, and she doesn't like my fiance and don't feel those are the people we want in our wedding.  We have been talking for a few weeks and have decided to explain to them that we've changed our minds.  My mom had to pay for her bridesmaid dress because they blow their money on partying and she still has not paid my mom back.  She has known about this for two months and I don't feel it is fair to my mom.  How do we tell them we no longer wish for them to be in our wedding?

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CaribbeanBride08 Posts : 1,474 Registered: 6/13/07
Re: help?
Posted: Mar 21, 2008 5:01 PM Go to message in response to: Guest

"We both know for a fact that he doesn't like me, and she doesn't like my fiance and don't feel those are the people we want in our wedding."

I can't help but ask why you would ask these people in the first place if you knew he didn't like you, she didn't like your FH?   And why are you even (or still) friends with them?


 

Daisypath Ticker


Message was edited by: CaribbeanBride08

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LizS Posts : 1,982 Registered: 3/30/06
Re: help?
Posted: Mar 21, 2008 5:14 PM Go to message in response to: Guest

I agree.  They are not friends and I would not want them in my wedding to begin with.  Just tell them that you understand they have "money" issues and you are relieving them of their duties for your wedding.  And if you still want to invite them, you can.  But I would probably just cut all ties with them and tell them "no thanks, we have changed our mind".

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Guest
Re: help?
Posted: Mar 21, 2008 5:19 PM Go to message in response to: Guest

"Lately they have been talking about us to all of our friends and starting fights over silly things.  We both know for a fact that he doesn't like me, and she doesn't like my fiance and don't feel those are the people we want in our wedding."

Hindsight being what it is, you probably now realize it was a bad idea to ask these people to be in your wedding.  Since you can't go back in time and not ask them you now have to un-ask them.

"X and Y, FH and I have decided to make some changes to our wedding party.  We would like to ask you both to step down.  We feel that we need people standing up for us who love us both and support us both."

Or something like that.


 Llama Jjammies

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EveT2007 Posts : 1,949 Registered: 8/31/06
Re: help?
Posted: Mar 21, 2008 6:26 PM Go to message in response to: Guest

If you were concerned about tactfully preserving your friendship with these people, the situation would be more delicate than it is.  It sounds like they are totally not friends and not people you are going to go out of your way to keep in your lives from now on.

Nevertheless, I would be a little more tactful than what OBXBRIDE suggested.  I'd just tell them that you've been reviewing your plans for the wedding and have decided, for a variety of reasons, that you need to have fewer attendants so you would like to relieve them of their obligation.

It would be good for you and FH to rehearse this a few times so that you both give the same line of reasoning, now and for the future.  Even if this friendship is not to continue, there is no harm in presenting it discreetly so that if the "un-asked" couple blab about you to others, and those others come and ask you about it, you will tell everyone the same thing.


"When Women Vote, We All Win!"

EveT

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Guest
Re: help?
Posted: Mar 21, 2008 6:43 PM Go to message in response to: EveT2007

Hehehe... funny thing Eve, that WAS my tactful response!  My first inclination was to tell her to tell them both to p*ss off. 

 


 Llama Jjammies

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PharmToxGirl Posts : 5,446 Registered: 8/30/07
Re: help?
Posted: Mar 21, 2008 8:28 PM Go to message in response to: Guest

I was with you OBX.  LOL  Though Eve was probably right.

I do have a tendency to open my mouth before I think it through. 


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LizS Posts : 1,982 Registered: 3/30/06
Re: help?
Posted: Mar 24, 2008 11:05 AM Go to message in response to: EveT2007

I agree with Eve.

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Guest
Re: help?
Posted: Mar 25, 2008 12:28 AM Go to message in response to: LizS

I can't help but ask why you would ask these people in the first place if you knew he didn't like you, she didn't like your FH?   And why are you even (or still) friends with them?

 Well, to answer this question... She was my best friend in hs and he was a good friend of my fiance and they kinda got us together shortly after they did..  But he has cheated on her quite a few times and she firgives him but I get pissed off and he doesn't like me cause I like her to stand up for herself.  Here lately he'll say athings and make things up to try and make me mad at my fiance... which is like him... he doen't really like anyone to be happy in their relationships.  But she has just recently come to dislike my fiance bc he doesn't kiss her ass and she lies a lot and tries to twist things around on other people and he doesn't take that shit.  But anyway I talked to her today and we had words and I think she pretty much got the picture.  I haven't formally told her but I kept telling her that me and fiance needed to talk to the two of them but she didn't think it would "solve anything"  I don't want to tell her over the phone but it may have to come down to that...

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