carry in reception?????

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secrets Posts : 13 Registered: 6/22/07
carry in reception?????
Posted: Mar 16, 2008 10:52 PM

Ok, so this seems like the place to put this...a family member of mine is having a carry-in reception dinner!  Now I know they are young and don't have a lot of money, but I thought the answer to that was mid afternoon wedding cake and punch reception, keeping it all casual and low-key.  The worst part is that I am supposed to make freaking green bean casserole, which I personally think is disgusting...I don't even know how to make it.  Please tell me this is weird!!!

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PharmToxGirl Posts : 5,446 Registered: 8/30/07
Re: carry in reception?????
Posted: Mar 16, 2008 11:00 PM Go to message in response to: secrets

You mean like a pot luck?  It's - ah, interesting.  And well, IMHO tacky, but that's me.  have fun!

Green Bean Casserole Recipe

2 cans string beans

1 can Cream of Mushroom soup

Durkin's Onions

This is the FH's recipe.  He actually microwaves it with some onions on it and then he sprinkles more on when it's done.  But there are a lot of recipes.  You can google it. 


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Re: carry in reception?????
Posted: Mar 16, 2008 11:30 PM Go to message in response to: secrets

As a young person getting married i feel the pressure financially for a wedding. Its very difficult to do it all, so i understand why they would cut corners in such a way. but also its a very family oriented tradition to have a "carry-in" its like thanksgiving, its like everyone helping and contributing and it shows their sense of community. I think you are being too harsh on them. You obviously have different taste and values,but its their wedding, its a place for them to express themselves as they see fit. You are attending to support their union, i think if green bean casserole disgusts you, you can kindly ask for something different to make.  there are far more important things to be concerned with....

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SparrowSong Posts : 77 Registered: 11/5/07
Re: carry in reception?????
Posted: Mar 17, 2008 12:01 AM Go to message in response to: secrets

In the case of something like a wedding, I do think it's tacky to ask your guests to do the cooking. I agree with you - if money is an issue you have an afternoon cake and punch reception or limit your guest list to only immediate family and friends.

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Charlotte09 Posts : 1,021 Registered: 2/22/08
Re: carry in reception?????
Posted: Mar 17, 2008 2:59 AM Go to message in response to: secrets

I am sorry but this is pretty tacky. Since it is your family though I would just go along with it. My FH's siblings all have had very inexpensive weddings, which included the bride and some family members making the reception food instead of having a caterer. From what I have heard they had the bare minimum (cost wise) when it came to their weddings. I also went to a wedding with a BYOB reception. This made no sense to me, but I dont like alcohol so I didn't care. A lot of the younger crowd actually enjoyed it because they could go buy their cheap stuff and bring a bunch in instead of paying a more expensive cash bar. However, I found it looked and seemed tack and to top things off I had nothing to drink all night because all people had was alcohol. I didn't even think to bring myself some bottled water. It was just pretty odd. 


I have to say on the young thing, that I also understand what it is like to be young and getting married. I will be 22 at the wedding and currently FH and I go to school and work part time. FH will have a full time job and be out of school for a year before the wedding and I will just graduate a month before. So obviously we will not be rolling in money. However, we have our own savings and have come up with enough money and will come up with the rest way before the wedding to pay for a full dinner and drinks reception for 200ish people. So it can be done. However, I think their better option for cutting corners would have been to have just cake and punch or light hours devours, something along those lines. I do not believe you should ask your guests to do anything, especially not bring a dish. But since people do not usually plan a wedding many times in their life a lot of people just do not know that what they are doing seems tacky. 

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secrets Posts : 13 Registered: 6/22/07
Re: carry in reception?????
Posted: Mar 17, 2008 7:42 AM Go to message in response to: secrets

I know that I am supposed to be there to support their union...really it's more like i have to accept it. I am not thrilled by them getting married but if I don't go my Grandma will be pissed.  I understand that they think that the carry-in/pot luck thing is fine.   The truth of it is that I don't really fit in with my family.  They fit a number of the "you might be a redneck if..." jokes.  And this is my boyfriends first american wedding and I am going to have to explain that this isn't normal and that isn't normal through the whole thing.  He is a better person than me and will say that it is fine.  And now getting back to the whole pot luck thing...most pot luck things I have been to I have chosen what I wanted to bring.  So, do you think it would be any more tacky for me to bring what I was told to bring plus something that me and my kids will actually eat?

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BoysMissLady Posts : 932 Registered: 1/18/07
Re: carry in reception?????
Posted: Mar 17, 2008 9:39 AM Go to message in response to: secrets

While I do not think that ppl should go into debt trying to pay for a wedding. I also think that if you cannot afford one (that will greatly inconvenience your guest) you should wait.  If they  had asked one family member to cater the reception that would be one thing.  But it is cheap and tacky to have a potluck reception.

A co-worker once invited me to a BYOB reception...needless to say, I declined the invitation.


Kiss 

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DoubleGreen Posts : 285 Registered: 8/12/07
Re: carry in reception?????
Posted: Mar 17, 2008 11:18 AM Go to message in response to: secrets

I hate to be pressured into pot-lucks myself, no matter what the occasion may be.  I hate cooking so I end up giving a donation.  I understand being broke, and I'm sure that a lot of us can relate to your couple at one point, but that doesn't mean that they have to put you to work on account of their celebration. I would do it and consider it as my wedding gift since they won't listen to reason.


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myra Posts : 5,550 Registered: 3/28/06
Re: carry in reception?????
Posted: Mar 17, 2008 2:09 PM Go to message in response to: secrets

Although you really couldn't call this an "elegant" wedding, oh, well. It suits the people who are having it. I have been to a number of these affairs in grad school and, actually, they were fun and gourmet treats, since everyone was bringing his/her best dish. I actually have seen "upscale" versions of green bean casserole, made with fresh ingredients. Try epicurious.com or food.tv for recipes. And, if you do not wish to participate, you always can say NO, grandma or not. You're a big girl now and you can do as you please. But, if you do participate, do it with good humor and a positive attitude.

myra at www.classysassyweddings.com

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MrsWilliams2008 Posts : 1,431 Registered: 7/19/07
Re: carry in reception?????
Posted: Mar 17, 2008 3:14 PM Go to message in response to: myra

I'm not feeling the potluck, but I'm with the majority...a cake and punch reception would be the answer.

Good luck and make try to the best of it.


 http://www.theknot.com/ourwedding/RyAnne Stafford&RobertWilliams, Jr

                                 R&R: June 21, 2008

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XYZ1 Posts : 367 Registered: 1/7/08
Re: carry in reception?????
Posted: Mar 17, 2008 5:55 PM Go to message in response to: secrets

How many people are attending the reception?  If it's a small one (less than 20 people, only family and close friends) I could see a potluck working, but if it's more than that ... you're right, it's a bit odd.

I think that if you want to have a potluck reception you need to let your guests choose what they make.  You can specify "side dish" or "main dish" or "dessert" or whatever, but I don't like the idea of ordering your guests to cook this or that dish.  Your friends and family are not running restaurants out of their kitchen!  If you want to plan your menu, hire a caterer.

That said, it's not worth getting bent out of shape over.  Bring the green beans (or another side if you just can't stand the thought of making the casserole) and something you know your kids will eat, smile politely, and leave early.  And if you really feel you need to explain to your boyfriend what isn't normal about the wedding, wait until you get home!!  Last thing you want is MOB overhearing you saying her daughter's wedding is weird.  That's drama you don't need.

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secrets Posts : 13 Registered: 6/22/07
Re: carry in reception?????
Posted: Mar 17, 2008 7:51 PM Go to message in response to: XYZ1

LOL, coloradoclaire, there is soooo much drama in the family.  I'm supposed to make green bean casserole for like 75.  I think I am going to bring some things that we will eat too.  I am on a self inflicted restricted diet; no pork, beef and am allergic to wheat, and we try to avoid processed foods.  Thanks for letting me vent about all this on here...

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EveT2007 Posts : 1,949 Registered: 8/31/06
Re: carry in reception?????
Posted: Mar 17, 2008 8:13 PM Go to message in response to: secrets

OMG -- you didn't start out saying this was for 75 PEOPLE!!!  Sheesh!  It's bad enough ordering guests to bring specific items, but you're expected to feed the multitudes???  Well, get out your biggest roasting pan and fill it up with canned julienne-cut green beans, institutional-size cans of cream of mushroom soup, and about 5 lbs of the pre-fried onions.  And yes, consider it your wedding gift to the happy couple. 

If it makes anyone feel any better, the first time I got married my then-FH, who was 21 and had never lived away from home, thought a potluck reception would be a great idea. I nixed it immediately, though. 

My DH loves the "you might be a redneck if..." jokes, but I don't think even Jeff Foxworthy has thought of this one.


EveT

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Charlotte09 Posts : 1,021 Registered: 2/22/08
Re: carry in reception?????
Posted: Mar 17, 2008 8:16 PM Go to message in response to: secrets

Trust me I understand being embarrassed by certain family, but not all. I have some rather country relatives and I Just do not relate to that at all. As well, I am liberal and a democrat and have family who are the opposite. Certain views that people have just make me angry. I know that people are entitled to an opinion and people will have opinions that differ but I cannot help but be embarrassed by some opinions and annoyed that I have to hear them. I have to say though that I explain things to my FH because of how I can get embarrassed and he has been great. He has his opinions of certain family members of mine as well, but it has turned more into a topic of conversation for us like "why is this person so stupid" instead of moments of embarrassment for me. Just explain things to your FH so he does not think it is acceptable to be tacky, but I am sure he will be more than kind to you about things and realize that you are different. I understand though because I worried about this too.  

As for your dish, just make it and go on with life. It is annoying but not worth putting up a fight. You might ask around as to what other people are bringing. That way you can decide if there will be things for you to eat. But I am glad that you understand that since you have a specific diet that you might have to take care of some food for yourself and not just expecting people to plan a menu around your diet.  

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secrets Posts : 13 Registered: 6/22/07
Re: carry in reception?????
Posted: Mar 17, 2008 9:06 PM Go to message in response to: Charlotte09

Do you think it would be entirely too passive aggressive of me to make a more gourmet version of the casserole???

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