NWR: In Loving Memory

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BoysMissLady Posts : 932 Registered: 1/18/07
NWR: In Loving Memory
Posted: Mar 14, 2008 10:56 AM

There have been a lot of posts lately talking about various ways to commemorate the lives of our loved ones.  Monday (March 17) will mark 16 years since my father passed away and I was just telling my mother last night how much he has been on my mind.  (And it's not just because of the calendar)  If you've ever lost someone, you know that some days you just remember more...think more.

So anyway, I just wanted to start this forum as an outlet for everyone who is missing a loved one.  Tell us how you keep their memory alive.  We cry about so many ultimately unimportant things while planning a wedding b/c of the stress level...come here and let it all out.  If you are mad that your BFF died and can't be your MOH, tell us that!  If you hate that your dad can't walk you down the aisle, you're in good company.  :-)

Vent, ladies!!


Kiss 

Message was edited by: meaganpw98

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RanAway2Maine Posts : 2,359 Registered: 1/27/08
Re: NWR: In Loving Memory
Posted: Mar 14, 2008 11:34 AM Go to message in response to: BoysMissLady

Meagan-what a fantastic idea this post is! I am very glad you started it because I feel downright depressed that my Mom and Dad won't "physically" be able to attend my wedding.

I am 41 (next month) and getting married for the first time to my FH, 44 (2 kids-I have none-his first marriage, too). Like every young girl, I always envisioned the big, beautiful wedding, caddy, huge cake, huge bridal party, etc. with everyone in attendance. 

My Dad developed a rare Cancer in 1998 and my Family watched him take his last breath on November 4, 2003 while in home hospice. I will never ever let go of that moment-it ripped my heart out. Then, one month later, my very dear Mom disclosed that she had Cancer and was taking herself to radiation and Chemo treatments. (She didn't want her children (my 2 brothers and me) to know, especially after just losing our Dad), so she kept it from us. Then one day I went to visit Mom and she wasn't smoking. Man that was weird because I never saw her without a cigarette. (I just quit in October after 20 years!)  She died almost six months later to the day my Dad passed, on April 24, 2004.

I get envious when I see other Brides talk about their Parents. I am also very happy for them, however, I get very frustrated when I see the girls saying things about their Parents that I would never even think of ever saying about mine if they were here today. I hope all the Brides with their Parents attending their weddings consider themselves extremely fortunate. I certainly would.

I think about my Mom and Dad all the time. Especially now that I am getting married and need them more than ever! Even though I have my Sweetie I am marrying-that feeling of aloneness NEVER goes away. I still want to call my Mom and Dad and often forget that they're gone.

I like what the Brides are doing for their loved ones and I am certainly taking all of their ideas into consideration.

I can only say now that so many people have told me that my Parents will be there at my wedding, and I believe them. 

 


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BoysMissLady Posts : 932 Registered: 1/18/07
Re: NWR: In Loving Memory
Posted: Mar 14, 2008 11:48 AM Go to message in response to: RanAway2Maine

Oh my, Maine!  I'm over here sniffling...Bless your heart.

My father passed when I was 11.  We had been estranged for some time and only had 6 months together before he died.  And since then I have become very protective of my mother.

When I was younger, I remember hearing kids say, "I hate my dad!"  And I would think, you have no idea how blessed you are to have a father. 

My mother and grandfather had the most wonderful relationship and he passed away about 2 years after my father.  But just thinking about all the wonderful stories she shares with me about their relationship...makes me weep.

I have seen a lot of death in my life...and it makes me very grateful to be alive.  But watching the deaths of so many men in my life, has also given me a bit of a complex.  I'm getting better...but boy did I used to think that ALL MEN LEAVE!

Thank God for my honey!


Kiss 

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Belle1154 Posts : 235 Registered: 11/2/06
Re: NWR: In Loving Memory
Posted: Mar 14, 2008 11:50 AM Go to message in response to: BoysMissLady

Ever since I was a little girl, my grandfather and I planned to dance together at my wedding.  I had no idea who I would marry, what my FH and I would dance to, what my father and I would dance to, etc., but I knew I wanted to dance to "I remember it Well" from Gigi with my Grandpa.  He used to waltz with me around the living room, humming the songs. He passed away when I was 17.  I was devastated that he never saw me play the lead in a school play or graduate high school or college...but I am most sad that he can't dance with me at the wedding. 

My grandpa played the violin professionally, so I think of him when I see a violinist.  One time I was on a subway in NYC and there was a street artist who played the violin.  He reminded me of my grandfather so I tipped him and stopped to watch- and then he turned and played a song just for me. 

Just the other week at work someone recognized my last name and asked if I was related to Armand...and then told me he was my grandfather's bridge partner, and that my grandfather was the kindest man he had ever met.   

Wow...I miss him.

Thanks...this was therapeutic.   


 

"I am my beloved's and my beloved is mine..."

I marry my prince on April 19, 2008

 http://weddings.partyspace.com/dianaallen

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BriansBride2008 Posts : 814 Registered: 3/26/07
Re: NWR: In Loving Memory
Posted: Mar 14, 2008 12:00 PM Go to message in response to: Belle1154

I now have major goose bumps after reading these posts...  I too am missing 2 very special people to me, as FH is missing someone too...  FH father passed away about 5 years ago so it's been hard on him knowing his dad won't be there to share in our day.  My grandfather passed away also about 5 years ago and I was very close to him, I lived with him and my grand mother for a while when I was a child and even as an early adult, his passing was very hard on me.  We will have a memory chair at the ceremony and a memory table at the reception for them.... One of my very close and dear friends was killed in a motorcycle accident almost 2 years ago, and I talk to her nightly about my day and what I am happy about stressed about anything...  Her mom has kept her myspace page up and running, so I leave comments there all the time, I am heart broken that she won't be standing by my on my wedding day, He mom will be attending my bridal shower in her place and we have put together a memory table for the shower with a beautiful vase that will have our favorite flowers in it that I will present to her mom at the end along with an engraved framed picture of the 2 of us....  It will be a special private moment between her mother and myself...  Thanks for starting this thread, it feels good to share this with others who are going through this and not telling me to just let go already... 

BB2008 


AUGUST 16, 2008 

I AM GETTING TO MARRY MY BEST FRIEND!!! YEAH!!!

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BoysMissLady Posts : 932 Registered: 1/18/07
Re: NWR: In Loving Memory
Posted: Mar 14, 2008 2:14 PM Go to message in response to: BriansBride2008

I am glad that I started this forum too!  Monday, I was planning on wearing all black and moping around all day.  But I know that I can come here and there are ppl who will understand.

Thanks, ladies!!


Kiss 

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Guest
Re: NWR: In Loving Memory
Posted: Mar 14, 2008 2:23 PM Go to message in response to: BoysMissLady

This is a great idea for a thread.  My mom passed away in August of 1999.  I was 15.  She was diagnosed in Oct. of 1998 with lung cancer - and she never smoked a day in her life.  I still have a hard time thinking about her without crying or tearing up. 

At the wedding we had a memorial bouquet for my mom, DH's uncle and grandfather and had a mention of all 3 in our program.  I also had a little picture of my mom tyed with a ribbon to my bouquet.

There are definitely days I think about her more than others.  Certain things stick in my mind and other memories are becoming foggy.  It's hard because I love my stepmom and stepsister so much and our little family, but I also love and miss my mom a ton.  It's hard to feel conflicted about that situation - not even sure if that makes sense.


 

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FallenAngel516 Posts : 7 Registered: 8/5/07
Re: NWR: In Loving Memory
Posted: Mar 14, 2008 5:52 PM Go to message in response to: BoysMissLady

I love the idea of this thread!

Right before my senior year in high school, my grandfather got really sick, in August. We didn't know what was wrong, and none of the doctors wanted to figure it out, either. In December, they finally figured out he had cancer. It was too late; they said it was stage 4, and my grandpa was 78 years old, and had a lot of other health problems on top of it. On January 29, 2006, he passed away. His final breath will be in my head forever; its something you could never forget. I was only 17 at the time, but I always pictured my life with him in it, especially for my high school graduation and my wedding. He was the only father I've ever really had. My dad left my mom when she found out she was pregnant, so he and my grandma practically raised me. My FH and I have been together for almost 5 years; at least I know that my grandpa would have loved to see us get married. I think about him all the time, and it still hurts, even though its been 2 years.

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kennysoldwife Posts : 3,859 Registered: 4/28/07
Re: NWR: In Loving Memory
Posted: Mar 15, 2008 11:56 AM Go to message in response to: FallenAngel516

This is a nice idea.  My mother passed away July 17, 1999 she had colon cancer.  She told us about the cancer at our July 4, BBQ.  She had surgery on July 16, and was gone the next day.  It was very sudden.  We later found out that if she had not died from the embolism she would have had a very hard lingering death the cancer had spread throughout her abdomen. 

My mom has five children, in addition to the Memorial Plaque in the church she helped found and the Pew and bibles that were donated in her name.  We started a scholarship fund at her high school  to help with the expenses of one student per year that is interested in pursueing a career in  Nursing which was my mothers profession. 

We also have a tattoo.  The five of us have the same tattoo in various places.  It is her name inside of wings with a halo.  She is our angel. 

The thing we do that really keeps her with us is to continue her traditions.  As we all became older and started dating she decided that the way to have christmas together and also spend it with out SO was to have Christmas Eve at her house and we could do whatever we wanted Christmas Day,  We still do that every year we gather at her house and sing carols and have a good time together just as she always wanted. 

I missed her at the wedding, but I know she was there.  I carried a bouquet of yellow roses in her honor.  She liked yellow roses and Calla lillies.  My sister carried Calla Lillies at her wedding. 

Thank you for this thread it has been wonderful sharing with you.


Kenny and Me Perfect Together,  10 years and counting.

 

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EveT2007 Posts : 1,949 Registered: 8/31/06
Re: NWR: In Loving Memory
Posted: Mar 15, 2008 1:00 PM Go to message in response to: kennysoldwife

Hi -- Thank you for starting this thread. 

My DH and I were both widowed in early 2006.  It was shortly after that (later winter, early spring 2006) when we met in the bereavement support group at our local hospital.  Before that, we were total strangers although we lived within a couple of miles of each other. 

By summer 2006 we had realized we were in love and started making plans to get married, but we waited until a year after our spouses' deaths to announce our engagement publicly.  The wedding was at the 15-month point.

Naturally we each have many, many memories of our late spouses, we are surrounded by memories.  We talk about them a lot.  When DH and I were getting to know each other, there were insecurities on both sides -- "will I measure up against the late spouse?"  It took some time and some understanding to get beyond that.  It also took time and sensitivity to learn what we could talk about and what was best left alone.  Sometimes one of us has to say, "I'm just having a lot of memories right now."  And the other will say, "Do you want to talk about it?"  Sometimes the answer is yes, sometimes no.

We chose not to do anything special at our wedding to commemorate our spouses, as we really could not think of anything that would be fitting.  (Privately we've done other commemorations, such as visiting the cemetry together and sponsoring church events in memory of the spouses.)  We just kept the wedding modest and low-key, without being somber.  I guess if we had a "theme," it was gratitude:  we were so thankful to have found each other and to be given a second chance to commit our lives to another person whose love we could share.


EveT

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Guest
Re: NWR: In Loving Memory
Posted: Mar 16, 2008 3:53 PM Go to message in response to: BoysMissLady

Wow this was such a great idea! On April 22, 2207 I recieved one of the worst phone calls of my life, My BEST friend had been killed in a car accident by a drunk driver.  The driver of the other car was traveling at around 67-69 mile per hour and slamed into the back of the car without hitting the brakes.  It killed my friend instantly and sent her boyfriend and another of of my friends to the hospital.  Her and I used to have hour long conversations about how bad we wanted our boyfriends to propose.  One of the hardest thing to handle in the whole situation is that the previous week her boyfriend had ask her father for her hand in marriage and was going to propose to following week.  SHe was only 24 years and had so many great things she was supposed toi do in life.  It kills me so much to think about her not being here and the two of us planning our weddings together and the fact that she will never have children or get to hold my children.  I miss her everyday of my life!

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BoysMissLady Posts : 932 Registered: 1/18/07
Re: NWR: In Loving Memory
Posted: Mar 17, 2008 9:50 AM Go to message in response to: Guest

Thanks ladies for sharing.

It's early and the day has already been pretty tough for me.  Boy, could I use a hug.


Kiss 

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kennysoldwife Posts : 3,859 Registered: 4/28/07
Re: NWR: In Loving Memory
Posted: Mar 17, 2008 9:55 AM Go to message in response to: BoysMissLady

((((((HUGS)))))))

I hope this helps.


Kenny and Me Perfect Together,  10 years and counting.

 

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kelleyiskelley Posts : 11,590 Registered: 7/2/06
Re: NWR: In Loving Memory
Posted: Mar 17, 2008 9:59 AM Go to message in response to: BoysMissLady

Meagan... Heres a hug:):):) Yeah yeah. I know its not the same as in person,but I guess its something, right?

I havent lost any immediate family members or very close friends in my life YET; and I realize how lucky I am for that; believe me. Because as I get older and my parents get older, I know the day is coming,and I fear it like you cannot believe. I fear death.

Wow that was deep lol. Anyway; I just wanted to say that I think this is a great idea for a thread. An excellent idea.


Time for BL5!!! And here come The OLD MARRIED FATTIES!!!!!

Stay tuned for The Aisle Runner's official website...LAUNCHING THIS APRIL!

GO YANKEES!!!

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RanAway2Maine Posts : 2,359 Registered: 1/27/08
Re: NWR: In Loving Memory
Posted: Mar 17, 2008 10:42 AM Go to message in response to: BoysMissLady

Hey, Meagan-it's your Bride.com buddy over here! Hey sorry your day's going lousy. I wish we could all get together for a great big group hug! Are you feeling stressed because of wedding plans? Or is it just "one of those days"?

If it makes you feel better, I shared this thread\topic with my brothers. I felt really good about that because I never want to lose prospective about the loss of my Mom and Dad. I constantly grieve and think about them every single day. We have also begun talking about making plans about remembering them at my wedding.  

Tell us why you're bummed today-you've helped so many of us just by starting this thread! 

Tongue out




Message was edited by: RanAway2Maine

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