tatoos on bridesmaids

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SammiAnn Posts : 114 Registered: 3/4/08
Re: tatoos on bridesmaids
Posted: Mar 9, 2008 7:25 PM Go to message in response to: SDIwifey1207

I agree with the fact that if the BM has seemingly inappropriate tattoos (such as containing curse words/nudity), then I would ask them to cover up at least that tattoo.  The BM in this situation has agreed to do so, and I think that is fine.

However, I have a really hard time with the fact that if I was a BM and decided to get a tattoo, that I would have to first consult with the bride to make sure it was okay.  It's my body and my decision, and I do not have to answer to the bride.  I agree with MrsEichel in the fact that once I choose to get a tattoo, it is a part of me.  If someone told me I couldn't be in their wedding because I have a visible tattoo, I don't think I would want to be in the wedding anyways.  I think that in the grand scheme of the wedding, the tattoo on the BM is NOT going to be the focal point to the guests.  If you are so darn concerned about your pictures, ask the photographer to do some Photoshop work.

And I believe it is a sad world we live in when we judge people solely on the tattoos/piercings that they have decided to get.  Wow...
June 7, 2008...here I come!

Message was edited by: SammiAnn

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SammiAnn Posts : 114 Registered: 3/4/08
Re: tatoos on bridesmaids
Posted: Mar 9, 2008 7:25 PM Go to message in response to: SDIwifey1207

I agree with the fact that if the BM has seemingly inappropriate tattoos (such as containing curse words/nudity), then I would ask them to cover up at least that tattoo.  The BM in this situation has agreed to do so, and I think that is fine.

However, I have a really hard time with the fact that if I was a BM and decided to get a tattoo, that I would have to first consult with the bride to make sure it was okay.  It's my body and my decision, and I do not have to answer to the bride.  I agree with MrsEichel in the fact that once I choose to get a tattoo, it is a part of me.  If someone told me I couldn't be in there wedding because I have a visible tattoo, I don't think I would want to be in the wedding anyways.  I think that in the grand scheme of the wedding, the tattoo on the BM is NOT going to be the vocal point to the guests.  If you are so darn concerned about your pictures, ask the photographer to do some Photoshop work.

And I believe it is a sad world we live in when we judge people solely on the tattoos/piercings that they have decided to get.  Wow...
June 7, 2008...here I come!

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kennysoldwife Posts : 3,859 Registered: 4/28/07
Re: tatoos on bridesmaids
Posted: Mar 9, 2008 7:49 PM Go to message in response to: SammiAnn

Since the OP's problem has been solved I say good for you and your sister.  I think the one that said "bad ass bitch" should be covered for the wedding, especially if the wedding is to take place in Church.

That being said I personally have no problems with a person exposing their tattoo, on their body, it is their business.  I have several tattoos two of which are visible in my wedding pictures.  The most important one the one that is a tribute to my mother was meant to be seen.  I have that tattoo on display most of the time. 

I have been very fortunate in my employment opportuniteis that my tattoos have not created a problem, I would not want to work for an employer that had a problem with my tattoos.  When I am in the Courtroom no one has a problem with them.  I do my job, I am good at my job that speaks for itself. 

People who make judgements about people based on appearances are just plain bigoted and I have no use for them, Peroid.


Kenny and Me Perfect Together,  10 years and counting.

 

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CaribbeanBride08 Posts : 1,474 Registered: 6/13/07
Re: tatoos on bridesmaids
Posted: Mar 9, 2008 8:31 PM Go to message in response to: EveT2007

Hi Wackywed.  Definitely try Dermablend like Eve suggested.  I have a deep visible scar on my neck from surgery and that stuff works wonders!!  I don't know if your area has a Planet Beauty store, but that's where I got mine.  I've never heard of ColorTration so I cannot comment on this particular product.

There's also something called CoverBlend (I think it's made by Neostrata)   I hear it's good too, but I haven't tried it.


 

Daisypath Ticker

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EveT2007 Posts : 1,949 Registered: 8/31/06
Re: tatoos on bridesmaids
Posted: Mar 9, 2008 9:12 PM Go to message in response to: CaribbeanBride08

Thanks for bringing the conversation back to the original topic, Caribbean!

I had no idea people would get so up in arms about the idea of covering the tattoos with makeup.  Or that a BM would be offended at the thought of covering her tattoos.

The stylist who did my hair for my wedding last year was telling me that she's been a BM several times and always covered her tattoo (which is on her upper arm, sort of a dragon type of thing) with makeup.  She didn't say that anyone asked her to cover it, she simply wanted to cover it the same as she wanted to wear a formal dress in the wedding. 

On one of these forums a few months ago there was an issue about a GM who refused to wear a tux and wanted to wear black jeans instead.  I would put refusing to cover a tattoo in the same category.  You're going to be dressed up, the occasion is not about you and your self-expression, and tattoos are distracting in that situation.  It would be like refusing to get your hair done or wear lipstick in the wedding, or insisting on wearing black lipstick because that's what you usually wear every day.


EveT

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MrsAWarner Posts : 191 Registered: 2/18/08
Re: tatoos on bridesmaids
Posted: Mar 9, 2008 9:36 PM Go to message in response to: wackywed1011

Glad to see that you have got things sorted out and that your sister is agreeing with you about covering it up wackywed. I also feel like offensive tattoos would be best covered during a formal event such as a wedding, and I don't think it is wrong for you to ask.

On the other hand, not all tattoos are offensive. Both my MOH and BM have tattoos that will be visible during my wedding. I do not mind this at all. If my wedding guests are going to sit there and stare at tattoos the whole time then that is their problem. I also have one tattoo that will be visible during the wedding. I'm not covering it just because I'm wearing a wedding gown. It is a part of me and a part of who I am. I am not ashamed of it at all. All of my tattoos (I have 3) are completely coverable with long dresses/skirts or pants. Nobody has to know that they are there. I do feel though, that anybody who chooses to judge me and the kind of person I am-or the kind of lifestlye I lead- based on my tattoos, is completely stereotyping me. And that, I believe, is wrong.


 

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auntofthebride Posts : 9,354 Registered: 4/2/06
Re: tatoos on bridesmaids
Posted: Mar 9, 2008 11:42 PM Go to message in response to: MrsAWarner

Ladies,

Many have said things along the lines that people should not "judge" another because of tattoos.

I've got news for you: People judge you all the time. For all kinds of reasons. Positive, negative, good, bad, valid, invalid, judgements flow all the time.

The reason our corporate dress code does not permit visible tattoos is because we believe that indicates poor judgement on the part of the person getting the tattoo. We ask ourselves, "Is that person thinking of the future? Or is that person concerned only with the present?".

In finance, we rely on our employees to exercise good judgement. We cannot be looking over everyone's shoulder 24/7 to enforce proper procedures. Many of our employees work part of the time at home. We must be able to trust them and trust their judgement.

It is our belief that tattoos visible in corporate-standard clothing is evidence of poor judgement. Thus - that person need not be hired by us. Since there are many other very qualified people out there who want to work for us, then eliminating anyone with a visible tattoo is no hardship for us.

It's discrimination, true. Perfectly legal, ethical and moral discrimination. Don't want to be discriminated against for having a visible tattoo? Don't get a tattoo that can be seen with standard corporate clothing. (IOW: Think of the future!!!)

Want a visible tattoo? Work somewhere else.

I cannot imagine being friends with a person who would RADICALLY and PERMANENTLY change their appearance between the time they agreed to be a bridesmaid and W-day. My friends simply would not do that out of respect for the bride. If I were a bridesmaid, I would not do that out of respect for the bride. I fully agree that the lady's own body is hers to do what she wants with it. Great, fine, more power to her.

But my wedding is my wedding to do as I please. I don't want an ugly, visible tattoo in my wedding party. Period.

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BirdLover Posts : 2,834 Registered: 3/30/06
Re: tatoos on bridesmaids
Posted: Mar 10, 2008 1:32 AM Go to message in response to: auntofthebride

Let me give an example of something tattoo-related.  My sister, one day, said, I want to get a tattoo" Two days later, she got a big, huge tattoo all across her lower back, right where she would, say, possible want to get an epidural one day.

I admit, I judged her.

Did I judge her for having a tattoo?  No.  I judged her for the way she went about it.  She's a high schoo teacher, and to me, her actions seemed to match more along the lines of what her students would do.

Is it a fair judgement?  Maybe not.  But we can't always help our judegements.

For example, I KNOW that not all people who smoke are trashy. However, if I do not know someone, and I see them smoking, I automatically assume that they have lower standards for themselves.  Logically, I know that might not be true, but that is the first impression I get.

Point being: if you do not want to get judged for having a tattoo, don't get one.  It may not be fair (and I agree, it isn't fair in many cases), but it's reality.  If you want a tattoo, great.  Get one, be proud of it, but don't get upset if someone doesn't like it . It's a personal preference.  We don't all have to agree.

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Charlotte09 Posts : 1,021 Registered: 2/22/08
Re: tatoos on bridesmaids
Posted: Mar 10, 2008 4:15 AM Go to message in response to: BirdLover

I think the reason people get judged for their tattoos is because a lot of people get tattoos that (I am sorry) look ridiculous. Most of my friends have the smaller tattoos of something cute and they are on the lower back and or the hip, places that are easily covered. The most visible tattoo that any of my friends have is on on the foot and of corse socks or hose can take care of that. They are all cute but I would not understand it if they put them somewhere that is hard to cover. As well, I totally do not understand it when people have tattoos of skulls and dragons (things along those lines) and put them in often visible spots. 


However, it doesnt really matter if someone does or does not like tattoos or is undecided on the topic, they are just simply not appropriate for a formal occasion or appropriate if you want to look professional. Now I work where we have to have a very professional dress code and tattoos are not allowed to be visible and earrings must be in the ears. However, about half the girls I work with have a tattoo of some kind, but they are covered at work no problem. I think when people have completely visible tattoos it does communicate to people that they do not care. You just cannot convince the majority of people that a dragon on your arm or even a heart on your chest is appropriate and can pass for professional or formal. 

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Pamlin Posts : 958 Registered: 10/26/06
Re: tatoos on bridesmaids
Posted: Mar 10, 2008 10:16 AM Go to message in response to: BirdLover

I understand how you feel.  When I had my bms pick their gowns, one of my only requests was "no visible tattoos during the ceremony and formal pictures" and I included my own tattoo in this.  For the reception, *shrugs*  I didn't care -I wanted them to be comfortable, so they could do whatever they wanted.  It was worked around by strategic placement of shawls and floor length gowns.  Since floor length gowns aren't an option for you, tattoo cover up makeup and/or opaque stockings will help, along with a wrap of some sort. 

Did you mention this to your BM in the beginning?  It's one thing to pose it as part of the bm package, another to spring it on them weeks before the wedding, just like, say, a specific hairstyle request.

 ADDENDUM:  Ok, I just read the rest of the thread, and am really surprised at how polarizing this question is!  I do believe that tattoos are a personal statement, but I also believe that there are times when it is not appropriate for you to have to express your individuality in ways that might detract from your primary endeavour, especially when you are representing a corporation, or in this case, a bride and groom.  So long as you know what the ground rules are in the beginning (ie, business dress, no visible tattoos, wear your hair up and 2" heels for the wedding) I don't see what the big deal is.  You can be you every other day for the rest of your life.  Having someone ask you to wear a tie to work, or wear a shawl to hide a tattoo for a day is not stopping you from being who you are, it's simply projecting a specific look and feeling that is appropriate for the situation, just like the bm dress you agreed to wear.

Had one of my BMs been adamant about not covering her tattoo, I would have been taken a bit aback, because it shows a lack of respect to ME and the wedding itself, but I wouldn't have thrown her out.  I simply would have asked the photographers to position her in ways that didn't show the tattoo.  Should every wedding have a ban on tattoos?  Certainly not.  But it is up to the B&G on whether or not they find it appropriate for their "look,"  the same way that they might ask people to line up by height, or ask that girls wear pink lipstick, and communicate it as early on in the process as possible.


Pamlin

The wedding will be lovely, but it's the next day and every day after that makes me truly excited.

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5in3 Posts : 806 Registered: 8/15/06
Re: tatoos on bridesmaids
Posted: Mar 10, 2008 11:47 AM Go to message in response to: Pamlin

I feel the need to chime in on this discussion, not because I can add anything really, but because I have nothing better to do at this moment.   I really don't understand why people dislike tatoos, I love well done tatoos, however, that is my personal opinion, and I think a product of my age and upbringing.  I do believe that if we are going to live and work in the real world that we need to understand, people like and dislike different things, so if you are going to work in that world you would want to take the steps needed to not offend anyone.  I have a tattoo, it is a family tattoo and everyone in my family has a version of it.  Mine is rather large (in my mind) and goes around the inside of my right shoulder blade.  It is easily covered by clothes, No one at work even knows I have a tatoo, as I would never show up to work with it visible, as I may offend a client (and my work does not have the no visible tatoo policy).  It is just common sense on my part.  I also cover my tattoo when I teach dance.  I am teaching young people, and My own personal choices should in no way affect them. 

I am in no way ashamed of my tattoo, I love it.  Will I cover it for my wedding.  I am undecided.  If I was wearing a veil in church I wouldn't, but I'm not.  I don't want to offend anyone, but at the same time, because of its meaning, my family might be offended if I cover it.  So I will probably just bring the make-up with and decide the day of. 

I think that if you want a tattoo, that is great, think about make sure it is what you want, but get it.  But just be prepared for the consequences.  It is a personal choice, yes it is a part of you, but there are many things that are a part of me, that there are times and places to share.  A tatoo is just one of those things.


Me, my honey and our kitty make 3.

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Guest
Re: tatoos on bridesmaids
Posted: Mar 10, 2008 11:53 AM Go to message in response to: Pamlin

Wow...I never thought this thread would become so popular.  I just got my first tattoo about 6 weeks ago.  It's a hot pink skull and crossbones on my inner forearm.  I was going to wait until after my best friend's wedding to get it done.  Her response was "Why?" 

FH has both arms and the tops of both hands completely covered in tattoos.  He better not try to cover them up when we get married!  I don't plan on covering mine, I'll probably get more by then.

Thankfully neither of us work for the "corporate world."  I just can't imagine working for a place that strives to suck the individuality right out of you. 


 Llama Jjammies

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auntofthebride Posts : 9,354 Registered: 4/2/06
Re: tatoos on bridesmaids
Posted: Mar 10, 2008 11:57 AM Go to message in response to: 5in3

Dear 5in3,

"It is easily covered by clothes, No one at work even knows I have a tatoo, as I would never show up to work with it visible, as I may offend a client (and my work does not have the no visible tatoo policy).  It is just common sense on my part."

Excellent. With that attitude (and common sense) you would be welcome to work in our office.

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auntofthebride Posts : 9,354 Registered: 4/2/06
Re: tatoos on bridesmaids
Posted: Mar 10, 2008 12:01 PM Go to message in response to: Guest

Dear OBX,

" I was going to wait until after my best friend's wedding to get it done.  Her response was "Why?" "

It was good of you to ask, and you found out it did not matter to her. Great.

"Thankfully neither of us work for the "corporate world."  I just can't imagine working for a place that strives to suck the individuality right out of you.  "

There's a job for everyone out there who's willing to work. I'll be the first to admit, straight-laced, dress-code corporate work is not for everyone.

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CyndiGravino Posts : 14 Registered: 1/4/08
Re: tatoos on bridesmaids
Posted: Mar 10, 2008 12:07 PM Go to message in response to: wackywed1011

Your photography guy should be able to cover them with photo shop also.

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