Am I being a Brat?! Advice please!

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CBM09 Posts : 121 Registered: 3/7/08
Am I being a Brat?! Advice please!
Posted: Mar 7, 2008 11:41 AM

Hi Ladies, This is my first post here and I have a huge dilemma! Here's the short version-My bf and I have been together for 5 1/2 years. Within the past couple months he has been saving money and he just sold a car to buy me a ring. We have both been saving for our wedding (which we are planning to pay for entirely ourselves) We both have pretty good jobs and in order to cut prices we want to have a small wedding. I don't mind having to have a small, low-key wedding, I have my heart set on a gorgeous ring because I will have that forever. We both agree on the style and type of diamond and I thought we were both on the same page. Last night my bf told me that a couple weeks ago his mom (who he is very close to) told him that she doesn't think I need a real expensive ring because she thinks it will cause other ladies in his family (sisters, brothers g/f) to be envious and maybe hurt their feelings. I was pretty offended by this because my bf and I work our butts off to have nice things and I don't think that I should have to sacrifice my dream ring because of not wanting to hurt other's feelings. My bf and his mom are pretty close and I'm worried that he will really take her opinion into consideration and I think that it is selfish to expect me to settle for anything less than I want just to keep other's jealousy down...I don't know how to bring this up to my bf without sounding bratty, or am I being bratty!? Please help!

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RanAway2Maine Posts : 2,359 Registered: 1/27/08
Re: Am I being a Brat?! Advice please!
Posted: Mar 7, 2008 12:00 PM Go to message in response to: CBM09

What a horrible thing to have to deal with at this point of your relationship. You are both hard working individuals who deserve to be happy and get what you want! Are these "ladies" incapable of working to earn what they want? I certainly wouldn't sacrifice MY happiness for the sake of others' feelings-no matter who they are. That's not normal-think about another bride in your circle of friends or family accepting a less than ideal ring because YOU would have been envious! That's ridiculous!

There have been too many times in my life wherein I have gone out of my way not to make others uncomfortable or envious and man, it ain't worth it! I'd be straightforward and honest-nobody else is wearing that ring but you and you deserve to be happy with it-you'll have it for the rest of your life! 


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RanAway2Maine Posts : 2,359 Registered: 1/27/08
Re: Am I being a Brat?! Advice please!
Posted: Mar 7, 2008 12:02 PM Go to message in response to: CBM09

Oops! My message posted twice! 




Message was edited by: RanAway2Maine

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marty08 Posts : 1,110 Registered: 7/1/07
Re: Am I being a Brat?! Advice please!
Posted: Mar 7, 2008 12:13 PM Go to message in response to: CBM09

I would talk to your bf...quick!!...That is totally absurd!!...I know where's she coming from....but seriously!!..The two of you have worked hard for what you have...nobody should tell you that you cant have a nice ring because a family member can't afford it!!

Yikes....what's going to happen when you start planning your wedding??...

I would make plans to ring shop with fh...do tell him the way you feel!!


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Angele Posts : 76 Registered: 8/15/07
Re: Am I being a Brat?! Advice please!
Posted: Mar 7, 2008 6:06 PM Go to message in response to: CBM09

Ridiculous! I could understand if he was asking his mom for the money to pay for the ring but if he and you are financing your ring and your wedding by yourselves, then she really has no say in what type of jewelry you are entitled to. And IMHO, anyone stupid enough to make comments on your ring out of jealousy should look first to themselves about how he or she goes about affording his or her lifestyle.

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FALLbrideINLOVE Posts : 1,056 Registered: 3/30/07
Re: Am I being a Brat?! Advice please!
Posted: Mar 7, 2008 6:16 PM Go to message in response to: CBM09

i think that you should address the problem!!  the way to bring it up without sounding bratty is to just be straight forward and don't make it about his mom or what she said.  maybe mention how you feel about her comment and then switch focus to how you feel about the ring.  what the ring means to you and the importance you feel it holds.  as long as it is not a convo where he feels he has to defend his mom and family i am sure he will hear what you have to say.  but yes i agree that you need to go to him before he gets sidetracked by others opinions when the only ones that matter are the two of you!  in this instance :)

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CaribbeanBride08 Posts : 1,474 Registered: 6/13/07
Re: Am I being a Brat?! Advice please!
Posted: Mar 7, 2008 6:39 PM Go to message in response to: CBM09

Honestly, the first thought that popped into my head was that this woman just doesn't want her son to spend a lot of money on a ring because she doesn't think the relationship will last.  I could be way off base but that's the direction my brain went.  Probably because the jealousy thing is just too absurd to be believable.  

 

Daisypath Ticker

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EveT2007 Posts : 1,949 Registered: 8/31/06
Re: Am I being a Brat?! Advice please!
Posted: Mar 7, 2008 6:49 PM Go to message in response to: CaribbeanBride08

I agree it was a bizarre thing for his mom to say.  But then, he didn't need to repeat it to you, either.  I think that is the part that bothers me.  Just because one of your relatives says something uncomplimentary in regard to your FH / FW, doesn't mean you have to pass it along.

Do try to discuss the matter with him, about how you feel about the ring and also how you feel about intra-family communications.

Mothers often feel possessive about their sons.  They need to deal with it.


EveT

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CBM09 Posts : 121 Registered: 3/7/08
Re: Am I being a Brat?! Advice please!
Posted: Mar 7, 2008 9:06 PM Go to message in response to: EveT2007

Thanks for all the feedback ladies! I don't think his mom is worried about us not lasting because we have been together 5 1/2 years. I honestly do believe that the reason she said it is because she doesn't want me to have anything extremely nice. I know that does sound absurd but if you knew all the events that lead up to the situation then maybe it would be more understandable! Thank you so much for the feedback and I am going to speak up ASAP! 

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nmtgirl Posts : 142 Registered: 2/12/07
Re: Am I being a Brat?! Advice please!
Posted: Mar 21, 2008 6:36 AM Go to message in response to: CBM09

Oh, goodness! Your FMIL sounds like my FMIL! I have two things that I think it could be. A) Either she's jealous of the attention that all of this is taking away from her, the matriarch, and putting on to you or B) she's like my FMIL and no one will ever be good enough for her son and you will never be able to do anything right. It would be one thing if she said she was worried about the money because of your own finances or something like that. But since when does everyone have to have the same rings and same weddings? This is beyond ridiculous! And it sounds like it is about time to start making that transition from mother and son making the decisions to husband and wife making the decisions!

Ashley and Paul - June 2010

 

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