I REALLY NEED SOME HELP

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ArtBride Posts : 4,838 Registered: 5/9/07
Re: I REALLY NEED SOME HELP
Posted: Mar 3, 2008 7:38 AM Go to message in response to: BirdLover

Birdie - I don't have a problem with you asking not to refer to abortion as 'killing.' I totally agree with you that it should not be called killing, and I could sit here all day (if I didn't have to work!) and debate with people that it is not. My point was that if the OP had decided on abortion, people would have appeared from nowhere to tell her that it is morally wrong or something. Also, I didn't think you personally had a problem with social assistance programs, but it sounds like a few people on this thread do. I think the OP was pretty irresponsible, but I do feel bad that she's caught in a bit of a Catch-22 on this thread. She decided to have the baby and people are giving her crap for not being able to afford it. If she decided NOT to have the baby, people would have given her crap for that decision, too. And if she decided on adoption, I'm sure someone would say, 'But how can you give up your baaaaaabyyyyy?????' It just kind of sucks that people on this thread are going to give her crap no matter what.


DaisypathWedding Ticker

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lori83 Posts : 1,852 Registered: 3/30/06
Re: I REALLY NEED SOME HELP
Posted: Mar 3, 2008 7:44 AM Go to message in response to: Guest

towgirl,
I sent you a pm.
Lori

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NotAMoment2Soon2 Posts : 101 Registered: 12/10/07
Re: I REALLY NEED SOME HELP
Posted: Mar 3, 2008 8:56 AM Go to message in response to: lori83

I really appreciate the comments that were recently posted. Just to clarify, the reason I am not on public assistance is not because of my pride. THe county is actually giving me a hard time in regards to getting foodstamps and medicaid, etc. Supposedly, my income is above the limit and they have to go through a lot to make an exception... I dont see how its above the limit because when I applied I didnt put my FH's information.... but, whatever.

Anyhow, I understand why some are being so harsh to me. I guess you guys feel that if I hear something that hurts my feelings then I'll change my ways in the future. Well, that isnt true. Other people's opinions dont make me change my own... I have already acknowledged my reckless behavior and that I have learned from my mistakes. Rudeness and being inconsiderate is not going to make me feel any more guilty about the entire situation. My only hope is that those who are so quick to judge and point the finger are perfect individuals without fault..... which we all know you are not. I pray that when you make a mistake or your mate's mess up that you arent so hard on them or yourself...

The story provided thats supposedly "the exception to the rule" is very inspiring. I do appreciate the poster for sharing. I do believe this end result is possible. I am a great mother. MY children are shown love all the time. I have never cursed at my children or abused them in any way. MY daughter, although not potty trained :( ) is very respectful. She says please and thank you. She prays before going to bed, she says grace before eating, she washes her hands, she doesnt fight, she shares.... so far Im doing a hell of a job.... Im not afraid of my kids turning into nobodies. I truly believe with my guidance they will be some of the best people to ever grace earth's surface. Things are hard.... life itself has never been easy but that doesnt mean my children will suffer because of that fact. AGain, God has really made ways for me when I could have been homeless, hungry, and suicidal.

About my grandmother, no she doesnt know about my third child. AGain, I am not telling her. I am avoiding the stress and negativity that I know I will get from my family. Right now I am looking into other childcare options. They do offer more affordable daycare to those who qualify for Memdicaid so once that issue is resolved I will be able to see if its cheaper than my grandmothers rate. I know some thinks my decision to withhold my pregnancy from my family is childish but you have no idea... some of the responses here were horrible but didnt affect me because I dont know you people.... it hits closer to home and is harder to ignore when its your family downing you and criticizing your decisions.... so thats why Im not telling them.

I think thats all was said.... alrighty.


"'Tis better to be thought a fool, than to open one's mouth and remove all doubt".--ABE LINCOLN

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seadreamer Posts : 522 Registered: 6/8/07
Re: I REALLY NEED SOME HELP
Posted: Mar 3, 2008 2:56 PM Go to message in response to: NotAMoment2Soon2

You do realize by not admitting ALL income in the home is illegal.  If you are getting assistance by not including your FH's info you could go to jail.  That is pretty much defrauding the government, and stealing.

I am sorry I do get worked up about all this.  I pay a boatload in daycare, in health insurance, everything.  And why?  Because I am responsible about my sex life and my body.  If I know I can't afford another child, there is no "being lazy" and not going to get protection.  Period. There is no mistake.  What areyou going to  do when the children get older and want to do activities?  For two children baseball alone was $220.00  that doesn't include cleats, etc.  Then there is always school clothes, school supplies etc. 

Have you thought that your family is critsizing your decisions because you keep making poor decisions over and over. 

Yes you may get irritated by people telling you that you shoudl have used self control and about adoption etc. But the thing that upsets me is that there are people that are so irresponsible out there that just "are lazy" and don't demonstrate self control about sex, have babies that they can't afford, get help with childcare, healthcare, etc. and then there are people like me who are responsible and know how many children I can afford, and do I get help with childcare, or medical expenses?  NO.  Why should the irresponsible get the help, and the responsible pay for thier laziness and mistakes?

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Beachwed Posts : 782 Registered: 9/19/06
Re: I REALLY NEED SOME HELP
Posted: Mar 3, 2008 3:09 PM Go to message in response to: seadreamer

I have to tell you, I know many people my age who had parents who were quite young when they had them. It happens, so you have to deal with the present tense, which is what the OP is doing. People make it work. I was raised in a family that made very little money, we just knew at a young age that if we wanted to go to college and do extra activities, we would have to help out and work very hard towards those goals. My parents gave us love, a roof over our heads, beds to sleep in, and food on the table. I have such wonderful memories of growing up, and I know many people my age who came from very wealthy families where the parents could give them the world, but they had no love and support. I don't know that income always matters, it's the amount of care and love that the parents give, and it's obvious that the OP will give them the world if she can.

As for taking advantage of discounted daycare, who WOULDN'T take advantage of this if it was offered to them?! Goodness, if my mother worked at a daycare and could offer me a deal, I'd jump on it!  It doesn't make anyone lazy, it's human nature to try to save a buck!

There are bad parents everywhere.  There are bad parents who are making minimum wage, there are bad parents who are making millions. To the OP, it is very apparent that you are going to be a wonderful mother to this third child. You may be short on cash right now, but if you and your husband work hard (which it sounds like you are) you both can find yourself with raises or different jobs that will help you even more. But for the right-now, congrats on being a wonderful mother who cares very deeply for her children.  

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Guest
Re: I REALLY NEED SOME HELP
Posted: Mar 3, 2008 3:16 PM Go to message in response to: Beachwed

Just something I would like to say to all the ladies who were "knocking"...or "preaching" to teh OP about being foolish in having sex without the use of BC.

I got pregnant at the age if 17 while ON birth control and using a condom.

So, BC is NOT aloways 100% effective. I still use it to this day as my contraceptives, and have not even had a pregnancy scare in 7 years....

But, you CAN get pregnant while on BC!!

OP, I wish you luck in your situation. I am sure it all seems overwhelming now (and I understand that) but it will all work itself out eventually in the end.

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NotAMoment2Soon2 Posts : 101 Registered: 12/10/07
Re: I REALLY NEED SOME HELP
Posted: Mar 3, 2008 3:21 PM Go to message in response to: seadreamer

Seardreamer, you are really starting to piss me off.... do the words FUCK OFF mean anything to you? Im tired of being polite about the sitiuation.... you obviosuly get a kick out of beating people down. First of all, I am not defrauding the government! At the time I applied my FH and I were not living together therefore his income wasnt important. We recently moved into our place. I havent reported a change because they havent gotten the first case worked out so I dont want it to take longer... as for you not getting assistance who gives a damn? You obviously have your shit soooo together that you dont need any help... and of course you wouldnt take it because you dont believe in welfare right? You're such a bitch. You need to get a life... if you work so hard to live the life you want how can you find time to be on here criticising every 5 posts! Damn. Ive just about had enough of your bullshit really...

And you can say what you want about being lazy and whatnot.... again, your opinion is irrelevant. So from here on out I'll prove to you how minut you really are... you are now being ignored!

To all others: sorry but she had it coming... thank you all again for your CONSTRUCTIVE criticism...

 


"'Tis better to be thought a fool, than to open one's mouth and remove all doubt".--ABE LINCOLN

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Mrslinnben Posts : 2,285 Registered: 6/4/07
Re: I REALLY NEED SOME HELP
Posted: Mar 3, 2008 3:21 PM Go to message in response to: NotAMoment2Soon2

Good Luck, it sounds as if you have a game plan.  Stay focused and don't let anyone get you down. 


Message was edited by: Mrslinnben

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bostonterrierbr... Posts : 129 Registered: 11/8/06
Re: I REALLY NEED SOME HELP
Posted: Mar 3, 2008 3:28 PM Go to message in response to: Beachwed

I don't know if you got why seadreamer is upset. She wasn't calling the OP lazy for taking advantage of discount daycare, she was referencing that the OP said earier that she and her FH were too lazy to walk to the bathroom and get a condom, which resulted in her third unplanned preganancy. Seadreamer is also upset that she OP said that she omitted her FH's income when she applied for government support.

I just read through this thread today and there is so much I'd like to say about it, but you girls have said most of it for me and I guess there's no reason to send out more scolding. To the OP, taking responsibility was the right thing to do, good luck with everything.

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auntofthebride Posts : 9,354 Registered: 4/2/06
Re: I REALLY NEED SOME HELP
Posted: Mar 3, 2008 3:56 PM Go to message in response to: Mrslinnben

dear Mrs Linnbenn,

She's not looking for an abortion. She is planning on giving birth and raising her child.

Seadreamer: The birth of a child is an occasion for joy. When you talk about irresponsible people giving birth to unwanted children, you are talking about me.

I, personally, was an unwanted, problem pregnancy baby. I don't have a single problem with the fact that I was conceived, carried to term, and entered the world.

NAMTS: I sincerely hope you have reached out for counseling, perhaps with Planned Parenthood or another community organization. There are groups out there who can be of help, and offer you support.

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BirdLover Posts : 2,834 Registered: 3/30/06
Re: I REALLY NEED SOME HELP
Posted: Mar 3, 2008 4:41 PM Go to message in response to: Guest

"Why should the irresponsible get the help, and the responsible pay for thier laziness and mistakes?"
That is such a bigoted opinion about the welfare system that I can't even stomach it.  I realize that it might apply in this situation, but certainly not in all situations

Gin: "I got pregnant at the age if 17 while ON birth control and using a condom." One, I am impressed that any teenager would actually use DOUBLE the protection...you tried to prevent both pregnancy AND STDs, which is awesome...and Two...you have no luck whatsoever, lol.  Although I know you love your daughter, and I'm sure your fertility will be a big blessing if you ever want more children!

And, um, can people not read anymore?  I admit, it's starting to bother ME when people keep asking about adoption and abortion!

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Charlotte09 Posts : 1,021 Registered: 2/22/08
Re: I REALLY NEED SOME HELP
Posted: Mar 3, 2008 10:08 PM Go to message in response to: BirdLover

I cannot use birth control of any kind either, so like the OP my only method of birth control is a condom, or of corse no sex, which I have been discussing with some other brides on here. Anyway, this has been my method for an estimated 2 years. I have never had sex without a condom and here I am with no children. I understand unplanned pregnancy happens with and without all the different types of birth control. But three times??? I am sorry but a responsible adult makes mistakes, but not the same mistake three times. It annoys me to hear of my peers (young women) who continue to make this same mistakes. Responsibility is a key factor in having children and I know that without having to have them, mistakes cannot be made over and over and over. 

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seadreamer Posts : 522 Registered: 6/8/07
Re: I REALLY NEED SOME HELP
Posted: Mar 4, 2008 8:43 AM Go to message in response to: Charlotte09

I second that Charlotte.  I mistake is something you learn from.  Everyone makes mistakes.  A mistake three times?  Hmm....that is not a mistake. 

And Aunt, I understand that the birth of a child is a blessing.  Both my children are blessings.  I was told I couldn't have children, I can't carry a child to term.  Pregnancy is a nightmare for me.  And I am fully supportive of adoption if the parents are unable to give the child the things they need. 

Children are a blessing.  But if you cannot afford to care for them properly, the family is stressed, and that could make for a very strained homelife. 

And also, as for not reporting the change because the first case hasn't been worked out, that IS defrauding the system.  You MUST report any and all changes within 10 days.  It doesn't matter if the first case isn't resolved.  Doesn't matter if you don't want it to take longer.  Those changes HAVE to be reported. 

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NotAMoment2Soon2 Posts : 101 Registered: 12/10/07
Re: I REALLY NEED SOME HELP
Posted: Mar 4, 2008 8:57 AM Go to message in response to: auntofthebride

Aunt... I have still been looking more into the counseling. Right now I have been talking with a doctor (not a therapist) about my situation. SHe has some friends and she'll let them know about me.... her friends are all counselors/therapists/psychiatrists. Im no longer worried, Im pretty sure I'll get the help I need to work out all of my issues. :)

I do have a household update: I am turning my cousin over to the courts tommorrow. :( I am not happy about the situation but I pretty much have no choice. He's scheduled to go to court about an assault charge... false allegations made against him by an adult relative of ours who had guardianship of him previously... anyhow, I have tried so hard to get him going in the right direction but it seems my attempts have failed. My pleas have all fallen on deaf ears. He refuses to make anything out of himself. Yesterday, I went to pick him and my children up from my grandmas house and he was there high off of marijuana! This isnt the first time. I explained to him previously that I was not going to allow him to do drugs while under my care and if I found out he was disobeying I'd put him out. I thought we had an understanding.... obviously I was wrong. So, yesterday I explained to him that Im turning him back over to the courts and he didnt so much as budge. I feel bad because I really tried and failed at helping him see the light, helping him to want to change. But at the same time, I cant worry myself with his constant bad ways because I have sooooo many issues of my own. So, its been decided.... after tommorrow, I'll only have 2 kids again... well, 2 and a fourth.... :)


"'Tis better to be thought a fool, than to open one's mouth and remove all doubt".--ABE LINCOLN

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Guest
Re: I REALLY NEED SOME HELP
Posted: Mar 4, 2008 9:02 AM Go to message in response to: seadreamer

OK, now I have a few points to make.

First Birdie, yes, I was put on BC when I told my mom I was sexually active, and I also new the importance of using a condom for STD's as well. And yes I have no luck... LOL. (wouldn't change it though)

But, my sister also concieved her daughter a week after stopping the BC pill, and my other freind concieved her son while on the Depo shot. So while BC is a great source TYPICALLY of "family planning" somtines, it dosen't help. LOL.

Now, Seadreamer, while yes, I (as a young mother) do and have gotten irratated with the "system" and the families that lie or work "under the table" in order to receive more government help. But, I also have to say my sister, who has my neice whom is 2....has NO contact with her daughter father at ALL. (we don't even know what state he is in) but he is big into drugs and has done some horrible things, so my sister natuarally dosne't ever want him around her daughther. (not that he is interested) HOWEVER, she can NOT get my neice on Medicaid because she isn't receiving HELP from her daughters father! How much BS is that. My sister has a full time job (at a day care as a PRE K teacher - so not the highest paying job) and lives and pays rent to my mom. So yes, that there pissed meoff to no end knowing that my sister busts her ass to work and care for her child and she can't even get MEDICAL insurance.

However, I can also say Seadreamer as a mother at 18 who LIVED on her own who WAS on medicaid (not WIC or anything else) for about 6-9 months for my daughter. I do find it offensive when you say that the "responsible" shouldn't have to pay for the "irrisponsible". I was VERY responsible in having sex, and I was VERY responsible in moving out of my parents house and working full time to raise my OWN child rather than pawn her off my my parents like (some) teenage mothers do and I am still VERY responsible to this day to have thus far raised a WONDERFUL and intelligent and sweet 7 year old little girl.

Yes, damn right I struggled as a young single mother, there were nights I was eating spagettos out of the can, and days when that was my only meal. But, MY DAUGHTER had her roof, clothing, food diapers and every other want or need met.

Yes, it was rough...I will not lie and say it wouldn't have been easier had I had more money. But, my life and the life of my daughters has been wonderful since the day I had her. children don't need tons and tons of money or toys to make them happy and who they will become as adults. They need love, and nuturing, and someone to TEACH them, to be a good role model.
And UNFORTUNATLY some of the kids who come from "money" loose out on the love, and nurturing, and ability to look up to a role model.....

Money isn't everything. Family is. And no matter what situation a person gets thrown into they can ALWAYS make it work. If they are strong enough and want it enough. Thats what you do, you MAKE it work.

(not trying to bash you or anything seadreamer....just trying to show you the flip side of the coin)

OP, You can do this. And I understand what you are feeling. Good luck and keep your head up.

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