I REALLY NEED SOME HELP

Online Users: 1,328 guest(s), 0 user(s). Replies: 116


CaribbeanBride08 Posts : 1,474 Registered: 6/13/07
Re: I REALLY NEED SOME HELP
Posted: Feb 29, 2008 1:31 PM Go to message in response to: seadreamer

Seadreamer, Oh how I almost went off on the same welfare soap box but I held back since I had said so much already.  But oh boy I wanted to.   In other words, I agree 110% with you. 

 

Daisypath Ticker

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49ersfanatic Posts : 581 Registered: 3/30/06
Re: I REALLY NEED SOME HELP
Posted: Feb 29, 2008 5:32 PM Go to message in response to: CaribbeanBride08

Plus I find it sad that young women/teenagers can have sex and be reckless and keep popping out babies like there's no tomorrow, when there are loving/mature/responsible women out there who can't have children themselves and deserve to more so than irresponsible teenagers & young ladies....................

You say you and your DH both have full time jobs. I'm curious to know where are your kids while you both work? You say you have no support from your family except your aunt so does she watch them?

Like someone else said I don't think the both of you have thought this out and thought about the consequences of your actions.

DH and I Rolled the Dice and Took a Gamble at Marriage on July 15, 2006 at the MGM Grand in Las Vegas! Viva Las VegasLaughing

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BirdLover Posts : 2,834 Registered: 3/30/06
Re: I REALLY NEED SOME HELP
Posted: Feb 29, 2008 8:21 PM Go to message in response to: 49ersfanatic

Original Poster: Glad that you guys talked things out!  I agree that a two-bedroom place isn't quite big enough for your family size, but upgrading to that three-bedroom, I think, will at least make things more managable for the time-being.  So definitely keep thinking about that, ok?

Also...do you plan to breastfeed?  That'll save you a LOT of money right there...don't give up if it gets difficult!

A side note: please don't take this as a criticism, but can I ask you to not refer to abortion as "killing my child"?  I ask because there is no point in making others feel bad if they've been in that situation, especially when there are so many circumstances for it.  So, please?

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Guest
Re: I REALLY NEED SOME HELP
Posted: Mar 1, 2008 4:58 AM Go to message in response to: NotAMoment2Soon2

I have not read all 62 posts so this may have already been mentioned, but have you looked into getting an IUD? You can get it with or without hormones and insurance should cover it. If you don't have insurance and qualify for Medicaid, I believe they'll cover it. Otherwise it'll run you about $700 (that's the quote I got from my doctor here in GA).

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Guest
Re: I REALLY NEED SOME HELP
Posted: Mar 1, 2008 5:05 AM Go to message in response to: NotAMoment2Soon2

Also, if you are a member of a church or have a family member or friend who's a pastor or counselor/therapist or something, try talking to them about your situation and your feelings about it. Hopefully they could give you some guidance and help you deal with the emotions you're experiencing right now.

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gisalisa Posts : 10 Registered: 1/30/08
Re: I REALLY NEED SOME HELP
Posted: Mar 1, 2008 9:41 PM Go to message in response to: NotAMoment2Soon2

Adoption!!!! There are so many people that would love to adopt your baby. Look into it. I know that it will be difficult to give up someone that you have grown to love, but if you feel you must then do it!!

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auntofthebride Posts : 9,354 Registered: 4/2/06
Re: I REALLY NEED SOME HELP
Posted: Mar 1, 2008 9:49 PM Go to message in response to: gisalisa

dear Gisa,

The subject of adoption has come up earlier, and the OP has said that this is not an options she wishes to consider. That is entirely her business.

I was, myself, adopted as an infant. While in my 40s I met my birth parents, and have a nice relationship with them. I feel I know more than most people do about the subject

The OP does not want to have her baby adopted, and that's the end of the discussion. I support her fully.

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BirdLover Posts : 2,834 Registered: 3/30/06
Re: I REALLY NEED SOME HELP
Posted: Mar 1, 2008 10:17 PM Go to message in response to: auntofthebride

So, have you thought about adoption?

(just kidding)

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NotAMoment2Soon2 Posts : 101 Registered: 12/10/07
Re: I REALLY NEED SOME HELP
Posted: Mar 2, 2008 7:34 AM Go to message in response to: seadreamer

SearDreamer, your post of course pissed me off but I wont dwell on your comments. I really could care less about your opinion.... everyone is entitled to their own so I wish you well in your perfect life... and thanx for keeping YOUR DAMN LEGS CLOSED as you so eloquently stated I should be doing....

Anyhow, no I am not on welfare. My grandmother has a daycare business and she watches my children while we are at work for a lower coast than she usually charges. As for whoever mentioned I should give my child up because I cant financially provide for it--- you have no idea. My children never go without. Im not rolling in money but I can honestly say God always makes a way for me.... without the assistance of the american people....

I will admit I am on WIC, but not because I applied for it. My previous OBGYN gave them my information and since we arent rolling in dough I qualified. They provide infant formula, rgeular milk, and eggs. SO formula is not an issue....

Also, I will be breastfeeding... I have before with both of my children. With my son I was only able to do it for 2 week because then I had surgery and was on antibiotics so I couldnt....

I dont remember what else was said.... so this will end my post.....  


"'Tis better to be thought a fool, than to open one's mouth and remove all doubt".--ABE LINCOLN

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49ersfanatic Posts : 581 Registered: 3/30/06
Re: I REALLY NEED SOME HELP
Posted: Mar 2, 2008 8:09 AM Go to message in response to: NotAMoment2Soon2

That's great that your grandmother has a daycare business and watches your children at a lower cost than what she normally charges.

You mentioned before that only your aunt knows about your pregnancy. Will you tell your grandmother? How does she feel about the whole situation? Does she emotionally support you?

DH and I Rolled the Dice and Took a Gamble at Marriage on July 15, 2006 at the MGM Grand in Las Vegas! Viva Las VegasLaughing

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MsDenuninani Posts : 3,962 Registered: 3/16/07
Re: I REALLY NEED SOME HELP
Posted: Mar 2, 2008 11:19 AM Go to message in response to: NotAMoment2Soon2

I recently went to a 50th birthday party for a friends' mother.  I did the math, and I realized that this woman had had 3 of her four children before she turned 23 years old. 

I have no idea how she did it, and I've never asked.  But my friend is an incredibly successful dentist (and thus highly educated) and her sister is a commercial pilot.  Their two brothers are both in school. . .one is studying fashion design in Paris.

When I was at this women's 50th birthday party, I thought about how much crap she must have taken from people who believed that she was wrecking her children's life. . .she was a young, uneducated woman who was raising these children from scratch, with little support.  But she made it.  And in the process raised some of the most amazing people I've ever met. 

You can never tell about people. . .

Two things:

First off, I don't believe that hard-working people should feel ashamed to accept help.  And all a WIC program is is a program to help people who need it.  If it is helping a woman raise and feed her child, no one, NO ONE should make a person feel bad for taking advantage of it (or any other government assistance program, as far as I'm concerned).  A woman would be a fool not to. 

Second of all, I don't understand the instinct to fall into the "it's a shame that some women can't have children while others have more than they can afford" mode of thinking.  Yes it is, but everyone, the childless and the child-full have to come to grips with the circumstances that God gave them.  

Third of all, (oops, I guess there was a third) and this is not addressed to anyone in particular, if someone shouldn't say they are uncomfortable killing their child because someone else might feel bad because they may have had an abortion, then it is also not okay to openly judge someone for accepting public assistance.  There are plenty of people on these boards and off that have likely benefitted from such a program, and why single out some to be exempt from judgement, and not others?

Sorry y'all, but some of the reactions to this thread are really bugging me.  

 


_______________________________________________________
“We can't solve problems by using the same kind of thinking we used when we created them”    - Albert Einstein

 Vote!  http://www.barackobama.com/index.php

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ArtBride Posts : 4,838 Registered: 5/9/07
Re: I REALLY NEED SOME HELP
Posted: Mar 2, 2008 3:59 PM Go to message in response to: MsDenuninani

While I agree with Seadreamer and others about the issue of young women having multiple children to qualify for more 'free' money from the government, I really don't think the OP falls into this category. And as a taxpayer, I really don't mind supporting those who need it, BECAUSE THAT IS WHAT THESE PROGRAMS WERE DESIGNED FOR. Yes, I get annoyed when I hear about lazy people on government assistance, but I get even more annoyed when I hear that honest, low-income people like the OP are not taking advantage of it. On the pride issue, I hear you, but there's no shame in accepting public assistance if you need it. And for the record - I have ABSOLUTELY NO PROBLEM with my tax money going to fund low-income assistance programs. Even though the system is abused by so many people, it's worth it to me if it helps a few who legitimately need it.

Should the OP have used birth control? Yes, but what's done is done and there's nothing she can do about it other than being more responsible in the future. She's already acknowledged that, but she's pregnant and has three choices: 1) Have a baby, 2) Have an abortion, 3) Give the baby up for adoption. She has chosen to have the baby, and now everyone is giving her crap for it - but SOMEONE on these boards would be giving her crap if she chose one of the other options, as well. While I agree that the OP and her FH seem to be acting a little irresponsibly, I see no reason to berate them for having children. The only problem I see with the situation is that the baby (and maybe the other two as well, if I'm remembering correctly?) came as a result of a TOTAL DISREGARD FOR BIRTH CONTROL. Now, unplanned pregnancies happen all the time, but most usually as a result of a condom breaking, pills being taken incorrectly, etc - it's not often that a couple who doesn't want to get pregnant just says, 'It's too long a walk to the bathroom drawer to get a condom.' I understand that a mistake is a mistake, but that seems like a big risk to take if you don't want to get pregnant. 


DaisypathWedding Ticker

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myra Posts : 5,550 Registered: 3/28/06
Re: I REALLY NEED SOME HELP
Posted: Mar 2, 2008 5:14 PM Go to message in response to: MsDenuninani

I understand what you're saying and agree with most of it. The social safety net is there for a reason, children shouldn't have to suffer, and in many cases, there but for the grace of God goes any one of us.

BUT, your example of the person above, raising four wonderful, accomplised children under the most demanding of circumstances, is more the exception than the rule, wouldn't you agree? The fact that it's rare is what makes it such an inspiring story.

And, in the case of the OP, nobody went out and criticized her just for fun. SHE is the one who came here, wailing, "What should I doooo?! How could this happen?!" At which point, people responded with more than just, "Aw, honey, you poor thing, it'll be all right." She received a lot of help and support, some of it, admittedly, tough love, but honest, realistic answers. Nobody asked her to change her decisions about what she wished to do, but rather to take responsibility for her choices, both past and future.

myra at www.classysassyweddings.com

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Guest
Re: I REALLY NEED SOME HELP
Posted: Mar 2, 2008 7:09 PM Go to message in response to: myra

I truly wish Notamoment2soon all the best.  I truly hope it works out for her.

I do wish more people in her shoes would consider adoption.  Perhaps then it would not be so expensive to adopt.  My FH & I have an above average income ($60,000 + per year), yet still we cannot afford the fees to adopt the child that I cannot give birth to.  I desperately want to have children, yet due to cancer at 19, I am unable to concieve, or bear a child.  There is no alternative for me, only adoption.  Considering I myself was adopted, I find no problem with this, except that I can afford to take care of a child, afford to send them to private school, afford to do everything BUT actually adopt the child we so want!! 

Forgive me, I sometimes get on a tangent.

You are a lucky woman to have your child, I envy you and I wish you all the best!


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www.mywedding.com/kevandcrisi

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BirdLover Posts : 2,834 Registered: 3/30/06
Re: I REALLY NEED SOME HELP
Posted: Mar 3, 2008 12:49 AM Go to message in response to: Guest

towgirl: have you considered contacting a surrogancy agency (or whatever you call it)  In my area, I believe it is half of what your adoption fees would be.  Just a though :)

To whoever mentioned: I am the one who asked (politely) to avoid the abortion=killing reference, and just to clarify, I have no problem with social assistance programs.  Just thought I'd clarify

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