Le *Sigh*

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futurefiance Posts : 39 Registered: 9/22/07
Le *Sigh*
Posted: Feb 29, 2008 9:27 PM

I don't know if you guys remember my middle sister.  She has a couple of middle child syndrome jealousy issues. :D Obviously this will create grist for this wedding mill! :D

Apparently she had talked to my fiance and asked to help out with the Rehearsal Dinner as her wedding present (my fiance has very little family).

Add to the mix that we all work together in a family business.

:D

To make a convaluted story short, my sister had been just plain rude and passive-aggressive towards me and my fiance (not to mention the rest of our co-workers).  I 'let her have it,' she ignored me for a couple of days and now is all sunshine and happiness. 

My fiance on the other hand is fed up with her and doesn't want her to have anything to do with the rehearsal dinner.  We aren't going to bring any of this up until the actual time comes to discuss rehearsal dinner, but I totally agree with him.  She can't have her 'mood swings' and expect others to just carry on as if she hadn't behaved badly in the first place. 

She acts just like my mother and I have my hands full with the both of them. 

I will tell you guys that I've tried all tactics, and if I ignore their behavior, they just ramp it up because they itch for fights and drama.  If I lose my cool and call them out, they'll give me the silent treatment and then be extra sweet to me afterwards. They truly thrive and exist in this sort of angst-world. 

I probably could outlast them if I tried to ignore their behavior, but everyone around them suffer their pouts and passive-aggressive comments.

:D

:D

Don't you just LOOOOOOVVVVEEEE family?!?


**********I don't know what I want for my wedding, I just know I want him for my marriage!************

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futurefiance Posts : 39 Registered: 9/22/07
Re: Le *Sigh*
Posted: Feb 29, 2008 9:30 PM Go to message in response to: futurefiance

P.S. We haven't asked anyone for monetary help with the wedding. I don't want you to think we felt entitled to her help for hosting the Rehearsal Dinner. 

 The only help I've asked for is the 'wedding party' to help me out with making wedding favors.


**********I don't know what I want for my wedding, I just know I want him for my marriage!************

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myra Posts : 5,550 Registered: 3/28/06
Re: Le *Sigh*
Posted: Mar 1, 2008 2:17 AM Go to message in response to: futurefiance

I hope that you will tell her, "Thanks, but no thanks," on the rehearsal dinner. You just don't need the aggravation. And sure, she'll sulk and be obnoxious, but she's that way anyhow. As for waiting until later to discuss this, you'll just increase the tension closer to your wedding day, plus be unable to move ahead with your own planning, because it's all a big secret.

Remember, you do not have to put up with anyone's "fights and drama." You can choose to leave the battle field whenever either Mom or Sis decides to go into a snit.

myra at www.classysassyweddings.com

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futurefiance Posts : 39 Registered: 9/22/07
Re: Le *Sigh*
Posted: Mar 1, 2008 2:38 PM Go to message in response to: myra

Thanks for the advice.  Since my sister had this agreement with my fiance and hasn't brought it up with me I'll just let him handle it unless she brings it up to me.  To be completely frank, once I found out about her offer, I still planned on being prepared to pay for the whole thing anyway.  It seemed too much like a 'pie in the sky' proposal.

I am doing my very best to let it 'roll off my back'  I think you guys would be very proud of how I acted during my first dress fittings.  My mom was in an uber-snit that time.  Boy, her passive-agressiveness was vibing all over the place, she just HAD to make sure we all knew how unhappy and miserable she was.

I just carried on showing a overly happy face and just grooving as best as I could. 

I am learning alot, especially in being as little involved as I possibly can with them.


**********I don't know what I want for my wedding, I just know I want him for my marriage!************

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myra Posts : 5,550 Registered: 3/28/06
Re: Le *Sigh*
Posted: Mar 1, 2008 7:06 PM Go to message in response to: futurefiance

I am learning alot, especially in being as little involved as I possibly can with them.

Good for you--one step at a time, I guess. Next shopping trip or fitting, you'll leave them home. Take a good friend, even your Fh, if you need someone with you. Try to expose yourself to this rude behavior as little as possible.

myra at www.classysassyweddings.com

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40somethingbride Posts : 240 Registered: 3/28/06
Re: Le *Sigh*
Posted: Mar 2, 2008 8:54 PM Go to message in response to: myra

You need to google "borderline personality disorder". Sounds like both your sis and mom have it. The best thing to do is be consistent and not let her be too involved. If she is offering money to pay for the rehearsal dinner, do NOT do it. She will use it as a way to create more drama because a BPD thrives on it.
 

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