I strongly dislike my FH's best friend...

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MrsMcCain Posts : 580 Registered: 10/24/07
Re: I strongly dislike my FH's best friend...
Posted: Feb 25, 2008 12:58 PM Go to message in response to: nhbride09

Wow nhbride that is a really horrible story! If this was me then I would simply tell your FH "no way can he be in our wedding". With all of the things you just listed this man is horrible and I can't even see how your FH still talks to him. Why would he want someone in his wedding that treats his future wife that way? I would sit down and talk with your FH and once he sees it all laid out he I think he will understand and realize that this guy just needs to be a part of his past and stay that way. Good luck hunny!

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MrsDupont Posts : 1,574 Registered: 4/14/06
Re: I strongly dislike my FH's best friend...
Posted: Feb 25, 2008 1:09 PM Go to message in response to: nhbride09

Well... FH friend is upset and thinks that you are steeling his best friend.

His Friend is angry and now wont have his BF to hang out with like he use to. 

there are a lot of Best Friends that have issues with growing up with then have nothing.

But your Fiance should be willing to talk about it... Its both of your lives not just his. But you can't ask him to not be his friend.

how old are you guys? This sounds so juvinile!


 

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"Life is what happens when you're making other plans".  - John Lennon

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MrsWhtrse04 Posts : 116 Registered: 3/1/07
Re: I strongly dislike my FH's best friend...
Posted: Feb 25, 2008 2:05 PM Go to message in response to: nhbride09

nhbride~ I'm sorry you are going through this because frankly it sucks. I was kind of in a similar situation, where two of DH groomsmen hated me. Why they even wanted to be in the wedding I don't know since they told DH time and time agian not to marry me. In the end they both dropped out of the wedding party and one of them didn't even come to the wedding. From what I can say about my situation is talk to your FH very very gently he might feel like you are attacking him which is how mu DH took it when I first brought up the issue to him. I don't think this is someting that you shouldn't get married over. But I think you need to tell your FH that you are not going to let this man hurt you or your child. I don't think you need to say it's him or me but your FH needs to know that you will not take this disrespectful behavior. Also maybe bring up that by his friend treating you like this he is not only disrespecting you but him as well because if this guy was really a bestfriend he would not be treating his best friends FW this way.

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BooBishaBride Posts : 120 Registered: 1/31/08
Re: I strongly dislike my FH's best friend...
Posted: Feb 25, 2008 2:12 PM Go to message in response to: nhbride09

You should definitely have a heart to heart with FH about this and include every bit of your feelings. Honesty, talking and looking for compromise is the only way to solve this issue. You really need to get FH specifically to talk about his side of the story. Best Men usually give a toast, is FH confident in the kind of toast this guy will give you two as a married couple? You should be more important, but he probably doesn't want to give up on a life time friend either. Does FH have an agenda for including him? Maybe your FH is including this guy as best man to show him that the relationship is good and that he doesn't need to be paranoid about you?

From what you've said the Best Man has been completely out of line in the past. However, it sounds like he sees you as a threat. Is it possible that he thinks you'll hurt FH? Maybe he thinks he's legitimately protecting FH? You need to talk to FH and find out the true reasons or motivations. I know my FH's best friend was very suspicious of me, and is just now starting to warm up to me. I found out this is because of a past girlfriend that hurt FH and his best friend had gotten protective of him. He thought that I would probably hurt FH too and felt he needed to be protective of his best friend. 

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XYZ1 Posts : 367 Registered: 1/7/08
Re: I strongly dislike my FH's best friend...
Posted: Feb 25, 2008 2:22 PM Go to message in response to: MrsWhtrse04

I'm doubling back to add that I agree with the posters who say you can't force your fiance not to be friends with this guy.  Make it clear to your FH that you're not asking him to cut his friend out of his life -- you're just really uncomfortable with the idea of the best man in your wedding being someone who has tried to break up your relationship.  The next time he says "But Jerk is my oldest friend," respond by saying something like "I know that, and I'm not asking you not to be his friend anymore.  But the best man signs our wedding license and stands with us at the altar and is supposed to be someone who supports the commitment we're making.  Can you honestly say that Jerk is the right person to do those things for us?"

My guess is that your FH is making his friend a part of the wedding day so he doesn't feel left out and then resent your relationship even more.  But he needs to consider your feelings and be willing to talk about why this is important to him.

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JayJ Posts : 1,080 Registered: 4/22/07
Re: I strongly dislike my FH's best friend...
Posted: Feb 25, 2008 3:31 PM Go to message in response to: nhbride09

there is nothing in the world that should make this situation hard for your FH to understand. if he's not offended himself by this guy's actions, he should obviously be sensitive to the fact that you are. if he's not understanding it, there's a problem.


                 www.MattAndJesy.com <3           http://llama.jjammies*

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