Be honest - how much was it??

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farre11kat Posts : 5 Registered: 2/12/08
Be honest - how much was it??
Posted: Feb 18, 2008 2:14 AM


I've been engaged for oh, 9 days now and I'm in the beginning stages of planning. (I know, I work fast, but I've had 7 1/2 years to think about it.)  I'm already stressed out because I've come to realize that there's a lot boys don't understand about weddings, the biggest being what it costs to have one. I've broken the news to him that it's probably going to cost us in the ballpark of 8-10 grand, and that's not even including a few ridiculous things that I secretly want, but probably won't get. (searchlights, black and white photo booth, frank sinatra impersonator. :) So this prompts me to ask: How much did / will your wedding cost?? Whose paying? Did your families give you x dollars to do with what you wished, or did you have to ask? My Fiance's family has only offered up a "let us know what we can do."  I can't budget that! I would much rather them just say, here's what we're comfortable contributing. I don't feel comfortable asking them for money, and I would prefer to have money to budget with, as opposed to our (two sets of divorced parents) each picking up certain bills. How are you handling the budget?  My fiance and I have a really great relationship, but I think planning this wedding is going to test it a little! 

Message was edited by: farre11kat


coastiebride Posts : 1,365 Registered: 3/26/07
Re: Be honest - how much was it??
Posted: Feb 18, 2008 2:26 AM Go to message in response to: farre11kat

By the way i love your ring!!!!!!!!!!!!! just had to say that first!

My parents are contributing 13,000, which dosnt include everything, so my Fh and i are picking up the other few grand that his parents can not afford. We were planning on paying for the whole thing our selfs but found out that my parents wanted to pay for the majority of the wedding. I am soo with you with the B & W photo booth! and someone hand rolling cigars! (soo not going to happen) Planning this wedding has been truly stressful! but my Fh has the best job hes deploying for 8 months so he gets to go hide away from me while i deal with everything! grrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrr I would just go with the notion that you will be paying for the whole thing yourself budget it out that you want to get married in 1yr 2 yr what ever it is and figure out how much money can the two of you put away by X amount of months to come up with X amount of $ And who knows maybe one or both of your parents will help contribute always nice but not mandatory!

Going to the Chapel December 6th 2008

Love is a four-letter word spelled G-I-V-E

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UltimatePink Posts : 367 Registered: 10/15/07
Re: Be honest - how much was it??
Posted: Feb 18, 2008 9:20 AM Go to message in response to: farre11kat

Costs of weddings vary from place to place...

When FH and I started talking about a wedding, we decided that together we could spend up to 25K. We budgeted for that amount. When we presented it to my parents and said, for that much, we can only have 100 people (exclude some family members), at this place, etc... they said, "no, not acceptable, we'll cover the balance". Which was perfectly fine. I knew inviting 100 people would mean hurting a lot of my family. We're at 290 with a 60K budget now. Where I live, we're scraping by with a 60K budget.

I think the key is, let both sets of parents know that, with your budget, you have limitations and spell out what the budget entails. Another way to approach is, you can ask your families to cover certain aspects of the wedding, i.e., "Mom and Dad, can you cover the cake, limo and my dress..." and "Future mom and dad, can you pay for the alcohol..." This might help you get a better sense of your budget. GL!


Love2u Posts : 1,661 Registered: 10/24/07
Re: Be honest - how much was it??
Posted: Feb 18, 2008 9:35 AM Go to message in response to: farre11kat

My FH and I are paying for the wedding ourselves and have a $7K budget (excluding the rings).  We set our date based on how long it would take us to save the money for the wedding.  Neither of our respective parents can afford to contribute financially (they are retired and on fixed incomes), but have offerred their assistance in preparing flowers, centerpieces, whatever logistical help they can provide.



MsDenuninani Posts : 3,962 Registered: 3/16/07
Re: Be honest - how much was it??
Posted: Feb 18, 2008 9:39 AM Go to message in response to: farre11kat

My father offered us 10K off the bat.  My mother (they're divorced) matched that and offered 10K.  In order to get the photographer and wedding dress I wanted, I went back and asked her for another 5K, which she agreed to.  My grandmother gave us another thousand. 

With that 26 thousand, we had a pretty good budget, but we ended up using another 15K of our own money to meet our expectations for the event.  We had that in savings, so it all worked out.  Later I realized we'd end up havng to charge our honeymoon, but luckily we got a lot of money as gifts (god bless relatives who give cash!) and so we only ended up charging our hotel room and paying everything else in cash (we went to Puerto Rico). 

Basically, you need to do some research into what everything will cost for the size of the wedding you want.  Then go to your parents and tell them what it is that you're expecting.  You both need to be really honest about what it is that you want and their willingness (and ability) to meet those expectations.  And then figure it out from there. . .,

Good luck.

“We can't solve problems by using the same kind of thinking we used when we created them”    - Albert Einstein



JaniceO Posts : 980 Registered: 12/5/06
Re: Be honest - how much was it??
Posted: Feb 18, 2008 10:51 AM Go to message in response to: MsDenuninani

We spent between about 15k on the wedding and honeymoon.  We paid for it out of savings ourselves, but my parents gave us 10k as a wedding gift a few months after the wedding.  But my parents did make it clear they wanted us to spend the money on something (furniture), not just plop it in savings.


Daisypath Ticker


MrsWilliams2008 Posts : 1,431 Registered: 7/19/07
Re: Be honest - how much was it??
Posted: Feb 18, 2008 1:12 PM Go to message in response to: JaniceO

6K tops and that includes the honeymoon. We have a guest list of about 200. We aren't asking a dime from anybody, but we certainly won't turn it down if it's offered!

It doesn't hurt that we've also found quite a few quality bargains along the way! We have alot of friends/fam in the wedding business (caterer, photographer, wedding coordinator, musicians, etc). Everybody else is pitching in to help with the decorations. BTW, you have such a gorgoeous ring! Stafford&RobertWilliams, Jr

                                 R&R: June 21, 2008


08divabride Posts : 831 Registered: 11/17/07
Re: Be honest - how much was it??
Posted: Feb 18, 2008 2:24 PM Go to message in response to: farre11kat

Congrats new bride, and welcome to the board!  Your ring is beautiful, I know you flipped out when you saw it!  Our budget is set for $15,000 including our honeymoon.  My best advice is to pick a realistic budget and stick to it!!  Good luck with your planning, and keep us posted.  Have you set a wedding date?  That plays a big part in cost as well.

I will marry my Stinka on September 27, 2008!  The one I laugh with, live for, love!


DestoB Posts : 638 Registered: 12/31/07
Re: Be honest - how much was it??
Posted: Feb 18, 2008 2:39 PM Go to message in response to: farre11kat

hi!  we're looking at about 10K.  i was planning to do the whole thing on my own but my mom offered up 5K and i'm stoked.  my dad mentioned six months before we got engaged that he'd be paying for most of it but has yet to really talk money with me yet.  i think when it comes down to it he's just gonna start writing checks but who knows.  fil's can't afford to help at all and fh is in a bind with school right now.  i'm pretty frugal though and in my area it's possible to do a pretty cheap wedding.  i can't imagine going over 15K.  yikes!

i can't get this stinkin' ticker to work so here...  april 18, 2009!



JMM08 Posts : 22 Registered: 1/9/08
Re: Be honest - how much was it??
Posted: Feb 18, 2008 3:49 PM Go to message in response to: farre11kat

Our wedding will be around $20K. We will be having about 230 guests and there will be 5 couples standing up to our wedding.

My FH's parents gave us $1000 and so far my parents bought me my dress and veil. I am not sure what else they want to pay for or will offer (if anything) but we aren't expecting anything else. We will be paying for the rest of our wedding ourselves. Which we are fine with Smile

I will marry the man of my dreams November 14,2008! Smile


KirklandSmith Posts : 9 Registered: 11/21/07
Re: Be honest - how much was it??
Posted: Feb 18, 2008 3:54 PM Go to message in response to: farre11kat

me and my fh are gonna pay for some of it... my dad is buying my wedding dress 500- 700... donating 300 to the chuch... and we are having finger food at the chuch... so about another 100... so umm 1100 high and  900 low

`*To be Mrs. Smith*`


uno Posts : 619 Registered: 1/4/08
Re: Be honest - how much was it??
Posted: Feb 18, 2008 6:31 PM Go to message in response to: farre11kat

Congrats on the engagement!! I second whoever said that prices/cost varies from region to region. 

My original budget was about $15k, including the honeymoon.  I think we're actually going to come in at about $11k.... honeymoon is about 30% of that so total wedding expenses of about $8k for about 300 guests.

My mom originally told me she'd contribute $3-4k (which I knew she could not afford) and I told her I didn't want it but to tell my dad (they are divorced) that she was giving me $3-4K and hopefully he would too.  Well, he came through and planned on $3-4k.  I gave him a list of some big items, (food/alcohol/dj and some other things) that totaled just shy of $4k and he's fine paying that.  My mom bought my dress, veil, underthings, 3 bridesmaid dresses (my younger sisters), her dress and is paying for me & BM's to get our hair/nails done.  I wouldn't have originally paid for all of that but I'm including it in moms "total" will be about 1800-2000.  Other than that, FH's parents are paying for a few select items, boquets/corsages/bouts b/c she wanted her friend to do them and cake b/c she wanted her friend to do that.  Everything else is up to us. 

Tips for you:
start with a guestlist.  Then look for venues and decide on what kind of reception you want and make a budget.  Take the budget to your FH's parents and say... these are my expected expenses.  You can look that over and pick what you want to pay for (food or DJ or photographer or alcohol).  That way they are paying for specific things which all of my parents & Future in laws wanted more so than just giving us money. 


Retired Posts : 808 Registered: 4/17/06
Re: Be honest - how much was it??
Posted: Feb 18, 2008 7:08 PM Go to message in response to: farre11kat

We're paying for it ourselves, and our budget is 5,000.


bridewannabe Posts : 132 Registered: 1/3/07
Re: Be honest - how much was it??
Posted: Feb 19, 2008 12:11 AM Go to message in response to: Retired

Our parents paid for it, in total the whole entire thing cost under $5000.


Brooke051609 Posts : 723 Registered: 12/31/07
Re: Be honest - how much was it??
Posted: Feb 19, 2008 7:32 AM Go to message in response to: coastiebride

  You're ring is gorgeous!!! Congrats on your engagement, exciting right?! I was in the same boat, or really still am! We've been engaged for 2 months and have been together for 7 years too. When we talked to my parents they said they knew we'd be realistic and not go crazy with money and they'd pay for our wedding. After awhile, I realized, you can't go off that! You have to have a budget, that way you know where to spend your money and where to save. I would sit down with your parents, without FH, and talk about what their idea for the wedding is. Have him do that with his parents. Tell them it's easier to not go crazy with money if you have a set budget, that may ease some worries they have too! After you get a number in your head, it's MUCH easier to plan!! Good luck!


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