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I'm a MOH

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Samala Posts : 561 Registered: 12/19/06
I'm a MOH
Posted: Feb 12, 2008 7:31 AM

For a friends wedding. Yay! This is a good thing.

 However, I am starting to feel caught in the middle. The bride went out with her SIL the other day and picked the BM dresses. Which would not be bad, except the SIL picked the dress that we are all supposed to wear. 

And we all kinda hate the dress. Now if the BRIDE has said "I want this dress. It is exactly what I envisioned seeing you all wear" we'd suck it up and get over the fact that we don't like it.

However, we are all having a hard time swallowing a dress we don't like that the SIL picked.

And everyone is kinda dissapointed that we never got to go out as a group and try on dresses. She had said many times we would all go out to pick dresses, and then we got an email saying they were picked and we needed to order them.

And that was the other issue.  She wanted to order the dresses NOW for a wedding in April 2009. I pointed out she might want to wait. Since many people may have weight fluctuations in 14 months. So now we are waiting, which is good.

But i feel caught in the middle. Because if I tell her we don't like the dresses I come off as a wench. But 4 out of the 6 bridesmaids are upset.  However, I KNOW how much it hurts to be told a BM hates the dress.

I am tempted to ignore the dress thing and point out that everyone is disappointed that we never had that "bonding" experience to go look at dresses. Heck, we haven't even met the other two BMs! But I don't want to make the bride feel bad or guilty.

It's just a frustrating situation.

At the moment we are kinda hoping the dress is discontinued or we can "influence" her to go another way. But I am not holding out much hope. I don't want to control her wedding.

Ugh. Sorry bout the vent




.:Samala:.

Can't wait till September 15, 2007!



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Bride2008 Posts : 3,059 Registered: 3/28/06
Re: I'm a MOH
Posted: Feb 12, 2008 12:09 PM Go to message in response to: Samala

I wouldn't mention that most of you are unhappy with the dress just yet. Ask if you can still go and look at gowns all together just for fun and to bond, that it is really something you'd all enjoy. Perhaps you can gentlely nudge her away from the dress the SIL picked on the trip. If that wasn't work, I would tell her calmly and honestly how you feel. There is no reason for you all to be so unhappy. It's not like the bride picked the dress. It is her SIL. Which is personally a little crappy in my opinion, since she wasn't even maid of honor. I understand you don't want to upset your friend. But it is better to have a heart to heart now, then have 4 of the 6 bridesmaids look annoyed because they hate the dress on the day of the wedding.

 

"I came here tonight because when you realize you want to spend the rest of your life with somebody, you want the rest of your life to start as soon as possible." - Billy Crystal, When Harry met Sally 

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Samala Posts : 561 Registered: 12/19/06
Re: I'm a MOH
Posted: Feb 12, 2008 5:49 PM Go to message in response to: Bride2008

Yeah. I think I may wait till the next time I see her in person. I think an e-mail or a phone call would probably not go over as well. 

Hopefully we can nudge her away... without seeming mean. I HOPE that once she sees everyone in the dress she will change her mind. If not we will all go "Ohhh look at THAT dress" when we do go to get fitted.

I am still kinda peeved in general that her SIL picked the dresses. I know she was worried because her SIL is a bigger girl (not that I know details since I have never met her) but I still think it is kinda crappy to give her final say and not take the rest of us into account. It's kinda like saying the rest of us don't matter. I mean we ALL would have been fine trying to find a dress that would make SIL feel comfortable, but now none of the rest of us will be. 

It's also a Davids bridal dress which doesn't thrill me. But thats more because I have issues with the way their dresses fit me than anything else.

I am hoping this can be resolved painlessly. We have time to work now since she has taken my advise to not order right away. 

 I wonder if I can start a letter writing campaign to get that dress discontinued?.... lol j/k

It's just frustrating. I didn't have to deal with this junk LAST time I was a MOH!

If I have to, I have a card to play. She made us all promise to tell her if we hate the dress. And that we would not let her pick an ugly dress. And honestly I never figured we would NEED that card. Since I figured we would all be out shopping and we could just gently remove the bad stuff. LOL But now I am considering telling her "Remember that promise about the dresses? Well......" But I know that even though she said that saying something will hurt her.

She is the kind to try and make everyone happy (which is how SIL got control of the dresses) and I don't want to be the one to point out that none of us are happy.  I mean she is apoligizing for  where she is having the wedding! So I don't want to add more to her.

Maybe the dresses look better on than they do in pictures. I guess that is always a hope as well.

I so never thought I'd be in this situation. It has always been "whatever the bride wants" and I would NEVER have thought that I would be seriously considering telling a bride that I hate a BM dress. 




.:Samala:.

Can't wait till September 15, 2007!



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uno Posts : 619 Registered: 1/4/08
Re: I'm a MOH
Posted: Feb 12, 2008 5:57 PM Go to message in response to: Samala

I really want to see this dress!! We went to DB and my BM's picked out and agreed upon the same dress.  We waited several months to order and went back and tried on several more dresses to confirm.  We ordered them right before Thanksgiving and I think they were in within 8 - 10 days (they told me 6 weeks). 

Maybe when next season's dresses come out, suggest going and looking in person - with the group.  I think the spring line came out in December so they probably will change again in May/June and December so you'll have tons of dresses to choose from! (And maybe they'll discontinue the one the SIL picked!) Maybe make it a day out when all the BM's can get together and eat and hang out.  Hopefully you can find something else! 

 


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Re: I'm a MOH
Posted: Feb 13, 2008 12:06 AM Go to message in response to: Samala

OK, I'm going to be the bad person here.  She asked you to be in HER wedding, right?  By saying yes you are agreeing to go with whatever, ugly BM dress in all, included in the package deal.  I know it sucks, but how would you feel if you found "thee" perfect dress and everyone whined around they hated it.

If it is a money issue, then yes I would bring something up to her, but just because you don't like the dress?  Also her tastes can change from now until then so I'd just let the Bride do her thing and just keep her happy.  If she does go with the dress you hate just tell everyone to suck it up, and do it as a favor to the Bride.


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Bride2008 Posts : 3,059 Registered: 3/28/06
Re: I'm a MOH
Posted: Feb 13, 2008 9:33 AM Go to message in response to: Guest

The bride is not the one who chose the dress. It was one of the bridesmaids. As Sam said, if it was the bride, she'd just suck it up. But they shouldn't have to all wear a dress they hate because of a bridesmaid.

 

"I came here tonight because when you realize you want to spend the rest of your life with somebody, you want the rest of your life to start as soon as possible." - Billy Crystal, When Harry met Sally 

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seadreamer Posts : 522 Registered: 6/8/07
Re: I'm a MOH
Posted: Feb 13, 2008 12:49 PM Go to message in response to: Bride2008

I would definately tell the bride that the majority of the BM's hate the dress, and maybe suggest the "pick your own" route.  This way SIL who may feel comfortable in the ugly dress can get that one and the rest of you get what you like. 

This is the "in" thing to do now anyway.  BM's dresses to fit the bridesmaid.  Are you buying your attire or is the bride?  I would also tell the bride that if she goes the route of the BM's picking their own dresses, they would get something that they can wear again, and the money is not wasted on one dress for one day. 

 

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Guest
Re: I'm a MOH
Posted: Feb 15, 2008 3:27 AM Go to message in response to: Samala

First, I went to look at dresses (in general mine and BM's) I went with my mom, my sister who is MOH, and a friend who is not in the wedding...So, my BM's could be pissy (the thought had never occured to me since they are scattered everywhere in the US)

Anyway, I went in looking for dresses. I did not intend on picking or buying anything that day...but it just happened. So your bride may have gotten caught up in the moment as I did.

Which her having 14 months before the wedding, she may rethink them on her own (I did, and I only had 10 months)

My sister (MOH) is the hardest to fit and quite frankly the bitchiest, so she picked her dress (style and color) and basically said that everyone else should have to work around her and that she wanted her dress to be different so she would be "special"

Anyway, my point is that sometimes things happen and really aren't thought of too much. I have caught so much slack for choices I have made for MY WEDDING, I wouldn't bring something like that to the bride knowing what I know.

Good Luck!


www.myspace.com/tysmyboo

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