Borrowing worries

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futurefiance Posts : 39 Registered: 9/22/07
Borrowing worries
Posted: Feb 6, 2008 8:48 PM

I knew it wouldn't be too long before I showed up with a new bride 'worry.'  I'm not trying to borrow trouble or butt my nose in where it doesn't belong but I have to share this pending possible worry.

A little background: my Matron of Honor in the past has had anorexic and bulimic issues.  She was slightly chubby all through grade and highschool.  She's always tried to lose the weight and finally took drastic unhealthy measures.  For one of our friends weddings about 5 years ago she showed up and shocked everyone that knew her.  Her collar bone jutted out horribly and it just looked so bad. 

A little after that she shared with us (me and another best friend) her troubles and her struggles to overcome it.  There was an intervention and outpatient participation with a mental health clinic that had a special program for this.

Ever since then, she's gone about losing or maintaining her weight with what I can only classify as overexcercising.  As far as we know from what she tells us, her medical doctor is informed of how many miles she walks on track a day and whatnot and he's ok with it. 

It's excercise that would be normal for an athlete (up to the point of loss of her period) but we know that she doesn't have a healthy outlook on it.  Unfortunatly for her she is a definite pear shape, for her to get the hips that she wants (size 2) the rest of her body would need to waste away.

She's pregnant now (8 1/2 months) and recently we went over to her house and I chatted with her about her excersice equipment. She talked about how her elliptical was the best and that she could just be pouring with sweat with a good workout. That jumped out at me because beforehand she told us about a fall that she had that ended up with her going to the doctor just to make sure.  It turns out that she was very dehydrated and she said she had no clue as to why.

It's little things like that, that we sort of 'watch out for' She's very opinionated and not a little stubborn so we're very careful when prying into her personal life.

So, I did hesitate mightily in asking her to be my maid (matron of honor) she is the obvious choice for one (considering our past and present friendship) and we both knew it.  So I ended up asking making sure to point out that she did NOT have to worry about doing anything outside of showing up for her fitting and the wedding rehearsal/and ceremony. I told her that I know that having her first baby this year is the most important to her as it should be and she doesn't need to extend herself any farther than she already will be.

She brushed that off and her first concern was, "If I can fit into a dress in time I sure will be your maid of honor!" My wedding is all the way in October.

Now, my sisters have been pregnant 3 times each and I have other friends that are and have been pregnant.  So with an educated observance I can see that she looks like she's only 6 months pregnant.  Obviously different people look smaller or bigger depending on their body types.  But anybody can see she looks small for her due date. 

I just worry that she's going to drive herself to be a size 2 for my wedding.  She's a very driven kind of person. 

Not only that, but she doesn't seem to understand the concept that just because the label says size 2 doesn't mean it is an actual size 2.  A formal dress in size 2 is more like a RTW size 0.  She's very particular about if she fits into certain sizes.

I know that I had the option of not asking her, but it would have been an insult to her if I didn't and to my own fault I had thought she was being much more laid back/healthy in her pregnancy.  My warning bell was just a little low and it didn't go off until a week before I asked her.

I don't know if I have a question for this board.  Maybe you can offer any thoughts or advice if you can think of any.

I do know that even if she was just an invited guest, she would still have her 'weight' issues that would require her to be her perfect size for the wedding.

I already decided not to talk wedding stuff until after she gives birth.  I call her up alot and ask her baby stuff and chat about other things.  I think I need to extend my wedding silence until it's time for bridesmaid dresses, and then I'll just be very brief and not add fuel to the fire in her possible anxiousness.


**********I don't know what I want for my wedding, I just know I want him for my marriage!************

Message was edited by: futurefiance

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FALLbrideINLOVE Posts : 1,056 Registered: 3/30/07
Re: Borrowing worries
Posted: Feb 8, 2008 8:32 AM Go to message in response to: futurefiance

wow you definitely have an issue here

 

i would just be honest.  if you are thinking about it every time you are talking with her then mention it every time you are talking to her.

 

by not saying anything then you may be validating what she already thinks, that nothing is wrong with her

 

i know you don't want to alienate her but you also do not want to create an atmosphere of untruth where you side step the issue for her comfort

 

if she has a problem don't ignore it.  you can't make her change but you can make her see that you at least disagree with what she is doing to herself

 

it's a bad situation for any relationship 



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futurefiance Posts : 39 Registered: 9/22/07
Re: Borrowing worries
Posted: Feb 9, 2008 12:45 PM Go to message in response to: FALLbrideINLOVE

You are right, I should mention my concern. 

But I think I have to shelve it until after her baby is born.  She had a very difficult time concieving and has issues with ruptured cysts that may or may not come back after giving birth.  TMI I know, but this girl is already a little high strung as it is, I don't want to push one more concern her way right now.  Since she is having regular doctor visits concerning her pregnancy I can only pray that the doctor is keeping an eye on her right now.

I will add that she's already looking for one of those jogging baby strollers.  For any other person, I would think, "Hey great idea! Good way to stay healthy and get outdoors."

With her I think, "How far is she going to push herself?  Let's hope she doesn't keep the baby out far too long so she can get her miles in." 

I just have to think of a way to say something to her when the time comes.


**********I don't know what I want for my wedding, I just know I want him for my marriage!************

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