FMIL wants to throw a lingerie party

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immigrants Posts : 349 Registered: 4/24/07
Re: FMIL wants to throw a lingerie party
Posted: Jan 13, 2008 5:32 AM Go to message in response to: goldelox20

My daughter is having a regular shower and 4 weeks later she is having a lingerie shower but the lingerie shower is only for us moms, my daughters godmother, her 2 grandmas and my daughters bridesmaids only. Maybe you can ask you FMIL if you could only have your bridesmaids there because you would feel uncomfortable if you had all these other people there.

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MelissaJuneBrid... Posts : 698 Registered: 3/13/07
Re: FMIL wants to throw a lingerie party
Posted: Jan 15, 2008 12:15 AM Go to message in response to: immigrants

Is there a reason you find it odd to have more than one shower? My sister and aunt are hosting one, my FMIL is hosting one, my other aunt is hosting a very small one and my friends want to have a lingere shower.

If you feel uncomfortable you should be honest about it. Or you could always see if your friends would rather host the lingere shower and have your FMIL do another one and tell her that theme is already taken but you appreciate the gesture.

Don't feel bad about thinking this is odd. I have known FH's parents for 6 years and we have a good relationship but I would still feel weird openinig sexy panties and bras in front of her and his aunts, cousins and grandma especially! So, this isn't something you should be ashamed of. I would tell FH's mom point blank.

It really isn't weird or uncommon to have more than one shower....it's actually really typical. Is this something you have been told by others or is it stemming from your own assumptions?


MelissaSmile

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immigrants Posts : 349 Registered: 4/24/07
Re: FMIL wants to throw a lingerie party
Posted: Jan 16, 2008 4:34 PM Go to message in response to: MelissaJuneBrid...

I;m a bit confused about your reply it states that I said having two showers was odd I never said no such thing in my reply I said my daughter is also having two. Maybe you got me mixed up with another poster.

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MsDenuninani Posts : 3,962 Registered: 3/16/07
Re: FMIL wants to throw a lingerie party
Posted: Jan 16, 2008 4:49 PM Go to message in response to: goldelox20

I'm not going to tell her "no" and if I do this with a good attitude then I will enjoy myself

I think that's a good way to approach it.  But go into it with the right motivations -- be honest with your FMIL by saying that the idea of a lingerie shower makes you uncomfortable because you don't want strangers buying you underwear and you would prefer people bought you something that you actually will use. 

I think that's the honest approach.  The "let them pick the wrong size because I'm just going to return everything anyway" approach is a bit tacky on your part, in my opinion.

At the very least, you should not deliberately misinform your FMIL by omitting to tell her where people can get your correct size. 

Basically, no matter how your FMIL's behavior is viewed, you should make sure your behavior is beyond reproach.

Good luck.


_______________________________________________________
"I could get a life, but then who would watch my television?"

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MelissaJuneBrid... Posts : 698 Registered: 3/13/07
Re: FMIL wants to throw a lingerie party
Posted: Jan 16, 2008 11:08 PM Go to message in response to: MelissaJuneBrid...

I wasn't necessarily replying to YOUR SPECIFIC comment. Just b/c someone replies to your post doesn't mean they were referring back to you. I was referring to the OPs first comment.

I don't need more than one bridal shower and I really want my bridesmaids to throw it.

That is what I was referring to in my post. Sorry for the confusion, but out of habit I don't go back to the first page just to reply to the OP. I assumed with my other wording that would be apparent.

See...I did it again. This response is supposed to be directed to immigrants post. 


MelissaSmile



Message was edited by: MelissaJuneBride08

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Re: FMIL wants to throw a lingerie party
Posted: Feb 7, 2008 1:03 AM Go to message in response to: MelissaJuneBrid...

Wow I can definately see how you would be uncomfortable! I am sure your FH will feel very strange about you wearing something sexy - for him- knowing his MOM got it for you! I would be paranoid I know and think that she was thinking of us... EW! lol I know that's not true but still. This just is so weird to me! I really think you should tell her the truth. Tell her about a different theme- any other theme! lol Tell her you are thrilled she wants to throw you a shower.. but that you really dont want a lingerie shower. Be nice.. but be firm. If this is your shower you need to feel at ease. Good luck!

DaisypathWedding Ticker

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08divabride Posts : 831 Registered: 11/17/07
Re: FMIL wants to throw a lingerie party
Posted: Feb 8, 2008 9:47 AM Go to message in response to: goldelox20

I honestly don't see what the big deal is.  If your FMIL wants to throw you a lingerie shower, then let her.  It seems like all you have to do is show up.  There is nothing wrong with having more than one shower.  Do you feel uncomfortable wearing lingerie?  It is supposed to make you sexy and confident, and I am sure when your man sees you in it, he won't give a damn who bought it!  So my opinion would be to just go and have a good attitude and a good time.  If you don't, you will seem ungrateful and that will cause a lot of tension in your relationship with your FMIL.  Good luck with your planning!

 


I will marry my Stinka on September 27, 2008!  The one I laugh with, live for, love!

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Jade1107 Posts : 205 Registered: 9/1/07
Re: FMIL wants to throw a lingerie party
Posted: Feb 8, 2008 10:00 AM Go to message in response to: 08divabride

Personally, I would feel rather awkward attending a lingerie party hosted by my FMIL. I've always pictured that sort of thing as something to celebrate with close girlfriends - almost bachelorette party-like.

My opinion would be that you express your discomfort with the idea. By saying "it's not necessary" isn't really conveying your discomfort with the situation. FMIL may think you're simply being modest etc.

Two showers may seem strange to some but I think it's alright if the showers are hosted by different people and different parties attend. The bridal party usually attends both but they aren't obligated to bring gifts to both - or even to pay for both.

It does seem as though you're acting in spite - I would really try to curb this. Try again to speak with FMIL again. If she really insists that she must host this specific type of party, you can either ask FH to get more involved or you can resign, show up and have a good time. It might feel slightly awkward but it might also turn out to be quite fun.  

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TheWrightStuff Posts : 21 Registered: 1/3/08
Re: FMIL wants to throw a lingerie party
Posted: Apr 28, 2008 10:47 PM Go to message in response to: goldelox20

Although I could not be absolutely sure from your first paragraph, it seems to me that you and your fiance live together.  If you can live with a man you are not married to, why this "modesty" about his mother throwing a lingerie shower for you?  The purpose is for you to use that lingerie after you are married, so why is that wierd?  I have to say that it seems as if she is really trying, but you have something against her (that may not be true, but it is coming across that way).  Let her throw the shower - it really is no skin off your back to just show up and enjoy it.

My FMIL and I get along well.  One day in a lingerie store she saw a nice outfit and she bought it for me to wear on my wedding night.  She said she did not want me to "bore" her son!  I thought it was funny.  Later I asked him if it bothered him that she was involved in the lingerie choice.  He told me he will not be thinking about her when I am wearing it!


[url=http://www.tickercentral.com]imghttp://www.tickercentral.com/view/9b4z/2.png[/img][/url]

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karebeartg Posts : 831 Registered: 6/25/08
Re: FMIL wants to throw a lingerie party
Posted: Jun 30, 2008 12:40 PM Go to message in response to: TheWrightStuff

I can understand why this would be awkward -- this likely to be my future bridal shower reality and nightmare. As an aside, for my engagement present, my FMIL bought and sent me lingerie. It was a really sweet idea...but awkward. Every time my fiance or I looked at it, we burst out laughing. (Don't worry, she mailed it, so she didn't see our reaction.) We ended up exchanging it and picking out a set together. So, it ended up being a cute and thoughtful gift in that we took her idea to heart but not her actual lingerie. 

 That being said, even though I currently live with my fiance, I would feel awkward having a shower with people I didn't know well where they give my lingerie. I don't think living with someone before you're married means you welcome gifts of lingerie...or don't have any modesty.

I think it may be worth trying some of the other suggestions up here - tell her that it would make you uncomfortable or that maybe a relaxation theme or otherwise would make it less all about lingerie. 

 And if she's going to do it, then I agree that you make the best of it. Have a glass of wine or so before you go, make nice comments, open presents... you can always return or exchange the items for lingerie that doesn't remind you of your FMIL or FH's grandmother, etc. Afterall, the purpose is to have you wear it, not have you double over in laughter (or horror) every time you see it. 

 And finally, it may be a great story. We had a wonderful time making our friends guess who sent me the lingerie. 

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BoysMissLady Posts : 932 Registered: 1/18/07
Re: FMIL wants to throw a lingerie party
Posted: Jun 30, 2008 1:16 PM Go to message in response to: TheWrightStuff

I agree TWS.  My BF's mom is wonderful.  One year for Christmas she bought me a bath set from VS, and said, "I figured it was best to give you this b/c I didn't want to suggest to your mom that I was trying to get you and my son to do something."  I thought it was hilarious and my mom did too.  But if it makes you uncomfortable and you can't get past it, OP, you need to tell her in the nices way possible.  But it seems to me that she is just trying to reach out to you.

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LiseCharmel Posts : 1 Registered: 9/27/09
Re: FMIL wants to throw a lingerie party
Posted: Sep 27, 2009 10:11 AM Go to message in response to: immigrants

A lingerie party might be right up your alley. There are two
different kinds of lingerie parties - one is typically held by a group
of girlfriends and might even double as a bachelorette party, while the
other kind of lingerie party is open to both guys and gals and thus,
can get quite steamy.

So, if you're ready to put together a lingerie party, here are some tips to keep in mind.


Lise
Charmel



Edited by: LiseCharmel on Sep 27, 2009 10:13 AM

Edited by: LiseCharmel on Sep 27, 2009 10:17 AM

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Tofu Posts : 66 Registered: 4/2/09
Re: FMIL wants to throw a lingerie party
Posted: Sep 27, 2009 6:26 PM Go to message in response to: goldelox20

Deleting my post.... I see now original post is from 2007.....


Edited by: Tofu on Sep 27, 2009 7:31 PM

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maemaeober Posts : 8 Registered: 7/5/09
Re: FMIL wants to throw a lingerie party
Posted: Sep 28, 2009 11:27 AM Go to message in response to: goldelox20

My personal opinion is that if she wants to throw a party for you, let her do it! I'm kinda seeing a "I want to get closer to you, and I want to let you know I'm fun" type of thing going on.

I totally understand why you would be embarrassed, I would be too! But if my FMIL wanted to throw me a lingerie party, I would do it, SHE is the one who asked for this!


Go in with an open mind and have fun with it!
Maegan!  ;]

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