Book Discussion: Emotionally Engaged, by Allison Moir-Smith

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Re: Book Discussion: Emotionally Engaged, by Allison Moir-Smith
Posted: Dec 17, 2007 1:34 PM Go to message in response to: Fitzer

well, this doesn't have to do with the book REALLY, but i thought i'd just vent a little..

i ordered the book from ebay yesterday for my best friend who's getting married as part of her christmas present. the seller required i use paypal, which is fine, but it didn't ask me to verify the credit card i was using on paypal, so i inadvertently used a debit card from checking account that is almost closed. UGH! and now i have no idea how to fix it.. i emailed the seller and asked if they knew how to fix it and still no response back. the charge is going to take that account negative and i'm going to be charged an overdraft fee! ugh!!!!

anyway.. just needed to vent. i was excited though because the book was only 29 cents! so i didn't mind paying priority shipping.. sigh..


bethierose

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dontknow Posts : 43 Registered: 8/28/07
Re: Book Discussion: Emotionally Engaged, by Allison Moir-Smith
Posted: Dec 17, 2007 7:46 PM Go to message in response to: ArtBride

Ok- I havent read the book- but I'll be buying it soon after reading your posts! And after reading your original post ArtBride- and some of the responses- I think you all can help me with what I've been struggling with. Here's the deal: I love my job. I have been focused on builing my career my entire life- it's demanding and stressful and I thrive on it- I'm proud of what I do for a living and it's a huge part of my identity. My FH is also very proud of what I've accomplished-- but he has dreams of me being a stay at home Mom when we have kids (which will have to be in a couple of years b/c of my age)--- his favorite topic of conversation is what it will be like to have kids. I want children with him, and I would love to be a stay at home mom- if it's at all possible for us financhially to swing that for even a year or two- I think it would great for our future kids. But taking that much leave from my job would be career suicide (for the type of career that I have)-- so right now, as the wedding approaches, I'm panicking a bit-- I love the idea of the domestic life that my FH dreams of - but I'm scared that if I give up my career, I'll be giving up so much of myself. I know that at some point I'll need to express these fears to him-- but I'm not ready to do it yet- because I want to understand WHY I'm feeling this way and why I'm panicking about it and what I really want- before I talk to him. In truth, I know he'll support whatever I chose- but I want to know why I simultaneoulsy really want to join him in his vision of a domestic  home life and am really afraid of who I'll be without my job. Any thoughts? does anyone else feel this way?

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B2B999 Posts : 700 Registered: 12/7/07
Re: Book Discussion: Emotionally Engaged, by Allison Moir-Smith
Posted: Dec 18, 2007 11:54 AM Go to message in response to: Fitzer

Being calmer is definately going to help a lot, because unlike undergrad the free time just isn't there, especially during 1L. I have a lot of friends that took time off between undergrad and law school, and it is something that I wish that I had done since the "real world" does a lot more to prepare you for the expectations of law school then undergrad ever could.

Congratulations on Marquette, it is a good school. Good luck with everything, and enjoy it, the three years will fly by before you know it.

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Re: Book Discussion: Emotionally Engaged, by Allison Moir-Smith
Posted: Dec 18, 2007 12:09 PM Go to message in response to: dontknow

hi dontknow.. welcome to this thread.. it's been a great help to me to be reading this book, for sure.

i have a few thoughts, although i don't feel the way you do because i'm not in the same position. i do have feelings of fear of giving up certain things to please my husband. if your FH is anything like my FH, i would definitely go ahead and share with him that you're experiencing some fear. it's ok if you don't have it all "mapped out" in your head how you're going to explain it. you can just say something like, "honey, i really love you and am excited to marry you and share my life with you. i just have to tell you that i am feeling some fear about certain aspects of married life. i'm working through it, but i want you to know because i am sharing my LIFE with you, not just the good parts, but the scary parts too.. thank you for listening to me. i'll keep you updated as i can on what's going on."

that worked pretty well for my FH.. but he's a sensitive soul.. he was, understandably, a little confused, but after assuring him it didn't have anything to do with HIM, but only with me... he was completely fine and wanted me to figure things out. he asks me from time to time how things are going. he's fabulous.

so, know that you're not alone with the fear thing.. we all have some fears. some are rational, and some are not. you can talk to any of us anytime, of course. and definitely get that book!!!!! i found a copy on ebay for 29 cents..... :)


bethierose

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GoingNutz Posts : 13 Registered: 11/29/06
Re: Book Discussion: Emotionally Engaged, by Allison Moir-Smith
Posted: Dec 18, 2007 4:42 PM Go to message in response to: ArtBride

After I read your post I went online and bought the book. Sounds to interesting. So I will be joining in online discussions once I get it and read it.

Thanks.

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BBTB Posts : 34 Registered: 3/5/07
Re: Book Discussion: Emotionally Engaged, by Allison Moir-Smith
Posted: Jan 21, 2008 8:22 PM Go to message in response to: ArtBride

I know it's been a couple of weeks since you started reading, but I am going to purchase the book this week and hope that you are still up for sharing since you are now seasoned in what is in the book :)

My emotions I think come from the change and transition.  Also, my fiance and I have been together for a long time and and though we both want kids right away, I'm getting really nervous about my transition from "single" to fiance to wife to mother in the matter of months.  I feel like my life is changing so much and I'm having a hard time dealing with that.  Of course none of my friends understand, my close family - well most of them are younger, and I don't feel comfortable talking to my mom because I don't want her mistaking my feelings for unhappiness. 

 Anyway, I hope you will still be there to discuss it once I start reading.  Laughing  


May 3, 2008 I marry the man of my dreams...

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ArtBride Posts : 4,838 Registered: 5/9/07
Re: Book Discussion: Emotionally Engaged, by Allison Moir-Smith
Posted: Jan 22, 2008 9:36 PM Go to message in response to: BBTB

BBTB, I feel the same way about not wanting to talk to my mom. I feel like she would say, 'Well, if you're worrying about it THIS much, then maybe it's not right.' I really think you'll feel better once you've started reading the book. Everything you're feeling is perfectly normal, according to the author. I can only imagine that it must be MORE so for you, since you want to have kids right away - which means you're dealing with even MORE life-changing commitments in the near future.

If you're feeling overwhelmed, why not talk yourself into thinking about these transitions one at a time, instead of together? Read the Emotionally Engaged book, take some time to think and work through your feelings - and then, when you're ready, find an 'Emotionally Pregnant' book and deal with THOSE feelings. Don't try to process these things together, since they are separate (but related) issues. I think you're just feeling overwhelmed right now. Try focusing on one thing at a time. 


DaisypathWedding Ticker

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BBTB Posts : 34 Registered: 3/5/07
Re: Book Discussion: Emotionally Engaged, by Allison Moir-Smith
Posted: Jan 23, 2008 12:32 PM Go to message in response to: ArtBride

Thanks, that really makes a lot of sense.  I have been trying to deal with it all at the same time and I feel like I'm losing it!  I do feel overwhelmed - really overwhelmed.  I should get my book in today, but in the mean time thanks for the great advice!

May 3, 2008 I marry the man of my dreams...

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Bride2008 Posts : 3,058 Registered: 3/28/06
Re: Book Discussion: Emotionally Engaged, by Allison Moir-Smith
Posted: Jan 23, 2008 12:34 PM Go to message in response to: BBTB

The book is awesome. I am about half way through and it has been a huge help to me. Some of the little scenarios and stories are actual fights I have had with my fiance. It makes me feel so much better to know other people are having the same problems.


 

"I came here tonight because when you realize you want to spend the rest of your life with somebody, you want the rest of your life to start as soon as possible." - Billy Crystal, When Harry met Sally 

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Ariana2858 Posts : 14 Registered: 1/21/08
Re: Book Discussion: Emotionally Engaged, by Allison Moir-Smith
Posted: Feb 4, 2008 8:37 PM Go to message in response to: Bride2008

I hope there are people still looking at this thread. I think I need to get this book! I am having a hard time right now grappling with the changes that have come about just since we were engaged a little less than a month ago. It seems like everything is happening so fast, and FH and I are arguing all the time, and it feels like we were closer before I had this ring on my finger. It's really hard feeling like I'm supposed to be overwhelmed with joy when I'm actually kind of freaking out. Just the idea of forever is scary. All the little things that used to just be mildly annoying or endearing in a quirky way now seems so huge. I love my FH with all my heart and he is really supportive, but I don't deal with change well in general and this is a biggie. I feel like my head is spinning around and I don't know how to get through this emotional rollercoaster.

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BBTB Posts : 34 Registered: 3/5/07
Re: Book Discussion: Emotionally Engaged, by Allison Moir-Smith
Posted: Feb 5, 2008 12:02 PM Go to message in response to: Ariana2858

Ariana2858, everything you are going through is sooo normal.  Its amazing that no one talks about it more openly.  I think there are a lot of us who are having a really hard time with the changes just like you.  I started this book about a week and a half ago and it has been really helpful.  Already there are some things that make more sense to me about my feelings and what I'm going through.  I definitely recommend this book to you.  I also recommend doing the excercises at the end of the chapters, they will help you get a better understanding of what you personally are going through and feeling.  I'm still watching this thread and I'm still reading so let me know if you need to talk!Smile


May 3, 2008 I marry the man of my dreams...

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Ariana2858 Posts : 14 Registered: 1/21/08
Re: Book Discussion: Emotionally Engaged, by Allison Moir-Smith
Posted: Feb 5, 2008 7:17 PM Go to message in response to: BBTB

Thanks BBTB! I'm glad someone else is still watching this thread and reading the book. I just ordered it on Amazon yesterday so hopefully I'll get it soon and it'll help me sort out some of my emotions. It is SO nice to read other women's comments and know that I'm not the only one going through some of this stuff.

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MandyLynn Posts : 288 Registered: 7/16/07
Re: Book Discussion: Emotionally Engaged, by Allison Moir-Smith
Posted: Feb 9, 2008 9:53 AM Go to message in response to: Ariana2858

Hey girls!  I haven't checked this thread in awhile, but I'm back now. :)

How far into the book are you guys?  I'm almost finished with it, but I haven't done any of the exercises yet.  I'm planning on going back to do them soon.  Have you done any yet?


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BBTB Posts : 34 Registered: 3/5/07
Re: Book Discussion: Emotionally Engaged, by Allison Moir-Smith
Posted: Feb 10, 2008 6:18 PM Go to message in response to: MandyLynn

I am about half way through.  I actually read straight through and now I am going back to do the first excercise.  I think the first excercise alone was really helpfull, it made me realize what type of expectations I really had.  Once I compared it to what is actually happening I was like "Ooohhhhhh, I get it now!" 

With most of the excercises that I have read through until now though, I've felt like I've needed a little bit of time after I read the chapter before I sit down and do them.  How are you doing with the book? Is it helping? Anything you want to share? 


May 3, 2008 I marry the man of my dreams...

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engaged07 Posts : 1 Registered: 2/12/08
Re: Book Discussion: Emotionally Engaged, by Allison Moir-Smith
Posted: Feb 12, 2008 3:34 PM Go to message in response to: Ariana2858

Hi, I just discovered this book - and discussion thread - today while I was on Google trying to figure out why I've been feeling anxious/sad/overwhelmed ever since my engagement just a few months ago.   I've been so in love with my FH and cannot believe that I've been feeling anything other than "elated" now that we're engaged.  I'm glad to see that this is not just me .. losing my mind!  I'm walking over to Barnes & Noble tonight after work and buying the book.  Am so glad to see this thread is still active.

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