No one cares about MY wedding

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MrsDupont Posts : 1,574 Registered: 4/14/06
Re: No one cares about MY wedding
Posted: Feb 1, 2008 11:18 AM Go to message in response to: Guest

SarahBeth is right!
 

cat 

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futurefiance Posts : 39 Registered: 9/22/07
Re: No one cares about MY wedding
Posted: Feb 1, 2008 11:19 AM Go to message in response to: Guest

CONGRADULATIONS!!!!

I've been a long time lurker here and usually there is a trend of 'pushing' against the naive selfish brides that first come on to this board and give them the 'hard truth'  I think it colors/influences all if not most of the responces to new posters here.  I don't agree with it because, you know what, every new bride is going to be niave.  Every person is going to be selfish to a degree and we can either converse with them in understanding or alienate them.  Either way, they are still probably going to get married regardless of what we say :D.

Guess what! 

It won't hurt your family to be a little gracious and happy for you!!!!  It doesn't take a genius for even the most uninterested in wedding things to figure out that they can say 'That's great!'  It's not politically incorrect, selfish or unnatural for you to be hurt by their great disinterest!

It's freakin' normal for you to be confused by this. 

What I would do is be frankly honest with your family.  One by one you can go to them and ask "Why?" let them know you were hurt by their inattention and don't let them blow you off.  Obviously, you  aren't going to attack them, but you can hold an honest and forthright discussion with them about this.

Best wishes and prayers!


**********I don't know what I want for my wedding, I just know I want him for my marriage!************

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MrsDupont Posts : 1,574 Registered: 4/14/06
Re: No one cares about MY wedding
Posted: Feb 1, 2008 11:25 AM Go to message in response to: futurefiance

The OP isnt Naive, she just wants everyone to be happy... and excited and scream YAYAYAYAYAYAY!!! WEDDING PLANNING... HOW MUCH FUN!!! and she isnt getting that. 

but you know what... its just time to grow up and accept the fact that not everyone is going to have your back...

Cant wait around for people to make things happier for you.  You have to do for yourself makes yourself happy...


 

cat 

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Guest
Re: No one cares about MY wedding
Posted: Feb 1, 2008 11:35 AM Go to message in response to: MrsDupont

Listen, I really dont want everyone to jump around for me. I think thats really mean and hurtful that you said that, mrsdupont. I dont expect anyone to be excited for the planning, i like doing it alone. I dont know how many times i have to say that, that i dont want everyone to be EXCITED! i only wanted to be acknowledged. I AM HAPPY!! I AM EXCITED! Im having a great time planning and all. And Yes sarahbeth, i did want to be validated. I wanted someone to say, its ok that you are hurt by your family, it happend to me too.  Im not a selfish person, i want nothing more than a few people to say "oh i heard youre getting married, good luck"  that is not selfish to be hurt because they pretend like nothing happend.  it doesnt help anyone to say things like "get over it"  if you were stressed and hurt, you wouldnt want people to be like, oh well you are selfish, get over it.  being negative doesnt help. i dont want to argue... 
june 1st 2008.... I am Mrs.Finley!

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futurefiance Posts : 39 Registered: 9/22/07
Re: No one cares about MY wedding
Posted: Feb 1, 2008 11:53 AM Go to message in response to: MrsDupont

Um...no. She didn't say she wanted people to scream YAYAYAYAYA!!!WEDDING PLANNING....HOW MUCH FUN!!!.  I don't know where you are getting that from in her posts, maybe you are thinking of another post somewhere. 

Because she has feelings of hurt and rejection doesn't mean she's not grown up.  Becuase if that were the truth then there would be no grown ups in this world ever.

It doesn't look like she's waiting around for them to be happy for her.  It looks like she expected a normal responce from her family and is hurt by their insensitivity.  It looks like they want to ignore the happiness that she already has and that is just a confusing thing to happen to someone.

  


**********I don't know what I want for my wedding, I just know I want him for my marriage!************

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NewfieBride2008 Posts : 242 Registered: 1/1/07
Re: No one cares about MY wedding
Posted: Feb 1, 2008 12:12 PM Go to message in response to: futurefiance

Girls, 

 I am sorry to say this but of all the things to worry about??  I am really not trying to be mean because I am not a mean person.  Putonshoes if I were you I would show your family how excited you and your FH about you marriage and let them jump on YOUR bandwagon, don't let them drag you down.  Don't let anyone drag you down!!!  BE happy and ecstatic and quit focusing on the negative.  Your wedding is coming up...LET'S GET HAPPY!!!!!  Life is too short for anyone or anything that will drag you down!


http://www.TickerFactory.com

 

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Guest
Re: No one cares about MY wedding
Posted: Feb 1, 2008 12:19 PM Go to message in response to: NewfieBride2008

im really not worried. I understand i cant make people do anything. I posted this a few days ago when i was upset after something that happened and i have since cooled off and I am not affected as much anymore, and especially after all the positive feed back and support I got, i really feel better and Im not going to let my family affect me. thanks again futurefiance. 

you other girls were a big help too, thanks 


june 1st 2008.... I am Mrs.Finley!

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Guest
Re: No one cares about MY wedding
Posted: Feb 1, 2008 2:40 PM Go to message in response to: Guest

Does your brother live near your family?  I know you said that you and your FH weren't nearby.  Maybe they seem less than enthusiastic because they won't be an active party of the planning. And how long ago was he married?  Has it been soon enough that your family is all "wedding-ed out?"  Or, maybe they were just relieved that your brother was doing the "right" thing and was making an "honest women" out of your SIL so they were overacting?  They wanted to seem super supportive so that he would go through with it?  Have you and your brother always had a sibling rivalry going on?  I used to constantly compare what my family did for my brother to what they did for me.  Turns out my brother needed more family support than I did.

I don't have any answers, just ideas as to your family's reaction. 

After reading your posts I can understand the emphasis you put on YOUR wedding.  Your family was excited about your brother's wedding, they don't seem to care about yours.  I don't think you meant it to come off as a "MYYYY DAAAAAAAAYYYY" kinda bride, but there are plenty of those out there.

Anyway, I hope things get better!

 


                                    ~~~We Might Get Hitched...Eventually.~~~

                                                             

                         "It's a marvelous night for a moondance."  Van Morrison

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Guest
Re: No one cares about MY wedding
Posted: Feb 1, 2008 3:02 PM Go to message in response to: Guest

right, i didnt put the big 'MY' to have an attitude but only to differentiate between my wedding and my brothers. 

we love eachother so much and always have there hasnt ever been any sibling rivalry and im not even jealous im glad that he is the one that got the attention if it could only be one of us.  


june 1st 2008.... I am Mrs.Finley!

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2BMrsLewis Posts : 126 Registered: 9/13/07
Re: No one cares about MY wedding
Posted: Feb 1, 2008 6:14 PM Go to message in response to: Guest

Hello - Im sorry to hear that you are/were feeling hurt. I understand how you feel. Not nessicarly about the engagement not being acknowledged but rather the solo planning being overwhelming. My younger sister got married 2 1/2 years ago and my parents planned the entire wedding on thier own in about 2 months. I am lucky if I can get my mom to even read an e-mail I send 5 different times. I completly understand how overwhelming it can be to feel like you are planning an entire wedding all on your own. I dont know that I have a lot of advice other than to just hang in there and you are not alone! Also there was another response to your post from a bride that did it all on her own and she talked about how satisfying it was to be there on her wedding day and to look around at her handiwork...when I get overwhelmed I think of that, I think about how happy it will make me feel when I am at my wedding ceremony/reception and I know that "I made this all come together!! Isn't it awesome!!??"

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BooBishaBride Posts : 120 Registered: 1/31/08
Re: No one cares about MY wedding
Posted: Feb 1, 2008 6:41 PM Go to message in response to: Guest

You're sentiments are reasonable. I don't think you're being naive, childish, selfish or anything like that. Maybe consider though the reason for you're families reaction. Weddings in some cultures are a loss of a family member for the brides' family and gaining of a family member for the grooms'. Perhaps they have these underlying feelings?

Maybe this is why they flipped over backwards when you're brother got married. They might not even be aware how they're acting differently towards you. It could be a kind of "status quo treatment" because they're afraid the relationship with you might change. Maybe they aren't ready to treat you like an adult or a married woman? Something to think about anyway.  

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mavjen Posts : 78 Registered: 10/21/07
Re: No one cares about MY wedding
Posted: Feb 1, 2008 8:05 PM Go to message in response to: uno

I think it is a completely regional thing when it comes to age.  It seems like in NY and the east coast brides are usually getting married for the first time in their 30's which to me, seems old.  I know they do it for careers, etc. but around here (and I don't live out in the middle of nowhere in little shanties) if you aren't married by the time you are 30, well, it's just weird.

This made me LOL and thankful that I live in NY area.

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MrsMaldonado Posts : 2,852 Registered: 3/7/07
Re: No one cares about MY wedding
Posted: Feb 1, 2008 8:45 PM Go to message in response to: mavjen

LOL, Mavjen, me too!
I'll be 25 when I get married in October, though...just to make that clear.

Putonshoes, best of luck with the wedding plans.
*Emy*

Bryan & Emy
October 4, 2008

www.mywedding.com/BryanAndMariaEmanuelasWedding

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08divabride Posts : 831 Registered: 11/17/07
Re: No one cares about MY wedding
Posted: Feb 1, 2008 10:16 PM Go to message in response to: Guest

As long as you and your fiance is happy, that is all that matters.  I was in a similar situation at first, but now everyone is very excited.  I am sure once your family sees how happy you are, they will get just as excited as you.  However, if they don't please don't allow them to steal your joy!  Good luck with your planning, and cherish the moment! 

I will marry my Stinka 9-27-2008


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dontknow Posts : 43 Registered: 8/28/07
Re: No one cares about MY wedding
Posted: Feb 4, 2008 6:13 PM Go to message in response to: Guest

I understand what you're saying. My FH and his family are all very excited and very involved in the wedding planning- in fact, they're way more into this stuff than I am! My own family (who are all good, supportive people) could care less. They don't understand why we're having a wedding at all and they want us to elope. At Christmas no one asked to see the ring or asked how the planning was going etc. I'm disappointed and a little hurt. But I love my family and I can't change them- only accept them for who they are and appreciate the positive. And I certainly consider myself lucky that my in laws are supportive (considering some of the horrible stories I read on this site about in laws!) -- I wish you the best of luck- try to focus on the positive and don't let them ruin this time for you.

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