Fustrated, Sad and Confused-In-Laws Problem (UPDATE)

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JayJ Posts : 1,080 Registered: 4/22/07
Re: Fustrated, Sad and Confused-In-Laws Problem
Posted: Feb 4, 2008 1:24 PM Go to message in response to: seadreamer

absolutely not. they can't legally do anything to make you do anything at all. in fact, if they try to mess with you at all, the only legal action i can see being validated is you putting a restraining order on them. i know that sounds a bit harsh, but they are threatening you so it's something you really could do.

www.MattAndJesy.com <3

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crystalizeddreams Posts : 321 Registered: 10/18/07
Re: Fustrated, Sad and Confused-In-Laws Problem
Posted: Feb 4, 2008 1:28 PM Go to message in response to: JayJ

The only way they can legally do anything is if they share custody with you

I MARRY THE LOVE OF MY LIFE OCTOBER 4TH 2008!!

DANNY & LISA 10/04/08

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Bride2008 Posts : 3,058 Registered: 3/28/06
Re: Fustrated, Sad and Confused-In-Laws Problem
Posted: Feb 4, 2008 1:31 PM Go to message in response to: seadreamer

I can't see how they could legally keep you from moving. You are their mother and they belong with you. But it depends on what kind of grandparents rights laws exist in KY. I wouldn't even bother talking to them. I would tell them you are moving because you can't deal with their abuse anymore.

 

"I came here tonight because when you realize you want to spend the rest of your life with somebody, you want the rest of your life to start as soon as possible." - Billy Crystal, When Harry met Sally 

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JayJ Posts : 1,080 Registered: 4/22/07
Re: Fustrated, Sad and Confused-In-Laws Problem
Posted: Feb 4, 2008 1:35 PM Go to message in response to: Bride2008

i'd just up and leave. they don't seem like they deserve to know anything. but either way, i suggest not telling them where you move to.

www.MattAndJesy.com <3

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MrsDupont Posts : 1,574 Registered: 4/14/06
Re: Fustrated, Sad and Confused-In-Laws Problem
Posted: Feb 4, 2008 1:44 PM Go to message in response to: seadreamer

You dont have anything to worry about.  You dont owe them anything! 

If your worried about your boys... What you need to worry about is them seeing how lazy his family is... Do want him to grow up knowing that? Of do you want him to be hard working and not rely on the government to take care of him. 

THey sound like ignorant fools... You dont owe them anything.  Not only did their son/brother die but they need to realize it was your husband, the father of your children..  They need to understand that Whatever money they think you got from Insurance or anything that its to go to the kids. Not them!

Girl Get your stuff and go!!! Get out of there as fast at you can!


 

cat  http://mariamanddarell.ourweddingday.com

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seadreamer Posts : 522 Registered: 6/8/07
Re: Fustrated, Sad and Confused-In-Laws Problem
Posted: Feb 4, 2008 1:51 PM Go to message in response to: MrsDupont

Well DH just called and told me that he could get a transfer to Denver, and all he has to do is make a phone call.  He also told me that he talked to his mom, and she agreed that we need to leave because in the long run all we would end up doing is emotionally scarring the boys. 

So I guess the best thing to do in this situation is move.  Kinda seems like I am taking the easy way out.  Guess DH and I are going to have to have a long talk about things tonight.

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JayJ Posts : 1,080 Registered: 4/22/07
Re: Fustrated, Sad and Confused-In-Laws Problem
Posted: Feb 4, 2008 1:53 PM Go to message in response to: seadreamer

i don't think it seems like that at all... in the long run, you are doing what's best for everyone who matters - you, your DH & your children. that's always the right choice.

www.MattAndJesy.com <3

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seadreamer Posts : 522 Registered: 6/8/07
Re: Fustrated, Sad and Confused-In-Laws Problem
Posted: Feb 4, 2008 2:02 PM Go to message in response to: JayJ

Thank you Jayj.  This whole situation has been very very hard on me.  It seems like all I care about is money, and that I am being selfish.  But it is not that at all.  I have done for them, given to them, I even stayed here with no family of my own so they could have their grandkids.  My parents were terrified for the first few months after the accident, thinking I was going to take my own life.  They begged and begged me to go home to be with my sisters, to have my sisters help me and watch me.  I stayed here because of these people.  I thought I was doing the right thing.

Turns out they didn't care as much about the boys being here as they did about getting as much as possible from me. 

 

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BreAnn Posts : 600 Registered: 11/28/07
Re: Fustrated, Sad and Confused-In-Laws Problem
Posted: Feb 4, 2008 2:02 PM Go to message in response to: seadreamer

Seadreamer: It is not the easy way out. It definitly won't be easy to move your boys to a new place, a new house, and them have to make new friends. You have tried, but it comes down to doing what is right for your children. I agree with your 2nd MIL, all that will happen is the boys will become emotional scarred. It is not worth putting them through that.

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JayJ Posts : 1,080 Registered: 4/22/07
Re: Fustrated, Sad and Confused-In-Laws Problem
Posted: Feb 4, 2008 2:04 PM Go to message in response to: seadreamer

honestly, what i can tell just from how you feel about the situation is that you are a very caring and selfless person. you've bent over backwards for these people and they are taking advantage of you. and now that you finally decided to put your foot down, they're not ready to let you do that. apparently being adults and having responsibilities is way too much for them. i really hope you don't beat yourself up about this because you are doing what's best for your family and i really think you're doing the right thing. they're negative people and that's not good for anyone involved. plus, if you let them act like this, they will just continue to for the rest of your life. you deserve better and so do your children.

www.MattAndJesy.com <3

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soon2bmrswarner Posts : 187 Registered: 10/23/07
Re: Fustrated, Sad and Confused-In-Laws Problem
Posted: Feb 4, 2008 2:06 PM Go to message in response to: seadreamer

I'm just going to chime in with everyone else here and say that you should definitely move. It is NOT taking the easy way out. You've struggled to make this decision-there hasn't been anything easy about it. You've got to do what is best for your boys and your relationship with your FH because that is going to be strained eventually because of this.

You certainly don't owe them anything. If your first husband had wanted them to have some of that money he would have stated it somewhere. What is happening here is that they are sponging off of you and since you have been doing it for so long they now feel a sense of entitlement. Sounds wacky, but that's what's going on. When you told them no it made them angry and since they are so used to you giving in, they made threats-empty ones of course-but still threats. They believe that you will back down and that is exactly why you cannot. This will just continue if you do.

I totally agree with the poster who said that not everyone on disability is a deadbeat. I've known some people who have been on it and are truly deserving of it. But there are people out there who will abuse it just to get 'something for nothing'. In PA it's very easy to get disability. Basically you need a doctor's word that there is something wrong with you-and there is no shortage of crooked doctors or docs that just don't pay enough attention and sign the papers to get you out of their way.


 

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dontknow Posts : 43 Registered: 8/28/07
Re: Fustrated, Sad and Confused-In-Laws Problem
Posted: Feb 4, 2008 5:59 PM Go to message in response to: seadreamer

Seadreamer- I am so sorry that you are going through this- my advice is simple: doing what is best for you and your husband IS what's best for your boys. In your post, you sound stressed, confused and overburdened - you need to take care of yourself in order to be able to take the best care of your children. They can have a relationship with their father's family even if you move and get fresh start away from their harrassment. Visits, phone calls and emails are always possible. Get the drama out of your life- find the happiness that you deserve :)  (I know this is all easy for me to say and harder to actually do-- but that's my two cents-- you have a lot of emotional support out here on the internet- GOOD LUCK)

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2009ToBeMrsV Posts : 256 Registered: 12/30/07
Re: Fustrated, Sad and Confused-In-Laws Problem
Posted: Feb 4, 2008 6:27 PM Go to message in response to: seadreamer

you are definitely not taking the easy way out.  You've stuck around and courteously dealt with these people long enough, and answered to their beck and call when it comes to money.  They've done nothing but use you, and NO ONE should be treated that way.. especially someone as kind and caring as yourself.

You've done far too much for them, believe me, they will not stop this behavior unless you give in and you shouldn't give in.  You are not their bank, and just because you and your sons received money form your husbands death doesn't mean you owe them because they didn't get any.  This is simply how it works when a person is married, they usually designate everything to go to their spouse and not to their family. 

Don't be so hard on yourself, get out of there and get out of there fast.  Don't ever look back.  You are doing the right thing for you and your boys.


___________________________________ 

Engaged: January 1, 2008
Getting Married: September 19, 2009

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lilly295 Posts : 28 Registered: 1/2/08
Re: Fustrated, Sad and Confused-In-Laws Problem
Posted: Feb 4, 2008 7:11 PM Go to message in response to: seadreamer

That sounds like a really tough situation, and I'm sorry you've had to go through it. Everyone here is right, you need to move for your own sanity but also for your kids and husband. You gave that family time with your kids and tried to make it work, but it sounds like they don't appreciate it and they'd rather just use you.

You gave it more than a fair try, and tried to do the right thing by your kids and their dad's family, but it's not working for anyone except them. That is definitely not selfish. 

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auntofthebride Posts : 9,354 Registered: 4/2/06
Re: Fustrated, Sad and Confused-In-Laws Problem
Posted: Feb 4, 2008 7:15 PM Go to message in response to: seadreamer

Dear Seadreamer,

These people are not positive role models for your two sons. I urge you to move and get on with your life.

You don't owe them anything.

As the sole parent, you and only you have the right to determine the children's domicile. You can move anywhere you like; they have no legal rights as grandparents.

You have totally done enough.

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