Future Mother In Law wants to invite the inlaws for FH's brother???

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MyboyDallas Posts : 5 Registered: 1/16/08
Future Mother In Law wants to invite the inlaws for FH's brother???
Posted: Jan 27, 2008 8:21 PM

I need advice here - my future husband and I are paying for about 2/3's of our wedding ourselves, and his parents are paying for 1/3.  Today, my future Mother In Law told me that they want to invite their daughter-in-law's family to our wedding.  When I asked her why, she said it is because "they are family now".  What I don't understand is that I have met those people 3-4 times in the 5 years we've been together and he has probably met them 7-8 times in the 12 years his older brother has been with his now wife.

Neither of us agree with this - especially since his parents have never been invited to any of the other sibling weddings on that side of the family......what is everyone's opinon on this?

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MyboyDallas Posts : 5 Registered: 1/16/08
Re: Future Mother In Law wants to invite the inlaws for FH's brother???
Posted: Jan 27, 2008 8:22 PM Go to message in response to: MyboyDallas

Sorry.....just to clarify, the inlaws she wants to invite are her older son's inlaws (Mark's brother's inlaws).......

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futuremrsperry Posts : 1,904 Registered: 4/23/06
Re: Future Mother In Law wants to invite the inlaws for FH's brother???
Posted: Jan 27, 2008 8:30 PM Go to message in response to: MyboyDallas

I wouldn't have a problem with it.  My in-laws and my parents have become very close friends.  My parents are inviting my in-laws to my brother's wedding this summer.  But since you are paying for most of it, it is up to you.

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SeasideBride06 Posts : 958 Registered: 4/14/06
Re: Future Mother In Law wants to invite the inlaws for FH's brother???
Posted: Jan 27, 2008 10:43 PM Go to message in response to: MyboyDallas

My SIL's inlaws (parents, kids and thier families) were invited to our wedding. My inlaws are good friends with their daughter's inlaws and my DH and I have been invited to their family events.

It's only two people, it will make your FILs happy, what's the big deal? I would just go along with it. 

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LochNessie Posts : 1,631 Registered: 4/2/07
Re: Future Mother In Law wants to invite the inlaws for FH's brother???
Posted: Jan 28, 2008 12:17 AM Go to message in response to: SeasideBride06

Are your ILs willing to pay for the extra and do you have room?  If the answer is yes to both questions, I'd say go ahead.

-Ness


 

Oh baby don't it feel like Heaven right now? Don't it feel like something from a dream? - Tom Petty and the Heartbreakers

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MelissaJuneBrid... Posts : 698 Registered: 3/13/07
Re: Future Mother In Law wants to invite the inlaws for FH's brother???
Posted: Jan 28, 2008 12:46 AM Go to message in response to: LochNessie

If they know them really well then I'd say it's fine. It's no different than inviting any other friends or relatives.

MelissaSmile

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Whitb55 Posts : 435 Registered: 12/16/07
Re: Future Mother In Law wants to invite the inlaws for FH's brother???
Posted: Jan 28, 2008 2:00 AM Go to message in response to: MyboyDallas

I do not see the point in them coming. Especially if you are trying to keep the guest list at a specific number and them attending it would be pushing it. My FH has 2 brothers and 1 sister and I am not inviting any of their in laws. I have only met two of them and I want to invite people who are important to FH and I first and foremost and then invite close family friends, the type of people who I might not know extremely well but they are my parents friends or FHs parents close friends. So the only reason I could see you inviting your FH's brothers inlaws is if they are close friends of FH's parents and if you have room. However, not all the family friends have to be invited it is whatever your budget and ceremony/reception sites can allow. 

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myra Posts : 5,550 Registered: 3/28/06
Re: Future Mother In Law wants to invite the inlaws for FH's brother???
Posted: Jan 28, 2008 2:33 AM Go to message in response to: MyboyDallas

Your FILs are paying for 1/3 of your wedding--they should be able to include whomever they choose, within their own allotment of guests. If you have decided fairly on a number that each of you can invite (e.g. your parents 1/3, his parents 1/3, and the two of you 1/3, or whatever formula you work out), then how his parents choose to fill their slots really is up to them--just as they shouldn't be telling you who you can invite. If they're going above their fair numbers, then your FH will have to negotiate with them. It's best for you to stay out of the middle.

myra at www.classysassyweddings.com

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MyboyDallas Posts : 5 Registered: 1/16/08
Re: Future Mother In Law wants to invite the inlaws for FH's brother???
Posted: Jan 28, 2008 7:10 AM Go to message in response to: MyboyDallas

Thanks to everyone for your replies - to answer a few questions - Mark's parents are not close with their daughter-in-law's family; the only time they see them or associate with them is for functions that involve his brother and wife - their wedding in August 2006 and more recently for the recent Baptism of their 1st child.  When Mark's brother was getting married, Mark's parents complained the whole time about their daughter-in-laws parents and how little they were helpig out; complaining about her family, etc. so there really isn't a relationship there.

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auntofthebride Posts : 9,354 Registered: 4/2/06
Re: Future Mother In Law wants to invite the inlaws for FH's brother???
Posted: Jan 28, 2008 9:26 AM Go to message in response to: MyboyDallas

dear MBD,

If you have the room and you can afford it and if others that you want to invite aren't excluded, why the heck not?

This seems like such a small issue. Why tick off your in-laws over something this trivial? Besides, if they really aren't that close to your in-laws family, chances are they won't come anyway.

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MyboyDallas Posts : 5 Registered: 1/16/08
Re: Future Mother In Law wants to invite the inlaws for FH's brother???
Posted: Jan 28, 2008 10:59 AM Go to message in response to: auntofthebride

I guess I should have been more clear in my original post (long day yesterday hosting a baby shower for my sister) - Mark and I can't afford to add anyone to the guest list that "doesn't need to be there" - we are filling his parent's request by having an open bar at the reception, having a "proper" church wedding versus our original plan to do a garden service, have multiple course meals at more of an upscale reception hall versus doing the decorated catering tent, inviting more of his family than we had planned on (his side has 53 on the guest list, mine has 11 and 12 people who are mutual friends), etc.  Originally we had wanted to invite immediate family only and close friends (hence the reason my guest list is 11 people) - his parents have already added their friends and family members at the point of going down to 2nd and 3rd cousins.

I spoke to my sister about it today and she gave me a solution - give them what we are willing to pay for (head count) minus immediate families on both sides and the friends we are planning on inviting.  His family can fill the difference with whomever they choose and that way we are keeping the counts where we want to.

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auntofthebride Posts : 9,354 Registered: 4/2/06
Re: Future Mother In Law wants to invite the inlaws for FH's brother???
Posted: Jan 28, 2008 3:26 PM Go to message in response to: MyboyDallas

Dear MBD,

Sounds like a good plan. Give them a number, then let them fill the number with their own choices.

If they choose to waste a couple of seats on these people, then so be it.

A caveat: Don't invite more than the number of seats you have, in anticipation of some people declining. You must be prepared, both in budget and space, for 100% of the guests accepting.

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Krissy3781 Posts : 279 Registered: 3/21/07
Re: Future Mother In Law wants to invite the inlaws for FH's brother???
Posted: Jan 29, 2008 1:08 AM Go to message in response to: auntofthebride

I don't see a problem with it - we actually invited my uncle's in-laws (but they have been married for nearly 20 years and I am actually close with them). We invited my husband's brother's ILs too. I don't know them that well, but they were within IL's guest number.

Setting a number and allowing them to fill it as they choose is probably the best way to go. Good luck!

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Whitb55 Posts : 435 Registered: 12/16/07
Re: Future Mother In Law wants to invite the inlaws for FH's brother???
Posted: Jan 29, 2008 2:25 AM Go to message in response to: Krissy3781

I dont like my FH's brothers wife nor do I like her family from the few times I have had to be around them. Short story is that FH's brothers wife lied to me about FMIL and caused a huge issue between us then denied it all to FMIL and FH so it made me look like a horrible person. And her family just pushes their narrow minded beliefs on EVERYONE. So no, I would not want them invited to my wedding. FH's brothers wife is invited out of politness on my part and to avoid drama as well. Her children are in the wedding and she is not a horrible person all the time, but she messed up having any relationship with me. 


I see the point in allowing a certain number of invites that FMIL can decide on, but if you do not even like them or think it would be a waste of space in your guest list then it is ultimately your decision. I would prefer people I am close to or FH is close to at the wedding, not people who are related somehow and know of you somehow but you all really dont know eachother. 

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