got the ring, set the date, still no proposal...?

Online Users: 1,337 guest(s), 0 user(s). Replies: 12
Guest
got the ring, set the date, still no proposal...?
Posted: Feb 12, 2007 6:56 PM

How's this for cart before the horse... Dated for 2 years, lived together almost 3 years, been discussing marriage and agreed we want to get married for over 1 year.  He gave me the ring for Christmas, but only told me "it comes with a catch." When I asked what the catch was, he (very nervously) told me, "you gotta marry me."  To save face in front of family (I'd already told him I didn't want the ring as a Christmas gift), I whispered that I wasn't putting it on until I heard the 4 little words I'd waited so long to hear.  So, then he quitely said, "will you marry me". He put the ring on my finger and didn't wait for an answer.

Later, I explain to him that by not proposing of his own free will it, made me feel like I was forcing this marriage idea on him.  A "repeat after me" didn't qualify as a proposal.  He says it's "not in his nature" and changes the subject. 

Gotta admit though, he seems so much more relaxed now that I have the ring. He's inviting friends and family, and beginning to get excited.  In the meantime, I'm extremely depressed (he know that) and ready to cancel everything (he doesn't know this).

I don't get it... he'll marry me, but he won't propose...

Any feedback would help... Thanks.

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hairdogri Posts : 18 Registered: 2/4/07
Re: got the ring, set the date, still no proposal...?
Posted: Feb 12, 2007 11:44 PM Go to message in response to: Guest

My friend's husband didn't really propose to her.  They just talked about it and agreed to do it.  In a way, your FH DID propose, by saying that the catch of the ring was "you gotta marry me."  It may not of been the exact wording you were looking for, but the intent was the same.  (Mine asked if I would consider marrying him, so I didn't know if he was really asking, or just wanted me to think about it).  And, if he is telling people and inviting them on his own free will, it sounds like he is into it.

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lmc07 Posts : 271 Registered: 1/4/07
Re: got the ring, set the date, still no proposal...?
Posted: Feb 14, 2007 10:32 AM Go to message in response to: Guest

I agree with hairdogri...

In his own way he proposed...and the fact that he was nervous, when saying the catch, shows that maybe he did not know how to ask you... 


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Guest
Re: got the ring, set the date, still no proposal...?
Posted: Feb 14, 2007 11:02 AM Go to message in response to: Guest

I will never understand why some women are like this. He did propose to you. Whether it was or wasn't like the way you imagined is irrelevant. You could of been thinking of it since you were 5 years old....He wasn't there with you then. He did it the way he felt comfortable doing it. You have the ring, you have the date, and your planning already. And from what you typed it shows that he is really looking forward to the wedding. My suggestion to you is... Get over it!
 

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kelleyiskelley Posts : 11,590 Registered: 7/2/06
Re: got the ring, set the date, still no proposal...?
Posted: Feb 14, 2007 1:05 PM Go to message in response to: Guest

Hi. Why are you extremely depressed? Why do you want to cancel everything? I dont get it. He DID propose. It sounds kinda sweet actually how he did it. It sounds like he is very shy and was dreading the proposal part of it, and was happy to get that done ... it sounds like he is HAPPY to be engaged, just shy about proposing in some grandiose fashion. He told you its not in his nature to say it the way you want, and I would think if you really knew him well, you would probably not expect it to be worded a certain way from the beginning. If this man is a good man and a man that you love, it shouldnt matter this much how he WORDED it... he proposed! Tell him how happy you are and plan your wedding together.
Kelley Lynn:)

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headoverheels8 Posts : 80 Registered: 11/17/07
Re: got the ring, set the date, still no proposal...?
Posted: Jan 10, 2008 1:52 AM Go to message in response to: Guest

when my parents where dating they had agreed that they wanted to get married so my dad just assumed that he didnt need to propose and that they were engaged. but my mom wanted a proposal to make the engagement official. She got sick of waiting so she proposed to him, letting him know that she wanted a proposal. then later when they got her engagement ring he did the proper proposal.  maybe tell him you wont wear the ring until he asks without being forced. and makes it special

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Deletedhandle Posts : 49 Registered: 11/13/07
Re: got the ring, set the date, still no proposal...?
Posted: Jan 10, 2008 6:53 PM Go to message in response to: Guest

I don't get it- you're depressed because he didn't say "will you marry me" in those exact words when he propsed to you with a ring that you didn't want only because it was Christmas? one, what he said/did sounds like a proposal to me (a fricken cute one at that) and two, HE WANTS TO MARRY YOU!!! isn't that the most important part?

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kennysoldwife Posts : 3,859 Registered: 4/28/07
Re: got the ring, set the date, still no proposal...?
Posted: Jan 10, 2008 7:01 PM Go to message in response to: Guest

I am also confused, from what you are saying he did propose.  I would imagine you were looking for him to get down on bended knee and offer you the ring in a beautiful setting in some fairytale way.  So sorry he didn't I think you are taking this whole thing way to seriously.  He proposed, now enjoy planning your wedding and the rest of you lives together. 


 

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chicago22475 Posts : 4 Registered: 11/6/07
Re: got the ring, set the date, still no proposal...?
Posted: Jan 17, 2008 12:26 AM Go to message in response to: Guest

ok congrats but i think you are taking it to far you  got the ring and you should be excited not being depress. im depressed i haven't got engage yet and i want to be engaged. i just say chill out on the proposal and start planning your weddding.

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DestoB Posts : 638 Registered: 12/31/07
Re: got the ring, set the date, still no proposal...?
Posted: Jan 17, 2008 12:34 AM Go to message in response to: Guest

i'm a huge one for not being judgemental on these forums but... what?  do you want the whole cliche down on a knee will you marry me thing or what?  i think the way he did it was really cute!  honestly what it sounds like to me... you want the dream more than you want the reality.  my step-dad yelled from the living room while my mom was putting on makeup in the bathroom, 'you wanna get married or what?' ...no ring.  fh looked over at me in the car as i was taking my temperature one night and feeling extrememly yucky and asked 'will you marry me?'  seriously, i think there is more to this whole 'i'm thinking about cancelling everything' thing than you're letting on.

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XYZ1 Posts : 367 Registered: 1/7/08
Re: got the ring, set the date, still no proposal...?
Posted: Jan 17, 2008 11:59 AM Go to message in response to: Guest

First, let me say that I think his proposal (and I think he did consider it a proposal) was very sweet, and I would love it if my BF proposed to me that way!  The issue is not that he didn't propose, but that you don't like the way he proposed -- and I understand why you feel that way.

Proposals aren't one-size-fits-all.  Your fiance was probably very nervous about asking and went with the kind of proposal he was most comfortable with.  But I think that what's bothering you is that he didn't really think about what kind of proposal you would want when he planned how to ask you.  You said you didn't want the ring as a Christmas present; he gave it to you as a Christmas present.  You put a lot of significance on hearing him ask "will you marry me?" and he mumbled it like it was no big deal and didn't wait for your answer.  I'm guessing you didn't love that he asked you in front of family either.

So I do understand why you feel bummed out, but don't let this one thing make or break your relationship.  You can't undo the way he proposed, so I think you should tell yourself that he was nervous and did it the best way that he knew how, and concentrate on the fact that he loves you and is excited about the wedding.  And one more thing -- if your FH ignoring/not knowing your wishes has been an issue in your relationship, that might be an important thing to discuss in premarital counseling.


Message was edited by: ColoradoClaire

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futuremrsperry Posts : 1,904 Registered: 4/23/06
Re: got the ring, set the date, still no proposal...?
Posted: Jan 18, 2008 8:26 PM Go to message in response to: Guest

That sounded like a proposal to me.  It may not be what you wanted to hear, but it was.

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babycat Posts : 21 Registered: 1/14/08
Re: got the ring, set the date, still no proposal...?
Posted: Jan 20, 2008 10:57 PM Go to message in response to: Guest

Seriously? I think this is silly. My fiance was incredibly uneasy about the whole engagement spectacle.  he proposed to me while giving me a foot massage in my bedroom.  He never asked me....he slipped the ring on my toe and said "I think we are engaged"...it was adorable. He was so nervous to ask me the same way he was so nervous to tell me he loved me for the first time.  In the mean time, I my friends boyfriends have done over the top proposals, but the way he proposed to be was perfect. Maybe you wanted some big "to-do" but maybe that isnt the style of the man you are marrying. I think you need to respect that as well.

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