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Looking for another anti-bride

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antibride100 Posts : 8 Registered: 11/27/06
Looking for another anti-bride
Posted: Jan 2, 2008 5:03 PM

Is there anyone out there that is not a "deer caught in headlights" bride?  Does anyone else realize that weddings are just overdone, overpriced parties? Is anyone else pissed off that once you say "wedding" the cost of things double? And why do people thinks its perfectly acceptable to spend thousands of dollars on white dresses that you will NEVER wear again. And can we please stop referring it to "your special day", that came from ancient times when you actually lost your virginity on your wedding day. And how about those satin dyeable wedding shoes, are they not the ugliest things you ever saw?  I feel like I am the only person in the world who is not excited to get married or be a bride. I am just hoping that here is someone else out there who is as realistic and cynical as I am about weddings.

And if you are a happy happy bride, please don't bash me. I already feel terrible for not being excited.

new_york , september_2008
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UltimatePink Posts : 367 Registered: 10/15/07
Re: Looking for another anti-bride
Posted: Jan 2, 2008 5:24 PM Go to message in response to: antibride100

Are you feeling not excited about the prospect of planning a wedding? I can see a lot of brides excited about the entire process because in the end, they are marrying the man that they love and that excitement boils over into planning a happy day for them and their family/friends.

I agree that it is depressing when you see what everything costs in the end. Some opt to go for a cocktail reception to keep costs down, but still get to entertain their guests. Other opt for a casual backyard BBQ. It's really your choice on how you want to celebrate your marriage.

A wedding dress doesn't have to be expensive. I'm wearing pink patent leather shoes. And I call it "a day of celebration".

If you're not into the wedding planning thing, probably the courthouse is the way to go. You can even wear a suit dress or a simple tea length dress.


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Re: Looking for another anti-bride
Posted: Jan 3, 2008 6:46 AM Go to message in response to: antibride100

Um, you might be in the wrong place for this...I mean it is brides.com.  But...up until it was over and the checking account dwindled I thought having a nice modest wedding was the best thing ever.  When else in life did I get to plan a party that was all about me and DH and our lives together?  So yeah, maybe a little selfish.  But we paid for the party and invited all our close friends and family to enjoy it.  Anyway, the point is, all that money later, and DH and I are no more married than someone who went to the courthouse.  Not saying I didn't enjoy the day or getting there, it just wasn't "as" great as I imagined.  Now, I was thrilled to marry DH and I was excited about being his wife, etc. don't get me wrong.  But now there are days I think I wish we'd just gotten it over with at the courthouse.  Then I look at my pictures and think, nah...I did everything the way it should have been done.  If for you, when you think about the way it "should" be done, a picture of a courthouse is in the background, then that's what you should do.  Or, if it's just you and your FH and your two best friends on an island by yourselves, then that's what you should do. 

And, for the record, there are a ton of women here who do get a "special day."  They've got a whole thread about it and I commend them because I wasn't that bride either. 

What is your ideal wedding then, or how would you go about going from single to married?


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futuremrsperry Posts : 1,906 Registered: 4/23/06
Re: Looking for another anti-bride
Posted: Jan 3, 2008 7:15 AM Go to message in response to: antibride100

There are other ways to have a wedding then the traditional white dress wedding.  Do and wear what ever the heck you want.  Where a nice white peasant skirt and a nice top, heck where jeans if you want.  Go to the JP.  Have a beach ceremony in a white bathing suit.  A back yard picnic wedding and wear a skirt and top.   Where what you want, what color you want.  Do it your way.  It's your wedding, and yes it is your "special day".  We say that because it is most likely going to be the only day you have planned every minute of, or at least I do.  If the big white dress, many guests and a formal reception isn't for you then don't do it.  But, I if you want to bash weddings, then go some place else.  

Yes add the word "wedding" and prices sky rocket, yes it stinks, yes planning can be the pits, yes you most likely will never where your dress again, but it's the fairy tale many are looking for (like me).  Many find it in the traditional white dress and everything.   What you need to do is find a style that suits you.

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MelissaJuneBrid... Posts : 698 Registered: 3/13/07
Re: Looking for another anti-bride
Posted: Jan 3, 2008 10:38 AM Go to message in response to: futuremrsperry

As others have said....find a style that suits you. Obviously you are not into the whole planning thing or what most people think of when they hear "wedding". That is fine and people arn't bashing you for it. But...a lot of those things you said are what people envision. And I don't think you are the only one who hates the price of everything. We all do at times.

But please understand where I am coming from. Everything you said is what I am planning for my wedding. Big white dress, nice food, DYED SATIN SHOES b/c honestly white shoes would look horrible with my BM dresses AND YES my "special day" as you refer to it will be my wedding night.

So if you want a JOP ceremony or a small backyard thing. That is fabulous. There is nothin wrong with that. But there is also nothing wrong with how others want things either. Please realize you are on a website where most women ARE very excited about their weddings.


MelissaSmile

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antibride100 Posts : 8 Registered: 11/27/06
Re: Looking for another anti-bride
Posted: Jan 3, 2008 11:24 AM Go to message in response to: MelissaJuneBrid...

Thank you all for responding. I appreciate your kindness.  I am a planner at heart, and love to get dressed up and throw parties, we typically have 3 a year at home, but I think there is just something about the pressure of the wedding that is making it stressful and not fun. Maybe it is that I don't believe in marriage. I am perfectly fine not being married. My fiance and I own a home together and are happy together, why do we have to get married to continue on a path we are already on? I apologize but I am just trying to understand why I'm not excited, so I can squash those feelings and move on.

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Deletedhandle Posts : 49 Registered: 11/13/07
Re: Looking for another anti-bride
Posted: Jan 3, 2008 11:47 AM Go to message in response to: antibride100

Maybe squashing those feelings and moving on isn't the issue; maybe it's the fact that you don't believe in marriage? If you don't believe in it (which there is absolutely nothing wrong with) and you would rather continue on with the life you currently have, why did you agree to marry your guy? Maybe you should reconcile that before moving ahead...

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MsDenuninani Posts : 3,963 Registered: 3/16/07
Re: Looking for another anti-bride
Posted: Jan 3, 2008 11:50 AM Go to message in response to: antibride100

Check out the thread (don't remember where it is, but you can search for it) about the book "Emotionally Engaged".  It's not as uncommon to not be excited about getting married as you might think. 

I had a lot of mixed feelings about getting married - and a wedding - as you do.  The problem as I saw it was that there is entirely too much pressure on this day.  It's supposed to be the most amazing, happy day of your entire life -- it just felt like too much!  Sure I was happy to get married, because it meant my life was moving forward in a way that it just wasn't before, but the extreme social pressure to have an amazing day that will live in infamy and be talked about by everyone for ever and ever just felt . . .well, nutty.

I got through these feelings by remembering that whatever the day is, it will be mine.  Whatever our marriage will be, it will be ours.  And I didn't want my wedding day to be the best day of my life - I'd settle for a pretty awesome day with music and cake. 

You've got to learn to tune it all out -- other people's expectations, the media, even this website sometimes - and just remember that at the end of the day, it's not about the dress, or the money spent, or your families, really.  It's about you and him, and it's going to be what it is -- which is whatever you decide that it should be.

Good luck.


_______________________________________________________
"I could get a life, but then who would watch my television?"

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antibride100 Posts : 8 Registered: 11/27/06
Re: Looking for another anti-bride
Posted: Jan 3, 2008 12:00 PM Go to message in response to: Deletedhandle

I agreed to marry him because he wants to be married and I want us to be together. We have a great relationship and I couldn't imagine life without him in it.  If it doesn't matter to me if I get married or not, then I shouldn't care if I do get married. 

That's kinda where I am right now, just aloof.  And he is completely aware of my feelings, and is ok with it. For now.  I'm worried he'll start to get annoyed as the date gets closer, it's his day too! That's why I'm really trying to move past my anti-wedding cynicism.

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antibride100 Posts : 8 Registered: 11/27/06
Re: Looking for another anti-bride
Posted: Jan 3, 2008 12:11 PM Go to message in response to: MsDenuninani

Thank you for directing me to the Emotionally Engaged thread. I may have to look for that book now.

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Re: Looking for another anti-bride
Posted: Jan 3, 2008 2:04 PM Go to message in response to: antibride100

let me second the post about the book "Emotionally Engaged"... the tagline is "A Bride's Guide to Surviving the "Happiest" Time of Her Life".. a lot of women go through a whole range of emotions when they get engaged, from sadness and grief to anger and confusion. you're not alone, antibride.. i'm glad you said something. it's always better to get it out in the open. :)

bethierose

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carebearny1999 Posts : 1,254 Registered: 9/21/07
Re: Looking for another anti-bride
Posted: Jan 3, 2008 5:26 PM Go to message in response to: antibride100

I hear you and I agree... Yes, I am planning a white wedding, even though I hate dresses.  Just 'cause it's expected of me... Personally, I feel like I'm already married since we're both committed to each other and living together. 

And for the others saying you don't belong here---NOT true!  Welcome!!  It's BRIDES.COM, not bigwhiteexpensiveweddings.com Laughing  You're a bride, and so, you belong here.  If people don't like your posts, then guess what--they should either not read them or just move on


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MrsDupont Posts : 1,574 Registered: 4/14/06
Re: Looking for another anti-bride
Posted: Jan 3, 2008 6:00 PM Go to message in response to: antibride100

hmm...

I am very excited to become MrsDupont... but I hate the planning.

You dont have to do the whole traditional thing... I'm right with you on this...

I hate it... I hate the planning... I love my dress tho...

You don't have to follow all those things!   I repeat...

YOU DON"T HAVE TO FOLLOW ALL THE TRADITIONS!

I'm having a BBQ and going to the Bar....

No father daughter dance... no Mother son dance... nothing.

I'm not wearing white.... I'm wearing Ivory because i love the dress.

Make the Day the way you want it.... Not the way everyone Thinks you should have it.... or what your idea of a wedding is.

Wear a Pretty dress.... or a nice Dress Pant suit... or Jeans and a christmas shirt with sandles.... You make it how you want it!

I'm having Hamburgers and Hot Dogs... Beer and Chips and dips...

Weddings  - I hate it... I've been telling people what i want to do... and they look at me like i'm nuts...  "Don't you want the big Hall and the big Shabang!"

NOOOOOOOOOO i dont.... Unless you wanna pay for it then yeah sure do what you want...

but i would much rather have a house party... Nothing formal...

Sundresses and Sandles... Shorts and T-shirts...

I acutally thought about just saying lets just be engaged for the rest of our lives. Then i dont have to plan anything! 

But i am excited about getting married to my FH.






http://DarellandMariam.brides.com 

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WharfHouseBride Posts : 514 Registered: 7/3/07
Re: Looking for another anti-bride
Posted: Jan 3, 2008 6:15 PM Go to message in response to: MrsDupont

I'm with Mrs.Dupont on this: don't get bogged down by the "Shoulds". Have fun with it. Go outside the normal wedding sphere and treat it like any other party; the best party you've ever thrown and you don't have to do the dishes afterward! My FH and I also don't feel like we MUST get married; I told him before we got engaged that I would happily live-in-sin with him for the rest of my life, but we realize that there are social benefits to being married. There aren't many other situations in life when you can justify throwing a party to celebrate signing a legal document, so why not take advantage and plan YOUR ideal event? 

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Re: Looking for another anti-bride
Posted: Jan 3, 2008 11:17 PM Go to message in response to: antibride100

I don't care about frilly things or details... all I want to do is have fun, not stress out, and get married.  I'm not going to lie, I do want the white dress and I can't wait to make it  "official" with my fiance.  My goal is to make a few calls, send out some emails, write a check or two, and then show up in Mexico at an all inclusive resort with my man and my dress.  That's all I need and then I'll get a great romantic vacation when its over.  Do what you want.  If you don't want a big expensive wedding, do it in your back yard or at a park wearing whatever you want.

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