Bachelor Party - His Best Man is my Brother!

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Krissy3781 Posts : 279 Registered: 3/21/07
Re: Bachelor Party - His Best Man is my Brother!
Posted: Dec 19, 2007 3:13 AM Go to message in response to: Krissy3781

Can you talk to your brother about the no lapdance thing?

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Guest
Re: Bachelor Party - His Best Man is my Brother!
Posted: Dec 22, 2007 10:40 PM Go to message in response to: mrsHuerta

MrsHuerta - appreciating the female figure?  Riiiiiight.  So if a naked guy comes and rubs his crotch in the future bride's face, that's ok too I guess.  

My kid sister started stripping when she got behind on some bills.  That was about eight years ago.  Now she's got a meth addiction among others, has had numerous STD's, and had her condo foreclosed on.  Family has no clue where she is.  Please don't tell me this is not typical - strippers are not typically the innocent girl trying to make her way through college.  I'm sure there are some that are clean and take care of themselves, but from what I've heard and seen, it is not as benign as you make it sound.  

Having a problem with strip clubs isn't about being insecure.  It's about both people respecting each other.  If they are both for it, fine.  But if one person will be hurt by it, then why is it necessary? 


null

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HeatherPash Posts : 71 Registered: 7/9/07
Re: Bachelor Party - His Best Man is my Brother!
Posted: Dec 23, 2007 12:14 AM Go to message in response to: Guest

Wow, I don't quite know what to say. I've read some of the posts but not all - some made me quite angry, lol.

First - it can really depend on where you are as to what type of strip clubs you'll encounter. There are several in my city. One of them I go to with my girlfriends and guy friends and we always have a great time. The women are beautiful, respectful, sexy and fun. There are lap dances, but no physical touching allowed by either the dancer or patron. There's another two miles away where you can get whatever you want - nuff' said.

If you're in the right place, with a group of friends, it's harmless fun. I think that if you have a big problem with it, then yeah, there is some insecurity there. How much insecurity does someone have to respect? Next it will be don't have female friends, don't talk to that female co-worker, whose number is that on your cell phone... its a slippery slope.

Why not go to the strip club with him for a few drinks before the bachelor party? Get an idea of the layout, what's acceptable by way of touching and lapdances, see how the girls behave, etc.? You may find yourself having a good time!

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Guest
Re: Bachelor Party - His Best Man is my Brother!
Posted: Jan 2, 2008 3:47 PM Go to message in response to: HeatherPash

Everyone feels differently about this, and I have come to realize that it doesn't matter, because I can't change how I feel.

I am ok with him going to the strip club.  I still, however, do not think a lap danse is appropriate and he agrees.  I would not be allowed to get one, so why should he?  If you don't draw the line somewhere, then I can see you having problems.

 I don't think us having this agreement is a slippery slope! I would more so think I'd be on one if I just let him do things that I seriously had a problem with.

We agree anyways on that matter, so it's all good.

Thanks again for everyone's comments.  The party will be in 4 weeks and I will post after it's over with and tell you guys you were right that I had nothing to worry about.. lol.

happy new year!


DaisypathWedding Ticker

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Guest
Re: Bachelor Party - His Best Man is my Brother!
Posted: Jan 13, 2008 7:17 PM Go to message in response to: Guest

well, our party is going to be early, and it's actually next saturday. i finally agreed to the whole strip club thing, with the understanding of no lap dance. FH acted like he agreed, and told me he thinks it is inappropriate as well, but now in front of everyone when it got brought up tonight, he agreed that i should get over it

i felt so embarassed, as i really thought he agreed. stupid me!

 

i mean what is the huge deal that i think lap dances are a no go?

i guess i have to get over it b/c i'm the only person i know who would have a problem with it.

 

i hate this! i'll post next sunday. hopefully all will be well. 


DaisypathWedding Ticker

Message was edited by: bluehouseyes

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Bride2008 Posts : 3,058 Registered: 3/28/06
Re: Bachelor Party - His Best Man is my Brother!
Posted: Jan 14, 2008 2:02 PM Go to message in response to: Guest

Perhaps he was just trying to look like a big man in front of his boys. Perhaps he agreed and has no intention of getting the lap dance, but still think you should "get over it". I don't care if FH goes to strip clubs once in a while, but I myself am a "no lap dance" kind of girl.

 

"I came here tonight because when you realize you want to spend the rest of your life with somebody, you want the rest of your life to start as soon as possible." - Billy Crystal, When Harry met Sally 

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Guest
Re: Bachelor Party - His Best Man is my Brother!
Posted: Jan 14, 2008 2:42 PM Go to message in response to: Bride2008

yeah, i can understand that. i can also understand him being in the situation where someone buys one for him, i mean that would be hard to say no in front of his friends. i get all of that.

i still can't shake the feeling though. in any other case then it being his bachelor party, a girl getting naked on his lap would absolutely not be ok and would probably end our relationship. so obviously, this is hard for me.

i'm having my own lil shin dig saturday though, so hopefully with the help of friends and what not, i won't be too worried about it.

5 more days. i hope i don't worry myself sick before then. :P


DaisypathWedding Ticker

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Bride2008 Posts : 3,058 Registered: 3/28/06
Re: Bachelor Party - His Best Man is my Brother!
Posted: Jan 14, 2008 4:43 PM Go to message in response to: Guest

He has to stand up to his friends and tell them in advance not to buy him a lapdance - no arguements. Good luck!


 

"I came here tonight because when you realize you want to spend the rest of your life with somebody, you want the rest of your life to start as soon as possible." - Billy Crystal, When Harry met Sally 

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MsDenuninani Posts : 3,962 Registered: 3/16/07
Re: Bachelor Party - His Best Man is my Brother!
Posted: Jan 14, 2008 5:02 PM Go to message in response to: Bride2008

Bride2008 is right - the "no lap dance" rule has to be communicated by him to his friends. 

Because the thing is, your FH needs to know that 1) you're not the most comfortable with the situation but 2) you're willing to put those feelings aside because you want him to have a fun party but 3) he can really help you out by showing that he is willing to put limitations on his behavior for the evening.

I don't think no lap dances is an unreasonable request.  I'm a pretty secure gal, but even I gotta say that I'm not thrilled about the idea of that particular area of my hubby's body touching another woman, know what I mean? 

Essentially, you guys are making a trade-off.  You're saying it's okay to go out and have a good time, despite your reservations.  He should return the favor by letting you know that you have nothing to worry about. 


_______________________________________________________
"I could get a life, but then who would watch my television?"

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DestoB Posts : 638 Registered: 12/31/07
Re: Bachelor Party - His Best Man is my Brother!
Posted: Jan 14, 2008 5:22 PM Go to message in response to: MsDenuninani

okay... granted, i didn't read all of the responses because they were all starting to repeat themselves so i don't know if anyone has mentioned this yet, but...  do you trust him?  are you guys open and honest about everything you want and don't want?  that should be enough.  on another note:  your brother may be the kind of guy to get fh to go to a strip club but being that he is your brother, i doubt that he's let fh do anything that would hurt you... right?  just my two cents.  all will be fine... trust.  Laughing


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MelissaJuneBrid... Posts : 698 Registered: 3/13/07
Re: Bachelor Party - His Best Man is my Brother!
Posted: Jan 14, 2008 9:38 PM Go to message in response to: DestoB

Well, I straight up told FH's friends that I would be pissed beyond all reason if they took him to a strip club. I told FH I was gonna do this b/c he thinks that if they hear it from ME personally, they would be more likey to abide. But perhaps this needs to be something your FH says to them...not so much you. We are all different.

Yea...some would say this is rude or makes me insecure...whatever. I think it shows that I stand up for myself and how I feel and obviously I am a secure enough person to confront his friends like that. FH and I are waiting to have sex until marriage. But we have NEVER been physical with anyone else...EVER. Why should it start now? (I consider a lap dance physical) Why is it OK at a bachelor party when it never was before?

And I have also said this before....I have friends who wouldn't care about their FH going to a strip club. That is fine, I don't criticize them for it, but they also respect me for how I feel. I don't tell his friends they have to like how I think, but I do expect them to respect me and how I feel.


MelissaSmile



Message was edited by: MelissaJuneBride08

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Guest
Re: Bachelor Party - His Best Man is my Brother!
Posted: Jan 15, 2008 2:31 PM Go to message in response to: MelissaJuneBrid...

Well, after a lot of thinking and talking to some close friends about this, I think I was making a bigger deal out of it then it is.

No, I don't approve of another girl dancing naked on my FH, but it's his last night.  I know he's not single, but it is last night out with his friends, and I don't want him to have to say no if someone offers it.  I also don't want to make him say up front that he can't get one.

I know he loves me and the boy is marrying me in 31 days!  No lap dance will change that.

However, this will be the one and only time another lady gets the priviledge of doing this!

I feel better with this decision too, it shows more security in him and our relationship, and that's important.

Besides, I will be out for my own event and I'm sure there will be things he also doesn't approve of! Of course I won't be naked dancing for anyone, but still! LoL

 

I will post after the party.  Thanks again!


DaisypathWedding Ticker

Message was edited by: bluehouseyes

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JenlovesDon1 Posts : 217 Registered: 8/6/07
Re: Bachelor Party - His Best Man is my Brother!
Posted: Jan 16, 2008 2:08 PM Go to message in response to: Guest

I didn't read any other responses after thebigcheese one, but I see that you have settled the matter. One question, and I don't know if anyone has brought this up yet, but if your FH hasn't been to a strip club the time you were engaged (or was it dating?) why should it be ok now? Because it's his last night as a "free man"? The only woman that my hubby should want to see naked is ME!

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Guest
Re: Bachelor Party - His Best Man is my Brother!
Posted: Jan 17, 2008 4:58 PM Go to message in response to: JenlovesDon1

I thought about that and no he hasn't gone since we've been together, but it's his bachelor party and his friends all want to go.  And no man will ever just want to see their significant other naked, lol.  Sorry we're talking about men here.

That doesn't mean they will cheat on us or what not, but it is there nature to want to see naked women. 

This whole thread has made me lighten up quite a bit.  If I can't handle him going to a strip club one night ( with my brother and my dad and his dad and friends) then I shouldn't be marrying the boy.

I trust him!

Thanks to everyone for helping me.  Party is in 2 days!

 


DaisypathWedding Ticker

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JAllen Posts : 793 Registered: 9/1/06
Re: Bachelor Party - His Best Man is my Brother!
Posted: Jan 19, 2008 9:43 AM Go to message in response to: Guest

Well keep us posted Blue!  I'm sure everything will be fine.  He knows how you feel about it, and so do his friends.

 

My take on strip clubs is like this...I'm fine with them.  I know some are really sleezy and I know some are classy.  I was a waitress at a very nice gentalman's club for a few months years ago.  I loved working there.  I'm fine with fh going, we've gone a few times together, it has been a few years though.  We haven't talked about the parties, but I assume they will go to one.  Probably even get a lapdance.  I'm not worried, I know how much he loves me.  Plus I know that there is a no-touching rule at these clubs, I might be a little more uncomfortable with a stripper for hire coming to a house because those chicks are usually the kind that will do "anything" to make money and are pretty nasty chicks.  Plus you never know what they may say after all is said and done, if she is alone with all these men she just may get the idea that she can lie about things and get some money out of them. ANYWAY, sorry for the tangent.  My point is, strip clubs are usually the safe place for men, because they can look but no touchy.  They go to a regular dance club or bar, and the women hanging out there have no "no touch" rule and don't care if the man has a girl or not.  There is much more likely a chance that a guy will cheat with some one he meets at a club than at a strip joint.  Ya know?  I don't know if that makes any sense.  But thats my piece! lol 


 

http://www.mywedding.com/vanceandjammie/

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