Bachelor Party - His Best Man is my Brother!

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HooahBride Posts : 341 Registered: 9/19/07
Re: Bachelor Party - His Best Man is my Brother!
Posted: Dec 17, 2007 4:50 PM Go to message in response to: Guest

Oh gosh...here we go again lol, NO it is not that we are insecure, I am not at all...I think I have just as great as a body as a stripper, well without the fake boobs lol I do not want my FH going to a strip club simply because I feel they are inappropriate.  He respects that and frankly I don't think he would go anyways, he loves me and only me, and doesn't need inappropriate entertainment to fulfill his so called "fantasies" that will all be taken care of on our wedding night. ;) So I think to the OP if he is considering going against your wishes that IS an issue that needs to be discussed. That shows a lack of respect for you on his part. I am glad that there are at least some girls in this thread who agree with me...last one like this I was slammed with how odd I was for my feelings. lol

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HooahBride Posts : 341 Registered: 9/19/07
Re: Bachelor Party - His Best Man is my Brother!
Posted: Dec 17, 2007 4:52 PM Go to message in response to: DYM122207

Amen Maria! :D

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Guest
Re: Bachelor Party - His Best Man is my Brother!
Posted: Dec 17, 2007 4:57 PM Go to message in response to: HooahBride

Thank you! :)

I feel the same.  I know that my fiance finds me more attractive then he would any of the strippers, but it's not about that.  It is just inapprorpriate.  Does he want me to do the same thing? Hell no, lol.  I think it is ok for single guys, but when you are supposedly commited and happy, why would you even need to see naked girls?  I just don't get it.

 But unfortunately for me that does not solve my problem. My fiance does understand how I feel, but at the same time he doesn't think it's that big of a deal.  His friends, and my brother, will all want to go.  And if they don't go now, they will go when his single friends get married.  They have all been friends for a really long time, and he doesn't see how he could get out of that situation.

So, I mean yeah, it does make me uncomfortable. But is it really that big of a deal that I should make him not go?

I honestly just wish I didn't care. I mean, damn, it's just one night.  I just can't shake the feeling. :(


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HooahBride Posts : 341 Registered: 9/19/07
Re: Bachelor Party - His Best Man is my Brother!
Posted: Dec 17, 2007 5:06 PM Go to message in response to: Guest

Bluehouseeyes, one thing I would look at is, he asked you to marry him right? He wants to be with you the rest of his life right? If his friends are such good friends they would understand and not put him in that type of situation, as for your brother I would be pissed at him for pushing it, he is your brother and should care for you more then your FH and his friends. I would thing your bro would want you to be marrying a guy who wouldn't want to look at other girls. I know my brother would not have that. It isn't a matter of it being one night, it is a matter of love a respect. He needs to respect your wishes. I straight up told my FH is there are strippers or other women involved I will immediately call of the wedding, no exceptions, and if they brought it on as a surprise to him I would expect him to leave. I know my fiends would not have such a party for me and he does too, nor do I have a desire for such entertainment. I trust him, and that is why I am marrying him. I just don't like what that industry is all about I think it is inappropriate and trashy, not that I am insecure. If you ever want to just talk let me know! :D

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MsDenuninani Posts : 3,962 Registered: 3/16/07
Re: Bachelor Party - His Best Man is my Brother!
Posted: Dec 17, 2007 5:39 PM Go to message in response to: Guest

you are supposedly commited and happy, why would you even need to see naked girls? 

A man's desire to look at naked woman has nothing at all to do with his feelings for you.  They are completely seperate.  Men are able to compartamalize these sorts of things in a way that women just can't understand.  I was okay - and continue to be okay - with the idea of my hubby going to a strip club because I know that seeing a naked woman on stage has nothing to do with him finding me attractive; with him wanting me, with him loving me.  I do not think that looking at a woman means that he will cheat on me, and I don't think that looking at a naked woman means that he will want her.  It in no way takes away what we have together.  Because I know this, and am secure in this fact, I don't have a problem with him going to strip clubs.

Just wanted to let you know how I handle it.


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"I could get a life, but then who would watch my television?"

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MuffinB Posts : 778 Registered: 7/13/07
Re: Bachelor Party - His Best Man is my Brother!
Posted: Dec 17, 2007 5:59 PM Go to message in response to: MsDenuninani

I agree with MsDenuninani 100% and I handle this situation the same exact way.

My FH doesn't like strip clubs, first of all and he's already told his brothers and friends that he would rather take a trip to NYC for his bachelor party instead of the "traditional" stripper party. BUT, knowing how his friends are- not necessiraly his brothers- his friends will most likely still take him out to the the ol' strip club. I don't expect him to leave or to refuse to go. I'm ok with it. I know that him looking at naked women is not in any way going to ruin our relationship nor is it a disrespect to me because I know that he's not going to cheat on me.

In my opinion, a mature, respectable, decent man who is 100% committed to his woman can handle having a stripper in his face without it getting any further than that. A younger, more inexperienced man who isn't necessirally committed to his woman,  may have more of a problem being able to handle the sexual tension and may just take it further with the stripper and actually cheat. If any of you have a guy that would fit this description- then yes, you should be concerned about him being around strippers.

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MrsJunebug Posts : 333 Registered: 1/11/07
Re: Bachelor Party - His Best Man is my Brother!
Posted: Dec 17, 2007 9:18 PM Go to message in response to: Guest

It doesn't really matter how anyone else here on the boards feels about strip clubs.  If you are ok with FH going to the strip clubs, then it is ok for FH to go.  If you are not ok with FH going, then it is not ok for FH to go. 

Every relationship is different and has different boundaries.  My advice would be to have an open and honest discussion with your FH regarding your feelings on the subject.  Then you both need to sit down with your brother and let him know what the two of you have decided regarding this issue.

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SDIwifey1207 Posts : 346 Registered: 7/9/07
Re: Bachelor Party - His Best Man is my Brother!
Posted: Dec 18, 2007 8:04 AM Go to message in response to: MuffinB

You know... after going through all these posts on this thread and reading the ones from mine, i feel like i have something to say... haha...

You girls who think that strip clubs are inappropriate for religious or moral reasons arent insecure. I understand. I grew up in the Baptist Church so I can definitely see your point. I have a lot of friends who dont believe in strip clubs AND drinking. It's not that they are insecure about drinking or anything... they just dont agree with the concept.

With that being said... for the girls, like me!, who ARE insecure about guys going to strip clubs, that is just something you have to look past. I would definitely go with my FH, but if he were to go by himself with some friends... I would spend all night thinking about other girls being on him. And thats not because I dont trust him either. But when you love someone, for some of us, its hard to picture another girl being on him and being okay with it.

It is true that some guys can go to a strip club, look at girls and be like ,"oh she's not, oh she isnt hot, oh she has nice tits." and just talk about them but when they leave can still think, "ive got an awesome girl at home and i cant wait to see her." Who does your man come home to every night... YOU!

There is nothing wrong with seeing beauty in nakedness. Let's face it, there are a million hot people in this world and they arent all on these boards. You are going to see other hot people everywhere you go and until some of us can be secure in our relationships to the point where a man and wife can walk down the street and openly talk about someone who just walked by that has a nice ass... you wont feel secure with anything.

And no im not pointing anybody out, cuz im a very insecure person but im talking from experience and what i have personally gone through.

To the OP, if you feel that going to a strip club is cheating bases on your personal beliefs and morals then tell him that. Be firm and say EVERYTHING you feel. I didnt do that with my FH and I got hurt because of it. Tell him that he needs to respect your feelings. But if you are just insecure about it, then take what i said to heart, cuz i definitely know how you feel!! Just realize that in the end, he is still marrying you, not a stripper!!

If you need to talk just send me a message!! :]

oh.. and HooahBride, I just want to apologize for everything that was said in my thread, I really just felt attacked there for a second and I felt like people were attacking my FH too. He really is an awesome guy and I respect your feelings! Truce?


* December 29th, 2007 will be the day I marry my best friend*

<3 Megan & Andy Eichel <3

Message was edited by: MrsEichel1207

Message was edited by: MrsEichel1207

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Guest
Re: Bachelor Party - His Best Man is my Brother!
Posted: Dec 18, 2007 9:31 AM Go to message in response to: SDIwifey1207

All of your replies have helped me a lot. I have thought A LOT about this situation. LoL, probably way too much.  But I have definitely come to some sort of closure with my worries on it. 

IMO I do not think that the majority of girls whom it bothers for their FH's to be around strippers, have any sort of insecurites. No matter how hot you are, and how much you trust your man, it will always somewhat bother you for a naked girl to be on him.  I just don't see getting past that.  I think it would be weird for it to not bother you.  That is very normal and human nature.

However, what MsD said helped me a lot. I don't need to take it so personally.  I mean it's not that big of a deal.

I am going to stick with my no lap dances rule, but he can go to strip clubs.  My FH is 30 years old and I know he adores me and treats me like a princess, so I really need to stop letting the whole thought of it eat me up!

And even though I think the whole naked girls stuff on our men is a normal jealously, I also think I need to be secure enough to trust him in the situation. I don't want go to into my marriage without having that sort of confidence in him!

Thanks again.  I feel a whole lot better.. You ladies rock! :)

 


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Message was edited by: bluehouseyes

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thebigcheese Posts : 155 Registered: 4/2/07
Re: Bachelor Party - His Best Man is my Brother!
Posted: Dec 18, 2007 9:58 AM Go to message in response to: Guest

bluehouseyes, I'm glad you are feeling better about the situation.  Just remember that everyone has different ideas about commitment, morality, and respect, and everyone will have different opinions about what is an appropriate way to celebrate a marriage.  It really doesn't matter what any of us here think- what you think and what your fiance thinks are all that matter.  As long as the two of you can agree on the boundaries in your relationship- whatever they may be- you'll be fine.  Don't feel pressured to be okay with things that really bother you.  Just have an open, honest discussion with him about your expectations of each other and what each of you feels comfortable with.  Good luck!

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BreAnn Posts : 600 Registered: 11/28/07
Re: Bachelor Party - His Best Man is my Brother!
Posted: Dec 18, 2007 10:23 AM Go to message in response to: thebigcheese

I see nothing wrong with the clubs or lap dances. I was acutally kinda ticked when my FH made the statement that he didn't want to go out like that for his bach. party. LOL. It ruined all my plans of having all my friends at his house for the night. I know that my FH best man will take him to a strip club, and I know there will ba lap dances involved. But I also know that my FH doesn't really like them and will be doing it for the fun of it. I couldn't imagine telling him he isn't allowed to do something. If he tried to tell me I couldn't do something, it would be on. I know that in the past when he has went out with his friends they have tried to get him to hit on other girls and other girls have hit on him and he just tells them no, that he is in a relationship. I trust that he will do the same this time.

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Guest
Re: Bachelor Party - His Best Man is my Brother!
Posted: Dec 18, 2007 11:02 AM Go to message in response to: Guest

Hello! After the reading the different posts--i feel a little partial. True indeed you don't want to vision a naked women all over your FH but this is suppose to be his "last" night out. Of course, it's suppose to be in all good taste though... Its sounds like this may be stemming from some trust issues that may not have been dealt with.

Forgive me for being blunt--but if this is the man you are going to spend the rest of your life with--then trust him and know he should be able to celebrate this joyous time while maintaining integrity and a certain level of maturity!

 If he shows differently, then maybe you have a bigger problem on your hands...hope this helps!

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HooahBride Posts : 341 Registered: 9/19/07
Re: Bachelor Party - His Best Man is my Brother!
Posted: Dec 18, 2007 11:28 AM Go to message in response to: SDIwifey1207

Truce ;)

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NotAMoment2Soon2 Posts : 101 Registered: 12/10/07
Re: Bachelor Party - His Best Man is my Brother!
Posted: Dec 18, 2007 4:08 PM Go to message in response to: HooahBride

hI.. just wanted to share my opinions.

Im from Miami and down here strip clubs are wellfrequented by married men, single men, and women alike... its no big deal. On a day to day basis I dont want my FH going to the strip club... I just dont see the point. But for his bachelor party.,... Im all for it. WHy you ask? WHY NOT. Technically it is his last night out. He should be allowed this moment to have a little fun. DO I want him to get lap dances,,, not really... will he do it... most likely... And I wont tell him he cant. I dont feel disrespected by that simply because it is his bachelor party and on the other hand my sisters, friends, whoever throwing me a bachelorette party will 10 times out of 10 hire a stripper... and I'll get a few dances from him also... so, alls fair. Strippers arent really my thing (male or female) but hey, you only get one bachelor/ette party... HOPEFULLY.

I dont think this is anything to break up over. Now, if your guy takes it as far as having sex with the stripper... then you have a problem. But if you're worried about him being faithful and not being able to handle a lap dance then you shouldnt be getting married any time soon anyway....

GOOD LUCK ALL!


"'Tis better to be thought a fool, than to open one's moth and remove all doubt".--ABE LINCOLN

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Krissy3781 Posts : 279 Registered: 3/21/07
Re: Bachelor Party - His Best Man is my Brother!
Posted: Dec 19, 2007 3:12 AM Go to message in response to: NotAMoment2Soon2

I don't see the problem with your FH going to a strip club - but I guess I can see the problem with a lap dance.  I don't know, it has never struck me as that big of a deal as long as it is infrequent (like for an occasion).  DH has only been to one.  Honestly, I have been to more strip clubs than he has.  My ex was in the air force and I went a couple of times with he and his buddies (just because that's where the boys wanted to go for their last outing before heading overseas and I didn't want to be the bad guy, but I didn't have a bad time - it was actually really funny to watch them acting like little kids in a candy store - they were like cartoons)  ha.

I didn't have that problem, my DH went to Dave and Buster's for his bachelor party.  haha  I made fun of him for not having a stripper just because that's what his friends tend to do.  Not that I WANTED him to have one, or see them, but it just didn't strike me as seriously offensive.  I behaved worse at my bachelorette party and he knows it.  (it wasn't too bad though)

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