Interacial, anyone?

Online Users: 1,332 guest(s), 1 user(s). Replies: 41

UltimatePink Posts : 367 Registered: 10/15/07
Re: Interacial, anyone?
Posted: Dec 4, 2007 4:49 PM Go to message in response to: KitKatBar

I'm asian and my FH is "eye-talian"! In the beginning, my mom wasn't too supportive because I'm first generation, so it makes it tough, and I'm practically the first one in the family to marry "outside". Over the course of 6 years, she saw how much in love we are and now treats FH like her own son (right down to the lecturing). We did everything the (asian) traditional way and that just validated the fact that he wants to be a part of our family.

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Guest
Re: Interacial, anyone?
Posted: Dec 4, 2007 9:59 PM Go to message in response to: UltimatePink

Leonard and I don't really have cultural differences (thankfully). There are the comments like, "Only white people do that!" Or, "Of course not, I'm black!!"  lol...but its all good-natured fun. Its good to know that you haven't had many outside difficulties though!

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66nova Posts : 346 Registered: 3/28/06
Re: Interacial, anyone?
Posted: Dec 4, 2007 11:00 PM Go to message in response to: Guest

I'm hispanic and my husband is white.  There was absolutely no problem with my family and friends, but his were a little more tough.  It's weird... they welcomed me like their own daughter and treat me as such, but they would make rude comments about hispanics... even in front of me.  It's nowhere near as bad as it was, but I'm still a bit uncomfortable aroubd them because of that.  They live in a town where there really aren't any hispanics (and the town is known for racism), so I stick out like a sore thumb, and we get all kinds of stares and finger-points.  I try to avoid going anywhere when we visit his family, because it's just uncomfortable.

Wedding Website: www.theknot.com/ourwedding/JanetSaenz&BenjaminMcDaniel

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Deletedhandle Posts : 49 Registered: 11/13/07
Re: Interacial, anyone?
Posted: Dec 5, 2007 12:49 AM Go to message in response to: 66nova

i have never thought of my man and i as being an interracial couple... until tonight.

i read this thread yesterday at work, and felt for all you ladies, but really couldn't identify with it. my man is white and i am filipino/white and it has NEVER been an issue.

but tonight, a comment was made to us (which i will not repeat) by one of our "friends". we've never encountered this attitude before- we live in california, the bay area even, and it's hard to believe and so disappointing that these attitudes exist even in such a diverse population.

as shocked as i was, crying was all i could manage to do. honestly, i didn't care for the person that said that very much (even before he said it) but what he said still made me feel SO small. 

ladies, i really do feel for all of you that have to go through this on a daily basis and really, anyone that has experienced this type of attitude. ...i understand now.

=(

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stillgroovin Posts : 238 Registered: 11/12/07
Re: Interacial, anyone?
Posted: Dec 10, 2007 1:56 AM Go to message in response to: Deletedhandle

I'm white and my FH is Brazillian (which means people assume he's black.) We actually haven't had any problem so far. He's actually adopted and his parents are white, so they obviously don't care. No one in my family has done anything to make me think they disaprove (they live far awayl, so I don't see them often.) Really, I think they're just thrilled that FINALLY one of kids is getting married. Most of them probably just care that he has a job.

I'm sorry your family has not been the same. THat sucks majorly. I would say try and find support from your friends who (i hope) don't give a fig what you two look like.

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PrincessAurora Posts : 89 Registered: 11/16/07
Re: Interacial, anyone?
Posted: Dec 10, 2007 2:31 AM Go to message in response to: stillgroovin

I'm not sure if me and my FH count, but we are kind of interracial...

I am white and FH is a complete "mutt"-- British, African, Native American, Greek-- the term for this is "melungeon".
For the most part, FH just looks Middle Eastern... or Jewish... or Hispanic... or some variation thereof. We don't really have any racial issues, but people are always pulling me aside and asking me "what is he?" 

It's weird how people interpret race and how it is such a point of curiousity.

I am so sorry for those of you facing family issues because of your race or your FH's race and I sincerely wish you the best.

So close to reaching that famous happy end...

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Guest
Re: Interacial, anyone?
Posted: Dec 10, 2007 10:29 AM Go to message in response to: PrincessAurora

Its such a comfort to know that so many of you can relate. 

I've taken a Race and Ethnic relations class at school (I have the Final for the course in just about an hour) and I have learned a great deal about why prejudice exits.  It just awes me that in the 21st century, where mankind is "oh-so-advanced" that we still have these narrow-minded, racist values. In a few years though, everyone will be so mixed up that no one will know who is WHAT race!! 



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auntofthebride Posts : 9,354 Registered: 4/2/06
Re: Interacial, anyone?
Posted: Dec 10, 2007 10:40 AM Go to message in response to: Guest

dear Mrs Polk,

I think it's important to realize that ALL marriages have challenges. Some of those challenges are more obvious to the outside observer than are others.

The important thing is to keep lines of communication open and talk honestly about your feelings and experiences. You might consider pre-marital counseling, and seek out a counselor who might specialize in inter-racial marriages.

I say this not because I see trouble ahead but because all marriages have their rough patches. A sensitive, professional, trained counselor might be able to suggest techniques to get through those challenges.

Kind of like seeing the doctor when you're healthy, just for a check-up.

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deltagirl Posts : 516 Registered: 12/30/06
Re: Interacial, anyone?
Posted: Dec 10, 2007 12:28 PM Go to message in response to: auntofthebride

FutureMrsPolk - I am not in an interracial relationship. I'm black and so is my FH.  When I was younger I dated outside off my race alot - so I do know the stares you are refering to. But I have to point out that some of the stares and comments you may get from strangers are not necessarily because you are an interracial couple.  If your FH was to be in that same place and time alone he would probably get the same reaction from those people.

It irks me when people try to be selective with their racism. I have heard too many times  "oh- but you are different", whenever someone makes a racist comment and then realizes that I have just overheard them.

Unfortunately this society has a long way to go before they are comfortable with black men. I highly suggest you listen to Auntofthebride and get set up with a counselor - one who will understand your situation.

I think that is great that you are in an Ethnic studies class. I wished you lived in an more open-minded area. Just stay strong!

You are not the first White girl to marry a Black man. If the two races were not supposed to mix then why would the children be sooo darn cute!Laughing  I have 10 nieces and nephews and they are all bi-racial and cute as heck!

Truly wishing you all the best -

Trina


www.brides.com/weddingwebsite/trinaandron2008

 

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MrsWilliams2008 Posts : 1,431 Registered: 7/19/07
Re: Interacial, anyone?
Posted: Dec 10, 2007 12:49 PM Go to message in response to: KitKatBar

Gosh my entire family is a rainbow! My family is black and due to alot of us being lighter skinned, we also have a creole background and I know it's gotta be some white family members way back down the line too lol. One first cousin is half black/white, another first cousin married a white woman and they have a son, an uncle married a native american woman and they have 3 kids, and a VERY close family friend is married to a white man.  If any of us were racist, NONE of us could get along. I love ALL of my family members regardless of their racial backgrounds. I actually embrace it. I learn something new everyday.

So in short, honey. I know you love your grandpa but if your FH makes you happy...RUN WITH IT! It's crazy that it's 2007 (almost 2008) and people STILL have a mindset like it's the 1920s. Your race does NOT determine how good your heart is. People need to get over themselves


 http://www.theknot.com/ourwedding/RyAnne Stafford&RobertWilliams, Jr

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auntofthebride Posts : 9,354 Registered: 4/2/06
Re: Interacial, anyone?
Posted: Dec 10, 2007 1:01 PM Go to message in response to: deltagirl

Dear Delta girl,

"I have heard too many times  "oh- but you are different", whenever someone makes a racist comment "

Oh, darling, but you ARE different. You don't make racist comments, nor do you think along those lines.

Pity them for the friendships and relationships they give up by defining their lives with bigotry.

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kennysoldwife Posts : 3,859 Registered: 4/28/07
Re: Interacial, anyone?
Posted: Dec 10, 2007 1:45 PM Go to message in response to: Guest

Dear Mrs. Polk,

My hubby and I are both black but we adopted a biracial child.  He fits is well with the rest of our family.  My nephew is married to a white girl and they have a son, another nephew is married to a white girl they haven't been blessed with children yet.  Another nephew is married to a Puerto Rican girl they have three children.  My uncle has been married to a Vietnamese, German, and  two Filipino women and had children with all of them. Several of my neices and nephews are now dating white and hispanic people and one nephew is dating an Asian girl.  All of these people are my immediate family.  This interacial interaction extends to other relatives.  We as a family realize you love who you love and we are proud of anyone that feels it is important to expand your horizons.  I feel bad for anyone who is so closed minded to draw a conclusion about someone based on their skin tone.  Just think if my family had been so closed minded we would not have all of the beautiful children we have today. 

I wish you and your FH a lifetime of love and happiness. I also feel sorry for your grandfather and anyone else that doesn't approve of your relationship.  They are missing out on the chance to love some beautiful children.



 

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MissyF Posts : 275 Registered: 9/23/07
Re: Interacial, anyone?
Posted: Dec 10, 2007 6:52 PM Go to message in response to: Guest

I'm not in an interracial relationship (in fact, FH and I joke that there's no help for our future children, who are probably destined to be as woefully pasty as we are, haha), but I want to offer sympathy and support simply because I know how depressing it is to have family members disappoint you by showing prejudices you thought were all but extinct.

Maybe it's just where I grew up, but I never though my parents were racist in any way. And I still don't think they are, really, but I was very unsettled by an experience I had a few years ago..... I went on a date with a very cute Chinese guy (he never called back, so I guess I wasn't as cute), and it brought up the subject of interracial relationships with my parents. They told me that, while they wouldn't mind me dating a guy of another race, they wouldn't recommend me marrying him because such relationships never work out. I was so disappointed and offended by this archaic view, but I think, in the end, we all just have to realize that this is a common view held by the generations that preceded us. The good news is, couples like you are showing that that view is being gradually stamped out. Love your man with all your heart, and I think that, in time, you'll find you're getting fewer and fewer disapproving stares.

Nice move with the in-store smooch, btw. Love it. Laughing

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Guest
Re: Interacial, anyone?
Posted: Dec 10, 2007 7:56 PM Go to message in response to: MissyF

I'm truly touched by all of your love and support. You guys are amazing!!

 FH is the best thing that's ever happened to me.  He's amazing. He's everything I could ever want. He understands me better than anyone else I know. (including MYSELF.)  He KNOWS what I'm thinking, what I'm going to say, before I ever say it. He holds my hand. He rubs my back. He plays with my hair. He calls me "Baby" more than he calls me by name. (He only calls me by my name when he's annoyed at me.)  He's proud to introduce me to his family and his friends.  He brings me water, he takes out the trash, he rubs my feet.

 Amazing. I would never sacrifice this beautiful relationship with this beautiful man for the sake of not offending the people who will never know the love and understanding I have found in this relationship.

 Thank you everyone, for your kind words!

 May you all have wonderful lives, full of happiness!!



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Soon2bMrsL898 Posts : 64 Registered: 7/15/07
Re: Interacial, anyone?
Posted: Dec 16, 2007 9:34 PM Go to message in response to: Guest

Hey Future Mrs.Polk I am also in an interacial relationship, I haven't had to go throw anything that bad but I can clearly understand, where you are coming from..My words to you is keep your head up and never be ashamed of true love..no matter what color...This is your day and life...As long as your happy then that's all that matter..

You can also viw info about my wedding @ http://weddings.theknot.com/pwp/view/co_main.aspx?coupleid=7633302163970156

 

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