I can't relax! ADVICE PLEASE!

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Deletedhandle Posts : 49 Registered: 11/13/07
Re: I can't relax! ADVICE PLEASE!
Posted: Nov 25, 2007 12:00 AM Go to message in response to: EnchantedEverAf...

i'm seriously so happy for you! i saw the picture of your ring on the other post- so pretty!!! the holidays are a welcomed distraction from the waiting... but i have to admit, i was still waiting somewhat and even though i knew it wasn't coming, i felt a little diappointed at the end of the day when it didn't happen. ah well, we still had a great thanksgiving...

i hope you ladies had a great thanksgiving!!!

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EnchantedEverAf... Posts : 88 Registered: 9/3/07
Re: I can't relax! ADVICE PLEASE!
Posted: Nov 25, 2007 2:43 PM Go to message in response to: Deletedhandle

I know what you mean. I kept doing the same thing. I would hope it was coming even though it wasn't. So the one time I convinced myself it wasn't coming and wasn't hoping was when he did it. Reall, I know we keep giving the same advice on here, but I really do think now that as soon as you relax he'll do it. And I think it'll make him happier and more relaxed if you relax too. I found out after he proposed that he was feeling really stressed because I was getting so anxious. As far as thanksgiving goes, I stuffed myself as much as the turkey, lol.

 

If then true lovers have been ever crossed,
 it stands as an edict in destiny.
then let us teach our trial patience,
because it is a customary cross,
as due to love as thoughts, and dreams, and sighs, wishes, and tears, poor fancy's followers." ~Hermia, MSND

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BB84 Posts : 388 Registered: 3/31/06
Re: I can't relax! ADVICE PLEASE!
Posted: Nov 25, 2007 6:56 PM Go to message in response to: EnchantedEverAf...

Well, it finally happened for me too!  My mom kind of ruined it for me....she asked me if I knew he had called my dad, and literally right after that he asked.  I felt a little silly because he knew how dissapointed I was when it didn't happen before we went home for Thanksgiving....and I was still on edge Friday.  I told him how hard it had been to wait....it had been hard not to talk to him about it because I talk to him about everything.  Well, we went out for sushi, and when we got home he made a fire and got out my favorite champagne.  I was talking on the phone to my mom and after that, he was on his knee with the ring. 

I am very excited...but I'm wishing I would have picked the ring out!  I'm really not wild about it.  His mom gave him the diamond, so I was expecting a beautiful sparkly band....I told him I liked channel settings....but it is a unique looking thick band.  Oh well.  Hopefully it will grow on me.  It means a lot to me that he picked it out.  So I'm pretty sure I can't say anything.

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Deletedhandle Posts : 49 Registered: 11/13/07
Re: I can't relax! ADVICE PLEASE!
Posted: Nov 25, 2007 9:56 PM Go to message in response to: BB84

CONGRATULATIONS!!! and hey, it's only a setting... those can always be changed!

Happy planning ladies!

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BB84 Posts : 388 Registered: 3/31/06
Re: I can't relax! ADVICE PLEASE!
Posted: Nov 26, 2007 7:05 PM Go to message in response to: Deletedhandle

I honestly would love to change the setting....but I'm scared to tell FH! 

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Deletedhandle Posts : 49 Registered: 11/13/07
Re: I can't relax! ADVICE PLEASE!
Posted: Nov 26, 2007 11:20 PM Go to message in response to: BB84

what if you just not say anything and then when you guys go pick out wedding bands you can find a ring with a band that's specific to it and then it will seem innocent?

i'm awful. but hey, it might work!

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BB84 Posts : 388 Registered: 3/31/06
Re: I can't relax! ADVICE PLEASE!
Posted: Nov 27, 2007 7:00 PM Go to message in response to: Deletedhandle

LOL.  Not a bad idea!  I'm thinking of just getting a wedding band that will really accent the ring and not worrying about it.  You've seen that I'm catching some heat on that other post!  I really am so happy to be engaged, and I feel horrible that I forgot to mention that I don't like thick bands on me.  It's such a beautiful ring, and he did such a great job, but I just don't think it looks right on me.  I think tonight I'm going to ask if we can talk to the jeweler and then he can show me the wedding band he wants!  I really don't think he'll be upset....but some of the other girls have me scared!  I asked my brother for his advice.  He said that since I'm the one who will be wearing it forever I should just tell him.  He said it wouldn't hurt his feelings.  He also told me never to ask for advice on a message board, lol.

 

Are you feeling any more relaxed these days?

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Deletedhandle Posts : 49 Registered: 11/13/07
Re: I can't relax! ADVICE PLEASE!
Posted: Nov 27, 2007 7:15 PM Go to message in response to: BB84

well, i think your brother is right. i mean, not entirely about the post (i LOVE these things!) but that you should tell him. afterall, it's something you're wearing forever... and like that other poster on the other thread- you don't want to just blurt it out of nowhere 8 months from now. haha

i am feeling a little better... bf and i have been talking about rings a lot lately and he suggested we go look at some point. so, i went to go try on rings for the first time ever last night. AAAAAAAHHHHHHHHH! i went with a girlfriend because i had absolutely no idea what i was doing and while i was getting information and figuring out what i like i didn't want bf there. we agreed that he'd pick it out (it's super super important to him and i've always dreamed of being surprised- hopefully with something i like!) so i didn't want to go through the process with him- at least initially.  when i get a better idea, we will probably go together so that he can see what they look like on instead of just buying blind.

i thought that going to try on rings would make my anxiety and impatience worse... but... i don't know how i feel after doing it. it's kind of a mixed bag- but i was definitely more freaked out than i was excited. the first ring that the salesperson put on i took off without even looking at. i got SO freaked out. after a little pep talk from my girlfriend, i tried it on and then ended up trying on a bunch. but honestly, i was still really really freaked out. it's not that i don't want it, it's just i've never seen a ring on that finger before and the reality of it all being so close was a little overwhelming. is that normal? i mean, i really felt sick. that can't be good. but, at the end of the night, i was still happy to be going home to him... so that's gotta be a good sign, right???

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Deletedhandle Posts : 49 Registered: 11/13/07
Re: I can't relax! ADVICE PLEASE!
Posted: Nov 29, 2007 10:48 AM Go to message in response to: Deletedhandle

i'm on a roll... WOO WOO!!!

i haven't mentioned anything to him about a ring, engagement, marriage or the like in over THREE days!!! stupid, i know, but it's a big deal since i have word vomit when it comes to that sort of stuff.  i'm hoping that by leaving it alone for a bit instead of always pushing the issue, he'll feel more calm and definitely less pressured.

so while i'm so sick of waiting... i'll just wait and keep it to myself... and these boards, which seem to be helping.

unless a year goes by...   =P

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BB84 Posts : 388 Registered: 3/31/06
Re: I can't relax! ADVICE PLEASE!
Posted: Nov 30, 2007 4:39 PM Go to message in response to: Deletedhandle

Cool!  I would definitely advise you to tell him what you like and don't like....so you don't end up like me!  Haha.  I really wanted to be surprised too....but then I realized it was more important to me to love the ring.

If I felt sick after looking at rings, it was just anxiety over the prospect of waiting.  You still really want to get engaged, so I wouldn't worry.  I think it's probably good that you haven't been mentioning it.  Maybe that will help you relax too. 

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Deletedhandle Posts : 49 Registered: 11/13/07
Re: I can't relax! ADVICE PLEASE!
Posted: Nov 30, 2007 9:32 PM Go to message in response to: BB84

i still haven't said anything about it and up until a couple hours ago i thought it was calming me down too... but then he started sending me messages about how happy he is to be with me. he even said "and i'm really happy that we are where we are". so, after almost a week of not talking about it- he seems happier. it's possible that it's just me overreacting, but it took a whole lot not to just blurt out "i'm not happy with where we are!!!" not to mention, a flood of tears just rushed out when he said that... obviously i haven't calmed down about this at all. =(

i really love him and i am happy to be with him... it's just... well, we moved into our first apartment almost 3 months ago. i didn't want to move in without a ring (i was raised that way and never wanted to be a live-in girlfriend- i guess that makes me kinda old fashioned) but he was raised to live with someone before he ever decided to marry them. so... we dated for over 5 years and i finally compromised (it was more of a sacrifice than a compromise). we agreed that we'd move in without a ring as long as it came soon after. well, he seems perfectly happy since he got what we wanted... he always tells me how happy he is and all i can think about is that i'm still waiting. for him, moving in was enough of a commitment and was a way to show how he felt about me and us- i get that and i'm grateful for it.  but the reality is that i'm still waiting for my commitment and i'm still waiting... he's so happy because he feels like he's taken a leap and made a commitment... when is it my turn???

i hope i don't sound entirely self-absorbed and braty =/

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BB84 Posts : 388 Registered: 3/31/06
Re: I can't relax! ADVICE PLEASE!
Posted: Dec 2, 2007 6:26 PM Go to message in response to: Deletedhandle

You don't sound bratty.  I never wanted to be a live-in girlfriend either.  When you agreed that a ring would come soon after, did you decide on what 'soon after' meant?  Like within the next six months?  Within a year?  This could mean something different to you than it does to him. 

Maybe when he says he's really happy where you are he means that he's happy with your relationship.....happy enough that he wants to get married soon. 

Does he know that you feel this way?  Like your waiting for him and that you don't want to be a live-in g/f?  I'm assuming he does, but if he doesn't I do think it's something he needs to know. 

I guess ultimately you need to decide how long you are willing to wait.  He said six months to a year, right?  So at least you know it's coming.

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MrsB2Be08 Posts : 58 Registered: 7/24/07
Re: I can't relax! ADVICE PLEASE!
Posted: Dec 2, 2007 8:44 PM Go to message in response to: Deletedhandle

I understand where you're coming from...

My boyfriend and I have talked about getting engaged, set a timeline, picked out a setting and I know that he made made an appointment to pick out the diamond (a very close friend of mine is a diamond broker and told me he called, but has sworn she will not tell me anymore than that).  I know he will propose before the end of March (we agreed that we would be engaged before I give up my apartment on April 1st, so that we can move into together when my lease is up in June) but, I still think about it every single day. 

Honestly, I was obsessing about it for the first few days after I fould out he made the appointment for the stone.  But, I finally just had to take some deep breaths and know that it will happen when he has set his mind to it and I can't rush it.  The fact is, I DO want it to be a surprise and, in the end, I DO know it WILL happen.

I would just suggest you do everything you can to focus your attention on other things - get involved in holiday projects, home improvement stuff...anything! 

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