I Need Help ASAP! Bridesmaid 8 Months Prego.. & RUDE

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Guest
I Need Help ASAP! Bridesmaid 8 Months Prego.. & RUDE
Posted: Nov 14, 2007 6:02 PM

This whole wedding planning has been a mess.. Let me start by saying that!  One of my bridesmaids (my fiances, friends, girlfriend) has been nothing but a problem.. She was the last to get her her dress order in.. Seems to never have time to meet with my MOH and other girls for make plans for my shower, just to name a few.  Well she came to me about 2 weeks ago to let me know she will be 8 months prego for my wedding.. i let her know i was very excited for her but was obviously caught off guard.  She didn't want me to tell anyone, supposedly its bad luck or something?  Sooooo of course i told my fiance, like i would keep something like this from him, its his day too!  Anyway, like i said, its been 2 weeks his best friend has still yet to tell him the news, but they have been letting people know (random friends and what not).  I gave it some thought, and as annoyed as i am with them for keeping him in the dark all this time, this is not the reasoning for the question i'm about to ask.  Do i ask her to step down?  She's been nothing but problems, an "all about me" kinda girl, who's planning her own wedding that will be taking place 2 years after mine, along with being prego.  Not trying to be selfish, but it is my day.. I don't need her stealing my thunder!! (Haha like from "Friends")  I think it will just be in everyones interest to let her down nicely for the well-being of her and the baby being that far along, especially being her first pregnancy, and not having to deal with any lil' things that may come up.  She also left me a rude voicemail the other day about reordering a size up for her dress that will be at the boutique to pick up in a month.  (I spoke to theplace, she'll have to get a new dress which will cost a lot more money than the first one that she already bought or get additional fabric and they'll have to alter the dress she has now completely, be uncomfortable and stand for a long period of time, and also being on a time crunch all day with running from place to place..) I know i'm frustrated with them not letting my fiance (their BEST FRIEND) know about the whole prego thing, but am i wrong for asking her to just come as a guest? I Swear I'm NOT Being Bridezilla.. I've Been Good ALLLLL Alonggg..


I Get To Spend The Rest Of My Life With My Best Friend.. Does It Get Any Better?  Smile

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EveT2007 Posts : 1,949 Registered: 8/31/06
Re: I Need Help ASAP! Bridesmaid 8 Months Prego.. & RUDE
Posted: Nov 14, 2007 6:22 PM Go to message in response to: Guest

Hi, Lauren -- Of course I don't know the whole situation, but from what you've written I think you'd be reasonable to ask her if she wouldn't prefer to step down.  Do talk it over with your FH first and see if he feels the same.  The logistics of the dress would be one good reason for you to offer her the option of stepping down, and then you could point out that she's surely got many concerns with preparing for the baby, and with the baby's due date being so soon after the wedding, one never knows, babies have been known to arrive early, etc. etc.
EveT

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thebigcheese Posts : 155 Registered: 4/2/07
Re: I Need Help ASAP! Bridesmaid 8 Months Prego.. & RUDE
Posted: Nov 15, 2007 4:13 PM Go to message in response to: Guest

Maybe she assumed you would tell your fiance about her pregnancy, so your fiance's friend didn't feel it necessary to tell him again.

It's not up to you to decide what is in the baby's best interest.  You're just using that as an excuse to do something rude.   If you are genuinely concerned about her comfort on the wedding day, explain that you're concerned and you would understand if she wanted to step down.  If she doesn't want to step down, ask her what you can do to make sure she is comfortable that day.

You asked her, and while her actions have not been ideal, she hasn't done anything especially heinous.  Certainly not anything worth ending a friendship over, which is what would probably happen if you asked her to step down.  Your excuse about being concerned about her and her baby is pretty transparent and she will probably see right through it.  Really, just suck it up and deal with it, and in the future, don't ask people who are "all about me kinda girls" to do things for you.

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Pamlin Posts : 958 Registered: 10/26/06
Re: I Need Help ASAP! Bridesmaid 8 Months Prego.. & RUDE
Posted: Nov 15, 2007 4:51 PM Go to message in response to: Guest

In short, there is almost no circumstance where it's ok to "unask" a bridesmaid, including this one.

While she may not be the perfect bridesmaid, you asked her, she accepted.  If she decides it's too much of a bother/can't afford it/ too close to her due date, then she will step down, but you made your decision when you asked her.  Everything you mentioned is you justifiying why you are going to do whatever you want in the situation. 

A few things to consider:  Perhaps she asked you to not tell anyone, because they hadn't decided what they were going to do about the pregnancy.  Or perhaps she knows what she wants to do and her fiancé isn't sure he's ready.  There are lots of reasons that they wouldn't want it known (plus, speaking of "Stealing thunder" it's their right to tell people when and if they so choose, not yours.)

In short, unless you want to cause a large rift in your fiancé's relationship with his best friend, you should just grit your teeth and leave it to her to make her own decisions, without any nudging from you.

Oh, and regarding people "stealing your thunder" in general:  You're the BRIDE.  It doesn't matter what anyone else is doing, you and the groom will be center stage.  The only way you can lose the spotlight is by acting like a brat or a horrible diva (trust me, I've seen it happen.)  Do that, and people will avoid you like the plague -yes, at your own wedding.  Otherwise, it will be you and your husband, and the rest of the world will pretty much revolve around you two on that day.


Pamlin

The wedding will be lovely, but it's the next day and every day after that makes me truly excited.

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2BMrsLewis Posts : 126 Registered: 9/13/07
Re: I Need Help ASAP! Bridesmaid 8 Months Prego.. & RUDE
Posted: Nov 15, 2007 5:14 PM Go to message in response to: Guest

In my personal oppinion, I think it is just as rude to dis-ask her as it is for her to leave a rude voicemail. I guess I dont understand why you asked her to be a bridesmaid in the first place. I agree that it sucks that she is being that way but...I am also a strong believer in following through and sticking to your promises (in this case, sticking to your "asking"). I think that when you choose bridesmaids you have to take into account what the chances are of them being rude or uncooperative and if the chances are high or if you just dont know them well enough to have an answer to that question, and you ask them anyway...well you have kind of made your bed and now you must sleep in it.

I am sure there are many others that would disagree with me 100%, but that is how I see things.

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litlbit Posts : 192 Registered: 1/19/07
Re: I Need Help ASAP! Bridesmaid 8 Months Prego.. & RUDE
Posted: Nov 17, 2007 6:56 PM Go to message in response to: Guest

Lauren, just wanted to say that I know how it feels to wonder if she'll be okay for the wedding.  Although my sitch is backwards.  FI sis will be 8 months pg at the wedding, but she hasn't told us yet.  So I'm supposed to pretend I don't know.  We haven't ordered the dresses so I'm hoping she's planning on fessing up before then since the dress we picked won't fit a pregnant girl.

I think it's okay to ask her about her comfort.  I know a lot of women who say that it would kill them to stand up for twenty to thirty minutes when they're that pregnant.  Just let her know that you want her to be comfortable and if that means she needs to maybe do a reading or something that won't require as much of her, you would be okay with that.

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thebigcheese Posts : 155 Registered: 4/2/07
Re: I Need Help ASAP! Bridesmaid 8 Months Prego.. & RUDE
Posted: Nov 18, 2007 10:40 PM Go to message in response to: litlbit

Or she can process down the aisle with the rest of the bridal partyand then sit down during the ceremony.

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